Toni_no12002 Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 hi well ive posted something in another forum about my boyfriend looking at porn and other women.he has stopped now as it upset me so much but i still cant forget about it.im constantly comparing myself to people on tv and if my boyfriend evens looks at another woman down the street i get upset.i have low self confidence ive been like this for years.but i just cant forget about what he did.i know it might not seem like a big deal for men to look at porn but to me it feels like hes cheated because he wanted to look at another womans body.can anyone suggest anything that could help me get back my confidence?maybe then ill be able to forget about it and move on.sometimes it seems impossible because ive been like this for so long please can anyone help?
laRubiaBonita Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 so you never want your BF to look at another woman for fear he will see her sexually attrcative.... that is an unreasonable request, that will cause you to feel cheated when he looks at the checker in the store, or the chic at the drive through...etc. First, he quit looking at porn, like you asked. That is a pretty moral booster, i would think. But now it is not good enough for you. He will never NOT look at or view other women....just like you will never not look at or see other men, that is just soo unrealistic, which is why he can nevr measure up to that. Maybe you just need to start over again, with a new bf, that you will be able to trust. Either that, or give your current bf the trust that he has earned.
Author Toni_no12002 Posted July 26, 2005 Author Posted July 26, 2005 ppeole never understand things like this im not asking him never to look at another person again just not to stare as i think thats disrespectful to the other person and also porn!i think when you go looking for porn you want to look at another womans body naked so why isnt that cheating?its cheating with your eyes as far as im concerned.you shouldnt go looking for other people.
laRubiaBonita Posted July 26, 2005 Posted July 26, 2005 and who will determine what is the proper way to look at someone? you will. how fun is to be told not to smile at someone, or say hi.
Author Toni_no12002 Posted July 26, 2005 Author Posted July 26, 2005 u know wot i mean looking them up and down sorta way.all men do it and it annoys me.they have no respect for other peoples feelings! men only think about well u know!down there!if they love someone they shouldnt hurt there feelings!and its aload of crap what people say about men looking at cars andd thinking they look nice n bla bla that doesnt even come close to what they think about women .when they look at women in that way its sexual they dont look at cars that way.if your in a relationship you shouldnt look at other women like that and if you do want to look at women like that dont get in a relationship in the first place!
SummerRae Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Toni, how old are you??????????????????? Look, I hate to say this, but your posts are becoming a bit redundant. If you feel it's disrespectful what your bf is doing either (A) freakin' tell him and hope he stops, or (B) break up with him. Sorry, but I don't know what you are looking for here. Advice? Or just somewhere to vent???
Author Toni_no12002 Posted July 27, 2005 Author Posted July 27, 2005 to be honest i dont really know i do want advice but i dont understand why its so acceptable nowadays for men to oogle who they want.everybody probably thinks im sum nut who controlls her boyfriend but i dont.i never once asked him to stop.i admit he has stopped looking at porn but because of him doing it in the first place i feel disgusted in myself.also he still oogles other women.i dont even want to go out anymore in fear that ill find him staring at some half dressed woman.i admit i have got a self esteem problem because i wear my coat all the time.even in the summer.u may think im pathetic but when i see him staring at some other woman i wonder why the hell hes with me.i think does he like women like that who show it all off.i just feel worse and worse most days.i know its mainly my problem but what can i do to get my self confidence back?
New_Wife Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Well, from what I've read, I'd suggest you enroll at a local community college. Start taking some classes in English & grammar. Take another course that strictly piques your interest. Build some internal self confidence first. I'm not trying to insult you, but your writing comes across about 3rd grade level, so I think you'd feel a lot better if you got ahold of your communication skills & had good confidence in those. Second, what he does or does not do is not key to your confidence. That's an internal job you've got to take care of. If you don't like your looks, you need to do your best to change them. Work out some (doesn't have to be at a gym, you can walk, run, dance, etc.), be sure you have a healthy diet, get a nice hairdo, take care on your make-up, etc. It's amazing what a pretty new lipgloss can do for the smile. Those Crest Whitestrips are pretty dang neat too. Be sure you're feeding your outside interests well. Do not make this man your life, or this relatinship your be-all & end-all. If you don't have any, get some. Take a Thai cooking class, belly dance lessons, learn to rollerblade, join a bookclub, whatever. If, after doing all of these things, his actions (real or imagined) still bother you - then you can either dump him, or go to a counselor. In fact, a counselor is never a bad idea anyway. Good luck.
Author Toni_no12002 Posted July 28, 2005 Author Posted July 28, 2005 well to start i think the only reason you think my writing is like that is because im typing fast so i autoamtically use slang sort of language.it always comes up.is this an american site as i havent a clue what 3rd level is.im nearly 21 and quite capable of writing etc its just that people nowadays have got kind of used to writing in short form.like me used to being on msn and stuff.ive already been to college i studied hair dressing and beauty and passed those.so i know how to look after myself.i think its because of my past that brings things up i was self concious before i met him but since he has been looking at other women its made me feel worse.
kara Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 hi toni, i think you are doing the right thing to look for a way to feel good about yourself and build self-confidence. what have you tried so far? at the moment, i am looking for some hobby classes for instance (drawing, potery etc.), i hope it works for me about the porn, it doesn't really matter what is acceptable for everyone else, does it? if you're not happy with it, that's what i presume really matters, right? try not to look for everyone else's approval about this- you're fine- there are thousands of women out there who find this unacceptable- end of story! take care, love.
Author Toni_no12002 Posted July 29, 2005 Author Posted July 29, 2005 thanks kara.well ive havent been to any classes but i am trying to not care what people think about me etc and also trying not to put myself down as much.even though sometimes i feel really crappy.dont know what else i can do really any other suggestions?
DolceGabbanaAddict Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 Well just to let you know, not all men look at women in a sexual manner. Trust me. I am a male, maybe not quite like your man or really anyone elses on here, but when I generally check out a girl, I don't do it to see if shes hot or not, well at least not most of the time, generally its to see what she is wearing because I love fashion and thats what I do. I usually look at what a girl is wearing, but that is just me, I'm sure other guys are not like that. Just to let you know, you will never find a guy who doesn't stop looking at other girls even if you are married to him. My stepdad and even my grandfather for christ sakes and hes like 72 check out girls still even though they are married and married happily and stuff like that. I'm not trying to say this in a mean way, but honestly you have some problems that you might be able to only fix with a psychologist or counselor or something of that nature, because like the #### you took it a little too far. You cannot control people, you cannot expect them to be anyway except themselves. Also on the #### issue at least he told you he looked at it and not like never borught it up with you, I'd say hes a very good man for doing that and letting you know that even know he knew he shouldn't have he looked at it. Also when I look at ####, honestly I don't do it to look at a naked girl's body, its a sexual stimulant it helps you get going and boosts your testosterone to a level where it makes you feel good. its not so much for look at hot naked girls, because you could look at a fashion show in Milano and find hot naked girls there too. You do have self confidence issues, but you also have other problems which I believe will only be able to be helped if you talked to a psychologist or counselor about them. I'm not trying to be mean, but honestly I see lots of other problems just besides all of this other stuff that you see on the surface.
Author Toni_no12002 Posted August 4, 2005 Author Posted August 4, 2005 thanks i know i have a problem but dont you think its a little disrespectful foryour partner to openly gawk at some half dressed woman in front of you because i think it is why is it only me with the problem.i know i wont be able to stop him but he shouldnt openly gawk at other women in front of me.i dont do it to him as i have respect for his feelings!
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