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When it comes to relationships, what's more important? Love or Respect?

ZayKayWill

By ZayKayWill,
in General Relationship Discussion

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ZayKayWill

ZayKayWill

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Some people will say that respect is more important than love. I'm honestly not even sure how you can separate the 2. Can someone help me out on this?

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BrazenCrow

BrazenCrow

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You can respect a rattler because it's dangerous, but most people feel the opposite of love towards one.

 

Same for say, a really harsh drill sergeant. Maybe they're very impressive and you can't help but adore their approach, but they're so gruff you just don't like them as a person.

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ZayKayWill

ZayKayWill

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If you're talking about LTRs, you need both. Anything else is dysfunctional and unhealthy.

 

How do you differentiate the 2, though? That's what I'm trying to get down to.

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Springsummer

Springsummer

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You can't really love someone without respect? while you can respect someone without love?

 

So, this indirectly answered your question (if it is true) that respect is more important than love, since you can't love without respect.

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understand50

understand50

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ZayKayWill,

 

You seem to ask a lot of questions about long term committed relationships.

 

I have been married for 40 plus years, to the same woman and have raised 6 kids. We are going to die together, if not at the same time, close behind each other. During all this time, I have respected her, in that I would not do something that would make her lose respect for me. We love each other, but that waxes and wains. Comes and go, if you like. Respect for each other and our marriage and family, brings us over the time we are just not feeling it.

 

Love and respect go hand in hand, one shores up the other. Allows you to remember, why you fell in love in the firs place, and to stay true, when temptation comes along.

 

My two cents......

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ZayKayWill

ZayKayWill

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So, this indirectly answered your question (if it is true) that respect is more important than love, since you can't love without respect.

 

While I do see where you're coming from, I'm not sure if that's entirely true. There are many instances in relationships where people cheat but they end up staying with the person anyway because for some reason they just can't seem to break up with them. I feel that if they didn't love them anymore it would be fairly easy to break up with them. Basically they love the person, but for some reason they don't respect them enough to not go behind their back. Idk. If you feel my outlook on this is wrong feel free to say so.

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ZayKayWill

ZayKayWill

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ZayKayWill,

 

You seem to ask a lot of questions about long term committed relationships.

 

I have been married for 40 plus years, to the same woman and have raised 6 kids. We are going to die together, if not at the same time, close behind each other. During all this time, I have respected her, in that I would not do something that would make her lose respect for me. We love each other, but that waxes and wains. Comes and go, if you like. Respect for each other and our marriage and family, brings us over the time we are just not feeling it.

 

Love and respect go hand in hand, one shores up the other. Allows you to remember, why you fell in love in the firs place, and to stay true, when temptation comes along.

 

My two cents......

 

Is that bad/weird?

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Simple Logic

Simple Logic

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Many materialistic types love property and can see people as property. No one respects their new car or jeans. This is one reason so many cheat and tell their spouse they still love them. They do, they just never respected them.

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rushed

rushed

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I wouldn't say one is more important than the other. They both serve their purposes and are both necessary in a healthy relationship.

 

Can you love someone and not respect them? Sure. Look at all the dysfunctional relationships that involve adultery or abuse.

 

Can you respect someone but not love them? I suppose. You hear about situations where the spouses are civil to each other but don't have any love for the other.

 

It would also depend on what your definition is of love and respect.

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duncsvoice

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While I do see where you're coming from, I'm not sure if that's entirely true. There are many instances in relationships where people cheat but they end up staying with the person anyway because for some reason they just can't seem to break up with them. I feel that if they didn't love them anymore it would be fairly easy to break up with them. Basically they love the person, but for some reason they don't respect them enough to not go behind their back. Idk. If you feel my outlook on this is wrong feel free to say so.

 

Familiarity. Being scared of having to go it alone. 'Staying for the kids'. Relationships are so fluid and there are SO many different variables, it's not as black and white as you are painting it.

 

I believe respect in the realms of relationships, is a facet of love. Of course, it all entirely depends on your personal definition of it, but I don't see how I could claim to love my partner without respecting her. It's entirely contextual.

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dichotomy

dichotomy

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A pastor once said - asked to choose between love and respect -

 

Men choose respect

 

Women choose love

 

 

There is some basic truth in this I think.

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mikeylo

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I wouldn't say one is more important than the other. They both serve their purposes and are both necessary in a healthy relationship.

 

Can you love someone and not respect them? Sure. Look at all the dysfunctional relationships that involve adultery or abuse.

 

Can you respect someone but not love them? I suppose. You hear about situations where the spouses are civil to each other but don't have any love for the other.

 

It would also depend on what your definition is of love and respect.

 

This.

 

Both are equally important for a successful and healthy relationship. Its not gender biased.

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ZayKayWill

ZayKayWill

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Why do you even need to choose? :confused: That's like asking, "Which do you need more, water or air?"

 

Not really trying to choose just trying to understand what essentially are the differences between the 2 to paint a better picture.

 

 

In life it's really important to differentiate between terms to paint a bigger picture. Love vs Respect, Stupid vs Ignorant, Opinion vs Perspective. That kind of thing. :)

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Arieswoman

Arieswoman

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ZKW,

Here's my 6 penneth.

 

To me the two go together ( if we're talking about LTR).

 

However, respecting someone is a choice you have based on what you know about them, how they present themselves, what sort of a person they are. To me it's based on logic.

 

Love is an emotional, unexplainable feeling which may not be based on anything logical at all :love:

 

I married my first husband because I had both love and respect for him. After he cheated on me I he lost my respect and consequently I divorced him. I still loved him while I was divorcing him (and for some time after) which made it very difficult to go through with that course of action. However, I knew I couldn't live with someone I didn't respect and pushed on. In time my feelings faded.

 

My exH said to me, after the divorce " I love her (OW) more than I've ever loved you, but I respect you more." Make what you will out of that. :confused:

Mind you, as I've said in other posts, he was a consummate liar and wordsmith, so maybe we shouldn't set too much store by it.:rolleyes:

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todreaminblue

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if you love someone you have to respect them.....respect i believe comes first...does with me....deb

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GemmaUK

GemmaUK

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Put really simply:

If a guy doesn't respect me then I simply cannot fall in love with him s- it'll never become a long term thing.

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Sweetfish

Sweetfish

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If love was an aircraft... respect is a component that assist or helps for safe flight. Trust, compromise or integrity are other components as a wing, tail, or engine is necessary to keep an aircraft aloft.

 

Eventually, on this flight you might lose say an engine "respect" and when you cross that bridge hopefully you'll have your own checklist on how to proceed.

 

Do you try restart the engine? "Regain respect"

Do you fly with one engine? "Keep flying with no mutual respect"

Abort the flight? Divorce/breakup

 

Are you carrying passengers? "Kids"

 

So in reality you can love someone with lost of respect... but it is uncertain how long you're willing to sit next to your co-pilot.

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Arieswoman

Arieswoman

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Gemma

 

If a guy doesn't respect me then I simply cannot fall in love with him - it'll never become a long term thing.

 

I agree - it's got to be a two-way street :)

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GemmaUK

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Gemma

 

 

 

I agree - it's got to be a two-way street :)

 

Exactly!

If he has little or no respect for me then I'll certainly not have respect for him and therefore it just stops any potential feelings of love seeping in.

 

So yep, respect is the main one for me.

Sometimes it's immediately obvious and other times not so much and takes a few incidents (a few dates/a few months) to recognise it as true disrespect but you get to a point when you know and know you won't be falling for that guy.

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todreaminblue

todreaminblue

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Exactly!

If he has little or no respect for me then I'll certainly not have respect for him and therefore it just stops any potential feelings of love seeping in.

 

So yep, respect is the main one for me.

Sometimes it's immediately obvious and other times not so much and takes a few incidents (a few dates/a few months) to recognise it as true disrespect but you get to a point when you know and know you won't be falling for that guy.

 

 

whenever i have first dated someone they show me the utmost respect......like i do to them.....its only after i have fallen in love with them can i take disrespect.....and be forgiving.....because love takes over.....and my memory of them respecting me..which i guess leaves me vulnerable to dickheads who play the waiting game to show true colors..........i say that word dickhead with respect .....fooled me...got to me.......gotta give them that..deb

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ZayKayWill

ZayKayWill

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Why does it have to be one or the other ?

A good relationship needs both those .

 

It doesn't. Sometimes just understanding these differences is good.

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