britishboy Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 Hey all. Me and my LDR SO have just broken up due to the fact that we were going to see each other no more than 4 times in the next 18 months; which does make sense. How do i begin to move on as i'm still deeply in love with my SO? Is there any point holding out hope that circumstances may change in the future and there's a chance we could get back together? We are currently doing no contact for a while so it makes it easier for eachother which is currently holding out. Thanks
Purple123haze Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 Hey, I'm sorry that you're going through this breakup. LDR's are difficult and in my opinion they are destined for doom. That sounds harsh, but its true. Humans rely on physical contact to create a bond and unless you have regular visits then its difficult to sustain the relationship and connection that a regular relationship would have, unless one of you have a long term plan to move to be together, then you're only really prolonging the agony. Do you live far from each other? Why would you only see each other 4 times in 18 months if you don't mind me asking? And how long have you been together? Sorry to say, but that's unrealistic for a relationship, especially if you're both going to be going out. Its not fair on either of you to base your relationship online. What if one of you meets someone else in that time? Would you hold back for something that you don't know where its going? As much as it hurts, I'd say just cut all contact with each other and move on from it. You're only prolonging your agony. Sorry if that's not what you want to hear, but it is true. 4 times in 18 months isn't really realistic. For LDRs to last the pace, you'd need to be seeing each other a minimum of once a month, without that kind of contact attraction and feelings fade out and without that, speaking online is kinda just like a penal is it not?
Author britishboy Posted March 8, 2017 Author Posted March 8, 2017 Thanks. We're just moving around to different countries a lot soon. I'm british and she's american so that's been super tough. Been together nearly a year now. We're both convinced that we have whatever ''it'' is that the best relationships have, but right now the circumstances are up against us. I just want to stay friends for the next year and a half and then once i've finished moving for work see if the circumstances have changed so we can have another go. But i don't want to naively hold out hope for something that's never coming
d0nnivain Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 If you ever find yourselves living in the same Country & in close proximity (NY & LA is almost as bad as America & Britain) look her up. Unless that happens, chalk this up as one of those things that wasn't meant to be. She will always be your foreign affair but there probably isn't a real future here.
d0nnivain Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 If you ever find yourselves living in the same country & in close proximity (NY & LA is almost as bad as America & Britain) look her up. Unless that happens, chalk this up as one of those things that wasn't meant to be. She will always be your foreign affair but there probably isn't a real future here.
Purple123haze Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 To be honest, if you're in the UK and she's in the US, unless you have a future plan to be moving there to be with her or she's got a plan to be moving to be with you, then I'd maybe take a step back for a while and stay friends if you can do that, but to be brutally honest with you, you're only setting yourself up to get hurt. What will you do if she posts pictures with another guy? Would you get jealous? Would doubt start setting in? Chances are you will. Its only natural. Sometimes we meet people and click with them & as much as it feels right, circumstances do get in the way. We meet the right people at the wrong time. That's just part of life unfortunately. If I were you I'd just explain to her that its best for you to go your separate ways for now. You never know, maybe you will find yourself in the US in the future or she'll be in the UK....living that is. LDRs only work if that is what both parties are planning towards. Its not fair on you & its not fair on her to kid yourselves on that you are both in a relationship. If your relationship is predominantly online based then that is not reality. You're only holding yourselves back from the inevitable. Its tough just now, but you will get over it & maybe its best to end things on a high rather than be resentful. You will one day look back on her with fond memories and I'd say only once your romantic feelings have faded that you make contact again to be friends. If you remain friends, holding out hope is unrealistic really. Living in different countries and trying to maintain a relationship is near impossible. Some people get into LDRs hoping that their relationship will last because they have a connection with someone, but fact of the matter is, there needs to be a plan where you are both planning on living in the same place by a certain time frame, if you don't have that, then really there's no point. As I said before, having a LDR relationship online is not a real relationship. Hooking up with someone even every few months is just another form of a booty call. 1
BC1980 Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 LDRs can work at first, but, at some point, one person has to relocate. If either one of you is unable or unwilling to do so, then it's not going to work for the long haul. In the beginning, it can be fun because the distance heightens the excitement of seeing one another, but, eventually, the distance pulls you apart. I would go NC if I were you. Just so you can move on. NC will happen naturally anyway.
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