Larryville Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 This weekend I had a detailed conversation with friends about online dating. While scrolling some profiles of women “they” were considering I noticed both of them gave the same reactions to some of the pictures of women. Now this is NOT about simply the “quality” of the pictures, or if the person was “attractive” but what a picture conveys. I have always said to myself that if I see profile pictures of women with other people in the picture no matter who it was or the reason I automatically bypass, so did my friends, so I was wondering is that mindset the norm? Why? First for me because I don’t want to play “where’s waldo” to guess who you are AND if someone in the pic with you is more attractive then you just screwed your own chances with potential suitors. I just think that the person viewing your profile will be trying to imagine themselves with you. Not you and your legions of friends. Basically it is the online equivalent of bringing your friends along on a first date. I process the “birds of a feather” theory, if your friends convey something visually what you are NOT, can your friends in the picture convey something negative? Is this a matter of understanding the psychology behind someone’s OLD profile picture? I know I tend to over think and I’m a little OCD. For me it is never just about the picture itself. I can’t be the only one… 4
Telemachus Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 Most of what anyone posts online is either false or selected to convey some particular message. It will be different for each individual. Without knowing the person, you can't determine motivation, and you have no idea of what pictures that person passed-over in selecting the one you're looking at. In other words, there's no way to know, unless you have some idea of the options that were available at the time the picture was selected. Most people post a picture of themselves (assuming it isn't a totally fake profile, which is a pretty big assumption) in which they think that they look good. Don't try to read into it any more than that. If you find the composition of the picture unappealing because it's a group shot, then that may be a good way of weeding-out people who make negative judgments based on a picture alone. Women are a lot less interested in basing judgments on pictures than men are, and probably less interested in attracting men who judge women based on their pictures.
CptInsano Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 I know I tend to over think and I’m a little OCD. For me it is never just about the picture itself. I can’t be the only one… Your are not overthinking, in fact you can take it to another level. I'm not into OLD, but rather photography. There are tons of interesting insights when one studies avatar pictures. 1
TheTraveler Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 I have always said to myself that if I see profile pictures of women with other people in the picture no matter who it was or the reason I automatically bypass, so did my friends, so I was wondering is that mindset the norm? Why? First for me because I don’t want to play “where’s waldo” to guess who you are AND if someone in the pic with you is more attractive then you just screwed your own chances with potential suitors. I remember there was one woman who was with her friends in one picture(her and 5 other women). She was the ugliest of the bunch and I remember thinking to myself, I couldn't possibly date her(I saw this picture after we matched). Also, I think a lot of people in general, myself included, do not have a ton of photos by themselves, hence why you see a lot of pictures with others. I typically only have 3-4 photos. In my opinion, the more photos you have the more you are able to find flaws in the other person
Gaeta Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 First people put pictures of themselves they think they look good in then it's to show their life style. I know a woman who's huge in sport and she had tons of pictures of her with her basketball team and her sky team. Some people musicians so they'll have pictures of their band and friends and stuff. I don't see anything wrong with it and I don't understand why you view this as negative. I used to put up 5-6 pictures of myself and there was always one with my dog and one with my adult daughter. The pictures of my daughter and I were while hiking because that's always what we did with our Sunday afternoon. I much prefer pictures of someone showing me who he is than a mug shot of him or a picture of him by himself sitting on a couch. 6
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 It's pretty easy to see why people post pics with other people. They want to show that they are social and aren't just looking for that "ONE" person to fulfill their every need and their aching loneliness and so on, which is a real negative (one should already have a life, not wait for a romantic partner to come fill in gaps). I can fully see the logic in it and to me it makes sense. There may also be psychology in deliberately passing someone up on OLD for something simple and pretty harmless like this...have you considered that? Perhaps it's a control thing - "I don't want you anyway, see how I'm passing you up? Plus, your friend is better-looking." (Sounds like a jab, TBH...) Overall, the psychology is interesting from both sides. 2
VeveCakes Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 I hate when guys do his too. Always makes me think they are too insecure to be alone in their profile lol
LookAtThisPOst Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 This weekend I had a detailed conversation with friends about online dating. While scrolling some profiles of women “they” were considering I noticed both of them gave the same reactions to some of the pictures of women. Now this is NOT about simply the “quality” of the pictures, or if the person was “attractive” but what a picture conveys. I have always said to myself that if I see profile pictures of women with other people in the picture no matter who it was or the reason I automatically bypass, so did my friends, so I was wondering is that mindset the norm? Why? First for me because I don’t want to play “where’s waldo” to guess who you are AND if someone in the pic with you is more attractive then you just screwed your own chances with potential suitors. I just think that the person viewing your profile will be trying to imagine themselves with you. Not you and your legions of friends. Basically it is the online equivalent of bringing your friends along on a first date. I process the “birds of a feather” theory, if your friends convey something visually what you are NOT, can your friends in the picture convey something negative? Is this a matter of understanding the psychology behind someone’s OLD profile picture? I know I tend to over think and I’m a little OCD. For me it is never just about the picture itself. I can’t be the only one… Good point. There's also the 5,6, or 7 photos of them not smiling, dead eyes...basically the deadpan look in ALL their photos that causes me to pass them by. Looks like they got a chip on their shoulder.
CptInsano Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 Good point. There's also the 5,6, or 7 photos of them not smiling, dead eyes...basically the deadpan look in ALL their photos that causes me to pass them by. Looks like they got a chip on their shoulder. Oddly enough, based on the study I referenced in an earlier post, this look seems to work for men for some odd reason.
Author Larryville Posted March 6, 2017 Author Posted March 6, 2017 Gonna work backwards… I hate when guys do his too. Always makes me think they are too insecure to be alone in their profile VeVe: Taking myself for instance, while I have many really good close friends (I don’t do the FB friends thing) I would never take a pictures with any of them, I have always thought that people who typically take tons of pictures with (many) other people in the photo those relationships are mostly superficial (Just my take feel free to disagree) When I was married, especially to wife #2 we took pictures together, but I personally NEVER take pictures with other people (except a relative). Now is that because I’m an anti-social SOB? Who knows. Most of what anyone posts online is either false or selected to convey some particular message. It will be different for each individual. Without knowing the person, you can't determine motivation, and you have no idea of what pictures that person passed-over in selecting the one you're looking at. In other words, there's no way to know, unless you have some idea of the options that were available at the time the picture was selected. Ok then that gets to a question of let’s say a woman posts a picture of herself with her dog? Is she conveying her being a dog lover or an animal lover in general or the importance that particular dog plays in her life. I’ll tell you why I asked. Dated a woman briefly and bottom line her dog was her world, to the point of spending serious amounts of money on the dog and sacrificing (the smell) of her house and the dog slept with her ever night and when that dog could not be next to her barked all night. Her…several profile pics with the dog in different poses. Her pictures on her phone, she chose to convey that on OLD profile. Needless to say when I see women putting dogs seemingly front and center, yes I think about that. I don’t dislike dogs but I’m not gonna take a back seat to one. First people put pictures of themselves they think they look good in then it's to show their life style. I know a woman who's huge in sport and she had tons of pictures of her with her basketball team and her sky team. Some people musicians so they'll have pictures of their band and friends and stuff. I don't see anything wrong with it and I don't understand why you view this as negative. G: Maybe I’m overthinking but when I go to an OLD profile, I just want to see you, I don’t care about all the superficial stuff that goes with the photo. I just think that so many women on OLD try to be overly “creative” and do and convey things that are unnecessary. There are so many profiles with women in their 50”s (my dating range) that has tons of pictures but have so many people in them, few with just them and I wonder is that on purpose. I will learn about your lifestyle when I get to know you. CPT: I’ve read similar. I believe there is a psychology to it and as you said speaking as a fellow photographer/videographer I concede that I may be overthinking, however thinking back on all the women I met and dated the pictures they posted were a pretty good representation of who they were upon meeting them. I honestly wonder to other people find the same correlation as I have. 1
Author Larryville Posted March 6, 2017 Author Posted March 6, 2017 I'm passing you up? Plus, your friend is better-looking." (Sounds like a jab, TBH...) Overall, the psychology is interesting from both sides. Cali: I don’t think this is because someone puts down the persons looks. However if you have a woman who simply won’t post any solo shots (or if they do it is a long distance shot) they don’t think highly of themselves, the other people in the photos are window dressing. 1
VeveCakes Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 I totally agree with you. I mean I have friends I have pics with but I would never put their pics on OLD. I also think it's rude because it's not like they have a say. As for the dog - that's very true too. I mean I have 4 dogs, huge dog lover and I don't have a single photo of mine. I also only have one pic of me holding my horse after a show with a ribbon and horses are my entire life. I don't put that on there in photos because it's a dating site, I'm supposed to showcase myself and then I write about my interests in my profile. The other one I don't get it guys with all hunting pics. One is fine I guess, by every picture just a guy with multiple dead animals. Don't get that lol
Gaeta Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 As for the dog - that's very true too. I mean I have 4 dogs, huge dog lover and I don't have a single photo of mine. I also only have one pic of me holding my horse after a show with a ribbon and horses are my entire life. I don't put that on there in photos because it's a dating site, I'm supposed to showcase myself and then I write about my interests in my profile. The other one I don't get it guys with all hunting pics. One is fine I guess, by every picture just a guy with multiple dead animals. Don't get that lol See, I feel you should put up a picture of you and all of your dogs because that defines who you are. If a man is allergic to dogs then he won't bother messaging you, also being a dog owner comes with responsibilities and you are putting it out there that you come with those responsibilities. I come from a family of hunters and I know many women hunters that would absolutely go for a man with hunting pictures. Just showing a picture of your body doesn't tell people anything about you.
VeveCakes Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 Oh absolutely - I just write in my profile that I have 4 dogs and how much I love them etc. I also don't put their photos in because my dogs are unique breed around here and would be recognizable. I don't like ppl I don't want being able to recognize my car or something if they see them in it. For the hunting I think one photo is fine. I like country boys too just 4 or 5? Seems much but maybe you are right and they just aren't for me I don't have any full body shots actually. Lol
No_Go Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 What's the problem to take a pictures of yourself? Usually cameras have timers so you can get full body shots, face only is super simple. I am not dating people that post group photos only. I'm generally avoiding the overly social type, and group pictures give me that sense. Npw I started thinking... maybe I'm dismissing people that just don't have individual photos by making false assumption Also, I think a lot of people in general, myself included, do not have a ton of photos by themselves, hence why you see a lot of pictures with others. I typically only have 3-4 photos. In my opinion, the more photos you have the more you are able to find flaws in the other person
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 Cali: I don’t think this is because someone puts down the persons looks. However if you have a woman who simply won’t post any solo shots (or if they do it is a long distance shot) they don’t think highly of themselves, the other people in the photos are window dressing. Maybe...or maybe not. You can't universally say such a thing any more than anyone can universally make a judgment about a person who only posts pics of him/herself. That's why you get to know the person...isn't it? Isn't that what dating is? You're making HUGE leaps - the person doesn't think highly of herself, she may be the ugliest one in the bunch, etc...which almost sound defensive to me. I wonder at the psychology of that, TBH. I wonder why this would hit you so that you would use such emotional terms (and then go backward to say "am I an antisocial SOB?" in another post on this thread). Something about this is getting to you...you might want to investigate that first. Then once that's all straightened out you'll be better able to see this as just something interesting from a psychological, or other, POV. But for now it doesn't seem like you're just academically interested. This must really be getting you in some personal way or you almost certainly wouldn't be reacting in such emotional, judgmental, etc. ways to something as simple as a picture of a bunch of people. JMO. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 I skip over profiles where the main picture is them with someone else, too. The main pic should be a solo shot so I don't have to figure out who you are, if that woman is your daughter/ex/whatever. 3
Gaeta Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 Larry: Stay open minded. Not everyone is online-dating-savy and know a group picture might be a turn off. My BF had 1 picture only on his profile which is also a red flag for many. Then before we meet he text me another picture and it was a really bad picture of him sitting on a couch with some shadow effect on his face and head and I thought why does he send me these real bad pictures!!! Behind all this was a great guy, actually the sweetest man I have ever come across in my adult life. Be flexible my friend, it will pay off.
TheTraveler Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 I skip over profiles where the main picture is them with someone else, too. The main pic should be a solo shot so I don't have to figure out who you are, if that woman is your daughter/ex/whatever. The worst ones I've seen out there? 1. Six selfies all chest/head up 2. One selfie and four group shots 3. One picture and four different photos of just their kids 4. One selfie and a pic of their dog, car, sushi, sunset I laugh
newheart Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 The hilarity of this topic as it related to my most recent relationship with the non-communicating dismissive avoidant just occurred to me: his primary photo on OLD was of his backside - him standing facing away from the camera, overlooking a cliff next to his vehicle. Oy. (He had other photos, but the irony of this being his primary photo is incredible) I won't date anyone who isn't facing the camera again, haha. 1
introverted1 Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 This just reinforces why I will never do OLD! I am generally camera-shy or at least not a person whose first thought is to photograph my activities. On the less frequent occasion I'm in a candid, I'm the one who was caught with her eyes closed. If I had to come up with pictures for OLD, I'd have to have them taken explicitly for that purpose. Which would be a red flag apparently.
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 The hilarity of this topic as it related to my most recent relationship with the non-communicating dismissive avoidant just occurred to me: his primary photo on OLD was of his backside - him standing facing away from the camera, overlooking a cliff next to his vehicle. Oy. (He had other photos, but the irony of this being his primary photo is incredible) I won't date anyone who isn't facing the camera again, haha. ^ Ha ha...he was trying to show you what he was? 1
TheTraveler Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 What's the problem to take a pictures of yourself? Usually cameras have timers so you can get full body shots, face only is super simple. I am not dating people that post group photos only. I'm generally avoiding the overly social type, and group pictures give me that sense. Npw I started thinking... maybe I'm dismissing people that just don't have individual photos by making false assumption I'll agree it's bizarre if you have only group photos You are right. I need to grab a tripod and snap a couple photos around town
Lorenza Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 When I set up an OLD profile I think like that: - a profile picture which is a closeup of my face, simply a portrait; - a picture where my body shape is visible; - something that shows what I like to do, for example me playing the piano or strolling in nature, or singing karaoke, or in some cool travel destination; - a picture with a pet is a must, if you have one. JMO! I think it's nice to see what comes in a package; - then!! I include a group picture, just to show that I'm social and outgoing person. But not as a profile picture of course, I tend to avoid such too, unless it's very clear which one is the owner of the account
TheTraveler Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 When I set up an OLD profile I think like that: - a profile picture which is a closeup of my face, simply a portrait; - a picture where my body shape is visible; - something that shows what I like to do, for example me playing the piano or strolling in nature, or singing karaoke, or in some cool travel destination; - a picture with a pet is a must, if you have one. JMO! I think it's nice to see what comes in a package; - then!! I include a group picture, just to show that I'm social and outgoing person. But not as a profile picture of course, I tend to avoid such too, unless it's very clear which one is the owner of the account This is pretty good. Can I borrow your pet?
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