The psychology behind someone’s OLD profile picture...

[Larryville]

So trendy hair, trendy clothes and x amount of x type pictures are what are important to you...but that doesn't mean your way is "right," just that it's yours. Someone else will be very happy with a different way of doing things.

This is what dating is all about. You pass on group photos and a clothing style you don't like, and meanwhile, other guys are passing on your personal list of must haves for online photos, and so the world turns.

 

Cali of course we all have different ways of deciphering OLD.

 

My point about the hair, clothes is (factor the fact I’m older) you can have two different women, with same body types. One looks/dresses with a sense of fashion and confidence, the other is wearing clothes from the 70’s looks frumpy, sad. What is the point of OLD as someone said earlier OLD is about selling yourself.

 

Sure someone may be perfectly happy with sad and frumpy, just like some dudes desperate for hook up with any warm body e mail every woman in a 100 mile radius who could care less about looks, style, smile, teeth, income, education, lifestyle.

 

This is not about “my way” everyone has their preferences of course but this thread is about if a woman (or a man) decides I’m going to put up an OLD profile and post pictures of themselves in a let’s just say an “unflattering” way why?

 

Do people post pictures based on the type of man or woman they are seeking, or do they not care what people think?

Yup I know I’m taking a bathroom selfie with a toilet behind me and dirty clothes on the floor and a full trash can behind me as well doing the duck face My Space pose. My Right is gonna love this... Seriously!?

[Gaeta]

She has a pretty face, cool haircut, big beautiful green eyes, does not cake on make-up, has a nice sincere smile, clear skin… indicates body type is “average” is only 5’0” - so what is she hiding?

 

Confused…

 

Well.

 

I am a brunette with a small waist and big DD. My full body pictures always got me the wrong kind of attention. No matter how I dress you meet my boobs before you meet me. I tone it down as much as I can. I never wear make-up, I keep my hair straight, I don't wear jewelry. I still got the wrong kind of attention from men. Sometimes I got tired of it and only put up shoulders up pictures on my profile.

[Larryville]

Oh G I absolutely know men are pigs and for many women (even those who don’t have DD’s) dudes will be rude, crude. I get that.

[Gaeta]

Oh G I absolutely know men are pigs and for many women (even those who don’t have DD’s) dudes will be rude, crude. I get that.

 

So are you talking to this nice lady with no full body pictures?

[LookAtThisPOst]

Oh G I absolutely know men are pigs and for many women (even those who don’t have DD’s) dudes will be rude, crude. I get that.

 

Well, it's online dating. Agreed, men will be rude no matter what and I would say 99% of the women on these sites say in their profiles, "If you are looking for FWB, one night stand, etc, etc...don't email me!"

 

Getting very repetitive because obviously its true, but...that shouldn't deter how you should present yourself in your photos. Men want to get an idea whether or not a woman is fat and that's hard determine from the shoulders up.

 

Sometimes, it's a gamble, and go by the face...if their face has no double chin, then I can gather the rest of them may be of decent weight proportions.

 

You know as they say, the #1 thing women fear with online dating is their for their lives of meeting a psycho guy...for men it's the fear on whether or not his date will be fat upon arrival. lol

[Gaeta]

Getting very repetitive because obviously its true, but...that shouldn't deter how you should present yourself in your photos. Men want to get an idea whether or not a woman is fat and that's hard determine from the shoulders up.

 

I agree. How these women react when you ask additional photos? Personally I didn't mind because I am happy with the way I look. If a woman gives you a hard time for a full body picture than just go to next.

[coolheadal]

Oh absolutely - I just write in my profile that I have 4 dogs and how much I love them etc. I also don't put their photos in because my dogs are unique breed around here and would be recognizable. I don't like ppl I don't want being able to recognize my car or something if they see them in it.

 

For the hunting I think one photo is fine. I like country boys too just 4 or 5? Seems much but maybe you are right and they just aren't for me

 

I don't have any full body shots actually. Lol

 

You are right you just need a face and smile. The rest just keep them guessing.. You can show off your dogs as it means your have a kind heart to animals.

[Larryville]

So are you talking to this nice lady with no full body pictures?

 

Well G, from what she wrote in her profile more than likely, let’s just say LOL!

 

G my ex was built like you described (with bigger boobs if you can believe that) She was an attorney and a few of her shots (flatbed scanner pics, this was 1998) was her “tailored professionally dressed suit” waste up shots.

 

This goes to what Cali said about what is “important” to me. I don’t know if important to me is the word but yes, I’m more attracted to women who are for lack of a better term “tailored” not necessarily a suit but it is clear that looking good and presenting themselves well no matter what or where is important.

 

My mom was an attractive lady and she (like most women in her generation, the June Cleaver look, for you old farts out there LOL!) would not even go to the grocery store without looking nice. Yes our tastes are indeed rooted in how we grew up.

[Gaeta]

Well G, from what she wrote in her profile more than likely, let’s just say LOL!

 

G my ex was built like you described (with bigger boobs if you can believe that) She was an attorney and a few of her shots (flatbed scanner pics, this was 1998) was her “tailored professionally dressed suit” waste up shots.

 

This goes to what Cali said about what is “important” to me. I don’t know if important to me is the word but yes, I’m more attracted to women who are for lack of a better term “tailored” not necessarily a suit but it is clear that looking good and presenting themselves well no matter what or where is important.

 

My mom was an attractive lady and she (like most women in her generation, the June Cleaver look, for you old farts out there LOL!) would not even go to the grocery store without looking nice. Yes our tastes are indeed rooted in how we grew up.

 

Maybe you'd have better luck on a website for professionals. I heard of a place named Elite. I was considering trying it before I met my bf.

 

Funny the comment about your mom cause mine is the same.

[CaliforniaGirl]

Well G, from what she wrote in her profile more than likely, let’s just say LOL!

 

G my ex was built like you described (with bigger boobs if you can believe that) She was an attorney and a few of her shots (flatbed scanner pics, this was 1998) was her “tailored professionally dressed suit” waste up shots.

 

This goes to what Cali said about what is “important” to me. I don’t know if important to me is the word but yes, I’m more attracted to women who are for lack of a better term “tailored” not necessarily a suit but it is clear that looking good and presenting themselves well no matter what or where is important.

 

My mom was an attractive lady and she (like most women in her generation, the June Cleaver look, for you old farts out there LOL!) would not even go to the grocery store without looking nice. Yes our tastes are indeed rooted in how we grew up.

 

It sounds like you are a bit more on the old fashioned side, which is totally fine...are you looking within your age group?

[kendahke]

Good point. There's also the 5,6, or 7 photos of them not smiling, dead eyes...basically the deadpan look in ALL their photos that causes me to pass them by.

 

Looks like they got a chip on their shoulder.

 

Exactly. I see this all the time and I pass them by. I'm not about to contact someone who looks like they want to beat the hell out of me.

 

Also, what is up with pictures taken from 10 miles away? I can't even see the face but all of that scenery in the picture defeats the purpose of the picture.

Edited March 7, 2017 by kendahke

[NuevoYorko]

 

VeVe: Taking myself for instance, while I have many really good close friends (I don’t do the FB friends thing) I would never take a pictures with any of them, I have always thought that people who typically take tons of pictures with (many) other people in the photo those relationships are mostly superficial (Just my take feel free to disagree)

 

There is quite a difference between never taking a picture that includes any of your friends, than "people who typically take tons of pictures with many other people in the photo."

 

And your assertion that you can tell by those photos that the person has mostly superficial friendships, I won't even touch.

 

In real life, most pictures taken of me have included other people.

 

In any case, I could not care less if a person has pictures with others in them or not.

[NuevoYorko]

 

I guess I kinda of look at this like I view Facebook profiles. When women post countless selfies or pics with them having “fun” something is up. Or if they post some religious sayings or inspirational quote some major life changing event has taken place. It is window dressing and a distraction of what the real issues are. I also call it masking.

 

You are reading way, way too much into this. I suppose I am picking up on a definite judgey vibe in your tone.

 

You don't like social women, you don't like religious women, that's fine. We all have our preferences. But why do you feel suspicious, like "something is up"? They're probably just not your type, but maybe a perfect match for a fun, social guy or a church goer. They are putting these pictures up because they are actively looking for a man who appreciates what they show. That's not you.

 

The part about the beach going in Kansas, I understand completely.

 

Where you really lose me, though, is when you say that a life changing event is "a distraction from what the real issues are" and "window dressing."

 

What is more real than a life changing event? And why are you expecting women to put their "real issues" on an online dating profile, anyway?

 

You say you have been dating online for a long time. Has it been successful for you?

[kendahke]

You are reading way, way too much into this. I suppose I am picking up on a definite judgey vibe in your tone.

 

You don't like social women, you don't like religious women, that's fine. We all have our preferences. But why do you feel suspicious, like "something is up"? They're probably just not your type, but maybe a perfect match for a fun, social guy or a church goer. They are putting these pictures up because they are actively looking for a man who appreciates what they show. That's not you.

 

The part about the beach going in Kansas, I understand completely.

 

Where you really lose me, though, is when you say that a life changing event is "a distraction from what the real issues are" and "window dressing."

 

What is more real than a life changing event? And why are you expecting women to put their "real issues" on an online dating profile, anyway?

 

You say you have been dating online for a long time. Has it been successful for you?

 

It's called preferences and each of us are entitled to ours.

[CaliforniaGirl]

You are reading way, way too much into this. I suppose I am picking up on a definite judgey vibe in your tone.

 

You don't like social women, you don't like religious women, that's fine. We all have our preferences. But why do you feel suspicious, like "something is up"? They're probably just not your type, but maybe a perfect match for a fun, social guy or a church goer. They are putting these pictures up because they are actively looking for a man who appreciates what they show. That's not you.

 

The part about the beach going in Kansas, I understand completely.

 

Where you really lose me, though, is when you say that a life changing event is "a distraction from what the real issues are" and "window dressing."

 

What is more real than a life changing event? And why are you expecting women to put their "real issues" on an online dating profile, anyway?

 

You say you have been dating online for a long time. Has it been successful for you?

 

Agree with all this. I don't pick up an "I'm just curious about this" tone, it's more like this is all some sort of moral outrage or something, or a bunch of stumbling blocks deliberately placed in the OP's path to happiness...how dare women take pictures from above, pics from too close, from too far away, with too many people, with too few people, in the bathroom/too unprofessional, too professional, the wrong hair, the wrong clothes, not looking pulled together like Mom did yet totally modern, etc., etc., etc.

 

How IS all this working for you, OP? Not being a snot, just asking, truly. If this pickiness works for you then you should have no problem, it's all good, and if you are legitimately just wondering why people post pics that they think are attractive even if you don't, well, that's your answer: they think they're attractive in those pics (or think the pics are attractive/representative of themselves) even if you don't.

 

**

 

A word about weight.

 

It's ironic that despite the fact that there are more overweight men than women in the U.S., you hear quite frequently from men that too many women are fat. That word, specifically (which is a rather mean word) quite often...but only, usually, in regards to women.

 

It isn't a personal affront, guys, that women are overweight any more than it's a personal affront that men are overweight. It is not a good thing, of course, either way, but understand that this frustration is not just from your side.

 

What I've noticed - since I was tiny, actually, I mean we're talking the 70s, so this is nothing new - is that guys are never "fat"...in their own estimation. They're "beefy," "could lose a few extra pounds (even if that's 50 lbs...or more) but still look pretty darned good," are "athletic," "healthy appetite," etc. Now that women are doing the same thing, it's like some sort of apocalypse or something...equally hefty dudes (who don't see themselves as hefty...they're "athletic!") running around in the streets bemoaning the fall of civilization because now women are doing the same thing.

 

Don't like "fat" chicks? Skip them. What's the problem there? Yes, that leaves fewer women. But we women have precious few fit men to choose from, too. It is what it is. Have a preference? Then that's fine. But sideways attacks (which I definitely see a lot of the judgments made here as) won't change all the women in the world so that they look great to you. If you only like a certain "type" and it's the minority, then it is. Everyone has to contend with this. I always had the problem of finding really, really bright men. I love VERY bright men. They're in the minority. So what? I found one. Actually, many more than one. Want a "thin" woman who dresses conservatively yet modernly and has 2017 hair? It'll be a harder search...but then don't wonder "what's up with women who REFUSE to do those things, just to make me happy?" Nothing's up with them. They think their style is great and they're happy with it. Differences are what makes the world go round; no psychoanalyzing necessary in order to figure out why different people think different things are attractive, nor to be frustrated that all of the opposite sex refuses to change to accommodate what you, personally, want.

 

[CaliforniaGirl]

It's called preferences and each of us are entitled to ours.

 

This is true, but that's the point...each of us IS entitled to his/her preferences...yet OP expresses how boggled he is by this fact.

 

There's no need to be "confused???" or frustrated or anything else regarding why some women like to take Picture Style X or wear Hairstyle Y.

 

It just is.

 

There's no cause to be this up in arms about it...and the OP's confusion is, itself, confusing.

 

IMO, of course.

[Larryville]

Ok gotta catch up…

 

Cali:

 

It sounds like you are a bit more on the old fashioned side, which is totally fine...are you looking within your age group?

 

Yes to both. Now I would not say my personality is “old fashion” but as I said in an earlier entry all of our attraction roots are formed in childhood. I’m 53 BTW so yes a lot of this argument may be age specific.

 

I want to reset this, the conversation resulted in a conversation I had with friends.

 

This weekend I had a detailed conversation with friends about online dating.

While scrolling some profiles of women “they” were considering I noticed both of them gave the same reactions to some of the pictures of women.

 

Now this is NOT about simply the “quality” of the pictures, or if the person was “attractive” but what a picture conveys.

 

I have always said to myself that if I see profile pictures of women with other people in the picture no matter who it was or the reason I automatically bypass, so did my friends, so I was wondering is that mindset the norm?

 

I just think that the person viewing your profile will be trying to imagine themselves with you. Not you and your legions of friends. Basically it is the online equivalent of bringing your friends along on a first date.

 

I process the “birds of a feather” theory, if your friends convey something visually what you are NOT, can your friends in the picture convey something negative?

 

Is this a matter of understanding the psychology behind someone’s OLD profile picture?

 

There is quite a difference between never taking a picture that includes any of your friends, than "people who typically take tons of pictures with many other people in the photo."

 

NY: I want to be clear, I’m talking specifically about OLD and the psychology (or reasoning) behind why a woman would fill her OLD PROFILE with pictures of groups of people. Yes, I don’t care for it and I generally pass these types of profiles over.

 

The reasoning for the thread is simply to get insight from other one whether or not when they browse OLD profiles and look at an individual’s photograph do they process more than looks?

 

The other part being when YOU decide to put up a photograph on a dating site, when you choose a picture are you posting the picture to attract a certain “type” of lady or man, or do you just put up a picture and say what the hell?

 

If you post pics of partying and drinking and “you are having fun 24/7” are you saying I want to attract a party guy? OR are you simply saying I like to party and go out so that is the kind of guy I want.

 

And your assertion that you can tell by those photos that the person has mostly superficial friendships, I won't even touch.

 

I’m sorry NY I would bet you a case of beer or wine I could tell.

 

I know several women, not quite friends but friendly. They are the types who post every minute of their lives on FB.

 

All mainstays on OLD sites, their pictures… body shots of them in bikinis from the neck down, or bare leg shots. Tons of pictures of them drinking, and taking pictures of their wine glasses. Pics with them in fancy cars or motorcycles (NOT THEIRS) not even anybody they know. Pictures of their shoes WTF!? And pictures of groups of happy girlfriends night out, hugging, kissing each other in a big party environment.

 

These women have few friends, in fact they generally hate women. Two of the examples I am thinking about live with other people (they rent a room in someone’s house). They don’t have careers, are generally broke one does not even have a driver’s license and she is 55!

 

Their portray this jet setting, happy, party, fun lifestyle and it could not be further than the truth. Their family relationship are fractured as are their friendships. The people in their lives are just mere rant targets. Generally emotional leaches.

 

Back to Cali:

 

This is true, but that's the point...each of us IS entitled to his/her preferences...yet OP expresses how boggled he is by this fact.

 

Someone help me find where I said people can't have preferences??

 

There's no need to be "confused???" or frustrated or anything else regarding why some women like to take Picture Style X or wear Hairstyle Y.

It just is.

There's no cause to be this up in arms about it...and the OP's confusion is, itself, confusing.

 

ok

[Gaeta]

If you post pics of partying and drinking and “you are having fun 24/7” are you saying I want to attract a party guy? OR are you simply saying I like to party and go out so that is the kind of guy I want.

 

I think instead of reading something in a picture you should simply ask the person. It's also a good conversation starter.

 

In my profile there was a picture of my daughter and I hiking. The picture was taken when we got on top of the mountain. I was so out of breath I could not pronounce a word! On the picture I look like I own the mountain and I am in super shape when in reality I'm out of breath and want to lay down and die!

 

Again I did not use that picture to convey I do sports and I am in top shape, I used that picture because I looked darn good on it lol. The story behind the picture says something different.

 

Maybe the lady with a picture at a party has a funny story behind it and she is not at all a party animal. 'talk' to these people. Get their story.

[Imajerk17]

This is my take:

 

Just as we men, most women have no idea what they are "supposed to" to put in their OLD profile, and what type of pictures to post. I mean, there are women who do not post full-body pictures because they *already* get enough attention online or they want a guy to be interested not for how good they look in a skirt. Some of them may be "fat" but some of them are stunners in great shape. Meanwhile, many women post pictures with their friends because, well, a guy who is well-liked by others is attractive to them, and they assume that we also like a woman who has a social circle.

 

And if a woman has a profile that seems to break all the OLD "rules", well, maybe she is looking for that one guy who gets her weirdness.

 

Anyway... Look OP, people are on the site for *their* benefit, not yours. This includes you. If you don't like a profile, then you can pass. If ALL of the profiles are not to your liking, then re-evaluate your standards or stop doing OLD period.

Edited March 7, 2017 by Imajerk17

[Larryville]

Maybe the lady with a picture at a party has a funny story behind it and she is not at all a party animal. 'talk' to these people. Get their story.

 

Yes G that absolutely could be the approach. I want to be clear, yes I have “my” approach.

 

Does it work? IDK. Someone posted a question about a week ago I wish I remembered the thread.

 

What is success in OLD?

 

Meeting someone?

Going out on a date?

A “relationship”?

An LTR?

Marriage?

 

This person simple said if you meet someone, that is success in OLD, and I tend to agree because that is all a dating site can do is make it easier to “meet someone”

 

I said in another thread long ago that I have NEVER been disappointed in anyone I “met” via OLD.

 

Now only (1) meet resulted in a full blown cohesive relationship (yes I did date a few women for a few months or so)

 

Nobody I chose to pursue who accepted an invitation from me to meet face to face disappointed me, not their looks, not their attitude, not their career generally they were good people, just not any forever people. Some called it quits with me and I did with some as well.

 

I was called “judgey” earlier, don’t know where the hell that came from, because everyone judges, (height, weight, income, religion, race, education) and the notion that people can’t have their "preferences" is ridiculous.

 

This was nothing more than a micro-issue on a much bigger issue and I believe in many ways it is worth exploring. Otherwise there would not be so many similar threads here.

 

Google “online dating” over 99,000,000 entries found, the online dating industry makes what $5 billion I believe. Nobody (including me) has the magic solution to decipher it. Anyone who chooses to participate here are just throwing their two cents into the opinion jar. Like it or not, agree or not.

[Larryville]

Look OP, people are on the site for *their* benefit, not yours. This includes you. If you don't like a profile, then you can pass.

 

Please go back and read the first entry... will just leave it there

[emsx0x]

what is OLD??? I'm Canadian and we obviously don't have that here (not that I kow of) I keep seeing it here

[anduina]

The way we view physique today is very different from a few decades ago. Today's average is yesterday's over-weight, I feel.

Since you're measuring in terms of decades ago, today's over-weight was yesterday's average since the U.S. only adopted BMI in June, 1998. The day it became official, millions of previously considered healthy Americans magically became overweight.

 

CNN - Who's fat? New definition adopted - June 17, 1998

[bluefeather]

what is OLD??? I'm Canadian and we obviously don't have that here (not that I kow of) I keep seeing it here

 

OnLine Dating

[CaliforniaGirl]

 

Back to Cali:

 

...

 

Someone help me find where I said people can't have preferences??

 

 

 

ok

 

I didn't say you said people can't have preferences.

 

I said you were "confused???" (your word) by them, and you used and continue to use very judgmental descriptions which belie an emotional, rather than an academically curious, questioning.

 

Now that you gave your age that could be something of a clue as to your confusion. It's the entire style that's really bothering you. I understand as I too grew up in a time without OLD, but times do change. You may be (really getting psychological now; you may appreciate that ) objecting more to the times having changed without you, than with the specifics themselves (exact types of pictures, and so on). That's normal and many people go through this during this time of life, but as I said from the very beginning of answering this thread, if you're really interested in psychology, you may get even more insight analyzing why all this would bother you so much as you would in answers as to why people present themselves in various ways. Just a thought.

 

Once again: you say you are "confused???" as to why some women present themselves the way they do on OLD, which YOU see as an attractive way. The answer is: THEY don't see it as unattractive; additionally, other men than you may well see the presentation, and the person, as attractive - IOW, it is, one way or another, "working for them". That's a very simple answer and it requires no psychology.