coolheadal Posted March 5, 2017 Posted March 5, 2017 So I've been dating this guy I met online for a month now. Every date that we've had (it's going to be 5 tomorrow) I have planned and initiated. How do I talk to him about this (that it bothers me) without seeming insecure or clingy? I'm still getting to know him so I don't know if he's just laid back like this in general with everything (from what I'm seeing, I'm going to say yes) or if he's not really that into me. Doesn't sound like he's a leader type. Your the leader see that happen. He's suppose to lead and your not suppose to direct him. 5 dates in one month. Wow not bad. When he takes you out does he bring you gift? Flowers or etc. Next time he comes over look directly into his eyes and face how does he act? 1. Happy to see you/smiling? 2. Can he look directly at you? 3. 5th day do not plan any more dates let him do it. Tell him after the 5th date, call or text me when you want to go out again. You want him to plan the date but don't tell him too. He should know better if he doesn't then something wrong with him. No way should be you be planning the dates. Are you also paying for the dates or does he shell out the bread (money or credit cards). Since you planned the 5th day why don't you have him over and cook a home cook dinner for him. See how he is indoors with your own grounds.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 5, 2017 Posted March 5, 2017 Yes, you're right. But again, I don't mind taking the initiative. I've been on the other end where the guy was always asking me out, making plans, etc and it got to be too much and annoying. So for now, I'm fine taking the lead. I guess my concern is that if I'm doing all the "work" for someone who is not really interested in me. Ah, but YOU DO MIND if you are the only one taking the initiative, so don't make excuses for him (or any at all). Just ask him to plan the next date and see what he does. In most instances, regarding what you're talking about, "laid back" is a euphemism for lazy. Don't put that label on him. If he can't or won't plan, you've got a lemon.
spiderowl Posted March 5, 2017 Posted March 5, 2017 (edited) I think you need to let him know, in a jokey sort of way, that the rules he has become accustomed to so far have changed. Could be something lighthearted like 'hey, its your turn to arrange the next date' and then just leave it at that. He knows then that you have handed over to him and that it is up to him. At least he won't be floundering and wondering why you haven't contacted him to set another up. Hopefully, he will then do his bit, though he may consult with you. Would you feel comfortable with him setting dates and planning them or do you prefer to be the one doing this? This is something to think about because it would suggest you like to take control and be the one who is always one step ahead. This is fine and a personality thing but it does mean you'd need a guy who is happy to play the complementary role. If at the same time you want a guy who is a leader, then you might need to think about exactly what role you want a guy in your life to play as it is difficult for someone to be passive and a leader at the same time. Whatever happens, I wish you well and hope the next date is great for you both. Edited March 5, 2017 by spiderowl 1
Author CarbonCopy Posted March 6, 2017 Author Posted March 6, 2017 I think you need to let him know, in a jokey sort of way, that the rules he has become accustomed to so far have changed. Could be something lighthearted like 'hey, its your turn to arrange the next date' and then just leave it at that. He knows then that you have handed over to him and that it is up to him. At least he won't be floundering and wondering why you haven't contacted him to set another up. Hopefully, he will then do his bit, though he may consult with you. Would you feel comfortable with him setting dates and planning them or do you prefer to be the one doing this? This is something to think about because it would suggest you like to take control and be the one who is always one step ahead. This is fine and a personality thing but it does mean you'd need a guy who is happy to play the complementary role. If at the same time you want a guy who is a leader, then you might need to think about exactly what role you want a guy in your life to play as it is difficult for someone to be passive and a leader at the same time. Whatever happens, I wish you well and hope the next date is great for you both. Ok, I brought it up casually tonight. He basically said it's because he doesn't know my schedule and he doesn't want to inconvenience me. I'm working late 4 nights a week and also on Saturdays, and since we've been dating I've had plans every single Friday so I've never been able to see him that night. So tonight as I was leaving I asked when we'd see each other again and he said we'd check our schedules. So we'll see what happens but I'm glad I mentioned it. On an unrelated note, he was very affectionate tonight, more than he ever has been since we've been dating. So I was very happy.
dumbass2 Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 Ok, I brought it up casually tonight. He basically said it's because he doesn't know my schedule and he doesn't want to inconvenience me. I'm working late 4 nights a week and also on Saturdays, and since we've been dating I've had plans every single Friday so I've never been able to see him that night. So tonight as I was leaving I asked when we'd see each other again and he said we'd check our schedules. So we'll see what happens but I'm glad I mentioned it. On an unrelated note, he was very affectionate tonight, more than he ever has been since we've been dating. So I was very happy. Was that before or after you talked about the issue? It does sound like he might have a decent reason for letting you lead right now on the planning of dates.
Author CarbonCopy Posted March 6, 2017 Author Posted March 6, 2017 Was that before or after you talked about the issue? It does sound like he might have a decent reason for letting you lead right now on the planning of dates. It was both before and after I brought up the dates issue. He was really, really sweet tonight.
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