avoforastig Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 I've been seeing a woman a little over a month. We've been on about 9 dates at this point. About 10 days ago, she told me she thought I had a lot of amazing qualities, wanted to keep seeing me, but just wasn't feeling it yet. We ended up getting more intimate and did everything but intercourse the following week. I actually had the chance to have sex with her at that time but I declined she seemed really wishy-washy about me. We had brunch a couple days later, kissed a few times but then she declined to come back to my place afterwards stating she had some errands to run. I was initially very interested in her but after she told me she wasn't feeling it yet, my feelings towards her cooled. We exchanged a text after the brunch on Sunday. I have a feeling this situation is going nowhere. I'm frustrated and not sure what to do next. I haven't reached out to her since Sunday, and I haven't heard from her either. Honestly, I wanted to see if she would initiate another date or contact me at this point. Does this seem like a good idea or am I digging myself in a hole?
Gaeta Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 I've been seeing a woman a little over a month. We've been on about 9 dates at this point. About 10 days ago, she told me she thought I had a lot of amazing qualities, wanted to keep seeing me, but just wasn't feeling it yet. We ended up getting more intimate and did everything but intercourse the following week. I actually had the chance to have sex with her at that time but I declined she seemed really wishy-washy about me. We had brunch a couple days later, kissed a few times but then she declined to come back to my place afterwards stating she had some errands to run. I was initially very interested in her but after she told me she wasn't feeling it yet, my feelings towards her cooled. We exchanged a text after the brunch on Sunday. I have a feeling this situation is going nowhere. I'm frustrated and not sure what to do next. I haven't reached out to her since Sunday, and I haven't heard from her either. Honestly, I wanted to see if she would initiate another date or contact me at this point. Does this seem like a good idea or am I digging myself in a hole? You actually declined sex from her? Your horse is dead sorry. The worse offense for a woman is a man declining sex especially in the early dating phase. If she has a bit of pride she will never contact you again. 8
CptInsano Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 You actually declined sex from her? The worse offense for a woman is a man declining sex especially in the early dating phase. If she has a bit of pride she will never contact you again. Even in a relationship you better have a good reason for that. But seriously, if the budding relationship was a train, the man rejecting sex would be similar to pulling the emergency brake. Things will come to a full stop. 5
goldway90 Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 I actually had the chance to have sex with her at that time but I declined You did what? unbelievable It's done i doubt she'll contact you tbh even if she did, good luck recovering from declining intimacy with a woman! Ever wondered maybe if you actually had sex with her, she'd start feeling it? (whatever this "It" is) 1
Titanll Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 You were dead at "not feeling it yet". Sex or no, she was already setting you up to let you down easy. "You have a lot of amazing qualities but alas, there is a hotter, richer, sexier, Chad that you are competing with and when I win him you are history". If she contacts you, you have a chance...but I would not hold my breath waiting for that to happen. Or you could invite her over and smash her. Worst case after that is irrelevant.
O'Malley Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 He declined sex after she told him she wasn't feeling it yet - hard to see how that kind of comment would increase his desire, unless he was fine with a no strings hookup (and it doesn't sound like he was). Having sex wasn't suddenly going to change her feelings towards him. After ten dates there should be a steady increase in attraction and her interest level should match his. Playing hard to get with her would be a waste of your time. Trust your instincts with this one. 1
Author avoforastig Posted March 7, 2017 Author Posted March 7, 2017 You did what? unbelievable It's done i doubt she'll contact you tbh even if she did, good luck recovering from declining intimacy with a woman! Ever wondered maybe if you actually had sex with her, she'd start feeling it? (whatever this "It" is) Things had taken such an unexpected turn. I realized I screwed up but I was so flustered by all the mix signals she gave me over the past couple weeks. At one point, she said this was only for fun, which made me feel pretty uncomfortable and panic. Before that, we hadn't done anything but make out. I feel terrible now. WTF can I do?
Author avoforastig Posted March 7, 2017 Author Posted March 7, 2017 You were dead at "not feeling it yet". Sex or no, she was already setting you up to let you down easy. "You have a lot of amazing qualities but alas, there is a hotter, richer, sexier, Chad that you are competing with and when I win him you are history". If she contacts you, you have a chance...but I would not hold my breath waiting for that to happen. Or you could invite her over and smash her. Worst case after that is irrelevant. She basically was upfront and said it was just fun as things escalated. I had asked her the previous week if she wanted just FWB but said no. I guess at the time in my head, I didn't want to have sex with her, knowing I had some dates planned with other women the following week. I also already started to feel empty halfway through the process. The only reason I pushed to try and move things further is I wanted a concellation prize for the bull**** she gave me.
CaliGypsy Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 If the person I was seeing wasn't "feeling it", I would have done the same thing you did and declined the sex. I get that men and women sometimes think differently and my perspective is female,but I think most of us male or female want to be desired. Personally, I would think it was time to consider moving on. 9
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 Things had taken such an unexpected turn. I realized I screwed up but I was so flustered by all the mix signals she gave me over the past couple weeks. At one point, she said this was only for fun, which made me feel pretty uncomfortable and panic. Before that, we hadn't done anything but make out. I feel terrible now. WTF can I do? Why so anxious to get in this woman's good graces if she's not attracted to you?
Gaeta Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 She basically was upfront and said it was just fun as things escalated. I had asked her the previous week if she wanted just FWB but said no. I guess at the time in my head, I didn't want to have sex with her, knowing I had some dates planned with other women the following week. I also already started to feel empty halfway through the process. The only reason I pushed to try and move things further is I wanted a concellation prize for the bull**** she gave me. I don't understand. The previous week you had asked her if she wanted a simple FWB so that means you were ok with sex with no attachment but when sex came you declined it with the excuse she didn't feel it? Do you know what you want at all ? Then you talk about pushing things for sex as cancellation prize but still decline sex when she offers it. You make no sense. 5
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 She basically was upfront and said it was just fun as things escalated. I had asked her the previous week if she wanted just FWB but said no. I guess at the time in my head, I didn't want to have sex with her, knowing I had some dates planned with other women the following week. I also already started to feel empty halfway through the process. The only reason I pushed to try and move things further is I wanted a concellation prize for the bull**** she gave me. Are you sure you even like this woman? You sound like you can't stand her and are eager to use her up and throw her away as "a consolation prize." Why on earth are you pursuing this?
Author avoforastig Posted March 7, 2017 Author Posted March 7, 2017 You were dead at "not feeling it yet". Sex or no, she was already setting you up to let you down easy. "You have a lot of amazing qualities but alas, there is a hotter, richer, sexier, Chad that you are competing with and when I win him you are history". If she contacts you, you have a chance...but I would not hold my breath waiting for that to happen. Or you could invite her over and smash her. Worst case after that is irrelevant. This was my thought. Personally, I thought it was ridiculous to state that you aren't feeing it but wanted to continue seeing you. It really messed with me and I couldn't think straight for a week after that. She continued contacting me daily but honestly, some of the things she said leading up to us messing around really made me feel bad. She said she was only really interested in seeing me once a week instead of desiring to see me daily like she thought she should.
goldway90 Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 Things had taken such an unexpected turn. I realized I screwed up but I was so flustered by all the mix signals she gave me over the past couple weeks. At one point, she said this was only for fun, which made me feel pretty uncomfortable and panic. Before that, we hadn't done anything but make out. I feel terrible now. WTF can I do? Stop asking about relationships and just enjoy the time together, you'll look needy to a female by asking questions like " what are we?". Women are emotional, think about it if you had sex with her ( you had a chance and she was attracted) then after that you lay down together in bed she'll starts feeling close, loved, safe... the "It". Declining sex basically sends a message to the woman that you don't care, she's not worthy enough and that's the worst thing you could do. i think you should just move on and learn from this. 1
Gaeta Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 This was my thought. Personally, I thought it was ridiculous to state that you aren't feeing it but wanted to continue seeing you. It really messed with me and I couldn't think straight for a week after that. She continued contacting me daily but honestly, some of the things she said leading up to us messing around really made me feel bad. She said she was only really interested in seeing me once a week instead of desiring to see me daily like she thought she should. C'mon. She said she didn't feel it YET. If she continued to contact you it was because she felt there was potential she just needed to explore it further. And what conversation lead her to say she didn't feel it yet? What did you tell her that prompt that reply from her? Did you talk about your feelings? did you talk about exclusivity? What was that conversation? 1
Titanll Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 She basically was upfront and said it was just fun as things escalated. I had asked her the previous week if she wanted just FWB but said no. I guess at the time in my head, I didn't want to have sex with her, knowing I had some dates planned with other women the following week. I also already started to feel empty halfway through the process. The only reason I pushed to try and move things further is I wanted a concellation prize for the bull**** she gave me. You are definitely confused and frustrated, I am sure! But let's just be honest, you have some emotional investment in this woman or you would not even be asking what you should do. I get it and I am in no way calling you out, haha! Maybe just say damn the torpedoes, reach out to her and have a long conversation about how you two honestly feel. You have nothing to lose and it will bring you some resolution regardless of how things go. 1
Author avoforastig Posted March 7, 2017 Author Posted March 7, 2017 I don't understand. The previous week you had asked her if she wanted a simple FWB so that means you were ok with sex with no attachment but when sex came you declined it with the excuse she didn't feel it? Do you know what you want at all ? Then you talk about pushing things for sex as cancellation prize but still decline sex when she offers it. You make no sense. I was really confused to the point of not sleeping honestly. She had told me she didn't want an FWB situation the week before. I hadn't planned to go for sex but I was feeling frustrated at the moment and made a strong move. Before that time, I thought there was still a chance of win her over. Unexpectedly, she took strongly to the move, which only further messed with my head. I've never tried an FWB situation but between the hook up and brunch I decided I would give it a try. However, I wasn't able to convince her to come over my place. Ultimately, I don't know if I could handle an FWB thing, especially when I had some initial intrigue.
Author avoforastig Posted March 7, 2017 Author Posted March 7, 2017 C'mon. She said she didn't feel it YET. If she continued to contact you it was because she felt there was potential she just needed to explore it further. And what conversation lead her to say she didn't feel it yet? What did you tell her that prompt that reply from her? Did you talk about your feelings? did you talk about exclusivity? What was that conversation? She initiated the conversation after I invited her to see a friend's band. She said she thought her actions and feelings were inconsistent and she didn't want me to be confused.
Author avoforastig Posted March 7, 2017 Author Posted March 7, 2017 Or you could invite her over and smash her. Worst case after that is irrelevant. Do you think there is any chance this will work?
Author avoforastig Posted March 7, 2017 Author Posted March 7, 2017 You are definitely confused and frustrated, I am sure! But let's just be honest, you have some emotional investment in this woman or you would not even be asking what you should do. I get it and I am in no way calling you out, haha! Maybe just say damn the torpedoes, reach out to her and have a long conversation about how you two honestly feel. You have nothing to lose and it will bring you some resolution regardless of how things go. ****, you are right. Before we messed around, I did try to explain all the things I liked about her, since I became very flustered when she told me the week before she wasn't feeling it but still wanted to see me. Some of my friends suggested that's what she was really trying to suss out of me. She reciprocated the things she liked about me again but stated it just didn't feel right or it wasn't living up to her expectations. She even went into some painful detail about not feeling lovesick and just felt like she was fine seeing me once a week, which was hard to swallow. It seemed as if her opinion had not changed much over a weeks time, which led me to the frustration and feeling of needing to get something out of the interaction. Ultimately, this whole situation could have been avoided if she had me kept her mouth shut until she was sure about me one way or the other and was ready to do something about it like a normal person. Therefore, I didn't do anything wrong here in my opion. Saying some crazy **** like that will make a person hesitate on taking on the risks of ****ing a crazy chick. Seriously, WTF!
Titanll Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 Do you think there is any chance this will work? Well, no honestly. It was a somewhat cheeky response. You have nothing to lose by having an open conversation with her, though.
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 Therefore, I didn't do anything wrong here in my opion. Saying some crazy **** like that will make a person hesitate on taking on the risks of ****ing a crazy chick. Seriously, WTF! So... ...break it off? Why ON EARTH are you still trying for this woman? You not only sound like you don't like her, you sound like you flat-out hate her. What the heck?? 2
Mrin Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 Two things: 1. Never ever decline sex. Unless you have a valid reason like not having condoms. If she has indicated that she wants sex without you pushing or prodding, then if you don't that's a yuge rejection. Look, I'm a dude, so I don't totally understand it. I can only speak from experience. Nothing will kill off a spark faster than a dude declining sex. Especially when you are new in a relationship. 2. Steady Eddie: It also seems like you were kinda all over the place in your messaging to her. "Do you just want a FWB?" "Are you into me?" Look, I get it, she was sending all sorts of mixed messages herself. Like it or not, the role of the male in a relationship - especially at the beginning - is to be rock solid steady. She's trying to figure out her feelings and her feelings about you. Whether she can get excited and surrender into them. I know you are doing the same but the masculine/feminine dynamic means that you have to be the constant. Some PUA guys will tell you the opposite. That you should use push/pull destabilizing tactics. And there is some truth to that if your only objective is to drop her panties. I've always found that being The Rock, the constant is the best way to go. It gives her a stationary object on which to form her opinions and develop emotions rather than a moving object where any opinion or any emotion is only temporary at best. Verdict: Probably need to move on. Or if you're going to keep trying, become the Steady Eddie.
Gaeta Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 ****, you are right. Before we messed around, I did try to explain all the things I liked about her, since I became very flustered when she told me the week before she wasn't feeling it but still wanted to see me. Some of my friends suggested that's what she was really trying to suss out of me. She reciprocated the things she liked about me again but stated it just didn't feel right or it wasn't living up to her expectations. She even went into some painful detail about not feeling lovesick and just felt like she was fine seeing me once a week, which was hard to swallow. It seemed as if her opinion had not changed much over a weeks time, which led me to the frustration and feeling of needing to get something out of the interaction. Ultimately, this whole situation could have been avoided if she had me kept her mouth shut until she was sure about me one way or the other and was ready to do something about it like a normal person. Therefore, I didn't do anything wrong here in my opion. Saying some crazy **** like that will make a person hesitate on taking on the risks of ****ing a crazy chick. Seriously, WTF! She initiated the conversation about not feeling it yet. She was being honest after a month dating. That is usually the time needed to decide if we want to continue dating someone or not. You should have said you understand and move on. Instead you got in your head you could 'win her over'. I don't know where that comes from, maybe one of those cavemen instinct residual, but from there you should have moved on. If she had waited longer I believe you would have accused her of misleading you especially if she had sex with you, waited 2-3 months then tell you she doesn't feel it, you cannot tell me the rejection would have been easier. 1
Author avoforastig Posted March 7, 2017 Author Posted March 7, 2017 So... ...break it off? Why ON EARTH are you still trying for this woman? You not only sound like you don't like her, you sound like you flat-out hate her. What the heck?? Deep inside, I think I'm super disappointed but I don't want to admit it. She seemed to have everything I wanted and I hadn't been excited about anyone in a long time. Given this, do you think pushing for FWB is a horrific idea? BTW, I have a date with a new chick tonight!
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