Lapsus Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 My guy and I are having probs. I am a mucho friendly person and I usually get along better with guys.....don't ask me why, I just do. I have tried being friends with girls some were successful, others not so much. I am not into the catty, talk behind someones back kinda stuff, I don't like to chat on the phone for hours etc. etc. 2 things I need to clear up before going further, 1. I do not "seek out" guys in particular to be friends with, If i meet a cool chick-- awesome! 2. Any male I am friends with knows perfectly well that I am in a serious relationship and ALWAYS know my boyfriend as well. Ok having said that. He doesn't like that I joke around with other guys. It is always friendly and almost always in his company. AND Any guy I joke around with (poke, throw things at etc) Has to be a veeeerrrryyyy good friend and I have to know that he understands that that is the type of person I am and not take it as anything other than just having fun. I have not done anything to make him suspect that I have motives other than just joking and having a good time. I do admit that I am an attention hog--but I have seriously cut that down since I have been with him. He has been like this for our entire relationship, we have had countless arguments about it. And when we do argue he is HORRIBLE, like he is punishing me for something that made him mad a few hours before. He knew how I was before we even started dating, even said that my outgoingness was one of the things that attracted him. If it attracted him then, then why do I get screamed at for it now? I try to keep any sexualish joking to a minimum (sexualish meaning, doing anything that would make the guy think I was attracted to him--AT ALL. I am VERY careful about that now) My question to you guys is.... How do I make him see that I am not trying to hurt him, or make other guys want me? AAAAAnnd that any guy in question doesn't think that way either.
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Goodnight !!! Does he really scream at you instead of discuss things ?
Author Lapsus Posted July 25, 2005 Author Posted July 25, 2005 Screaming was too strong a word--sorry He never screams per say More of a making me feel like a slut and overreacting about it. He called me a whore once and I absolutely freaked out on him when he did, so he keeps that particular word to himself now. I know why he does this--he thinks I truly want to make that guy want me sexually. I really DON'T !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How can I get it through his thick head that the only man I want to sexually attract is him?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 He has a jealousy problem .. You need to sit him down and explain to him how his jealousy makes you feel and that he needs to start keeping it in check. Jealousy will ruin a relationship just as fast as cheating does
Author Lapsus Posted July 25, 2005 Author Posted July 25, 2005 We know this, he knows this. He still does it. Know any tricks to get over jealousy?
dumphim Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 If he mistreats you DUMP HIM! If he calls you a whore he doenst respect you, a relationship is based on respect!
Cecelius Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Is this a compatibility issue? Perhaps he just needs to see a different type of girl.
Author Lapsus Posted July 25, 2005 Author Posted July 25, 2005 We have been together 2 years. I know he is the one I want to be with and he says he feels the same about me. I believe this. We have tried to "sit down and talk about it" He just doesn't get it apparently. *I must note that our relationship is marvelous in all other aspects--it's just this one thing. this one BIG thing. He has this argument.........I have stopped watching porn*, why can't you stop "flirting" with guys. The thing is I AM NOT FLIRTING!!! I could understand if I joked around with complete strangers or people we hardly knew, but I am talking about friends that are very close to both of us and (I thought) we both trusted He apparently doesn't trust me or the other *I didn't ask that he stop watching porn. I hate it, yes, but I just asked that I not see it every time I turn on the damn computer. He actually got mad when I was wrestling with my BROTHER!!! His beef was that I was trying to turn other guys on by doing that Oops--my thong is showing etc etc (I am careful about keeping my underwear where they belong and don't believe they are intended for public display) ????What????
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 I don't think this guy is going to change anytime soon, and there is nothing you can do to make him see things differently so... you have a choice: adapt to his overly possessive, jealous, paranoid, controlling and insecure ways - or leave the relationship.
curiousnycgirl Posted July 26, 2005 Posted July 26, 2005 I totally agree with LB - as usual - this guy is insecure and does not feel he can trust you. I would say this has nothing to do with you - it is all about him, unless you've done something to make him distrustful, but you said you haven't. Interesting isn't it that the thing he says most attracted him to you is what is driving him away?!
Undertaker Posted July 26, 2005 Posted July 26, 2005 I can relate to your boyfriend, because I'm the exact same way. I'm not saying it's right or justifiable...I'm just saying that you're not in the minority. Anyway, perhaps I can offer a different perspective. When I'm dating a girl, I feel like I've just won an award (No, not a trophy) and not in the sense that she is a possession which exclusively mine. But more that I won her over with those things that make me different from everyone else. And because of those things...she is exclusive to me as I am to her. So let's say that one of the things that attracted her to me was my sense of humor...and I see her laughing with another guy, how is that going to make me feel? Just as she does to me...she's giving another guy the same attention that she give me when I'm telling a joke or making a funny comment. I remember when I was in college, I used to study with my buddy that sat next to me before tests. One day I was sick and didn't come to class and he ended up studying with the guy who sat behind us. Well, when the next test came along...I assumed that we were gonna head down to the library and study and he said, "I already told Steve (the other guy) I'd study with him tonight". And I was kinda ticked off. I'm not homosexual but he was a good friend of mine and I was pissed that he'd rather study with him than me. Like I said, I'm not trying to justify your boyfriend's behavior...I too know that it's not a good thing to be a jealous boyfriend. But you also got to understand that nobody is perfect and if that's his "vice" you've just gotta ask yourself if that's something that can make or break your relationship. And keep in mind, you might be able to find someone who doesn't have that jealousy problem, but their problem might be something different/worse.
Cecelius Posted July 26, 2005 Posted July 26, 2005 From his side you'd probably get that the behavior is a little more flirty than you think it is. Perhaps you think its just being one of the guys. If you honestly think that changing is silly because your behavior is within norms or you are just not going to change, then dump the guy. Some girls are more outgoing and flirty than others. He may be better off with one of the "others".
elijahBailey Posted July 26, 2005 Posted July 26, 2005 Please don't take anything that I say personally, but.... I actually sympathize with him quite a bit. I understand you're who you are, and whoever loves you should accept you the way you are. However, try to understand what might be going on in his head.... Originally posted by Lapsus I do admit that I am an attention hog..... I try to keep any sexualish joking to a minimum (sexualish meaning, doing anything that would make the guy think I was attracted to him--AT ALL. I am VERY careful about that now) There you have it....! I'm inclined to think that not a lot of guys are okay with their girls being a attention hog IN their presence. I personally would flip myself. And even more so if the jokes have sexual connotations. Do separate these 2 things clearly: 1. Outgoing, fun to be around with (ok for most guys, I think) 2. Flirty, attention-seeking (..... hmm, I dunno) Before you decide that he's 'obsessive', you gotta know that men, in general, are territorial, it's just 'to what degree'. Doesn't sound like he's in the minority. I applaud you for making adjustments for the sake of him; and relationships are all about that... making adjustments. He sounds like a keeper to me. Some women work in vain to get their SOs jealous And, oh, he's only jealous because he loves you.
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