miraak Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 Hello there.. Im having some problems and id like someone with more experience in dating and stuff to help me out. Im a 19 year old guy and ive been dating a girl (23) for about a year. She is older but it makes no difference. So..when we first started dating..it was okay but after a while she did something i went mad at..she went to her exs house at 3 am after going for a beer with a different guy whom i knew want to use her. She did that without telling me. Now, im positive nothing happened, but it still bothered me. We almost broke up, but in the end i started crawling so we stayed together. The same thing happened one more time. And i crawled again. Its my first more serious relationship..i knew no better. So, we've been together a few more months and she worked with the same guy i was talking about, the one that she had a beer with,,,and the guy was spanking her in the workplace, trying to kiss her, and so on. Nothing happened, but she wouldnt let me interfere so i was always mad. Those few months were torture for me. The guy got fired, but a few weeks later she started to give me trouble about something else. It was always trouble. Now, dont get me wrong, i was in love with her, shes a beautiful person. But at last, my pride couldnt take more bombing so i broke up with her. During the next few months, she was texting me about how much she loves me, how much she misses me, sending me sexy pics and so on. And, we got back together. Everything seemed better then before, more beautiful, more relaxed. It went on for few more months. I can tell that she loves me, even though i have doubts of it being a habit. And now she started pestering me about how shes always with me and she needs a break. We've been together for severald days in a row tho..she slept at my place, then woke up, went to work..and the routine again. For me, it was beautiful. And all of a sudden, she starts with her bull**** again. Now she feels tired and wants to take a break from seeing me. And we got into a fight again. What the hell should i do? On one hand, i want to be with her because, when were together all the time, its beautiful...but on the other hand, every time shes not with me, i feel jealousand possesive and it eats me up. I honestly want to kick someones ass every time i think about that stuff. What the hell do i do..shes a beautiful person and i think shes always honest..but im fed up..should i ignore my pride and give her a break...or should i yield and let go of her? Im hoping someone will put some time into this and answer me.. Thanks a lot
ExpatInItaly Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 OP, you deserve a lot better. You have darn good reason not to trust her. She displays poor boundaries and lacks transparency. She demonstrated to you that she is okay letting other guys get too close and she hides it. These are not the actions of an honorable girlfriend. Now she wants another break? Let her go and let her stay gone. She's wasting your time. 3
smackie9 Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 What should you do? End it. It's not working out. You can't control her actions, she disrespects your relationship, and over steps her boundaries. Dude, she's not GF material....let her go. 1
Author miraak Posted March 6, 2017 Author Posted March 6, 2017 (edited) OP, you deserve a lot better. You have darn good reason not to trust her. She displays poor boundaries and lacks transparency. She demonstrated to you that she is okay letting other guys get too close and she hides it. These are not the actions of an honorable girlfriend. Now she wants another break? Let her go and let her stay gone. She's wasting your time. What should you do? End it. It's not working out. You can't control her actions, she disrespects your relationship, and over steps her boundaries. Dude, she's not GF material....let her go. I dont know :/ She always tells me she thinks its okay having that sort of relatiohships with her friends, and it doesnt matter if they're exs. One time i asked, so whats the difference between me and any of your exs in current time? Is it just that we're making out and having sex? Is that only thing that differentiates your friendships from relationships with me? And she answered positive. Is that normal for people. I have no idea...it kills me Edited March 6, 2017 by miraak
smackie9 Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 What do you mean you don't know? What may be acceptable for a few, may not be acceptable to many. I know the majority on here would find her behavior inappropriate for someone who is in a relationship. You don't have to agree with her just because she seems to think it's OK. This is what dating is all about...find out if this person fulfills your relationship expectations, and that includes how one behaves/respects you. All she has to do is bat her lovey eyes so she can get away with it. She has you wrapped around her little finger. You are being played a fool.
d0nnivain Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 The break up make up cycle is a very unhealthy one. You already broke up once then got back together. Now here you are & the problems continue. Having a beer with a co-worker is no big deal, in general. Having a beer with a co-worker who is hitting on you is a problem. She is not setting clear boundaries. This guy also seems clueless for spanking a co-worker at work. I can understand why he doesn't work there anymore. While I can appreciate your frustration about this, she was right to tell you not to interfere. This is her work. You, her BF, have no business butting into her work life. She needs to handle her own problems. If she told him to back off (which I doubt based on her having a beer with him), his failure to listen to her should have resulted in a complaint to management. You still had to stay out of it. Going to an EX's house at 3 a.m. is another problem. Nothing innocent happens between EXs at that hour. Red flag. After having spent multiple days & nights with you, I can understand her wanting space. I spent the weekend away with husband & was happy to go to work to get away from him. Too much togetherness is no good. She hasn't been acting like the most trustworthy GF so I can understand why you have concerns but its a bad sign when you only trust your SO while they are immediately next to you. 1
TheBathWater Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 As soon as I read that she went to some guy's house at 3am, I was over her. You're both young, but even though she's older than you, you obviously have a more mature sensibility about what boundaries in a relationship should feel like. I agree with the others - you deserve better. 1
CollegeKid101 Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 Hello there.. Im having some problems and id like someone with more experience in dating and stuff to help me out. Im a 19 year old guy and ive been dating a girl (23) for about a year. She is older but it makes no difference. So..when we first started dating..it was okay but after a while she did something i went mad at..she went to her exs house at 3 am after going for a beer with a different guy whom i knew want to use her. She did that without telling me. Now, im positive nothing happened, but it still bothered me. We almost broke up, but in the end i started crawling so we stayed together. The same thing happened one more time. And i crawled again. Its my first more serious relationship..i knew no better. So, we've been together a few more months and she worked with the same guy i was talking about, the one that she had a beer with,,,and the guy was spanking her in the workplace, trying to kiss her, and so on. Nothing happened, but she wouldnt let me interfere so i was always mad. Those few months were torture for me. The guy got fired, but a few weeks later she started to give me trouble about something else. It was always trouble. Now, dont get me wrong, i was in love with her, shes a beautiful person. But at last, my pride couldnt take more bombing so i broke up with her. During the next few months, she was texting me about how much she loves me, how much she misses me, sending me sexy pics and so on. And, we got back together. Everything seemed better then before, more beautiful, more relaxed. It went on for few more months. I can tell that she loves me, even though i have doubts of it being a habit. And now she started pestering me about how shes always with me and she needs a break. We've been together for severald days in a row tho..she slept at my place, then woke up, went to work..and the routine again. For me, it was beautiful. And all of a sudden, she starts with her bull**** again. Now she feels tired and wants to take a break from seeing me. And we got into a fight again. What the hell should i do? On one hand, i want to be with her because, when were together all the time, its beautiful...but on the other hand, every time shes not with me, i feel jealousand possesive and it eats me up. I honestly want to kick someones ass every time i think about that stuff. What the hell do i do..shes a beautiful person and i think shes always honest..but im fed up..should i ignore my pride and give her a break...or should i yield and let go of her? Im hoping someone will put some time into this and answer me.. Thanks a lot She's not trustworthy. Block her and never look back. Trust us. I once went to an ex's house at 3 am, we had sex. That's what they did, no matter how much you want to think nothing did..it did. Move on, OP. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 I dont know :/ She always tells me she thinks its okay having that sort of relatiohships with her friends, and it doesnt matter if they're exs. One time i asked, so whats the difference between me and any of your exs in current time? Is it just that we're making out and having sex? Is that only thing that differentiates your friendships from relationships with me? And she answered positive. Is that normal for people. I have no idea...it kills me For me personally, no. It isn't normal. It isn't appropriate. I realize you probably don't have much dating experience yet, but I can assure you she is behaving the way a girlfriend should not. You know that, or you wouldn't be here. And really, if she wants a break - what does it matter now? I have a bad feeling she's already got another guy lined up, likely one of these "friends." Forget her and find a girl who respects you. This one doesn't. 1
Author miraak Posted March 7, 2017 Author Posted March 7, 2017 Thanks a lot guys, i really appeciate this, you all gave me some great advices 1
kendahke Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 What should you do? Get off your knees and quit crawling back to her. You're being cuckolded. 1
coolheadal Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 We men at all ages put up with a lot of crap as well as you were doing. But you can clearly see she's hopping on the merry go round and your the guy in the middle. Ring around the rosy and you tolerate this, your young look for someone else my friend you do not need anyone like this right now in your life it's not your fault. No one and I mean no one needs this sort of women in their life. Your working making a life for yourself you doing great she on the other hand wants you then she doesn't want to be with you all this BS you just go crazy yourself trying to figure what gives! That's your answer now GET OUT! You tell her that and your not ready for all that she is saying to you. She doesn't know hat she wants but it's clearly not you. I don't care she tells you otherwise. Anyone can say they love you at the moment but really if she can say "I love you" and mean that you would know in her eyes, mind, heart and gut! Again no need for her to visit anyone at 3 am or want to be on her own she's a player!
mikeylo Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 The only difference between friends and lover is sex? lol ! Never heard that before ! Taking your innocence for a ride !
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