popular girls and nerds?

[bradt93]

Has the thinking of "popular" and "nerdy" gotten any better? I mean are more women more susceptible into going out with nerdy guys and vice versa?

[Larryville]

I mean are more women more susceptible into going out with nerdy guys

 

The stigma was “nerdy guys” are portrayed as thick glasses wearing, pocket protecting, socially awkward, goofy.

 

Nerds are also generally more private and in many cases an individual formally persecuted for his/her superior skills or intellect.

 

However bottom line is a number of women like men with brains, manners and can be respectable human beings. Men who are or can be intellectually engaging.

 

Many of today’s “nerds” are today's .com millionaires and don’t fit the pocket protector wearing images anymore.

 

Intellectually astute women are welcoming these type guys, because more and more women are obtaining advanced degrees. Smart guys are in for lack of a better description.

 

However you do need to have some “basic” social skills.

[bradt93]

That describes me perfectly. I'm very serious and I take my studies seriously. The problem is my social skills are very bad. I don't like social settings. I prefer to be myself, because I feel "safer" that way.

[Larryville]

To begin with you likely inherited your poor social skills. Depends on your family dynamic, relationship with your parents.

 

In dating the biggest issue most who have poor social skills is they can’t shut up, they talk a lot (because of nerves) but rarely listen, which would be a major turnoff for most women.

 

You must learn how to truly listen.

 

Also because of your nerves you likely avoid eye contact. You can’t bond with anyone without proper eye contact.

 

If I meet someone and I don't like their eyes, it seriously bugs me. I've not talked to some simply because they lacked the ability to make proper eye contact. Yes, I know L is a weird bastard

Some people are in tuned with this and many are not.

 

Both of these goes with groomed communication skills.

[RecentChange]

Well there are "nerds" and there are "nerds"

 

Just like Larryville said, to attract women, especially "popular girls" you need to have social skills. Often what makes popular girls popular, is their social skills. They tend to be extroverts, they can mingle and talk with people, and that's how they become popular with the other students.

 

I was fairly popular in highschool, I wasn't thinnest or the prettiest, but I was outgoing, funny, and was "in" with the popular crowd. My best friend was the quintessential Prom Queen, and we threw some real ragers at her estate.

 

I was dating a "nerd" at the time. He was heady, he studied hard, he ended up being valedictorian of our class.

 

But he had social skills. He was socially confident - even though he was extremely quirky! He was comfortable being himself, and didn't care much what others thought, even if they thought he was a "nerd".

 

In the end, "popular" school age girls may date someone that isn't the captian of the football team, but they wont likely go for someone without social skills or someone that is perceived as not being"fun".

[JamesM]

You will be comfortable in your own league.

 

And that is not meant to put you down or anyone down.

 

People of like passions usually hang around with each other, and then marry each other.

 

A nerd may date a beauty queen if they discover they have similar tastes. However, often a popular girl enjoys the company of alot of people and a studious guy such as yourself does not. She may enjoy discussing the stars of Hollywood while you would rather discuss astronomy.

 

Do you want to date the homecoming queen just to be with a beautiful woman or do you want her because she and you are comfortable doing the same things? Do you want to be with a woman who constantly wants to go out in the evenings and barely knows the acronym I.R. S means let along has a clue what quantum physics is?

 

Trust me...you are better off with someone who can relate to you as you are than to be with someone who is constantly flitting around from party to party. And her friends will not be the nerds. They will be the jocks who will flirting with your girlfriend and attempting to take her away.

 

You will find a beauty queen. She may be only beautiful in your eyes or she may be a girl who is a nerd transformed into a beauty queen.

 

The point is...you need someone who you enjoy being with and who enjoys being with you. Popularity does not equal a better choice for any guy ever. Popularity does not equal inner self-confidence at all. She may need it from the attention of others, while you are satisfied in your own skin.

 

Again, look in your own league, and by that I simply mean, look for someone who enjoys doing what you do and then to who you find attractive.

[GunslingerRoland]

To be honest, I see those as being high school ideas, and you are well past high school. After that those kind of generic labels don't matter anymore.

 

And things have changed a lot over the last 30 years. I remember in elementary school being a nerd for reading comics books and playing video games. Can you imagine?

 

Look at all the blockbuster movies, out now. They are mostly all of the "nerd" variety. And video games? For young people they watch more e-sports than real sports.

 

But don't confuse nerdyness with lacking social skills as others have said. You can get by with some awkwardness, but you still need to be able to follow basic societal norms.

[mikeylo]

It's an old concept. Not that relevant these days.

 

Nerdy guys prefer nerdy girls. Popular girls prefer popular guys. You may find an odd couple here and there who have their own twisted dynamics that works for them but it's far and few.

 

People who need a title or an arm candy , end up being miserable.

[preraph]

That describes me perfectly. I'm very serious and I take my studies seriously. The problem is my social skills are very bad. I don't like social settings. I prefer to be myself, because I feel "safer" that way.

 

Are you able to make and keep friends? If so you probably have enough of a personality to attract a woman.

 

If not, no.

 

You have to have something to offer than just a paycheck unless you only want to date some level of sex workers. As the person above said, they like a man's personality to be engaging. That means you probably do need to work on your social skills until you find you have a group of guy friends who enjoy hanging with you and then that would be a sign you are entertaining enough to attract a woman.

 

I assume some nerdy women like nerdy guys, but I wouldn't be fishing in the "popular girl" pond because that is unlikely to work out if you don't have social skills and looks.

[JamesM]

Watch Big Bang Theory if you haven't already. Watch how Leonard as an alleged nerd is able to communicate with Penny who is allegedly popular.

 

But then watch Sheldon and how he communicates with women and Penny in particular.

 

Which kind of nerd are you?

[bradt93]

Are you able to make and keep friends? If so you probably have enough of a personality to attract a woman.

 

If not, no.

 

You have to have something to offer than just a paycheck unless you only want to date some level of sex workers. As the person above said, they like a man's personality to be engaging. That means you probably do need to work on your social skills until you find you have a group of guy friends who enjoy hanging with you and then that would be a sign you are entertaining enough to attract a woman.

 

I assume some nerdy women like nerdy guys, but I wouldn't be fishing in the "popular girl" pond because that is unlikely to work out if you don't have social skills and looks.

I don't have time to hang out with friends, I'm busy with college.

[bradt93]

Are you able to make and keep friends? If so you probably have enough of a personality to attract a woman.

 

If not, no.

 

You have to have something to offer than just a paycheck unless you only want to date some level of sex workers. As the person above said, they like a man's personality to be engaging. That means you probably do need to work on your social skills until you find you have a group of guy friends who enjoy hanging with you and then that would be a sign you are entertaining enough to attract a woman.

 

I assume some nerdy women like nerdy guys, but I wouldn't be fishing in the "popular girl" pond because that is unlikely to work out if you don't have social skills and looks.

Thank you for confirming the shallowness of every "popular" girl.

[bradt93]

If you have to be a Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise to get a beautiful girl, then they themselves are they shallow, so ridiculous.

[GorillaTheater]

I don't have time to hang out with friends, I'm busy with college.

 

 

While that's admirable, to a point, how do you propose to have enough time for a relationship?

 

 

And that "to a point" thing: to be an attractive person, it helps to be an interesting person, and to be interesting you need to have some interests outside of the classroom. Make time to pursue a passion, or at least a variety of activities to find out what your passions are. Spend time with friends, etc. Expand your horizons beyond your apparently narrow world.

[GunslingerRoland]

I don't have time to hang out with friends, I'm busy with college.

 

If you don't have time for friends, you sure don't have time for a girlfriend, so it's all a moot point isn't it?

 

If you have to be a Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise to get a beautiful girl, then they themselves are they shallow, so ridiculous.

 

So if you want to be with an attractive girl it's fine, but if they want to be with an attractive guy, they are shallow? Makes sense.

 

Also I thought this thread was about nerdy vs. popular, not unattractive vs. attractive. Two very different topics.

[preraph]

I don't have time to hang out with friends, I'm busy with college.

 

I hung out with friends A LOT in college. Just saying. Maybe that's just an excuse. It's honestly just as important to make friends in college as it is to get great grades.

[PrettyEmily77]

If you have to be a Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise to get a beautiful girl, then they themselves are they shallow, so ridiculous.

 

Considering they have clocked a fair few failed marriages relationships each, not sure they should be a point of reference on the 'success' stakes either way.

 

As to the OP, people are more susceptible to go out with people they are attracted to - if, as a 'nerd', you are attracted to a 'popular' girl, there is no 11th commandment that says she will never be attracted to you.

 

She might not be. But she might.

 

The only way you can know for sure? Have a go.

[preraph]

If you have to be a Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise to get a beautiful girl, then they themselves are they shallow, so ridiculous.

 

So now what you've done is decided you are superior as a defense mechanism. I can't get them because they don't want me, so they are shallow, and that makes me superior to them.

[basil67]

Asked my 17yo about the current school situation. Yes, bookish guys can and do date popular girls. These guys have social skills.

[bradt93]

I just don't want to fool with it. I'm also a commuter, I don't live on campus.

[bradt93]

Wait a minute ,I shouldn't talk about being petty or shallow. I mean I did stiff Brooke out of a tip and I think I told you all about that, because she wouldn't talk to me. It made me feel good driving home, but anyways, yea.

[GunslingerRoland]

I just don't want to fool with it. I'm also a commuter, I don't live on campus.

 

It's up to you how you want to live your life.

 

But you keep making posts about how you can't get a girlfriend. Yet you don't socialize with other people. And it sounds to me like you intentionally go for the prettiest, snobbiest looking girls you can find, act awkward towards them, and then pat yourself on the back, when they don't throw themselves at you. Because you've proven that all women are shallow.

 

Definition of insanity Brad.

 

I'm honestly concerned about you, because you keep talking about girls you knew in high school, and high school popularity, but from my memory you are well into your 20's. It's unhealthy that your life isn't moving on at all.

[bradt93]

It's up to you how you want to live your life.

 

But you keep making posts about how you can't get a girlfriend. Yet you don't socialize with other people. And it sounds to me like you intentionally go for the prettiest, snobbiest looking girls you can find, act awkward towards them, and then pat yourself on the back, when they don't throw themselves at you. Because you've proven that all women are shallow.

 

Definition of insanity Brad.

 

I'm honestly concerned about you, because you keep talking about girls you knew in high school, and high school popularity, but from my memory you are well into your 20's. It's unhealthy that your life isn't moving on at all.

Well, I mean come on why wouldn't Brooke at least say hi to me, you got to admit if she did that on purpose, that was pretty rude.

[bradt93]

It's up to you how you want to live your life.

 

But you keep making posts about how you can't get a girlfriend. Yet you don't socialize with other people. And it sounds to me like you intentionally go for the prettiest, snobbiest looking girls you can find, act awkward towards them, and then pat yourself on the back, when they don't throw themselves at you. Because you've proven that all women are shallow.

 

Definition of insanity Brad.

 

I'm honestly concerned about you, because you keep talking about girls you knew in high school, and high school popularity, but from my memory you are well into your 20's. It's unhealthy that your life isn't moving on at all.

Thank you, but don't be concerned, I'm fine. I'm happy with my current situation in life.

[RecentChange]

I don't have time to hang out with friends, I'm busy with college.

 

That’s a shame.

 

You know college – learning about your particular field is ONE of the skills that are developed there.

 

If you plan to join the working world, social skills, time management, etc are also vital, and skills that should be developed while in college.

 

Honestly, it will be hard to make alliances and support systems out in the working world if you do not have those skills.

 

I am not sure what your major is, but even software engineers need to be able to collaborate on team projects, make connections, be part of a team etc – all require social skills.

 

And simply, if people like you. Enjoy working with you. Develop friendships with you, you are more likely to be kept on board.

 

I know people who have graduated with multiple degrees from Ivy league schools, but yet still had plenty of time to foster friendships. And college is the ULTIMATE place to develop these sorts of skills. No other time in your life will you be surrounded by as many people who are your same age, similar demographics, etc.

 

If you think its hard to make friends in college – wait till you hit the working world.

 

AS for this pretty vs. popular stuff.

 

Yes, good looking people are attracted to good looking people. People with good social skills are attracted to people with good social skills. Maybe it’s not “fair” but neither is life.

 

So, you can stay the course and suffer the consequences, or choose to make changes. The choice is yours!