Mike45 Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 Never been here before but suffering badly after my girlfriend of over a year ended things very abruptly. We got along great and never really argued over anything except when it came down to us and what we were and where we were going. She was always very open about having commitment issues and therefore I made a conscious effort not to come on too strong with my feelings for her. She always gave me mixed signals on top of this which made it very difficult for me to progress things along but I endured. I had been studying recently and in the hunt for a new job for a number of months which was extremely frustrating for me and meant I wasn't being the person I would have liked around her and she was fully aware that my situation was affecting me quite a lot. Eventually I did find the job i was waiting for all along and was about to get myself in order. But soon after she was feeling a bit down one week and I was trying to contact her, but she didn't respond for a few days after which I didn't know where I stood with her and it eventually lead to her ending things very quickly. She cried telling me and said I was her best friend and that I was the first person in quite a while she had let in. I never got a concrete reason out of her as to why she wanted this but it was a 15min conversation, and that was it she was gone. The following week she did message me to see how I was and I didn't reply straight away as it was my first week in the new job and I wanted to pursue the whole no contact thing. But she then blocked me on FB after I didn't reply to her and so I decided in more than likely a panic to write her a message. I didn't ask her for anything or beg her to come back and told her not to reply if she didn't want to. I just explained my feelings for her and how much I thought of her and that I regretted not saying it sooner. I said I knew the message might push her away further but that I wasn't going to pester her with anything else. She came back that day saying she got emotional reading my message and was sorry it ended so quickly and that she never gave me security, that it was inevitable and that we probably can't be friends. But she also said she'd be there if I ever needed her or to talk and not to be a stranger. I'm confused and hurt to say the least. I feel that because I wrote the message and she replied its just given her closure over the whole thing and I won't hear from her again. I dont regret sending the message as it was me coming clean about my feelings but im afraid i came across too emotional or needy. I've decided not to contact her since as that will just add to it, but I'm afraid because everything seems so final and I've no real reason as to why. Should I just wait and see if she contacts me again down the line? And what if she never does? 1
LitTunnel Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 Never been here before but suffering badly after my girlfriend of over a year ended things very abruptly. We got along great and never really argued over anything except when it came down to us and what we were and where we were going. She was always very open about having commitment issues and therefore I made a conscious effort not to come on too strong with my feelings for her. She always gave me mixed signals on top of this which made it very difficult for me to progress things along but I endured. I had been studying recently and in the hunt for a new job for a number of months which was extremely frustrating for me and meant I wasn't being the person I would have liked around her and she was fully aware that my situation was affecting me quite a lot. Eventually I did find the job i was waiting for all along and was about to get myself in order. But soon after she was feeling a bit down one week and I was trying to contact her, but she didn't respond for a few days after which I didn't know where I stood with her and it eventually lead to her ending things very quickly. She cried telling me and said I was her best friend and that I was the first person in quite a while she had let in. I never got a concrete reason out of her as to why she wanted this but it was a 15min conversation, and that was it she was gone. The following week she did message me to see how I was and I didn't reply straight away as it was my first week in the new job and I wanted to pursue the whole no contact thing. But she then blocked me on FB after I didn't reply to her and so I decided in more than likely a panic to write her a message. I didn't ask her for anything or beg her to come back and told her not to reply if she didn't want to. I just explained my feelings for her and how much I thought of her and that I regretted not saying it sooner. I said I knew the message might push her away further but that I wasn't going to pester her with anything else. She came back that day saying she got emotional reading my message and was sorry it ended so quickly and that she never gave me security, that it was inevitable and that we probably can't be friends. But she also said she'd be there if I ever needed her or to talk and not to be a stranger. I'm confused and hurt to say the least. I feel that because I wrote the message and she replied its just given her closure over the whole thing and I won't hear from her again. I dont regret sending the message as it was me coming clean about my feelings but im afraid i came across too emotional or needy. I've decided not to contact her since as that will just add to it, but I'm afraid because everything seems so final and I've no real reason as to why. Should I just wait and see if she contacts me again down the line? And what if she never does? You've done all that you could bro, honestly. You seem like a really great guy so don't sell yourself short. You also seem responsible and mature. These are qualities that are very attractive to women. What I suggest is for you to go totally NC. It will be extremely tough so prepare yourself because I might get worse before it gets better but the feelings will eventually subside. Once you start feeling better start seeking other women, or don't be surprised if they seek you. LET this one go because your beating a dead horse. She is not commited to you and even if you guys got back together she'll end up doing this again. She's just too flaky and you can't afford further heartbreak especially since you just started a new job and all. Stay focused and get your life back in order and in due time you're gonna meet someone that's going to blow this girl away! 2
todreaminblue Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 (edited) I think what you did was brave......and not clingy /.....i feel honesty isnt clinginess..you didnt give adoring declarations and undying devotion to drink poison for her ..you shared your feelings and opened up.....she regretted endign it as quickly as she did by the sounds of it...you have done the ultimate...and taken that risk.. you are brave.and have a confidence....not an ego problem....you aint afraid to show feelings.......not clingy...brave...let her make the next move if there is to be one...be assured in the restraint and strength you showed her by your message i thought it was quite beautiful a message to send....men being vulnerable never was weakness......its.....how it should be when a guy cares for a woman..he lets her know.... you did your best...i hope she sees you for who you are and how you care...and comes back...i wish that for you........deb Edited March 8, 2017 by todreaminblue 1
preraph Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 Oh, I'm sorry. That's tough. You did the right things, I feel, including getting that last conversation in, telling her you won't pester her, etc. I suppose that is going to have to be closure for you. It seems clear that she likes you but has lost that romantic feeling toward you, and please know that's not something that was probably within your control. She had some issues anyway, and you both gave it a shot, but she pulled back probably because she was losing interest or because of her issues. Don't take it as a reflection on you. Good luck. 1
whatnot Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 "Don't be a stranger." lol (sorry for the little giggle, my wound isn't as fresh) The last words my woman said to me a year ago were...."Stay in touch". lol (These lines are funny once you get a bit of perspective) Don't worry about who get's what when it comes to closure. There's no such thing. good luck
dumbass2 Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 You did fine, but that's it, no more contacting her. You've let it be known how you feel. Don't count on her contacting you down the road and start trying to move forward each day. IF she does open the door down the road, then you can see how you feel, but again, don't count on it. Look at it this way, she pretty much was not investing and telling you stuff early on. When you want one thing and someone else keeps telling and showing you something else, don't for a second think they are just going to change and you certainly can't force things. It looks like this relationship never really had a chance, the way she appeared to want it.
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