Did Date #1 go well?

[Grey40]

Ok so this is a completely new girl I've never mentioned before. Met online, scheduled first date and I couldn't tell if it went well. It certainly didn't go bad, that I know. She talked a lot about her life and how she came here (she's from out of the country). She seemed very mature and has been through a lot. We had a bunch of stuff in common and she seemed to smile, pay attention and be in general pretty happy with the date. Towards the end though her demeanor seemed to change a bit. It was only a 2 hour date out for drinks, but she said she had to wake up early for work at 7 and I promptly accepted that and we closed out and I walked her to her car. We hugged goodbye, no kiss. I said hope to see her soon, She said to text her. I texted when I got home saying the usual:

 

"Really nice meeting you, I had a great time, get home safe."

 

She replied with,

 

"Home :)"

 

That was it. Maybe I'm reading too much into this but is this lack of interest? She mentioned multiple times durIng the date she doesn't like texting and doesn't text often, even her friends get mad at her about it. She's not from the US so I know customs and and everything in dating are different in other countries. No kiss, no real excited follow up text, should I bother for a second date?

[coolheadal]

That was your first date with her? Be patient with her, but my question for you is?

 

You said she was:

 

She seemed very mature and has been through a lot.

 

Describe to me what you mean? Did she seem like up tight or did the eyes roll around, or did she wasn't focus on you more? What I mean did her eyes wonder around the room at other men. My second part what did say that she has been through a lot? That's pretty much how you can judge her conduct around you also.

 

There has to be an interest for you with her otherwise the way she text you back saying she's home could be a bit cold on her part. She could have said I made it home and good night see you on our next date no. 2 text me.. Now you have to want and see if she'll accept date no. 2.?

 

Did you like this girl or not? Did she listen to you when you had spoken? Did you focus on you and did she seems interested. Eye and smile contact?

I see you feel like the date wasn't 100% or you felt it didn't go well.. You'll if there is a second date because that's up to her. Kiss on the first date can happen or not. Depends on her to make tha t move or you but you might have gotten a mixed signal not to attempt that first kiss. But you got a hug, but that doesn't mean it gone well either. Lets she when you text the next day? See if she text you back?

Edited March 4, 2017 by coolheadal

[Grey40]

She held eye contact, she smiled a lot, laughed at some jokes and did not really look around the room at all. What I meant is that she went through kind of her whole background/life story..and it was rough, I felt bad for her. Only chiLd, traveled to the us by herself with no support, worked as a bartender etc lived out her dreams etc. it honestly was a really heartwarming story and I gained a lot of respect for her as a person.

 

 

She listened when I talked and even asked me questions about myself, she said she likes to talk and apologized for rambling which I had no problem with at all. Yes I liked her, she was attractive and I found her to be a strong personality. She's very smart too. Usually my problem when I really like the girl is I tend to get "too obvious" act almost too interested etc. though this time I felt I kept my cool. I did compliment her telling her she smelled nice when I walked by, complimented her outfit, her eyes etc. she did not openly compliment me. That was the only odd thing. I felt she did most of the talking but I didn't see anything wrong with that.

 

As far as body language; I did notice a change though I'm not sure what caused it. She was getting texts on her phone during the date, like a lot of them, though she ignored them the entire time except when I went to get us a second round of drinks. she took that time to reply to the person. After that, she got a little more closed. I sat closer to her and that's when she kind of mentioned she had to get going soon. I read that as maybe me coming on too strong, and she wasn't comfortable. But, now that I think of it, I wonder if it had to do with that texting. She DID just break up with her boyfriend 3 months ago but she says she never talks to him and has 0 interest in seeing him again because he treated her poorly.

 

Once again, this could be nothing and I'm over analyzing after the first date as always. Seems the general rule of thumb is that "if you have to think about whether she likes you or the date went well...it probably didn't and she probably doesn't really like you." But I know that's not nessecarily the case. I guess the only way to find out is to attempt another date and she if she's up for it

Edited March 4, 2017 by Grey40

[GoldSparkz]

She held eye contact, she smiled a lot, laughed at some jokes and did not really look around the room at all. What I meant is that she went through kind of her whole background/life story..and it was rough, I felt bad for her. Only chiLd, traveled to the us by herself with no support, worked as a bartender etc lived out her dreams etc. it honestly was a really heartwarming story and I gained a lot of respect for her as a person.

 

 

She listened when I talked and even asked me questions about myself, she said she likes to talk and apologized for rambling which I had no problem with at all. Yes I liked her, she was attractive and I found her to be a strong personality. She's very smart too. Usually my problem when I really like the girl is I tend to get "too obvious" act almost too interested etc. though this time I felt I kept my cool. I did compliment her telling her she smelled nice when I walked by, complimented her outfit, her eyes etc. she did not openly compliment me. That was the only odd thing. I felt she did most of the talking but I didn't see anything wrong with that.

 

As far as body language; I did notice a change though I'm not sure what caused it. She was getting texts on her phone during the date, like a lot of them, though she ignored them the entire time except when I went to get us a second round of drinks. she took that time to reply to the person. After that, she got a little more closed. I sat closer to her and that's when she kind of mentioned she had to get going soon. I read that as maybe me coming on too strong, and she wasn't comfortable. But, now that I think of it, I wonder if it had to do with that texting. She DID just break up with her boyfriend 3 months ago but she says she never talks to him and has 0 interest in seeing him again because he treated her poorly.

 

Once again, this could be nothing and I'm over analyzing after the first date as always. Seems the general rule of thumb is that "if you have to think about whether she likes you or the date went well...it probably didn't and she probably doesn't really like you." But I know that's not nessecarily the case. I guess the only way to find out is to attempt another date and she if she's up for it

 

From what you've said, the date seemed to be textbook so I wouldn't worry about whether you did anything wrong. The issue appears to be with her. You mentioned that she was treated poorly by her ex, which probably means that she has her guard up and won't "let you in" emotionally until she feels that she can trust you.

 

Like coolheadedal said, just ride it out and be patient with her. I know it's hard, but try not to over analyse what she says in her texts because we all have our own ways of communicating.

 

By satisfied that you went on the date, she opened up to you and replied to your text when you got home. Now text her back stating that you would like to see her again and then ask when is she available. Don't hang about 3 days like you did when she gave you her number.

[Philosopher]

I am afraid to say, but based on what you have said about the date I do not think the signs are that good and I think the chances for a second date are slim.

 

Firstly her reply to your text was really short and she made no attempt to further the conversation, possibly indicating that she is not that interested.

 

Secondarily she ended the date with what to me sounds more like an excuse, rather than a genuine reason. Unless you met late in the evening or she had a long trip home, given the date lasted only two hours, I doubt it could have have been that late when the date ended and getting up at seven is pretty normal for most people with a day job. So it sounds like she said this to end the date early.

 

Thirdly her demeanour drastically changed towards the end the date. To me this suggests that she was initially attracted to you during the date, but for whatever reason she lost interest, hence her ending it soon afterwards.

[GemmaUK]

Sounds like she isn't interested in going on a date with you.

 

If your initial contact was online as you say then this was an initial meet to see if there was anything there worth pursuing, not a date.

Some folk don't but I always make it incredibly clear that a meet from online is just that and isn't a date at all. It can't be a date unless you have met and know there is 'some sort' of attraction.

 

You could try asking her on a date but I get the feeling she wouldn't reply or would say thanks but no thanks.

[angel.eyes]

You've been less than enthusiastic in your approach since you first started interacting with her online. So it's no surprise, she mirrors that and also appears unenthusiastic. It took you three days to contact her after she gave you her phone number. Here, at the end of the first date, you didn't mention wanting to see her again or any hint of a second date.

 

The only way to find out if she's interested will be to ask her on a second date.

[mushroomlol]

I agree just ask her for a second date. Why overanalyze at this point?

 

For me the text from her means that she's still interested yet wasn't really sure what you are after and just tried to keep it cool. Seriously everyone will read it differently. If you feel comfortable to ask her out again, just do it!

[act00]

Within my circle, a simple "home" is required. Before cell phones, we would call, let it ring once, and hang up - just a signal you got home safely, and with caller ID, it was clear who was calling. I don't think a simple "home" is anything to worry about.

 

It actually sounds to me like the date went well. There was a change in demeanor by her after the texts, but I don't know that this is anything you need to take personally.

 

I think you should ask her out again. You just don't know yet about anything other than you like her, she seemed to like you, and the only way to really know is to continue moving forward. This is the dating process. It may work out, it may not. Just enjoy.

 

I feel like if her life has so much drama, a text kills the evening, it's probably better to tread lightly, but not worth totally stopping. This could just be a rough patch in her life and not a permanent state, but you won't know that without getting to know her.

[Gaeta]

Why didn't you tell her at the end of the date or in your last text that you'd like to do this again?

 

She is only 3 months single, how long was her relationship? I suspect she is online only to fill the void.

[coolheadal]

She held eye contact, she smiled a lot, laughed at some jokes and did not really look around the room at all. What I meant is that she went through kind of her whole background/life story..and it was rough, I felt bad for her. Only chiLd, traveled to the us by herself with no support, worked as a bartender etc lived out her dreams etc. it honestly was a really heartwarming story and I gained a lot of respect for her as a person.

 

 

She listened when I talked and even asked me questions about myself, she said she likes to talk and apologized for rambling which I had no problem with at all. Yes I liked her, she was attractive and I found her to be a strong personality. She's very smart too. Usually my problem when I really like the girl is I tend to get "too obvious" act almost too interested etc. though this time I felt I kept my cool. I did compliment her telling her she smelled nice when I walked by, complimented her outfit, her eyes etc. she did not openly compliment me. That was the only odd thing. I felt she did most of the talking but I didn't see anything wrong with that.

 

As far as body language; I did notice a change though I'm not sure what caused it. She was getting texts on her phone during the date, like a lot of them, though she ignored them the entire time except when I went to get us a second round of drinks. she took that time to reply to the person. After that, she got a little more closed. I sat closer to her and that's when she kind of mentioned she had to get going soon. I read that as maybe me coming on too strong, and she wasn't comfortable. But, now that I think of it, I wonder if it had to do with that texting. She DID just break up with her boyfriend 3 months ago but she says she never talks to him and has 0 interest in seeing him again because he treated her poorly.

 

Once again, this could be nothing and I'm over analyzing after the first date as always. Seems the general rule of thumb is that "if you have to think about whether she likes you or the date went well...it probably didn't and she probably doesn't really like you." But I know that's not nessecarily the case. I guess the only way to find out is to attempt another date and she if she's up for it

 

First off thanks for sharing your date info with me that helps me a lot to figure out what happen on this date. So she did a no, no! What was that she answered and text on your date. The rule of thumb is not to pick-up the cell phone only for emergency, but to answer a text. Now you said when you when to get her second round of drinks she was texting. That means she was in contact with someone. 3 months broke-up with the Ex hmmm? I doubt she's over him the soon. She and him might be still in communication. Even if that wasn't the case who was she text. Now she told she's in a hurry!!!! That means she wants to finish this date as soon as possible. No really interested in you and what you have to offer. That's the problem with a woman like her you need to do your homework with all women. Got to make sure there isn't anyone else beside you. But today the world of dating is a lot different. Everyone guy and gal have a backup date, seeing other people while dating. That's why you need to make sure how long was she with the ex and when did they break up prior to taking her out on a real date. This way you don't waste your time and money her a woman that like this who just want to hangout and not be so into you like you want.

 

See if she will take you up on a second date if you want to continue with her. See she didn't even give you a kiss, that's might be do to the text message. Plus you said her phone was going off a lot with messages. That's means she's has a lot of activity going on. Her primary focus should be on you. Her attention should be 100% even if she wasn't still you have learn what she is doing by all of our evaluations of this date.

 

Right now this call can swing either way in your favor or not? Lets see what she says for a second date? If she comes up with and excuse like;

 

"I am not really looking forward to dating anyone right now, sorry!"

That means she is interested in someone else to date!

 

 

Your a sweet guy you can do better than me?

This means she's trying not to hurt your feelings by giving you and ego boost while she's letting you go easy..

 

 

I am have way to much on my plate, work, school, family, an everything I can think of right now. I can't date anyone including you.

This means she has way to many dates that she really busy and no time to get to know you.

 

 

There are so many excuses but in all that's what they are just excuses to back out of future dates. The other once is SHE NEEDS SPACE - AKA she doesn't want to date you or she just so confused with her life she doesn't know what to do. Could be all sorts of mental issues you just don't know about. She told you her life was rough and she's been through a lot. That can make her date so many guys until she feels that one is the right one. 3 month guy broke-up is the question?

 

I think you should ask her out again, if you want too or not that's your choice. I would move on, but if you daring to ask her out again go for it!

Edited March 4, 2017 by coolheadal

[Imajerk17]

OP, my experience w first dates from online is "if you have to ask, the answer is no". I mean that, if there is interest, then it's clear already. It doesn't look like that here.

 

Now, she might have indeed had to be at work at 7 and needs to get a good night's rest before her shift. But if she were into you, she would have let you know that she was really bummed about having to cut the night off early and she'd really like to see you again. I'm not seeing that here.

 

Her body language becoming more closed off towards the end is a bad sign too. That's when she should be wishing she'd get a good-night kiss!

 

If you were that impressed w her you still should ask her for a second date though. There's several stories on LS of great relationships where the girl wasn't feeling it by the end of the first date but she decided to give a 2nd date a try. Maybe she will say yes , you never know for sure unless you go for it.

Edited March 4, 2017 by Imajerk17

[dumbass2]

Hey Grey40, I'm afraid that you are going to continue having problems with dating because you continue to OVER ANALYZE everything in regards to the dating process. Look back over thread after thread that you have posted on what I would guess is every single date or girl you started communicating with. There was plenty of good advice in all those threads but you appear to not be learning and growing from the results of your recent interactions with women. Sorry if this is coming off harsh, but I want to see you progress and not stay in the same place you've been for a while now. This is just my opinion after taking the time to read a lot of your past threads. You need to learn to just chil.

[Grey40]

Yes I do need to chill. I will just ask her out again and see what happens.

 

I texted her this morning and said

"Hey hope you're having a good day at work :)"

 

It's been 4 hours and she hasn't responded but I figure she's at work and might not be able to respond, but the more time goes by, it doesn't look good.

 

My gut feeling is always right, it sucks but I'm glad I have a good sense. I just hate not knowing what I did wrong--and in most cases, it might be nothing I did it could just be her or something. I just can't believe how quickly it can change. How can you be so into the date and smiling and really enjoying yourself and like the person and then in a split second just decide, eh I changed my mind. Women's emotions are so damn volatile.

[Gaeta]

She has not been single long enough to be dating seriously. For all you know it might have been her ex texting her the night of your date and that's why her demeanor changed. Did you know before meeting her that she had only been single for 3 months?

 

* If yes than you should have passed her and go to next

 

* Other than that I think your main problem is that you waste too much time texting about nothing instead of making a second date invitation right away. You read enough threads on here to know women want a man that is a decisive type like: I like you and I would like to see you again. We don't want a guy that goes to texting without a purpose right after a 1st date. We find that ambivalent. We want a man that will say: I enjoyed meeting you I would like to see you again about Sunday movies.

 

Don't ask yourself if she likes you, if you like her than invite her on a second date right away! If she likes you enough she'll say yes.

[Grey40]

She has not been single long enough to be dating seriously. For all you know it might have been her ex texting her the night of your date and that's why her demeanor changed. Did you know before meeting her that she had only been single for 3 months?

 

* If yes than you should have passed her and go to next

 

* Other than that I think your main problem is that you waste too much time texting about nothing instead of making a second date invitation right away. You read enough threads on here to know women want a man that is a decisive type like: I like you and I would like to see you again. We don't want a guy that goes to texting without a purpose right after a 1st date. We find that ambivalent. We want a man that will say: I enjoyed meeting you I would like to see you again about Sunday movies.

 

Don't ask yourself if she likes you, if you like her than invite her on a second date right away! If she likes you enough she'll say yes.

 

I did not know hee status prior to the date. I'm going to ask her out but she has to respond to my message for me to do that.

[dumbass2]

Yes I do need to chill. I will just ask her out again and see what happens.

 

I texted her this morning and said

"Hey hope you're having a good day at work :)"

 

It's been 4 hours and she hasn't responded but I figure she's at work and might not be able to respond, but the more time goes by, it doesn't look good.

 

My gut feeling is always right, it sucks but I'm glad I have a good sense. I just hate not knowing what I did wrong--and in most cases, it might be nothing I did it could just be her or something. I just can't believe how quickly it can change. How can you be so into the date and smiling and really enjoying yourself and like the person and then in a split second just decide, eh I changed my mind. Women's emotions are so damn volatile.

 

This is not chilling. This is analyzing the details like you always do.

 

I would have waited on that text and sent one asking for a second date because if you send another now without her responding to that one, it will come of needy and a little desperate. Don't force things. That should be the last text you initiate and the next one needs to come from her if she is interested.

 

I can't help but wonder how you are acting on the dates because of how analytical you are coming off on here. I get a feeling that you are not chilling on dates and just letting things flow.

[dumbass2]

I did not know hee status prior to the date. I'm going to ask her out but she has to respond to my message for me to do that.

 

Yes, no texting her again unless you get a good response back from her.

[spiderowl]

I think she has too much going on, what with all the texts and stuff. She opened up to you but did she ask you about you? She cut the date short and I doubt she would have done if she was really keen.

 

I think you are approaching this in the wrong way. A date will either want to continue with you or not. There is little point wondering whether you did the right thing or not - if you are polite, kind and respectful, then you are doing the right thing. A decent guy is hard to come by.

 

I think this woman would just be hard work. She's a bit self-obsessed and preoccupied. You need someone who will be there for you. Attraction is much more than a physical thing: it is mental and emotional connection, a feeling of comfort and happiness while being with that person. That's what you need to look out for, not whether a particular date is successful or not.

[Grey40]

This is not chilling. This is analyzing the details like you always do.

 

I would have waited on that text and sent one asking for a second date because if you send another now without her responding to that one, it will come of needy and a little desperate. Don't force things. That should be the last text you initiate and the next one needs to come from her if she is interested.

 

I can't help but wonder how you are acting on the dates because of how analytical you are coming off on here. I get a feeling that you are not chilling on dates and just letting things flow.

 

Yeah I know it's been a problem for me that I need to work on. When I actually go on a date when I'm really attracted to them and also into their personality I fall much too quickly into "putting them on a pedestal" mode and probably start to act unnatural. I have to learn chill and relax more and play it more cool for sure. Though, this was the best I've kept my control in that regard I didn't think it was too bad.

 

I'm not going to play this wait for her game though, I'm goIng to cal her tomorrow and see if she picks up and I'll try and set up a second date. I agree that if she was interested she would have responded by now, but I've had scenarios where they were interested but just didn't put in the effort as much in the beginning, obviously if she doesn't answer or comes up with an excuse of some sort, I'd say its over but I always give them a second chance and the benefit of the doubt if I'm interested. Not just going to give up and delete their number because they'd didn't answer one text.

[coolheadal]

Yes I do need to chill. I will just ask her out again and see what happens.

 

I texted her this morning and said

"Hey hope you're having a good day at work :)"

 

It's been 4 hours and she hasn't responded but I figure she's at work and might not be able to respond, but the more time goes by, it doesn't look good.

 

My gut feeling is always right, it sucks but I'm glad I have a good sense. I just hate not knowing what I did wrong--and in most cases, it might be nothing I did it could just be her or something. I just can't believe how quickly it can change. How can you be so into the date and smiling and really enjoying yourself and like the person and then in a split second just decide, eh I changed my mind. Women's emotions are so damn volatile.

 

 

Take the 4 hours as silent time for her to think about you. If you don't get any response then ghost non-text start to happen. Then you do not contact her ever again until she contacts you back. Even if it takes weeks but don't want on her move on and date someone else. I do not see anything wrong with how you handle the date. The woman you had taken out had her ex on her mind. I had taken out a girl who just broken up with her ex 2 weeks prior to me. She stilled love him. I said what the heck! It had taken her almost 2 month to get over him. But I was left uneasy so I moved on to my backups. Safer bet then to get a cold shoulder. I am with my prior who staying with me now. I am not going to keep on searching.. I hope you find the one you want and get to the point you don't have to keep looking and ending up with the blank heads women who date men trying to find someone who they want to date instead end up with mental unstable lost love ones.

[TheTraveler]

I'm goIng to cal her tomorrow and see if she picks up and I'll try and set up a second date.

 

No text after date from her, and no text response to your message.

 

GL!

[introverted1]

How old is this girl?

 

I texted her this morning and said

"Hey hope you're having a good day at work :)"

 

Ugh. Sorry, but this is a huge turn-off and has the added disadvantage that it doesn't need a reply! Why send a non-message to to someone who has already told you she doesn't like text?

[Gaeta]

Grey: She got back to you?