mattmurphy Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 I really like this girl but I think I need to just move on, but it's really hard. She said she's a commitment phobe, I told her I would help her overcome it. I then realised I can't, her fear is so deep, she can't even call it a date when we hang out. She keeps saying she doesn't want to hurt me, yet says she wants to sleep with me. She is terrified of losing me, yet can't date me? Everytime we get close she pushes me away, then tries to pull me in. She still argues with her ex, and has a bunch of other problems. There is some serious baggage here isn't there. I have no idea what she wants, her behaviour is so confusing to me. Can someone please offer any advice? Should I just call it quits?
basil67 Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 One vote for "call it quits". Relationships are meant to be enjoyable. 4
Downtown Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 She is terrified of losing me, yet can't date me? Everytime we get close she pushes me away, then tries to pull me in. Matt, welcome to the LoveShack forum. The abandonment fear and push-away/pull-back cycle you mention are red flags for BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). Yet, if she really does exhibit a strong pattern of BPD symptoms, you would be seeing more than two red flags. I therefore suggest you take a quick look at my list of 18 BPD Warning Signs to see if most sound very familiar. If so, I would suggest you also read my more detailed description of them at my posts in Rebel's Thread. If that description rings many bells, I would be glad to discuss them with you. Significantly, learning to spot these warning signs will not enable you to diagnose your GF's issues. Only a professional can determine whether her symptoms are so severe as to constitute full-blown BPD. Yet, like learning warning signs for stroke and heart attack, learning those for BPD may help you avoid a very painful situation -- e.g., avoid taking her back or avoid running into the arms of another woman who is just like her. Take care, Matt.
Redhead14 Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 I really like this girl but I think I need to just move on, but it's really hard. She said she's a commitment phobe, I told her I would help her overcome it. I then realised I can't, her fear is so deep, she can't even call it a date when we hang out. She keeps saying she doesn't want to hurt me, yet says she wants to sleep with me. She is terrified of losing me, yet can't date me? Everytime we get close she pushes me away, then tries to pull me in. She still argues with her ex, and has a bunch of other problems. There is some serious baggage here isn't there. I have no idea what she wants, . Can someone please offer any advice? Should I just call it quits? Really???? her behaviour is so confusing to me -- You're confused because she's confused. Move on. She's still in touch with her ex and she's stringing you along until she gets back with ex or until she gets over him. Either way, you're going to be hurt and miserable. 1
preraph Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 The only person who might be able to help her is a therapist. If you get your heart broken, then avoid her entirely.
VeveCakes Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 Read the book "Attached". Has all the answers you need.
BC1980 Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 If she is still arguing with her ex, she is still hung up on him to some extent. She hasn't moved on, so I would vote to leave.
spiderowl Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 Sounds like she's still attached to her ex though not with him. She wants comfort and someone nice to sleep with but does not want more involvement or commitment. The thing is, is that what you want?
devilish innocent Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 Yes, call it quits. If she wanted to be with you, she would be with you. She is either trying to let you down easy, or she has actual issues that are keeping her from having a relationship with anyone. Either way, she wouldn't make a good match. You need to move on.
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