Miffy Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Anyone here keeping up NC and struggling? Anyone fancy keeping a score on here with me, I just started so I may not need in a few weeks but would really help me. I am on 9 days and it feels sh*te.
Marie1973 Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Hello Miffy Its Marie. I'm not doing the NC right now but this time next week I most likely will!! 9 DAYS, THAT IS GREAT!! Keep up the good work, i know it does get easier!!
Marie1973 Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Hello Miffy Its Marie. I'm not doing the NC right now but this time next week I most likely will!! 9 DAYS, THAT IS GREAT!! Keep up the good work, i know it does get easier!!
Miffy Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Marie Much as you sound like a great girl, I'd hate you to be joining me in this thread, I am hoping big things for you. As for me, it's got to get easier, it's sooooooo tempting to contact.
newbby Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 keep going miffy, is this your first attempt at nc? i am not doing nc at the moment but me and xmm are only friends now, i could not have got to where i am now (which is being fairly indifferent most of the time) without a long period of nc though. we had nc for about 3 months before the friendship began, and though obviously i didnt get completely over him, i certainly got to a point where i could say no to him. its a really good thing to do, it will get easier, i promise.
Marie1973 Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Hey Miffy Thanks. I hope I won't be joinin you either, but i just have that gutt feeling, ya know. What is your story, MIffy. I tried to find your post but had no luck. It does get easier with time. I know for a fact.
kkat Posted July 26, 2005 Posted July 26, 2005 I am doing NC, sort of. I had sex with MM 10 days ago, which was a big surprise (long story) and told him I wanted to go to NC for a month (2.5 weeks of which I will be out of the country). He agreed, willingly. It was implied I would text him about a couple of things -- I waited 7 days to send the first text he replied, and I haven't responded. I was supposed to text him regarding our plans to get together on my return. Have since learned he is out of town with wife and have become very angry and depressed again. Am not sure now if I will recontact him or not...just not sure... that's all I can say, and I am taking it one day at a time... His birthday is this week; even when in no contact or close to no contact he has always sent or dropped off very generous gifts for me on all occasions, I feel pressure to send him something, however small...but am not sure about what I want to do. OK none of this is helpful to you...I'm sorry. Bottom line, this is the closest to NC I have gone with him in so long...and it feels right for me right now. How does yours feel? Is it really difficult? Good thoughts..
Lonestar Posted July 26, 2005 Posted July 26, 2005 Go download this smoking quit counter. If the mods remove the link, do a yahoo search for Harry's quit counter. It will be the first link that shows up. It's free. http://www.xarka.com/freeware/ Anyway, somewhere in there you can change all the congratulatory quit smoking words to something like " Congrats (insert your name)! You have not contacted (insert your ex's name) in (however many days, hours, minutes, and seconds have passed). Basically you can make it say whatever you want. Play around. It can be tons of fun for keeping track of no contact.
newbby Posted July 26, 2005 Posted July 26, 2005 kkat, you dont have to send him anything at all. i have been abit hard with my xmm recently and it makes me feel bad too, but how considerate of our feelings have they ever been? miffy hows it going? like the quit smoking approach ls
izzybelle Posted July 26, 2005 Posted July 26, 2005 everyone finds a pattern or method for finally getting MM out of their system. sometimes it takes NC, and i guess for many, that works best. i've never even really sincerely tried NC with exMM. it's been a little over a year now since it all ended and we're not in contact much at all any more. it's just faded away. the last time i actually spoke with him was in may but i still send him emails every once in a while. my feelings for him really have changed. even thinkin of trying NC at the beginning, for me, made things worse. i had to face the whole thing head on and come to terms with the fact that it was a huge mistake, to deal with my part in it, and in some ways being in contact with him at the beginning made that possible. perhaps it was the constant reminder of the pain that kept me moving forward, i don't know. for the first time, i can honestly say that i'm no longer in love with him. i actually sent him a short note yesterday just saying that i hoped he and his family were having a nice summer. i think in the past i would have been secretly hoping that he wasn't now, i've moved to the point somewhere between being sincere in my hopes and at other times, indifferent. i had told him that i would be here for him when and if he ever managed getting out of his marriage. that's no longer the case, i'm not. and like an addiction, cutting back on the contact was painful and at times felt next to impossible. but now, it's like he's some fading memory. that strong desire to be in touch doesn't exist. i think about him from time to time and wonder how he is but i no longer feel that urge to pick up the phone and call. hang in there, find what works for you and trust me, someday soon you'll look back on this all and you'll feel stronger from it! like all things, this too shall pass.
blind folded Posted July 26, 2005 Posted July 26, 2005 9 days for me now... although i never intentionally set out to "NC", i have found lately i just don't have anything left to say... She has two email accounts, a public one.. and one for me. She never replies to the private one anymore, she doesn't even check it.. ( i know the pw )... and the public one is crap, I don't want to be all superficial and pretend like I don't have deep feelings for her. Also, the last time we spoke on the phone, she called me 'publicly' with her husband in the background... I guess the part of her that I once loved, that once loved me... is gone. She killed that person, and all that is left is some fake broad with a 'perfect' marriage. So, like I said, I have nothing to say to her...
Miffy Posted July 26, 2005 Posted July 26, 2005 Marie 1973, hi too long a subject to post but basically I am married and was seeing someone who was supposedly coming out of a relationship. None of the forums quite fitted so I found infidelity forum first but got a bashing from all the wives, then came on here and got not quite as big a bashing. Putting the morals aside, the feelings are similar so this forum fitted. I also felt I could sympathise with the OW in terms of having to be secretive, having to plan in advance times together, being let down. I got involved with a player and got hurt really bad. This is the first time I have tried NC and in my 'sane' times meant it, although it's hard because I miss the man in my head. I say this because the reality was not like the dream, I know that now. After so many broken promises I am moving on and slowly putting my marriage back together. I was in love with two people, I know it was wrong, please no bashing again. So I am on doing NC and have been tempted but have not emailed. He has not contacted me either - which says a lot - but he has reread my emails because I bought a useful little tool which checks if they read it, when and for how long! He last reread my email from 10 days ago last night but chose not to respond.
Marie1973 Posted July 26, 2005 Posted July 26, 2005 OHHHHHHHHH ok i got it MIFFY, NO i would never bash you. I never meant to fall in love with an older married man either. I'm sure i could get bashed for that too. We are here to help you & support you, not bash you. No one on this sight could say anything. I just was reading your post but didn't know your story. THanks for the update! I'm almost positive that I will be joining your post next monday!!
Miffy Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Thanks, I get fed up with people saying 'well what did you expect' etc. etc. Still NC so doing well....
sunflower1008 Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Hi Miffy, Read your posts and good luck with the NC! We're here for you if you need us....
newbby Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 i am starting nc as of now, i made a bad error of judgement and let him round this evening, i totally regret it the whole thing was just strange. he sat there for hours talking about his wife, how much he wants to have a baby with her etc etc!!!!! i wondered why the h3ll did he come round, what was he trying to do, make a point??? this was after speaking to me for hours on im and whispering sweet nothings. i just dont know how i feel right now, but i know that i will be going through it soon enough. the thing is, and i dont know why i did this other than that i was confused and as he was sitting there i really was thinking he looked old and unnattractive and was really a very sad old man, but i was confused as to why he was even there, sitting there talking about her, and i went to hug him and he was really cold and kind of pulled away. well perhaps he only came round to make a point, but why come round? why not just do it over im? i cannot fathom. i know that in reality i would not want him, but its the coldness, the absolute coldness that i hate. i dont like to believe i spent any time on anyone who feels only coldness just nothing at all for me. that is the thing, i have realised that really gets to me. sorry miffy, i do hope you dont think i am hijacking your thread, i just wanted you to know i am joining you and that we are all better off without these men.
cybink Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 Miffy, I just read your short relationship explanation, and my story is similar to yours. I'm married but I got involved with a married man at work, so my story didn't really fit any of the topics either. And I was too scared to put my story down because like you, I didn't want to get a bashing. I mean, my god, no ones perfect, everyone makes mistakes and the last thing you need is to have a dozen people telling you what a bad person you are, especially when you are already down in the dumps. Do you think you were happily married in the first place? It's something I go over in my head continuously, because I do love my husband, but think there must have been something missing for me to do this in the first place. Anyways good luck with the no contact. Mine was 5 days but MM gave me a ring this morning, we had a civil talk, which was actually quite nice, I don't think either of us got too emotionally involved with each other in our affair, well I know he didn't anyway! That's men for ya.
Miffy Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 Yes Cyberlink I was and am happy, I have been going out with my husband for 14 years and have been married nearly 8 so I guess it just got a bit too routine, we both stopped trying. No big bust ups though, no reason to be unhappy just something missing - a need for passion and excitement which OM fulfilled. OM was a player though, took me for a ride (pardon the pun) and left me hurt and on the edge of a breakdown. We broke up, but he/I kept getting in touch, now I am trying to put it behind me. I tried the friends route but he kept trying it on, making me feel cheap and guilty and like a piece of meat. So I decided no more but it hurts like hell because I am still in love with the dream.
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