moonchild94 Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 This guy and I have been texting for 9 days and he always says we should hangout. I finally asked him.. about 2 times and he finally picks a day. We text like we are good friends. He asks me what I want. I told him I want more but If they want to be friends first then I'm ok. He says he's looking for more(serious) but he's not rushing anytime soon and going with the flow. I said oh okay, and then we continued to text like usual. Is he just waiting until someone prettier comes around? I'm starting to focus my attention only on him.. I like the way he looks as well. He did say I was cute and he always initiates and texts back/texts me. Good morning or good night. Right now I'm trying to go with the flow to but I'm getting nervous now because I may start to like him but what if he disappears after a few weeks? I do have anxiety but I'm keeping it calm and trying my hardest to seem independent but interested. So I continue to text him.
Tressugar Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 Nine days is too soon to focus on one person when you're dating. I say date other men in addition to this guy. Always keep your options open. Just a heads up, those good morning/night texts will scale back at some point. They're only used in the beginning stages.
Author moonchild94 Posted March 6, 2017 Author Posted March 6, 2017 Seems like a waste of time to me. How so? So what should I do?
Author moonchild94 Posted March 6, 2017 Author Posted March 6, 2017 Nine days is too soon to focus on one person when you're dating. I say date other men in addition to this guy. Always keep your options open. Just a heads up, those good morning/night texts will scale back at some point. They're only used in the beginning stages. Yeah I know... but how should I proceed with this?
preraph Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 You should not let yourself get caught up with feelings this early and not let yourself worry about things because 1) you don't know him well enough and 2) he's already told you he's in no hurry. So what is bound to happen here is you are clearly impatient and that will be the thing that runs him off. He is coming along just fine at a moderate pace, but if you start pressing him for more or asking his feelings or anything like that, he's going to bolt and run. He wants to move at his own pace. And I know you do too. But thing is, whoever is impatient first will be the one who gets ghosted in these situations, because as Diana Ross & The Supremes said, "You Can't Hurry Love." Do don't sabotage this by falling for someone you don't know yet and rushing love.
Tressugar Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 By keeping him on the side and meeting new guys. You don't have to tell him you're meeting new ppl. Just do it. Have fun with the process and don't take anything so seriously right now with this guy. 2
Author moonchild94 Posted March 6, 2017 Author Posted March 6, 2017 You should not let yourself get caught up with feelings this early and not let yourself worry about things because 1) you don't know him well enough and 2) he's already told you he's in no hurry. So what is bound to happen here is you are clearly impatient and that will be the thing that runs him off. He is coming along just fine at a moderate pace, but if you start pressing him for more or asking his feelings or anything like that, he's going to bolt and run. He wants to move at his own pace. And I know you do too. But thing is, whoever is impatient first will be the one who gets ghosted in these situations, because as Diana Ross & The Supremes said, "You Can't Hurry Love." Do don't sabotage this by falling for someone you don't know yet and rushing love. So just keep doing what I'm doing which is texting and that's it? Then meeting him on he day we are supposed to meet?
Author moonchild94 Posted March 6, 2017 Author Posted March 6, 2017 By keeping him on the side and meeting new guys. You don't have to tell him you're meeting new ppl. Just do it. Have fun with the process and don't take anything so seriously right now with this guy. What if he gets serious? Asks me on a date after meeting him?
Tressugar Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 If he gets serious then at that point in time see if you want to be serious with him. If you to go on a date with him then by all means go on that date and have fun. That's the main key to dating is to have fun with the person you are getting to know.
anzhoulau Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 Try not to get too attached before you meet up. If you think you really like him or you think you are going a bit too fast, reduce the texts and communications. And like others have said, find others to date.
winterkeep Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 Hi Moonchild, look at actions and not words. Catching up for a 30 minute coffee isn't rushing anything - its actually just normal relationship progression! At the moment you have what amounts to a fantasy relationship, lots of words but no actual connection or progression. Sorry if I've misread your post and you've met, if not have you spoken on the phone? You can't 'really like' someone you've made no connection with and connections can't occur without tangible communication - a computer can generate text conversation. Meet him or move on, don't waste you're time on something that currently exists only in your head 2
act00 Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 I think if he can't commit to actually meeting you in person, you're wasting time. I have found that a lot of men will do this, and then when you finally get a date, "something comes up," and he cancels. Don't put too much effort into a guy who has shown little interest in actually meeting up with you. You had to bring it up twice. You don't really know until you meet in person. He could very well continue this unavailability after you meet the first time. If this is the case, cut your losses. Right now you really have nothing to lose in maintaining contact, but don't make this guy your priority. Continue to see other people and live your life. If it works after you meet, great, just don't invest too much of your emotions into him.
Gaeta Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 He is a waste of your time, you drop him and go to next. A man that is interested would never wait 9 days or more to meet a woman he's in communication with. I don't care what he says this guy has a girlfriend or a wife. Never chat with a man that says he wants to take his time. Those are the words of men only looking to waste people's time. 2
Author moonchild94 Posted March 6, 2017 Author Posted March 6, 2017 He is a waste of your time, you drop him and go to next. A man that is interested would never wait 9 days or more to meet a woman he's in communication with. I don't care what he says this guy has a girlfriend or a wife. Never chat with a man that says he wants to take his time. Those are the words of men only looking to waste people's time. Idk. As much as I agree yet disagree I did some snooping. He doesn't have pictures with a lot of girls except two but they're from years ago and they look like his sisters. His social media doesn't have a lot of followers. He lives with another guy. I have a back story, he's the one that says we should hangout first. I gave him my number. We text and I ask to meet him one of the weeks. He says he's busy last week but this week he's free. I got weary and told him I don't think he's interested. He says he is but he's really busy due to have to taking care of his mom. So we decide this week. I ask him when and he says sometime this week however he doesn't specify. I backed off, I asked him again he gives a specific day. So I can see what you mean by wasting my time. He's not definite about it. We are supposed to meet Friday but I'm going to slowly not text as much until that day to see what he does. I overthink a lot and analyze. As much as I want something serious, I don't want to dive into this fast either. I did that with my last relationship and got burned really bad. I would say I want to take things slow too, but idk what his "slow" means.
Author moonchild94 Posted March 6, 2017 Author Posted March 6, 2017 I think if he can't commit to actually meeting you in person, you're wasting time. I have found that a lot of men will do this, and then when you finally get a date, "something comes up," and he cancels. Don't put too much effort into a guy who has shown little interest in actually meeting up with you. You had to bring it up twice. You don't really know until you meet in person. He could very well continue this unavailability after you meet the first time. If this is the case, cut your losses. Right now you really have nothing to lose in maintaining contact, but don't make this guy your priority. Continue to see other people and live your life. If it works after you meet, great, just don't invest too much of your emotions into him. He had though. We agreed to Friday but we will see. He could flake or cancel. I had someone flake on me twice.
Author moonchild94 Posted March 6, 2017 Author Posted March 6, 2017 You should not let yourself get caught up with feelings this early and not let yourself worry about things because 1) you don't know him well enough and 2) he's already told you he's in no hurry. So what is bound to happen here is you are clearly impatient and that will be the thing that runs him off. He is coming along just fine at a moderate pace, but if you start pressing him for more or asking his feelings or anything like that, he's going to bolt and run. He wants to move at his own pace. And I know you do too. But thing is, whoever is impatient first will be the one who gets ghosted in these situations, because as Diana Ross & The Supremes said, "You Can't Hurry Love." Do don't sabotage this by falling for someone you don't know yet and rushing love. Yeah, I'm VERY impatient. I rush into things a lot too. I don't want to rush into this either. What I don't understand is what makes a guy want to meet you? We obviously think each other as attractive, so check. But if a guy is texting you, yet doesn't know yet if he wants to meet you, wouldn't texting a little first be best? Like if I'm working/ going to school and a guy wants to meet me asap but I'm busy yet they get mad and say I'm uninterested and playing them, I would be hlad I didn't meet them. Idk my gut tells me to wait it out tbh. If he ghosts before Friday then I didn't waste time, I basically weeded out someone without having to waste my resources.
Gaeta Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 Idk. As much as I agree yet disagree I did some snooping. He doesn't have pictures with a lot of girls except two but they're from years ago and they look like his sisters. His social media doesn't have a lot of followers. He lives with another guy. I have a back story, he's the one that says we should hangout first. I gave him my number. We text and I ask to meet him one of the weeks. He says he's busy last week but this week he's free. I got weary and told him I don't think he's interested. He says he is but he's really busy due to have to taking care of his mom. So we decide this week. I ask him when and he says sometime this week however he doesn't specify. I backed off, I asked him again he gives a specific day. So I can see what you mean by wasting my time. He's not definite about it. We are supposed to meet Friday but I'm going to slowly not text as much until that day to see what he does. I overthink a lot and analyze. As much as I want something serious, I don't want to dive into this fast either. I did that with my last relationship and got burned really bad. I would say I want to take things slow too, but idk what his "slow" means. You are not over-thinking, you are ignoring your instinct. Boy get in contact with girl. Boy meet girl As simple as that. Anything else in between, being too busy, having a mom to take care of, are excuses to not meet. If he can't meet you in 9 days then how is he going to date you? People that like to take things slow just do, they don't warn you. If someone 'warns' you he wants to take things slow than something is up: another woman, an ex, a broken heart, etc. 1
Author moonchild94 Posted March 6, 2017 Author Posted March 6, 2017 Hi Moonchild, look at actions and not words. Catching up for a 30 minute coffee isn't rushing anything - its actually just normal relationship progression! At the moment you have what amounts to a fantasy relationship, lots of words but no actual connection or progression. Sorry if I've misread your post and you've met, if not have you spoken on the phone? You can't 'really like' someone you've made no connection with and connections can't occur without tangible communication - a computer can generate text conversation. Meet him or move on, don't waste you're time on something that currently exists only in your head I'm meeting him on Friday. I'm just overthinking because guys usually stop texting after 2-3 days. He's been dedicated so idk. People say drop him or wait it out. I'm just going to wait it out though. My gut says to just take it slow. He says he's in no rush either. Could mean various reasons, he could have other dates lined up or he has a gf. If he disappears before the meeting day then I have my answer.
Author moonchild94 Posted March 6, 2017 Author Posted March 6, 2017 You are not over-thinking, you are ignoring your instinct. Boy get in contact with girl. Boy meet girl As simple as that. Anything else in between, being too busy, having a mom to take care of, are excuses to not meet. If he can't meet you in 9 days then how is he going to date you? People that like to take things slow just do, they don't warn you. If someone 'warns' you he wants to take things slow than something is up: another woman, an ex, a broken heart, etc. What's wrong with a broken heart? I have one but I'm slowly getting back to talking to others. I'm still recovering from mine too. Is it really an excuse of his moms health though? He could be lying but wouldn't that be weird to say oh your lying about your mom having surgery good bye. If it was true he will think I'm nuts. I'm busy and I was actually going to ask him to meet me after 7 days tbh due to my work schedule/school/ just moving to a new area. I just find it weird he asks me what I'm looking for first. Still contacts me and wants to meet me as well. Like I hear you and I get it. I'm actually going to stop texting him as much just to see if he keeps his word for Friday and not waste so much energy. My instinct tells me yeah be a little bit weary but you have nothing to lose but I do over think a lot. Even my friends and parents say so.
Gaeta Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 Moonchild: You are getting dumped, ghosted, played all the time as per your recent thread and here you are putting your money on the wrong horse again. That is why it never works for you. You give your attention to the wrong men. Stop giving your attention to the unavailable and to the wounded you find online. Continue your search till you find a nice man, that treats you nice, that invites you out, a guy that will do everything right, none of those jerks talking sex, or giving you crumbs. 2
Gaeta Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 What's wrong with a broken heart? Are you serious?? what is wrong with a broken heart?? You have no business online searching for someone if you have a broken heart. You need to take care of your wounds first otherwise you will just be wasting someone else's precious time. You need to learn to stand on your own before standing next to someone. Using another human being as an emotional crutch is unfair to that person. I can't believe the amount of people that can't spend a few months on their own !! 2
Author moonchild94 Posted March 6, 2017 Author Posted March 6, 2017 Moonchild: You are getting dumped, ghosted, played all the time as per your recent thread and here you are putting your money on the wrong horse again. That is why it never works for you. You give your attention to the wrong men. Stop giving your attention to the unavailable and to the wounded you find online. Continue your search till you find a nice man, that treats you nice, that invites you out, a guy that will do everything right, none of those jerks talking sex, or giving you crumbs. Look I'm not arguing with you and I hear you. My past experiences has nothing to do with this guy. The other guys were obviously moving too fast and that's why I questioned things. Every single guy that ended up bad always wants to meet at the firsf jump, or dive in quickly or hangout quickly. I agree to disagree. I like to look at it from another point of view. I literally just gave the guy my number on the 24th. He's fun to talk to. He's weird like me so I enjoy it. If I was him I wouldn't jump up so fast just to meet someone. Like I said, when he asked me what day I'm available, I wasn't going to meet him until the next week. He said he was busy and he kept checking to see what we are going to do. If he waits then ghost the day we are supposed to meet then I will have my answer. I like him but not like that. I like him as in he's super cool to talk to rather than other guys I've talked to. I'm not ready for a relationship to be honest. I had my heart broke but I'm not using anyone for an emotional crutch. I'm just slowly getting out there. I WOULD like to meet him just to see how he looks or say who he really is. That's why I'm giving it 3 more days. I'm not losing anything but I was curious because I never had a guy ask me what I'm looking for. I'm always the one asking them that specific question. We are supposed to meet Friday but because of my schedule I'm so tired that I might consider rescheduling. How do you think that'll look on my part then?
preraph Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 So just keep doing what I'm doing which is texting and that's it? Then meeting him on he day we are supposed to meet? Yes, and don't overtext. Let him set the pace so he doesn't start feeling like texting back is demanding or something. Just let him set the pace. And I agree that you should continue to date other guys so you don't get too caught up too soon in this one.
Author moonchild94 Posted March 6, 2017 Author Posted March 6, 2017 Yes, and don't overtext. Let him set the pace so he doesn't start feeling like texting back is demanding or something. Just let him set the pace. And I agree that you should continue to date other guys so you don't get too caught up too soon in this one. It's so hard because I can never get more than one guy at once lol. I try but it never works. I'll send 3 texts a day. We usually text all day but our text are usually nice and gapped out. I can take up to 4 hours just to get back to him due to me being busy. Thanks!
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