NC started again....I hate him for once.....do I focus on him or me while healing?

[smile95]

Do you think that when trying to get over someone it is better to focus on the crap they did to you or the fact that your future with them would not work out?

 

I am struggling today. I feel very fooled. After 3 yrs with someone on and off, I finally woke up and realized(as muchas it hurt) that there is no way he can love me anymore. He treats me like dirt and never cares about a thing going on with me. I have to call him to ask him to call me when I have an imp event happen. Shouldn't he WANT to call? I finally realized that I have to be done and he would never change. Ever. He is so selfish. I actaully can say that I hate him and I suppose that is a good step.

 

After trying for a month of being friends and him ignoring me and calling when he felt like it, I sent him a message yest. I got a new job and wanted to tell him about it and called fri and he still has not called me back. I called his work and he is on vacation til aug 4. With who??? who knws. I cannot care. I have to stop wondering with who. If he was a good person I would say he was with his son. But he is not a good person. I even went as far as calling his soon to be EXW at work and seeing if she was there-she was...I hung up on her....so he is not with her. That scares me that I even did that!

 

I text him that he treats me like dirt and I am not that naive and that he has just lost me forever. I am sticking to this. With me, I get mad and then good thoughts come back. In order to stay mad and get over this, do you think it is better to focus on the bad he did to me? Or the fact that I deserve better and could never be with him ina marriage?

 

HELP

[butterfly29]

Focus on yourself and what you need.

 

I am getting into the 30's in only a couple of months and I have a lifetime experience when it comes to losing boyfriends. Each time I would concentrate on what I didn't like about them, that would help me heal. Until recently I realized something. Whenever I get to that stage, most of them pretty much have the exact same thing I don't like about men. Cheap, unwilling to give in anyway, selfish, weak, all about himself and nothing else matters, immature and not really willing or capable of being a man. Strange, I do think the same about my father too. Is the connection there for a reason or just... a coinsidence...

[smile95]

I am trying to do things for myself. It seems a little easier since I feel like I hate him. But that could be a fluke for today.

 

I keep saying over and over that he will never change and I would not want to marry him, so why bother.

 

I just hope I can feel connected to someone like that again.

 

Funny how guys can be so great and you love them and then yrs later they are strangers to you.

[NTB]

go out and do all the things that make you happy

[smile95]

if i continue NC, I cannot feel any worse than I do now right?????It can only get better? Nothing more to worry about?

[zena]

hiya beth!

yeah i hope it gets better too and am positive it will

i was the same as you - trying to be friends, wanting him to call or text but i was always the one making first contact

it has been helping me to remember all the bad things and realise that i want more out of a relationship - i want someone who will WANT to contact me sometimes, someone who wont be selfish

i still want to contact him but i wont!

it CAN only get better

[smile95]

thanks zena

 

I know it will get better. We should not have to ask for calls or always do the work! I wish you luck!

[zena]

no we shouldnt have to! we deserve better than that!

[smile95]

a lot of my trouble is letting go of the person I thought he was and accepting he was not that person. We were LD, so it was easy to build him up. I am hurt that I will prob never speak to him again, but I also know that I will no longer be so miserable waiting on him or waiting for him to care. I get the urge to call, but not to be nice in the conv. To yell and scream at him for doing this. I will not call anymore. I am done. If I called , he would not answer anyway. I did all I could and that is all I need to remember. I hope that being alone is better than this crap he put me thru.

[zena]

we were LD too and yeah i agree with the building up! we broke up in may and i was certain it was over so we became "friends" but because he wasnt here, it was easy to forget the way things really were!

we talked few weeks ago about giving it another go but the more i think about the reality, the more i realise he isnt who i want - as you said its hard letting go of the person i thought he was but isnt

i honestly was happy being single before i met him (yes i got lonely at times) and i will be happy again without him sometimes i think its more the company i miss than him

you'lll get there! just dont give in!

[smile95]

thanks.....I cannot even miss the company! I never saw him. All he was to me was a promise of a future and a phone call once a week-if that-after I asked for one. He said he loved me, but I finally see that love is more than saying it. I was his safety net and I let him walk all over me and that is what he has done. I text him for the last time today after he said he would call fri and did not and ignored me all wkend. Shady. I text him that he is treating me like dirt and he has lost me forever. Prob will not phase him until he sees I really am not calling. The friends crap is for the birds!!! It did not work. It was worse!

[smile95]

That was the best post I have ever read from you! I am so happy to see that you are getting better and starting to see things for what they are. Good job!

 

So, you are proof that NC and sticking to it does help-right?

[smile95]

thanks....I do not really want to text him anymore. I have done the "nice goodbye" and all that does is make him feel like he did nothing wrong. I am just DONE alltogether. Of course I love him, but I hate him too. Makes no sense. I know. The more I contact, the more he ignores me, the more rejected I feel. He counts on me to continue to call and text. He thrives on me chasing him. I am not doing it this time. He truly has lost me.

[zena]

Originally posted by ck_guy02

Think of him being around his friends or people.... you text him.... he looks at it... cracks some jokes and shows his buddies that your still on his a$$ and he is loving the attention.....

 

 

I KNOW MY EX WOULD DO THAT.... AND PROBABLY HAS DONE IT WITH EVERY TEXT< EMAIL AND VOICEMAIL I SENT>>>>>

 

 

i know exactly what you mean ck !

my ex and i had a misunderstanding 3/4 weeks ago and of course i left him a few voicemails while i was upset

when we were talking again he admitted letting his mate listen to my voice mails - god knows what they must have been saying about me

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

Think about YOU and do things for YOU to make YOU feel good.

 

I think I finally believe in NC, now that I know it's over (and I read the book hehe).

 

There is no prize in the end when pursuing an ex.