Dating a 22y girl, perplexed

[Kitchen]

Why are you perplexed? She's 22.

 

What were you like at 22? Entirely stable, ready to settle down, and knew exactly what you wanted in a relationship and aimed straight for that without wavering?

 

Definitely not stable or ready to settle down at 22. I wasn't, no. But I also can't remember a time when I was crazy about a girl only to do a 180 in a matter of days. I was 24, not 22, when I met someone and fell in love. And it stayed that way for years.

 

Followed my heart. I never understood the sentiment that if even if I like someone, I'm going to play the field. I can see why people think otherwise, but it never made sense to me.

 

And my feelings didn't wave back and forth like crazy like it seems what happens to many people.

[CaliforniaGirl]

Definitely not stable or ready to settle down at 22. I wasn't, no. But I also can't remember a time when I was crazy about a girl only to do a 180 in a matter of days. I was 24, not 22, when I met someone and fell in love. And it stayed that way for years.

 

Followed my heart. I never understood the sentiment that if even if I like someone, I'm going to play the field. I can see why people think otherwise, but it never made sense to me.

 

And my feelings didn't wave back and forth like crazy like it seems what happens to many people.

 

So, you didn't waver.

 

But you were not ready to settle down.

 

Neither is she.

 

This isn't a mystery. She's young. She doesn't have all this figured out yet. And while your being so into her is compelling, and pulls her in at times, overall she isn't entirely into it. You disapprove of how she shows you that you're not The One because you want her to be wrong about that. But nobody can logic another person into being smitten.

 

You expressed confusion about her actions. It is not confusing. She is youung and playing around a bit. That's it. That's your answer.

[Kitchen]

Man, this exact same thing happened to me two weeks ago - and with a 22-year old girl, to boot! I hope it wasn't the same one!

 

(BTW, after this happened, mine kept 180'ing between not showing any affection and asking me out on spontaneous dates and being totally into me - until at some point she disappeared and I haven't heard from her at all in a week. Though this seems harsh, it was probably for the better, as I don't think I would have wanted to be involved with somebody that ridiculously fickle.)

 

Wow that is something huh?

 

So how many times did she swing back and forth? I guess the good news is that in my case she'll swing back too. Bad news being she'll once again disappear from me.

[ercolgemi]

Wow that is something huh?

 

So how many times did she swing back and forth? I guess the good news is that in my case she'll swing back too. Bad news being she'll once again disappear from me.

She swung back and forth about 3-4 times between our last 2 dates, each time slightly further out from the middle than before - until she just completely vanished. It really messed with my head actually - although I've decided not to see her again, I am still not doing entirely okay (I will be, it will just take a little while).

 

I don't think the fact that she will swing back to you is good news though. If my adventure with this girl has taught me anything, it's that it's not worth it. The stress of her vanishing way overshadows the happiness resulting from your time with her. In fact, if this girl is anything like the one I had to deal with, I believe her sticking around will only cause you more pain. I'm really sorry to say this :/ I know I would not have liked it if someone had told it to me only two weeks ago.

[Kitchen]

So, you didn't waver.

 

But you were not ready to settle down.

 

Neither is she.

 

This isn't a mystery. She's young. She doesn't have all this figured out yet. And while your being so into her is compelling, and pulls her in at times, overall she isn't entirely into it. You disapprove of how she shows you that you're not The One because you want her to be wrong about that. But nobody can logic another person into being smitten.

 

You expressed confusion about her actions. It is not confusing. She is youung and playing around a bit. That's it. That's your answer.

 

Not expecting her to settle down, never said I am the one for her. Just want to date exclusively, not even asking for a relationship, lol.

 

I see your point though. If she cancels our Wed date (which I have a weird feeling she will), I'm pulling the bandaid. Time to end the pain.

[Kitchen]

She swung back and forth about 3-4 times between our last 2 dates, each time slightly further out from the middle than before - until she just completely vanished. It really messed with my head actually - although I've decided not to see her again, I am still not doing entirely okay (I will be, it will just take a little while).

 

I don't think the fact that she will swing back to you is good news though. If my adventure with this girl has taught me anything, it's that it's not worth it. The stress of her vanishing way overshadows the happiness resulting from your time with her. In fact, if this girl is anything like the one I had to deal with, I believe her sticking around will only cause you more pain. I'm really sorry to say this :/ I know I would not have liked it if someone had told it to me only two weeks ago.

 

Omg, it's like the same thing with me in between dates, moving further and further away. And you're right, it REALLY messes with my head. Doesn't even feel like heartbreak as much as it feels like a con game. Nobody likes feeling they were scammed.

 

I almost feel like not sending her a confirmation text for our Wed hiking date the day before like I usually would, and skipping the whole thing all together. I'm sure she won't notice or care.

[CaliforniaGirl]

Omg, it's like the same thing with me in between dates, moving further and further away. And you're right, it REALLY messes with my head. Doesn't even feel like heartbreak as much as it feels like a con game. Nobody likes feeling they were scammed.

 

I almost feel like not sending her a confirmation text for our Wed hiking date the day before like I usually would, and skipping the whole thing all together. I'm sure she won't notice or care.

 

Well then why do you guys put up with this sort of thing?

 

Why do you want to be with someone who's obviously not really that into you?

 

Do send her a text. Say, "So sorry, can't make it Wed" and if she replies asking why, just be vague. And then let this die.

 

Move on.

[Kitchen]

Well then why do you guys put up with this sort of thing?

 

Why do you want to be with someone who's obviously not really that into you?

 

Do send her a text. Say, "So sorry, can't make it Wed" and if she replies asking why, just be vague. And then let this die.

 

Move on.

 

 

Whatever I end up doing I'll follow through here. Just so others can learn from my experience.

[Kitchen]

Look at my numbered list. It doesn't matter which is genuine because it is constantly changing. That's the point. You are dancing to her music but the chords change like the weather. There may well be some exceptions but that is likely to be how the vast majority of girls her age act.

 

Maybe you just need to learn that yourself.

 

Your numbered list? What do you mean?

[aileD]

Men act like this ALL THE TIME. But this woman is mentally unstable? Lol. No

 

She told you what she wants, if thats not ok with you, stop dating her. At least she's honest.

[Kitchen]

Men act like this ALL THE TIME. But this woman is mentally unstable? Lol. No

 

She told you what she wants, if thats not ok with you, stop dating her. At least she's honest.

 

Please point to where I said she's mentally unstable

[lakerman34]

It's never a good idea to talk in generalities, so I can only talk to you about my experiences.

 

I'm 26 years old. I attract girls from 19-30, primarily.

 

What I can tell you is that the 22 year old probably likes the idea of being with an "older man" because she's "different" and "prefers older guys anyways."

 

It's very cliched, but it also makes sense that girls that age would go with older guys (even in the young college age, girls are far more emotionally mature than most guys).

 

With THAT being said, my experience with girls <25 years old is they are either too clingy or too flaky, never a sure thing, and quite often a disappointment in terms of meeting any sort of expectation. Again, speaking from experience. Sometimes, you'll feel like you're babysitting, or you won't know how to respond to the juvenile thing they just said.

 

I'm sure older women experience the same thing with younger guys. I've found myself (twice, if my memory serves me correctly) putting up with it b/c, to be frank, the girl knew how to ride dyck, but if you're expecting a proper relationship where you guys set up dates to go out, and you are in contact at least SOME times, it's probably not going to happen.

 

Not to say that there aren't 22 year olds that are attractive, really laidback, and dependable, but I'd say at 22 MOST girls (and guys) still don't fully have their shyt together and as a 26 year old (or a 29 year old), it's probably not really worth it.

Edited March 13, 2017 by lakerman34