My ex broke my heart then turns up with flowers but not to get back together?!?!!!

[Bromeo]

I dropped this bomb too..it lasted two days lol. I don't know what's worse Bromeo..two days or two months!

 

I was so fed up with the push pull. By that point it had already been months of games, 4 weeks of nc, a failed attempt at her work, and no clear communication.

 

The January game playing only lasted a week before I cut her off. It's been radio silence since.

[allybaba789]

YOU are placing such significance on the flowers and not listening to what he told you,

This is the problem with emotionally unavailable guys, women start filling in the blanks for them. Women make up stories in their heads about them and are so disappointed when they find out the real him.

 

He never tells you he loves her but she starts seeing love everywhere in the things he does and says. Even the most mundane things take on special significance as she vainly looks for signs he loves you.

"He takes me to the supermarket, he hates the supermarket so he MUST love me..."

"He stays, so he MUST love me..."

 

He has probably just taken your lead as regards birthday flowers and so bought flowers for your birthday, as it was the expected thing to do.

Or his new gf loved flowers, so he has learned in the meantime...

or he was looking for a "reward" for the flowers...

Who knows, but when asked as to his intentions he said he did not want a reconciliation, so you need to stop assuming it all means more.

 

I understand all your points but I stand by that what he did was misleading. It wasn't just the flowers - it was my birthday and I hadn't seen him since we broke up. It's all very unfair on me and I'm trying to get some ideas of what he may have been thinking. I'll never know what his true intention was.

[Zahara]

I'm trying to get some ideas of what he may have been thinking. I'll never know what his true intention was.

 

That is a futile effort. Best to focus on the fact that it's unhealthy and you want no part of it.

 

OP, this is not coming as a surprise to you. He showed you signs likely from the beginning. You note he was emotionally unavailable.

 

So what he's done is just part and parcel of his issues. Ideas won't do anything for you. Rather acceptance that he's coming from a place of dysfunction.

[Redhead14]

I understand all your points but I stand by that what he did was misleading. It wasn't just the flowers - it was my birthday and I hadn't seen him since we broke up. It's all very unfair on me and I'm trying to get some ideas of what he may have been thinking. I'll never know what his true intention was.

 

Forget about his intentions. A guy you used to date delivered flowers on your birthday. Perhaps, he got a job with FTD . . .

[allybaba789]

That is a futile effort. Best to focus on the fact that it's unhealthy and you want no part of it.

 

OP, this is not coming as a surprise to you. He showed you signs likely from the beginning. You note he was emotionally unavailable.

 

So what he's done is just part and parcel of his issues. Ideas won't do anything for you. Rather acceptance that he's coming from a place of dysfunction.

 

Fair enough, I'm a natural over-analyser so that was my initial reaction. I do need to focus elsewhere.

[la74219]

Fair enough, I'm a natural over-analyser so that was my initial reaction. I do need to focus elsewhere.

 

Allybaba789, has he tried reaching out again? Or did you decide to block him?

[allybaba789]

Allybaba789, has he tried reaching out again? Or did you decide to block him?

 

We spoke about the situation for a couple of days and then I didn't text him back when we were going round in circles. I'm not blocking him, but not expecting to hear from him either.

[la74219]

We spoke about the situation for a couple of days and then I didn't text him back when we were going round in circles. I'm not blocking him, but not expecting to hear from him either.

 

Yeah we talked for a few days too. I basically told her last night to let me heal in peace, and not to contact me again unless she wants to try and work things out. She wanted to be friends. I found that a little selfish. How are you feeling?

[Bromeo]

Ally,

 

We can analyze this all day. Just be direct and ask him what his intentions are. Either he will clear things up, and you can move forward, or he will be nebulous, unclear, or not respond, and you will have your answer.

 

Better for the community to dissect his responses than to speculate on motive. Something concrete to work with, etc.

[Purepony]

Where are we at in this ?

[allybaba789]

Ally,

 

We can analyze this all day. Just be direct and ask him what his intentions are. Either he will clear things up, and you can move forward, or he will be nebulous, unclear, or not respond, and you will have your answer.

 

Better for the community to dissect his responses than to speculate on motive. Something concrete to work with, etc.

 

Have done so. He doesn't want a relationship with me. So obviously the flowers and turning up were for some other mystery motive

[allybaba789]

Where are we at in this ?

 

He doesn't want a relationship. It confused me a lot and I was hunting for answers. I'm now re-living the break up; fantastic. One day at a time....