LotusAvx Posted March 5, 2017 Posted March 5, 2017 so I was seeing this guy for a few weeks. He was always really sketchy about plans and I never knew really what was going on with him. I'd ask if he was interested and he said he was. There were way too many possibilities of what was going on - I wasn't sure if he was playing me or if he was afraid to get close and open up to me. Anyways he seemed to always not come through with plans and he apologized and said he was busy. He also had on-going health issues which I was sure of because he was in the hospital. We were supposed to get together last night but he never came through, called me and said he was free all day today, to text him when I wake up and we will spend the whole day together doing something fun and make up for all the times we couldn't get together. So, I texted him when I got p around 10 to see what time would be good to get together, and he said "I can't until much later"...this is after a lot of cancelling, so I said "I'm done with this, clearly you don't want to see me, you shouldn't of asked me to be in a relationship if you can't keep any plans. You called me and said you were free all day, so I am done waiting around. Good luck and take care" He hasn't responded but read the message Was I too harsh? I was so frustrated, and I don't want to wait around for someone when there is other things I can be doing. It just didn't seem like he wanted to see me. I am worried that he kept cancelling so I would end it with him.. but he asked me to be his girlfriend. And the other night he said "I'm sorry we haven't seen each other much, I've been busy, got sick and was worried you weren't interested" I don't know what this guys motives were and I'll probably never know, but any advice is appreciated.
smackie9 Posted March 5, 2017 Posted March 5, 2017 (edited) Well it was harsh......You could have just said that this wasn't working out for you and left it at that. It's possible he struggles with health issues and whatever is going on with his life....not your problem tho. It was the right choice. IMO he is not ready to date anyone if he is so wrapped up in his problems. **It's usually best to bow out gracefully. Edited March 5, 2017 by smackie9 7
ExpatInItaly Posted March 5, 2017 Posted March 5, 2017 He obviously isn't able to really be a boyfriend in any sense of the word. You did the right thing ending it, and no, I don't think you were too harsh. At the very least, he could have called or messaged you to let you know he actually wouldn't be free until "much later." He didn't; he didn't even explain why. People who are vague and evasive about planning often aren't being totally honest about what's keeping them so occupied. How did you meet him? 2
kendahke Posted March 5, 2017 Posted March 5, 2017 I don't think you were harsh at all. He's been nothing but rude with you and rudeness should be met with rudeness, not being nice. Your time is just as valuable to you as his is to him. Block him. He's not ready to be in a relationship with anyone but himself. 1
Simple Logic Posted March 5, 2017 Posted March 5, 2017 Actually I do not believe you were harsh at all. You told him you were ending it and why. He knows what his behavior has been so it should be no surprise. 2
Lorenza Posted March 5, 2017 Posted March 5, 2017 A bit harsh, yes. Though congrats on not waiting around! That's a right desicion. Just a thought - it always feels better to end things politely and like another poster said - gracefully. I wanted to call my ex a thousand things in my last message to him but didn't and I don't regret it a bit. Always try to be the bigger woman. Edit: not that yours was a very bad case, but I would just tone down a little 1
basil67 Posted March 5, 2017 Posted March 5, 2017 You did the right thing by ending it. Though I would not have used the words you did. I would have talked about how the relationship isn't delivering what I want and am leaving. But I generally avoid using "you" statements, so perhaps that's just me.
Versacehottie Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 Decision was most likely right. Delivery needs improvement.....OR you could say something similar in a graceful way and leave the door open for yourself. Guys leave the door open for themselves (not graceful usually, but usually by saying nothing and then reappearing). Idk, you can do and say the same thing (reworded) and make this guy really regret it & probably try to get you back when he's ready or step up his behavior right now. The harshness almost always negates that option. Even if you NEVER take them back or talk to them again, it is entertaining & makes you feel good if you reword it in a way that makes it like you're moving on bc bc xyz is what you want without anger infused into it. Make it about you. And don't "assume" which you did. I still think you probably made the right decision for right now but people are never going to be perfect and communicating well & stating your needs are going to be needed for any successful relationship. Good luck 1
Author LotusAvx Posted March 6, 2017 Author Posted March 6, 2017 I was seeing this guy for a few weeks and I had to end it the other day because he kept saying he was still interested, but kept cancelling plans. I was tired of waiting around for him and looking desperate. I was really really attracted to this guy. Even though he was rude to keep cancelling and clearly he had some reason for doing so, I feel pretty sad and rejected - even though I ended it. I have dated a few guys since my first major relationship and none of them I was really that attracted to, and the one that I was attracted to, didn't work out! I am just really worried I won't ever find someone who I am attracted to physically and attracted to their personality. Since I've been dating, it has always been one or the other - I either like their personality and no physical attraction, or vice versa. Only with this most recent guy I was attracted to both aspects, but he was a jerk! How do I get over this feeling like I'll never find that. I feel as though I am putting so much pressure to find someone, but I know I should just be single for a while.
d0nnivain Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 If you found people in the past who were attractive to you, have some faith you will find people in the future. It might not be this week but it will happen. 2
mushroomlol Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 Girl, it will happen. We just need to have faith. 2
smackie9 Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 Stop looking so hard to find someone...let them find you. 2
Gaeta Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 We always feel like that after a big disappointment. I think you should concentrate less on finding someone you find attractive and concentrate on someone you both find good looking enough to go on a date with and let attraction grow. People that absolutely want their blood to turn when they meet are all about 'sensations' and not about good connections and good relationships. 3
Larryville Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 The problem in meeting or not meeting interesting, available or compatible people is rarely about lack of choice or opportunity. Having “more choice” actually screws us up. I have met many and liked many but… I am in the same boat, however I know deep down fundamentally my ex is my blueprint. If I could erase that blueprint I would be cool. (I would be more open minded) I’m trying but…
CptInsano Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 I'd be careful, it could indeed be a developing pattern. Take a break and look at why you were attracted to the guys that rejected you or kept you on the back burner.
stillafool Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 Why are you in a hurry to find someone? It will happen organically when it is time. Just keep pushing forward and forget about it. That is when it happens.
kendahke Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 In my life's experience, love doesn't just find you while you're just doing whatever. The times I've been in relationships and in love is because I made the first move. OP--go at the pace that is comfortable for you.
Versacehottie Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 I was seeing this guy for a few weeks and I had to end it the other day because he kept saying he was still interested, but kept cancelling plans. I was tired of waiting around for him and looking desperate. I was really really attracted to this guy. Even though he was rude to keep cancelling and clearly he had some reason for doing so, I feel pretty sad and rejected - even though I ended it. I have dated a few guys since my first major relationship and none of them I was really that attracted to, and the one that I was attracted to, didn't work out! I am just really worried I won't ever find someone who I am attracted to physically and attracted to their personality. Since I've been dating, it has always been one or the other - I either like their personality and no physical attraction, or vice versa. Only with this most recent guy I was attracted to both aspects, but he was a jerk! How do I get over this feeling like I'll never find that. I feel as though I am putting so much pressure to find someone, but I know I should just be single for a while. Well you have your problem halfway figured out. If you are "afraid", you will always approach things from a DIS-advantaged position. Have faith like the others said, and you will change your perspective. If you are afraid, you may likely be acting desperate or lowering your standards in some way or pushing in a way that you think you conceal but some of it is recognizable to the other person. I know from "how" you ended it with this guy and speaking out in anger and frustration that you are already in a disadvantaged state when dealing with a romantic relationship (well at least with him). Take the pressure of yourself. Change your mindset and you will reap the benefit. Not an easy thing to do but it works--and then you set up a routine and plan where you actively work toward this goal. Good luck
Recommended Posts