Author avoforastig Posted March 7, 2017 Author Posted March 7, 2017 She initiated the conversation about not feeling it yet. She was being honest after a month dating. That is usually the time needed to decide if we want to continue dating someone or not. You should have said you understand and move on. Instead you got in your head you could 'win her over'. I don't know where that comes from, maybe one of those cavemen instinct residual, but from there you should have moved on. If she had waited longer I believe you would have accused her of misleading you especially if she had sex with you, waited 2-3 months then tell you she doesn't feel it, you cannot tell me the rejection would have been easier. Why did she say she wanted to continue seeing me despite not being sure if feeling would develop?
Gaeta Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 Why did she say she wanted to continue seeing me despite not being sure if feeling would develop? Most people, men and women, will offer friendship to simply ease their guilt because they know they are disappointing the person. She was offering you a consolation price.
Gaeta Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 Given this, do you think pushing for FWB is a horrific idea? I don't know how this woman function but if a man I reject for a relationship offers me a fwb it will turn me off big time and if I had some respect for him it will be destroyed. 1
Author avoforastig Posted March 7, 2017 Author Posted March 7, 2017 Most people, men and women, will offer friendship to simply ease their guilt because they know they are disappointing the person. She was offering you a consolation price. She texted me the next day, offered to bring me lunch, and came over to my place. She then commenced to make out with me again.
Gaeta Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 She texted me the next day, offered to bring me lunch, and came over to my place. She then commenced to make out with me again. It doesn't mean she is emotionally interested in you. She probably just wanted sex with you after she had clarified she was not emotionally involved. Men pull that one on women all the time. You guys aren't used to it that's all. 3
Author avoforastig Posted March 7, 2017 Author Posted March 7, 2017 It doesn't mean she is emotionally interested in you. She probably just wanted sex with you after she had clarified she was not emotionally involved. Men pull that one on women all the time. You guys aren't used to it that's all. It's fine for me to do the same as well then?
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 It's fine for me to do the same as well then? Sure, why not? Keep hurting people and keep getting hurt. It's a free country.
Gaeta Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 It's fine for me to do the same as well then? You don't have more depth than this? It's all about she does it so I can do it. At some point you're suppose to grow into an adult and elevate yourself above that. 2
Author avoforastig Posted March 7, 2017 Author Posted March 7, 2017 You don't have more depth than this? It's all about she does it so I can do it. At some point you're suppose to grow into an adult and elevate yourself above that. I wish she had just said I'm not feeling it, goodbye. That being said, I had a former girlfriend flip on me. After our first date she said she just wanted to be friends, but a week later she came back to me and we were together 3 years. I think I chose not to have sex with her ultimately because the potential benefit was lower than the risk of an unpleasant situation such as pregnancy or STD. I also hold myself to high standards which generally makes me a highly successful person.
Gaeta Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 I think I chose not to have sex with her ultimately because the potential benefit was lower than the risk of an unpleasant situation such as pregnancy or STD. I also hold myself to high standards which generally makes me a highly successful person. Please let me smile at this lol. A man that holds himself to high standards just says 'good bye' to a woman not feeling it with him. He doesn't offer her a fwb situation. She said no and instead of moving on gracefully you hoped she'd accept at least a few crumbs (the fwb). 1
TheTraveler Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 (edited) OP dates girl for one month Girl is unsure(well duh it's only been a month) in the dating process OP confused OP offers FWB, even though he's never done it OP still confused Girl offers to have sex. OP declines Girl meets up again, declines offer to head back to his place OP pissed, now wants to bang her so he can one up her OP always holds himself to high standards=highly successful person Edited March 7, 2017 by TheTraveler 6
act00 Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 The thing is about going over to someone's home, is that clothes have a tendency to come off, and things progress in the heat of the moment...something best to avoid if you're "not feeling it," or you're just not ready, the timing isn't right, etc. A couple things I have learned is that sex is better if a guy actually likes you, meaning you push them off to make sure he really likes you. Men tend to disappear after sex...poof...gone. She's all over the place right now because she "knows" you're out the door the second she gives it up. If you like her, you'll stick around, but she doesn't really know this yet. FWB? Really? Now here's a great way to express you only want sex when the tide moves you in her direction and you have no other prospects. Do you at least buy dinner? It's been four weeks. Just date and get to know each other.
preraph Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 It sounds like she is at least forthright about her feelings. I would never tell someone what she told you even if was true. Because most people can't handle it. I couldn't handle it. A lot of people on here are always saying a woman should give a guy more of a chance than just a date or two to see if she begins to like them better. And she has done that. But this is what happens....
Author avoforastig Posted March 8, 2017 Author Posted March 8, 2017 (edited) It sounds like she is at least forthright about her feelings. I would never tell someone what she told you even if was true. Because most people can't handle it. I couldn't handle it. A lot of people on here are always saying a woman should give a guy more of a chance than just a date or two to see if she begins to like them better. And she has done that. But this is what happens.... I took some time to be honest with myself last night. This is a weird situation where her actions and words just don't fit together. After the first date, I felt something great inside me that I hadn't experienced in a while. I continued to like her more after subsequent dates. After she told me she was feeling unsure, it made me hesitant. I thought there was a connection and feel baffled that she tells me there isn't one based on her behavior. I broke down and contacted her yesterday and she agreed to meet again. I just don't know what to do as the situation has become convoluted. I know I like everything about what she brings to the table, and I want more than a FWB or a casual relationship. I would probably not state this so early but I don't know what else to do at this point. An FWB would just lead to attachment/heartbreak and cause me to waste resources that could be used to find a better match. What should I do? I'd hate to give an ultimatum but I felt like she put pressure on a situation that didn't need to be there and it's affecting me. I want to tell her: I like you and want to see where this goes. You don't have to decide if you love me right now, but I need you to decide if this is worth exploring. Edited March 8, 2017 by avoforastig
preraph Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 Yeah, pressure isn't going to help. I tell women this all the time, and now I'm telling you. Take some pressure off by starting to date others besides her. Don't tell her or anything (unless she asks). Just date others so you're not always available to her (Sorry, I already have plans). Don't ever give detailed explanation. Just say you're busy, sorry, maybe next time. This will give her a little space. Give you some options. Make her realize you're not desperate (compared to telling her your feelings now knowing she doesn't share them). Try to have fun when you're together but don't go deep.
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 It sounds like she is at least forthright about her feelings. I would never tell someone what she told you even if was true. Because most people can't handle it. I couldn't handle it. A lot of people on here are always saying a woman should give a guy more of a chance than just a date or two to see if she begins to like them better. And she has done that. But this is what happens.... ^ This is a good point...often, we women don't know WHAT to do...if we "refuse to give it a second chance" then we're unfair and "how do we REALLY know we don't like him?" and so on and so forth...but if we do give the guy a second chance even though we didn't initially feel it for the guy we're leading him on...we can't win, and the reason is, nobody likes rejection (trust me), so we find reasons to decide the other person did it wrong. This really is a no-win thing for a woman...darned if you do and darned if you don't. And for all the "Why couldn't she just have been blunt"?s you'll hear, that's how many "Why did she have to be so cold about it and not lessen the blow or give things another shot?"s you'll hear. OP, you don't like that you didn't get what you want. If you think you're going to do her as revenge, the reality is, you have caught feelings for her (it's obvious) so she'll still get what she wants (a quickie, with no promises, where she can literally just walk away) and you'll be even more hurt than you are now. Just drop this one. It won't end well if you pursue it.
DMVeep Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 OP, you don't like that you didn't get what you want. If you think you're going to do her as revenge, the reality is, you have caught feelings for her (it's obvious) so she'll still get what she wants (a quickie, with no promises, where she can literally just walk away) and you'll be even more hurt than you are now. Just drop this one. It won't end well if you pursue it. You are probably right about her. Fortunately, my line up of new ladies is already looking solid so I'm not too concerned. I had planned another date with her, but maybe it doesn't make sense...
VeveCakes Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 Why do guys offer FWB after being declined a relationship. If a woman wanted to sleep with you she would prob be dating you! Jeesh. No logic. OP just tell her you are looking for a relationship. Not pressuring on her but just in general that is your goal. If she is not on the same page don't waste your time.
curiouslysearching Posted March 17, 2017 Posted March 17, 2017 If the person I was seeing wasn't "feeling it", I would have done the same thing you did and declined the sex. I get that men and women sometimes think differently and my perspective is female,but I think most of us male or female want to be desired. Personally, I would think it was time to consider moving on. are we talking a polite decline or a ohhhhhhhhhhhh Hell No I'm doing that....which one ?
CaliGypsy Posted March 17, 2017 Posted March 17, 2017 are we talking a polite decline or a ohhhhhhhhhhhh Hell No I'm doing that....which one ? The latter of course. 1
Curiousroxy86 Posted March 17, 2017 Posted March 17, 2017 I've been seeing a woman a little over a month. We've been on about 9 dates at this point. About 10 days ago, she told me she thought I had a lot of amazing qualities, wanted to keep seeing me, but just wasn't feeling it yet. We ended up getting more intimate and did everything but intercourse the following week. I actually had the chance to have sex with her at that time but I declined she seemed really wishy-washy about me. We had brunch a couple days later, kissed a few times but then she declined to come back to my place afterwards stating she had some errands to run. I was initially very interested in her but after she told me she wasn't feeling it yet, my feelings towards her cooled. We exchanged a text after the brunch on Sunday. I have a feeling this situation is going nowhere. I'm frustrated and not sure what to do next. I haven't reached out to her since Sunday, and I haven't heard from her either. Honestly, I wanted to see if she would initiate another date or contact me at this point. Does this seem like a good idea or am I digging myself in a hole? when I read the title my immediate reaction was...you don't. how to handle someone hot and cold. you don't. leave their behinds on the stove or in the fridge and find something that's the right temp. but I do have to say this. when I was seeing a guy I really liked him but there were things he did that made me hesitant to consider him a boyfriend. it wasn't like I didn't want to be in a relationship. it wasn't like I didn't like him. but I wasn't exactly sure as he was sure of me. someone that is not sure isn't a bad person. I did tell the guy that I want to get to know him more. he asked what I was hesitant about which for me my hesitation was that he didn't really talk to me on the phone during the week. we had once a week dates and hardly any contact on the phone. well he never said he didn't like talking on the phone. he just responded empty promises and say he will call so I can be his girlfriend and he still didn't. so I stopped seeing him. so ask her how she feels about you really and don't make her wrong just listen. you want the honest truth. and if she mentions some things that make her hesitate its up to you whether you want to calm those fears or let her go completely. good luck
curiouslysearching Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 The latter of course. you are not only a Cali Gypsy you are also a COOL Gypsy 1
coolheadal Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 I've been seeing a woman a little over a month. We've been on about 9 dates at this point. About 10 days ago, she told me she thought I had a lot of amazing qualities, wanted to keep seeing me, but just wasn't feeling it yet. We ended up getting more intimate and did everything but intercourse the following week. I actually had the chance to have sex with her at that time but I declined she seemed really wishy-washy about me. We had brunch a couple days later, kissed a few times but then she declined to come back to my place afterwards stating she had some errands to run. I was initially very interested in her but after she told me she wasn't feeling it yet, my feelings towards her cooled. We exchanged a text after the brunch on Sunday. I have a feeling this situation is going nowhere. I'm frustrated and not sure what to do next. I haven't reached out to her since Sunday, and I haven't heard from her either. Honestly, I wanted to see if she would initiate another date or contact me at this point. Does this seem like a good idea or am I digging myself in a hole? You haven't listen to her at all! That's your problem right there. When a woman said "she's not feeling it with you" That another excuse to say she's not really into you as much as you are into her. So to take that no, and go elsewhere. Why would you want to put all your peas into a pot where there is an empty hole inside. This woman doesn't think as you more than just casual dating, nothing serious and only on her terms. Not your terms. But you have said it right above your digging a hole into empty space. Do not show weakness and do not contact her. Let her chase you and contact you. If she does play hard to get or your not interested in her. See if she likes that can of apples. I bet she'll never even get back with you. Because she's no way interested in you other than maybe just as a friend for casual sex.
CaliGypsy Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 you are not only a Cali Gypsy you are also a COOL Gypsy Thank you!! 1
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