Ex dumped me for wrong reasons, he has blocked me on phone, ?

[Eleni Papadea]

My ex was sexually inexperienced but he was unaware of this. He had a past 5 year relationship (I suggest his ex-ex partner was faking or inexperienced too) and I found extremely difficult to explain him that he ignored fundamental stuff about sex. I was frustrated during our intercourses and I ended up gradually avoiding him sexually. I deeply loved him during our 10 month relationship and I believed that our sexual problem could be solved without discussion, just from practice and inspection. I was obviously wrong, because he took the message and was totally convinced that I had minimal sexual desire, which was not true. He dumped me after a short-day period of fights when he was frustrated and convinced that nothing could change between us. He then blocked me on phone when I tried to talk to him and change his mind, always with the wrong arguments. I still have facebook path unblocked, but I sent him a couple of weeks ago a long message with irrelevant stuff, blah blah blah, just trying to remind him all pleasant time we had. I never revealed him my thoughts about our sexual issue. He never knew why I was avoiding him and how much I wanted him sexually. I dont know if I have the right to do so two months after our breakup. What should I do?

[Mackem23]

You told a man he's no good in bed do you have any idea what that would of done to his self esteem

[Eleni Papadea]

No! Please read again what I wrote. I NEVER told him that he was not good at bed, because I could not find a good way to express with words such an issue. The problem is that he dumped me because he thought that the reason I was avoiding him was something that could not be fixed, he thought that I was asexual maybe or something like that.

[Ronni_W]

Actually, Eleni Papadea, he dumped you for the right reason: your deliberate lack of communication - and/or your inability or unwillingness to communicate - about something very important to the relationship.

 

He did not respond to you a couple of weeks ago, so that is your answer as to what you need to do now: block him on FaceBook also, and leave him alone from now on.

[mikeylo]

You need to talk. No texting. No calling. No facebooking.

 

You can tell someone you want them but it doesn't work. You need to make them ' feel ' wanted. Just like every person on this planet. You didn't make him feel wanted , he moved on. What did you expect ?

 

Just like he made you feel wanted , you failed your part.

[Eleni Papadea]

Do I have the right to talk to him? To appear in front of him without warning? Without knowing if he wants to see me or listen to me? Would't it seem as stalking?

[mikeylo]

Why not ?

 

You need to accept your wrong. Not defensive at all. That will ruin everything. Tell him the truth. Lost time doesn't come back.

[Eleni Papadea]

If I suddenly appear in front of him, it will be creepy

[mikeylo]

That is something for you to figure as to how you are going to meet and talk. FWIW, the longer you let misunderstandings go , more difficult it becomes to sort them out.

[Eleni Papadea]

Should I tell him that I have made a mistake or be more precise from the beginning and confess that there is something I never told him?

[Eleni Papadea]

Should I tell him that I have made a mistake or be more precise from the beginning and confess that there is something I never told him?

 

Which one sounds more convincing? I dont want him to believe that I have nothing to say and merely bother him and say vaguely about a mistake which I use as a bait to make him talk to me again

[dumbass2]

You talk about issues during the relationship. Afterwards is usually too late. It's a tough subject that you had an issue with. You try to talk to him and if it comes out wrong it could have the opposite effect. I think its best to let things go for a while. I do not suggest just showing up to try and talk. That is very creepy and will more than likely push him further away. Just back off and give things a few weeks or months and see if he opens the door back up. Don't try and force this.

[books2]

Eleni,

 

You could always go and express yourself to him on facebook. Then you'll have done what you could at trying to save this. My thinking is that he probably won't be very interested in trying to save the relationship, but at least you'll have tried and can move on from there yourself.

 

If you write to him, be very honest about what happened and don't necessarily beat around the bush. Guys need a clear message... That doesn't imply to be too blunt either... I.E. Don't just say : ''You suck in bed''... Try and be gentle and not just blame it on him.

 

As other have mentioned here, you need to take some time and reflect on your lack of communication skills. I know it's not easy to let your partner understand they aren't satisfying you sexually, but there are way's to let them understand what you need. The focus should have been on YOU and your needs and not HIM and his inexperience.

 

It would have been much easier to work at it over time together, rather than trying this late Hail Mary attempt. Either way, you never know...

 

I know most people on this board will tell you to just move on without trying, but I think you have nothing to loose at expressing yourself now. If anything, you can say you tried.

 

Good luck with whatever you choose to do!

[mikeylo]

You know him, we don't. If anything , be gentle in whatever you say. Choose your words carefully.

[Eleni Papadea]

You are all right. You cannot decipher between a few lines what really happened between us. I am so confused and feel a lot of pressure not to waste more time. I feel time will not be kind to me, but maybe this is wrong too.

 

I only work on how I can bring the issue now. I suggest that my best option is to give him a hint that I have never managed to communicate an important issue for us and let him decide if he wants to talk about it. Again, I am not sure for anything, apart from the fact that I love him so much and I struggle to correct all wrongs I did.

[books2]

You are all right. You cannot decipher between a few lines what really happened between us. I am so confused and feel a lot of pressure not to waste more time. I feel time will not be kind to me, but maybe this is wrong too.

 

I only work on how I can bring the issue now. I suggest that my best option is to give him a hint that I have never managed to communicate an important issue for us and let him decide if he wants to talk about it. Again, I am not sure for anything, apart from the fact that I love him so much and I struggle to correct all wrongs I did.

 

 

Honestly Eleni,

 

You are openly saying you are suggesting that your best option is to keep playing games and hope it works your way. Putting out a bait and hope he bites, so to speak...

 

Time is on your side, and frankly, you need to take it before anything... Don't rush anything right now.

 

You have not changed from when you 2 dated... and if you want him back, you will have to correct your flaws... I know it sucks, but that is just the way it is...

[preraph]

Your boyfriend was living in his own reality. Yes, his other gf probably faked it all the time so he thinks all he has to do to turn someone on is put it in. I cannot tell you how many guys I have heard brag about stuff like this. And then they wonder why women would fake it. Because they don't want to have to go through this. If a guy is open to learning, he'll take the initiative by asking "Is that the right place? More? Longer? Put my finger where you want it."

 

I have talked to a couple women who said they were able to train their long-term bfs to do it right, but it wasn't easy. My own attempts were futile. I would flat out tell them I liked guys with three hands and they would hit the bases briefly once and then think I should be ready. It's really kind of rare to find the man who understands that you want foreplay until you get off. Not just hitting the bases for a minute so they can get in you. A whole lot of women don't get off from just intercourse. Guys place such premium on their penises that they assume women do too, and if the guy has a fair sized one, he is convinced that's all it takes, which isn't true for most women.

 

You don't need this guy. He can't be wrong. He thinks he's sexy and he's a failure in bed. Working that out, you would think would be a fairly pleasant exercise but guys' egos get in the way.

 

Let him get back to practicing at home alone.

[Eleni Papadea]

Honestly Eleni,

 

You are openly saying you are suggesting that your best option is to keep playing games and hope it works your way. Putting out a bait and hope he bites, so to speak...

 

Time is on your side, and frankly, you need to take it before anything... Don't rush anything right now.

 

You have not changed from when you 2 dated... and if you want him back, you will have to correct your flaws... I know it sucks, but that is just the way it is...

 

It is not "playing games" what I am suggesting. I cannot force him listen to something that is not still willing to. I feel that I have not the right to throw him in his face that he is not good at bed (no matter how carefully I choose my words, there is no good way to say something like that without being hurtful). Maybe he is already over me, maybe he dates another woman. In this case, I see no need to confess such a thing in the first place. I can only tell him that there is something that I have never talked about. If he wishes to listen to me, I can give it a try.

[Eleni Papadea]

Your boyfriend was living in his own reality. Yes, his other gf probably faked it all the time so he thinks all he has to do to turn someone on is put it in. I cannot tell you how many guys I have heard brag about stuff like this. And then they wonder why women would fake it. Because they don't want to have to go through this. If a guy is open to learning, he'll take the initiative by asking "Is that the right place? More? Longer? Put my finger where you want it."

 

I have talked to a couple women who said they were able to train their long-term bfs to do it right, but it wasn't easy. My own attempts were futile. I would flat out tell them I liked guys with three hands and they would hit the bases briefly once and then think I should be ready. It's really kind of rare to find the man who understands that you want foreplay until you get off. Not just hitting the bases for a minute so they can get in you. A whole lot of women don't get off from just intercourse. Guys place such premium on their penises that they assume women do too, and if the guy has a fair sized one, he is convinced that's all it takes, which isn't true for most women.

 

You don't need this guy. He can't be wrong. He thinks he's sexy and he's a failure in bed. Working that out, you would think would be a fairly pleasant exercise but guys' egos get in the way.

 

Let him get back to practicing at home alone.

 

Maybe he was living in his own reality. My fault was that I never tried, even once, to get him out of his reality. He has always been very communicative and open to discussion. I cannot predict what would have been the outcome of an attempt from my part to correct his false beliefs about feminine sexual pleasure.

[Redhead14]

my ex was sexually inexperienced but he was unaware of this. He had a past 5 year relationship (i suggest his ex-ex partner was faking or inexperienced too) and i found extremely difficult to explain him that he ignored fundamental stuff about sex. I was frustrated during our intercourses and i ended up gradually avoiding him sexually. I deeply loved him during our 10 month relationship and i believed that our sexual problem could be solved without discussion, just from practice and inspection. I was obviously wrong, because he took the message and was totally convinced that i had minimal sexual desire, which was not true. He dumped me after a short-day period of fights when he was frustrated and convinced that nothing could change between us. He then blocked me on phone when i tried to talk to him and change his mind, always with the wrong arguments. I still have facebook path unblocked, but i sent him a couple of weeks ago a long message with irrelevant stuff, blah blah blah, just trying to remind him all pleasant time we had. I never revealed him my thoughts about our sexual issue. He never knew why i was avoiding him and how much i wanted him sexually. I dont know if i have the right to do so two months after our breakup. What should i do?

 

communication is key to a relationship in and outside of the bedroom. You pretty much stonewalled him by remaining silent and not discussing what your needs are in the bedroom and being open an honest.

 

He dumped you for the right reasons -- immature communication style.

 

It's been 2 months, just keep moving. The damage is done.

[spiderowl]

Should I tell him that I have made a mistake or be more precise from the beginning and confess that there is something I never told him?

 

He has dumped you. I wouldn't go back now and try explaining anything. Why should you? The relationship broke down.

[Eleni Papadea]

I decided to write him. I sent him a short message on facebook, stating that I have made a mistake, that there is something I never came to talk about and that I have realized that our relationship could have been saved if I have discussed this issue earlier. I ask him if he can only listen to me and wish that it is not too late.

 

He connected on facebook yesterday but never read my message. I am so sad, it aches too much. The question inside my mind is why he does not even care or have the curiosity to simply read a message from me.

 

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated