marnus25 Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 (edited) Well I've never done this before but I'm sure this will help me digest my sorrow. I met a girl 3 years ago through friends and we started talking and she lived 900km away from me but she planned to move to where I live in a year for university. During that year I visited alot and flew down to see her...I even flew down one day just for her birthday and flew back the next day. To fastforward the story we started dating in 2014 and in October 2015 things started to get bumpy for reasons unaware to me (i probably contributed) we argued alot and she started getting strange and suddenly she wanted to go on a greab for a month until we saw each other for the summer holidays being december in South Africa. So I kicked against it but she was 900km away what could i do...nothing. So i agreed and then all the trouble started. I started noticing a particular guy communicating with her on instagram and facebook and it came to my attention that something is happening and there might've been hidden reasons to this break. The month went by feeling so long I cried every night and felt horrible but i endured the hardship because i knew my ticket was booked and sorted to go to visit her in December. Finally December came and we had a normal holiday full of love and bonding with no whisper of the guy. Then 2016 came and she finally moved down to my town and i felt relief in my heart forgetting all about the guy that came between us. We had a few bumps during the year and there were already wounds in our relqtionship healing very slowly. 2016 July it was time for her to go home for the holidays and I missed her and felt sad to not see her for a while and i started noticing things did not add up where she was and i confronted her about my suspicions, she fessed up that she saw the guy again at get togethers without telling me. I did not think much of that because she was still with me so I told her i didnt like it but they can be friends aalong as he knows its only friends. That was the biggest mistake of my life...she came back after the holidays and i starting noticing she is on her phone alot and she is very active on snapchat and Instagram and she usually isn't. I confronted her again and she told me she spoke to him everyday and she developed feelings for him so I told her she must choose what she wants...Me or him...she chose me and i took her away for a weekend in the mountains and we had a great time celebrating our 2nd year anniversary. Time went on I felt we were doing good until the October holidays when she went home again for the holidays then she started acting strange again never responding to my texts and acting suspicious I left it and knew i would speak to her when she gets back again. When she came back I did not eay anything and I was very nice to her and bought her flowers and massaged her feet but noticed no love from her side...then 4 days after she came back she messages me and tells me that we need to break up because she doesn't love me anymore so I did what any "man" does and drove to her house and begged her to take me back with no success. So i drove home with my tail between my legs and cried like a 5 year old girl. I woke up the next day feeling like somebody is continuously cutting onions around me I focused on my studies and moved forward. Then that same afternoon I receive a message from her telling me she made a mistake she feels so **** about everything and if breaking up was right she wouldn't feel the way she did.. I took her back that day in September and yet again I trusted her. We functionee pretty well from there on till December when we both went to her family in PE and things went well and we were again very much inlove until around the 15th December 2016 I noticed her being on her phone more than usual but I left it thinking "would she really be that shallow?" and so time went on and she became more and more distant until the 3rd January 2017 I confronted her again about my suspicions and yet again she fessed up she has been speaking to this guy again and they met up a few times when she wwnt out while I was just at her home helping her dad out with things at home. You won't believe it but i took her back again...like an idiot i actually did that and so we went at it again with our relationship and we both came back to where i Live to start our new university year and things just wasn't the same...the whole January and February was complete and utter hell we fought alot and I would look at her and feel no more love in my heart at all I couldn't even get her abything for Valentines day because honestly i felt it would be a lie to do such a thing for her oht of love. 2 days ago being 27 February 2017 she told me that things aren't working anymore... Edited March 1, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator paragraphs ~6 1
LitTunnel Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 I know it's easier said than done but dump this idiot for good. She's totally a cheater and a liar. Look how much pain she's bringing you. Just look at yourself. Is it worth it? Is she worth it? Here's the bright side. Take time to yourself. Go full NC. Block her every way imaginable. Believe me, she's gonna go nuts over this, but you shouldn't care because that would only be her ego talking. If you guys got back she's going to do the very same thing all over again so stick to NC. Then just learn from all your mistakes and apply your new found wisdom on the next hottie:) 1
Author marnus25 Posted March 1, 2017 Author Posted March 1, 2017 we broke up 2 days ago i couldn't continue typing it was full...but yes I know she will repeat the whole process like she always did. She told me she is going to leave because she feels I can't leave her and I pretty much know she is going to end up with that guy but it doesn't bother me that she does it just bothers me that I'm alone now and all the things I use to do every day revolving her is gone now so now i have to adapt to this whole new life after 3 years and it isn't nice and I know it's for the best I'm pulled between millions of emotions 1
Maldives Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 we broke up 2 days ago i couldn't continue typing it was full...but yes I know she will repeat the whole process like she always did. She told me she is going to leave because she feels I can't leave her and I pretty much know she is going to end up with that guy but it doesn't bother me that she does it just bothers me that I'm alone now and all the things I use to do every day revolving her is gone now so now i have to adapt to this whole new life after 3 years and it isn't nice and I know it's for the best I'm pulled between millions of emotions I shld of let her go by the sounds of it the 1st time ur suspicions were raised but u werent to kno sometimes it's worse not knowing wat would have been if u had tried. I've had that hot and cold thing happen wen me and my ex wife split I later found out there was a third party a guy always lurking in the background they we re e only friends but obviously it developed as there now married. I rea d about this hot and cold thing on various website books and sources and it's usually a high probability there's another party involved at some level. Makes sense. She sounds torn between u this other guy and maybe her home 900 k away I donno im just trying to read the situation. U have definatley put up wth a lot of crap and pain from her bro. As hard as it is now u know where this keeps going maybe for ur own wellbeing cut her loose. I did wat ur doing wth another ex that cheated wth a very close friend of mine well not friend anymore it was to no avail. Let her go. "Holding on to someone who doesn't love u is like holding onto a cactus, it hurts"
Author marnus25 Posted March 3, 2017 Author Posted March 3, 2017 (edited) its going to be a long road Edited March 3, 2017 by marnus25
Author marnus25 Posted March 4, 2017 Author Posted March 4, 2017 I feel so stupid...I'm laying here watching the community trying to forget 2016...trying to forget the fact that I forgave her for cheating on me with the same guy...even though she promised me they didn't have sex it doesn't make a difference...I try feel mad about it...I try feel sad about it...but it just keeps coming...on monday she told me we have to break up before she does it again and everytime she cheated on me emotionally with this guy via text I asked her why...she would just say "in the moment i dont feel guilty when I do it but later on I feel bad" I don't understand...why she did this and why she threw us away..I tried so hard but in the end she drained me to a point where we just had to break up...maybe it's because I was her first bf and her first sexual encounter I dont know...but I'm left with all this **** which I find unfair
Sweetfish Posted March 4, 2017 Posted March 4, 2017 I feel so stupid...I'm laying here watching the community trying to forget 2016...trying to forget the fact that I forgave her for cheating on me with the same guy...even though she promised me they didn't have sex it doesn't make a difference...I try feel mad about it...I try feel sad about it...but it just keeps coming...on monday she told me we have to break up before she does it again and everytime she cheated on me emotionally with this guy via text I asked her why...she would just say "in the moment i dont feel guilty when I do it but later on I feel bad" I don't understand...why she did this and why she threw us away..I tried so hard but in the end she drained me to a point where we just had to break up...maybe it's because I was her first bf and her first sexual encounter I dont know...but I'm left with all this **** which I find unfair She had sex with this guy. She is lying to you.
ExpatInItaly Posted March 4, 2017 Posted March 4, 2017 Sorry this happened, OP. In the future, you need to walk away the first time someone cheats. Don't allow it to happen again and again. Anyone capable of cheating like that doesn't love or respect you. Go No Contact, once and for all. You don't need this girl in your life. 5
Mackem23 Posted March 4, 2017 Posted March 4, 2017 The other guy is a **** bag learn boxing and kick his arse
Marc878 Posted March 4, 2017 Posted March 4, 2017 Cheating was all on her. Burrying your head in the sand is on you. 4 times? WTH were you thinking? 2
dumbass2 Posted March 4, 2017 Posted March 4, 2017 I feel so stupid...I'm laying here watching the community trying to forget 2016...trying to forget the fact that I forgave her for cheating on me with the same guy...even though she promised me they didn't have sex it doesn't make a difference...I try feel mad about it...I try feel sad about it...but it just keeps coming...on monday she told me we have to break up before she does it again and everytime she cheated on me emotionally with this guy via text I asked her why...she would just say "in the moment i dont feel guilty when I do it but later on I feel bad" I don't understand...why she did this and why she threw us away..I tried so hard but in the end she drained me to a point where we just had to break up...maybe it's because I was her first bf and her first sexual encounter I dont know...but I'm left with all this **** which I find unfair You have learned the hard way that that is what happens with a cheater. Let her get away with it once, maybe a second chance. Two,,,three times? That's just telling her it is not that big of a deal to you and hence why she keeps doing it. You have to have boundaries in a relationship and consequences if they are crossed. Don't ever be the too "nice" a guy or one that feels they can't do any better. You'll get walked all over. I know. I was there once.
coolheadal Posted March 5, 2017 Posted March 5, 2017 Emotional cheating in your own place is touch one I had that back in 2014 the day was Christmas when I found out and the next day I had her on bus sent her to another state with her girl friend. NC =no contact since then. No matter what they do if they cheat you never, never, never and never ever take them back. Because there is no self-respect for her again your trust is over with. She'll never stop cheating she has the cheat way about her now. Her love for you is gone, she has the cheater way to life for now the excitement of the cheat! Chalk this up as a learning lesson. I haven't had anyone cheat on me since that one. Your next won't be like this one you know the signs..
Author marnus25 Posted March 7, 2017 Author Posted March 7, 2017 I know this sucks...you broke up with the person you loved...I might not know the reasons why you did but I know heartbreak...I've been dumped,cheated on and used. Alot of you are sad and scared...feeling alone and that you lost your identity...I've been there...I recently went through that...but i realized I held on to the realtionship because they determined my happiness...their happiness determined mine...I didn't determine my own..I got lost in it. Realize that you nees to be happy and feel happy again. and if you feel like I did you weren't happy you were trapped in a dilusion and feeding of crumps to feel a little bit alive for once.. It sucks when you realize that but when you realize that they can no longee control your emotions or your happiness you will be frew...don't you want that? to feel completely in control of your own happiness? In the beginning you don't want to understand you want to reason and reconcile but is thay really what you want...do you want to neglect yourself? do you want to slip backwards and see yourself losing in your own life and losing control? No! you don't you want to live the way you want to and feel independent again...Be Happy! write that on sticky notes and stick them everywhere for you are beautiful and you deserve to be happy again. 2
Author marnus25 Posted March 10, 2017 Author Posted March 10, 2017 well 2 weeks have passed since the break up and wow it's been a roller coaster and I've experienced alot of emotions. I blamed myself for her cheating ways that endured 18 months on and off with the same guy and blamed myself for forgiving her 4 times thinking she would change...Well now I'm at a better place already my friends tell me she is posting on social media that she has never felt better in life and he future looks bright for the first time in a long time...Normally that would hurt me but I found the best remedy for my situation...forgiveness for myself and forgiving her...I don't forgive her because i feel she is justified I forgive her for my own peace in life. All i can say to anyone out there being cheated on I've been there in the worst of ways i tried to improve myself,spoil her more,do more adventuring with her, moved closer to her, be something I'm not,changed my clothing style rejected my family for disliking her and how she treats me...and just learn from my experience please I really learned so much from this experience and honestly trust me if He or She cheats just leave because you don't need or deserve that in your life you will break yourself over it and try a million things to avoid it from happening again but you must move on and realize that person is not for you...don't go through what I did even if you are 2 years in...leave! and the right person will come...I ended a 3 year relationship which was horrible but would you rather be in a relationship stressing worrying and compensating to the bone or would you rather be single and happy?
d0nnivain Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 Glad you figured out the pattern & ended it. Forgiving somebody once is one thing. 4 times? Oh heavens know. By the second time you have to recognize that they are lying about being remorseful.
Author marnus25 Posted March 10, 2017 Author Posted March 10, 2017 the problem was her parents cheated on each other they are still together though...I figured she was damaged by what she went through in her life I'm 24 she is 20 ...I had the idea she doesn't know any better but I learned my lesson...I was too nice and gave too many chances to her she always was the one that got jealous and obsessive over me but that is how cheaters are they don't want to be cheated on...and it's a pattern I fell for too many times but i guess i learned my lesson I had a normal family life woth parents that were faitful and strong till the end ...they died...but i guess that's life i just want to let people know that they shouldn't do what i did because i went all the way and came back with a story or more of a warning i guess
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