Cora Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 I'd love to get both women and men's feedback on this... I've been online dating for awhile now and there is something that has always bothered me and I'm starting to see it more and more often now. It's the use of pet names. (baby, sweetie, sexy etc.) Just about every guy I start talking to online begin to call me these pet names like it's just a common acceptable thing. Now the guys who start off their messages like this don't bother me so much. At least I can just block them instantly. It's the ones who put in the effort of acting like they are genuinely trying to get to know you and then just all of a sudden start calling you these names like it's completely normal. I've never even met these guys in person yet. For example, this one guy and I were exchanging messages back and forth talking about our likes, dislikes, jobs, family, music preferences, what we are looking for etc. Last night he asks about meeting up this weekend. He was even considerate about it saying "if it's not too soon for you would you like to grab dinner or a coffee this weekend?" It was late and I was getting ready for bed so I was going to respond to him today. Well before I could even respond he sent me another message this morning saying "good morning sexy." I have yet to respond to him and not sure if I'm even going to. My thing is, this has become a repeating occurrence. Is this common and normal even? Am I just not up with the times and this is how the kids date these days? Is it considered a term of endearment? Because I find it degrading, but what do I know? Anyway, when the pet names start before we even meet I typically cut the contact then and there. So my question is am I being too picky? Women, do you get this a lot and how do you deal with it? Do you find it ok? Guys, do you call women you meet online pet names? Do you feel it's ok? Or maybe you guys have even had women call you pet names? Does it bother you? I ask because I'm honestly curious. I'm sure this topic has already been covered. So my apologies in advance.
Imajerk17 Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 I believe the thinking is that, if you accept someone calling you Baby, then you will be more open to having sex w them early on. It's fast-forwarding the courtship process to get to sex faster. At any rate, whatever the motivation it is creepy and you are right to block. 2
staggerlee71 Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 I would say that men think it projects confidence. 1
RecentChange Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 I would say yes it happens a lot, and personally it doesn't bother me. For ME, I don't find it degrading as I am a..... Hum, how to put it, really confident, naturally dominant, person. Finding a guy I won't bulldoze over is a bigger concern for me then ending up with a guy who would be degrading.
OatsAndHall Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 I don't generally throw out pet names when chatting with someone via OLD. I might after we go out on a date but it's harmless stuff like "hun" or "pretty lady" but it's pretty rare that I do so when we're talking initially. They have to initiate it and it needs to be within context. "Have a good night, handsome!" "Sleep well, pretty lady". I get my hackles up if they use the word "sexy" as I think it's a cheap, immature adjective.
SevenCity Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 I only use such names after we've had sex. I think to do so beforehand is inappropriate. I'll reciprocate with "gorgeous" or "pretty" if she uses such terms like "handsome" after a first date. I don't think it shows confidence to use these terms ahead of time.
staggerlee71 Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 I agree, I don't think it projects confidence at all. I just think a lot of men do think it does. those names should come organically which takes time to develop. Its over eager and a bit unnatural to me 1
OnlyHonesty Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 Are you sure you aren't just fed up of the whole dating thing but just displacing your feelings onto this pet names peeve? Having said that, I do think the ''sexy, baby, babe'' stuff is a symptom of a lack of intimacy and disposability of today's dating culture. It's also born from digital communication, the build up of fantasy, the proliferation of sexting / digital sex and poor communication boundaries.
d0nnivain Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 I don't care for pet names like that from a stranger. Even a guy I went on 2-3 dates with I'm going to take umbrage. Difference is I'll speak up. If that makes the guy conclude I'm stuck up or b1tchy, well he's entitled to his opinion No you are not being too picky. 2
Tressugar Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 Yes it's definitely commonplace to be given a nickname on OLD from men. Get use to it. It's the name of the game.
Simple Logic Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 I understand your objection to being called baby, sugar, ect. For a basic stranger.
act00 Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 For me, I largely don't have any issues or hangups around it, and really don't take much offense. It's a term of endearment, and I am guilty of doing it myself because I am particularly interested in this person that I don't necessarily know. I do find it annoying at times, and rather dismissive at times, but this would occur mostly in real life and with real people I interact with, when I'm called "hun" or "sweetie," in the store, at work by a superior, or dealing with car maintenance by the mechanic, as examples. I have stated things along the line of, "My name is Anne," when I find the pet name unacceptable. I think this is normal in the online dating realm, and I get it ALL THE TIME with OLD. I haven't seen an increase, personally. There is the notion that men are conversing with multiple women online, or simply forgot your name and won't scroll to find it, so use of pet names is easier than remembering who you're texting/talking to at that moment, and reduces the slip-up of using the wrong name. Overall, it's not something that crawls under my skin at the moment. I think you might be hitting the top end of "too picky" if you completely cut off contact and expect them to read your mind as to why. If you don't like being called a pet name, ask them to stop. You could be bypassing a minefield or you could be bypassing "the one." You just don't know. It seems like a rather minor indiscretion and a nuclear response.
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