Is my ex boyfriend unsure of his decision

[Confused1992]

Hi, it's my first time posting on here and I feel a little silly. My boyfriend broke up with me a month ago. I was devastated. I pretty much begged him for about two weeks for him to give our relationship a chance and for us to make it work but he was adamant. Since I stopped begging he still says he doesn't want a relationship and that his feelings for me are not the same anymore yet I feel like he is struggling and not completely sure. He messages me off his own back asking how work is etc we chat he tells me about stuff that he is working on he has sent me video of me he has found on his phone he sends me songs to listen to (ones that imply he misses me) and he still meets me if I say I'd like to see him and will spend time sitting with me for a while but he still maintains he never wants more than a friendship. I feel like he is confused and maybe not sure of what he is wanting but not wanting to lead me on but maybe struggling in himself. I don't know why he would still message me and agree to see me if he didn't want to be with me. I feel like maybe he still has feelings but isn't sure if he wants the relationship. This is so hard and don't know if I'm just reading into things. Please help

[Lorenza]

He just feels guilty and tries to go easy on you by offering some breadcrumbs. He does it mostly not to feel like a bad person - breaking someone's heart is not an easy task for most people. Doesn't sound to me like he's struggling with his decision though.

 

Unfortunately, the way he acts does you a disfavor. You won't heal until he disappeares from your life.

[stillafool]

he still meets me if I say I'd like to see him and will spend time sitting with me for a while but he still maintains he never wants more than a friendship.

 

No he isn't confused, you are. He said he doesn't want more than a friendship with you and that is how he is treating you. You have been downgraded to a friend. If you were still having sex it would be a FWB relationship while he eventually dates others and finds a girl he wants to be his girlfriend. Do you want to wait around for that?

[preraph]

What you should do is start dating other guys. You shouldn't tell him all about it. Just do it. This solves a number of ambiguities and issues too numerous to mention. First, it keeps you busy so you're not always available when he pops up. Second it distracts you from him. Third you may find someone better who isn't confusing. Fourth, you maintain your dignity and don't look like a desperate nit. And all these things may impress him in one way or another and clarify things for one or both of you. Again, don't tell him. Just get busy and don't be the one waiting and hoping. Let him do that if there's any of that left in him. Most guys hate it when exes start dating, even if they don't want you themselves though. So if he does that, you still don't know if he wants you or just doesn't want anyone else to have you. The goal is to not give a crap.

[Altair0770]

No contact is your friend. As long as you give him what he wants, he will not want a relationship.

 

Explain to him that you want a relationship and if he isn't going to commit then you best not talk ever again. And stick to it until he reaches out to you with a "I want to get back together" and nothing less than that. Even if he says he misses you and stuff, just straight up say "do not contact me unless you want a relationship". If you want to be friends, then that is in your power. If he wants you around, that is your power. Do not give him that power or you will never get what YOU want and will always be hurting.

 

Either a relationship or you disappear forever. Do not settle for less unless you are okay with less. If you aren't, then NC. Worse case scenario is you move on and don't give a damn at that point. Best case scenario is he has to live with his decision and realizes he still has feelings for you.