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was I overreacting or had right to feel embarrassed by BF's behavior in Church

ChattyKat

By ChattyKat
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ChattyKat Established Member

ChattyKat

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We been in relationship close to a year. Twice, recently, we had gone to Church together. The 2nd time when it was time to greet each other, I reached my arm out to give him a hug. I hadn't seen him yet that morning. He shook his head no and gave me handshake. The other thing that bothered me was he put the Bible between him and me so we weren't sitting right next to each other. I felt embarrassed why he was keeping his distance from me in Church. Even more embarrassed when he hugged a few Church members after the service but wouldn't hug me when coming to Church to meet me there. The first time we gone, we sat next to each other.

 

I calmly talked to him about it and he got all mad about it.

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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What was he reason?

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ChattyKat Established Member

ChattyKat

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What was he reason?

 

That he was going to hug me later that day. He yelled saying sorry a few times.

Larryville Established Member

Larryville

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How old are you too? WTF? If you can't act like an adult in church you got bigger issues.

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Maybe to him touching, hugging, kissing his gf in a Church is inappropriate because you generate in him sexual thoughts.

 

I remember when I got engaged to my ex-husband, I was 19 years old and a devoted Catholic. We went to see a priest to have our wedding rings blessed and after my ex came forward to kiss me and I turned my head and presented him my cheek. He was so offended and afterward made a big deal about it. I had just done it because in my head kissing him on the lips in a Church in front of a priest was inappropriate. Go figure, I just felt that way back then.

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CaliforniaGirl Established Member

CaliforniaGirl

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He may have felt a little "weird" with PDAs in church. I realize it wasn't sexual or anything (or intended to be), but many people feel more, I guess you'd say formal in church. I do...I feel like I should act very "upstanding". :laugh: (I rarely go, but this is how I feel about it.)

 

I think you should give him his space in church. Some people just have a hard time separating "I'm being good and Christian-ish right now" from "I really dig my main squeeze".

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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He has his eye on some other woman at church. Doesn't want anyone to think you two are together, so you need to start dating other people.

 

Nothing explains making sure you can't sit close to him and Bible-blocking you. I mean, IF he is that uptight, then what's the attraction anyway? He hugs other people. It doesn't matter if he accidentally gets a boner, assuming that's his issue with sitting next to you because he's sitting down, so he'll get over it once the preacher gets rolling. He's up to something. Being Bible-blocked, well, that's pretty extreme. Good story for you and some other guy's grandkids, though.

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kendahke Established Member

kendahke

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Why were you wanting him to do PDA's with you at church? You're there to hear the word, not put your relationship on display.

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VeveCakes Established Member

VeveCakes

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Why were you wanting him to do PDA's with you at church? You're there to hear the word, not put your relationship on display.

 

Wtf a hug is not a PDA fcs. He hugged other members.

 

He doesn't want people to knownyou are together. That is clear.

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ChattyKat Established Member

ChattyKat

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Maybe to him touching, hugging, kissing his gf in a Church is inappropriate because you generate in him sexual thoughts.

 

All I asked for was a quick hug when he came into the Church. Not a heavy petting make-out session.

 

He may have felt a little "weird" with PDAs in church. I realize it wasn't sexual or anything (or intended to be), but many people feel more, I guess you'd say formal in church. I do...I feel like I should act very "upstanding". :laugh: (I rarely go, but this is how I feel about it.)

 

 

I think you should give him his space in church. Some people just have a hard time separating "I'm being good and Christian-ish right now" from "I really dig my main squeeze".

 

Well it wouldn't of bothered me as much if he didn't hug other female Church members after the service. It made the Church service awkward by his actions and kept thinking why he was Bible blocking me and not wanting to hug me.

 

He has his eye on some other woman at church. Doesn't want anyone to think you two are together, so you need to start dating other people.

 

Nothing explains making sure you can't sit close to him and Bible-blocking you. I mean, IF he is that uptight, then what's the attraction anyway? He hugs other people. It doesn't matter if he accidentally gets a boner, assuming that's his issue with sitting next to you because he's sitting down, so he'll get over it once the preacher gets rolling. He's up to something. Being Bible-blocked, well, that's pretty extreme. Good story for you and some other guy's grandkids, though.

 

Doubt it. It's a medium-sized Church.

 

Wtf a hug is not a PDA fcs. He hugged other members.

 

He doesn't want people to knownyou are together. That is clear.

 

Then he shouldn't of introduced me to his Church when we started dating

VeveCakes Established Member

VeveCakes

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tell him that not me.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Hugging a GF may be different for him then platonically hugging others. As part of the service vs afterwards as part of the fellowship may have been a factor.

 

 

You had the right to feel anyway you feel about it but he also has the right to draw certain boundaries about how he prefers to express himself during worship. Him getting mad at you rather than calmly discussing things is the bigger problem IMO

 

 

Does he sit close to you in other venues? Again it could be PDA in Church. Personally I always place my purse between me & DH in Church. My mom always had her purse between her & my dad. It's just a thing. It's not about how much I love DH.

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ChattyKat Established Member

ChattyKat

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Hugging a GF may be different for him then platonically hugging others. As part of the service vs afterwards as part of the fellowship may have been a factor.

 

 

You had the right to feel anyway you feel about it but he also has the right to draw certain boundaries about how he prefers to express himself during worship. Him getting mad at you rather than calmly discussing things is the bigger problem IMO

 

 

Does he sit close to you in other venues? Again it could be PDA in Church. Personally I always place my purse between me & DH in Church. My mom always had her purse between her & my dad. It's just a thing. It's not about how much I love DH.

 

It actually odd that he would get mad by yelling when I wanted to calmly discuss it with him. He sits with me anywhere else we attend together. The Church is set up with comfortable chairs. So he had the Bible on the seat between us.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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It actually odd that he would get mad by yelling when I wanted to calmly discuss it with him. He sits with me anywhere else we attend together. The Church is set up with comfortable chairs. So he had the Bible on the seat between us.

 

 

He had a whole chair between you? that is odd. I thought this was a pew & you were only the width of the Bible apart which to me was more like elbow room rather than glued at the hip.

 

 

Again him yelling is the bigger issue, IMO.

 

 

If you haven't had a calm discussion about this yet, I'd have some serious reservations about his desire to move forward.

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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if he isn't willing to have a rational discussion about it...I don't see much of a future for you two.

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staggerlee71 Established Member

staggerlee71

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Getting all mad about it is interesting. To me, him getting angry is a defense mechanism. Anger is a secondary emotion. second to fear.

 

Translation, he got angry because he knows his reasoning for not hugging is a foolish one. but he is experiencing fear in how to communicate it. Find out why he feels he cant explain why he didn't hug, you will learn 2 things. Why he didn't hug and why he feels he cant openly communicate some things with you

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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All I asked for was a quick hug when he came into the Church. Not a heavy petting make-out session.

 

 

 

Well it wouldn't of bothered me as much if he didn't hug other female Church members after the service. It made the Church service awkward by his actions and kept thinking why he was Bible blocking me and not wanting to hug me.

 

 

 

Doubt it. It's a medium-sized Church.

 

 

Then he shouldn't of introduced me to his Church when we started dating

 

Maybe he's simply a recruiter. I came from a community ruled by a large hell-and-damnation church and they had everyone out recruiting to get new members and it was a LOT of pressure and drove a wedge between me and one of my friends. Maybe he didn't do it because he wanted to make people think you were his girlfriend but just that he was recruiting.

 

Also, maybe he's got an ex there he's trying to make jealous but otherwise doesn't want anyone else thinking he's taken

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CaliforniaGirl Established Member

CaliforniaGirl

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OP, it sounds more like you want us to agree that he was wrong, than to just simply ask what we think.

 

To me this says you already know how you feel, so why do you need backup? This is how you feel.

 

You keep stressing that he yelled. What is it you want us to tell you, besides agreeing with you that he's wrong, bad, etc.? You seem defensive about alternative explanations to the ones you have already decided on so all this tells me something - it tells me you and he aren't going to work out, because he sees your efforts as pushy and you see his as totally wrong...and you two can't logically discuss even this simple thing. So where's the future in that?

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ChattyKat Established Member

ChattyKat

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He had a whole chair between you? that is odd. I thought this was a pew & you were only the width of the Bible apart which to me was more like elbow room rather than glued at the hip.

 

Again him yelling is the bigger issue, IMO.

 

If you haven't had a calm discussion about this yet, I'd have some serious reservations about his desire to move forward.

 

Yes, a whole chair between us. So it felt like we weren't "together" and made the entire service awkward. So during the songs where the entire congregation stands up, I moved closer to him in front of the Bible that was sitting on the chair. Can't remember his reaction when I did that.

 

 

 

Maybe he's simply a recruiter. I came from a community ruled by a large hell-and-damnation church and they had everyone out recruiting to get new members and it was a LOT of pressure and drove a wedge between me and one of my friends. Maybe he didn't do it because he wanted to make people think you were his girlfriend but just that he was recruiting.

 

Also, maybe he's got an ex there he's trying to make jealous but otherwise doesn't want anyone else thinking he's taken

 

Doubt he has an ex attending there. He hadn't dated many women from what he told me. I never thought of it that way. When he introduced me to the Church, we were in the beginning stages of dating. Then he stopped going to Church for a long time but I kept going most weeks. Then all the sudden he decides to show attend the past few weeks.

goldway90 Established Member

goldway90

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I calmly talked to him about it and he got all mad about it.

 

This one to me isn't good, it's how emotionally abusive relationships usually start.

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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It actually odd that he would get mad by yelling when I wanted to calmly discuss it with him. He sits with me anywhere else we attend together. The Church is set up with comfortable chairs. So he had the Bible on the seat between us.

 

The obvious reason would be he is interested in another girl who goes to that Church and didn't want her to get the idea that he is dating you. That would also explain why he got angry when you confronted him.

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ChattyKat Established Member

ChattyKat

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This one to me isn't good, it's how emotionally abusive relationships usually start.

 

He didn't swear, just raised his voice loudly when I wanted us to discuss what happened in Church and how it made me felt in Church. From what I noticed about him, he's the type to avoid conflict. What he did in Church, I felt a little abused emotionally when he couldn't bother accepting my hug and putting distance in between us by putting the Bible on the chair

goldway90 Established Member

goldway90

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He didn't swear, just raised his voice loudly when I wanted us to discuss what happened in Church and how it made me felt in Church. From what I noticed about him, he's the type to avoid conflict. What he did in Church, I felt a little abused emotionally when he couldn't bother accepting my hug and putting distance in between us by putting the Bible on the chair

 

He yelled though, emotional abuse isn't about swearing and calling names only, passive aggressive behaviors, silent treatment, unjustified anger ( he did that).... list of signs goes on. There are different type of abusers and not all of them behave the same way, you just have to pay attention to the red flags

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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OK ChattyKat, what are you going to do now? Just ignore it?

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