Erratic Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 My wife has been having an affair for about 6 months. We started going to MC, but she is still seeing the OM. I have been hesitant to work things out because of this and she feels that if I would be willing to work it out she would stop seeing him. A few days ago she told me that she might be pregnant and that it is the OM child. Exactly when is all hope clompletely lost for a marriage, is it when the affair won't end or when your wife is pregnant by another man? Or is that still not enough?
d'Arthez Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Excuse me, but rumor has it that your wife is not married to the man she has an affair with. But to you. To be in a good marriage requires a lot of work, and to save a marriage requires even more work. With a disinterested attitude your wife has shown, not to mention even bothering about birth control when she is with her OM, I can picture all to well that it is feeling hopeless. She has shown a clear lack of willingness to work on the marriage. She is having her cake and eating it too, and has the audacity to demand of you that you put the icing on the cake. That must absolutely stop. It means that all contact with OM has to cease, and if she is not willing to do that, you are fighting a completely hopeless cause. Your hesitation is understandable. You will have to deal with the idea, that your wife is a completely different woman, of whom you once thought that she would never do this, but now she has done that. The fact that you may be at home, wondering what your wife is up to now again, does not increase your motivation, your fighting spirit, now does it? She is not interested in saving the marriage, and you can't save it alone. I would say, enough is enough, and end the marriage. Hire a good lawyer, to make certain that your best interests are well looked after.
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Originally posted by d'Arthez She is not interested in saving the marriage, and you can't save it alone. I would say, enough is enough, and end the marriage. Hire a good lawyer, to make certain that your best interests are well looked after. Word
lynnspies1 Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Only you can say when enough is enough, From my experience, my H did not continue the physical affair but continued telephone and e-mail contact with OW. We had started counselling and even the therapist said there is really no point in working towards resolution of the marriage until H makes a decision. I had to step back and he left, even though we only separated for a few days it made a difference. Once he came back he had two slip ups with no contact that were crushing to me but we have moved on it is getting better. I think you may need to step out of the mess until she makes her decision. What does she plan to do if she is pregnant? Does she say she wants to be married to you? Sorry that you have had to go through this and the thought of a potential child must be heart breaking. Hang in there. Lynn
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Her primary interest lies with that OM. She has prioritized him over you and over your marriage. If you and your marriage were the higher ones on that priority list, then she would have agreed to go 'no contact' with the OM. MC has been a waste of your time. She continued her relationship with him, tricked you into believing that you are the one who needs to work on the marriage, and now she is pregnant with his child. Should you decide to stay married to her, OM will continue to be in your life in some way or other for the rest of your life with her - and its very likely that's exactly what your W wants. So, you have a choice: stay in a marriage which involves your W, the man she is in love with, and their child - or cut your losses and walk away. You can spend the rest of your life in this hell, or you can walk away from it - and try to put your head and heart back together and ready yourself for finding someone with whom you can share happiness and enjoy life, rather than "survive" through it.
Author Erratic Posted July 28, 2005 Author Posted July 28, 2005 I'm so confused, my tells me last week she might be pregnant with OM child. Now she is telling me she is probably not pregnant. She went to the doctors, but the test results have not come back yet. Can someone please explain to me exactly why she would tell me she's pregnant without going to the doctor to confirm it first? Regardless of the result of the test, I've had enough and want out. I feel bad though and I am finding it hard to leave. We've been together for 10 yrs and have been married for 5 yrs. After a few sessions of MC, individual therapy, and talking to other people, I have yet to find away to forgive her. Granted she continues to lie and have an affair and I am lucky enough to find new things out every couple of weeks. She has not lived with me for 3 months and I have no desire to have her move back home, or for that matter be intimate with her. I find her attractive but I can't get her and OM out of my head and just looking at her makes me upset and angry. I feel as if I owe it to her to try and work things out. I try to tell her I want a divorce and she gets upset and I feel guilty like it's all my fault. Why do I feel this way? I know I still love her but I don't feel the same way about her, I don't feel like a husband should feel about his wife.
whichwayisup Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 I'm so confused, my tells me last week she might be pregnant with OM child. Now she is telling me she is probably not pregnant. She went to the doctors, but the test results have not come back yet. Can someone please explain to me exactly why she would tell me she's pregnant without going to the doctor to confirm it first? She probably missed her period and that got her thinking she was pregnant. She shouldn't have said anything until she knew for sure. Hearing that news definately stirred things up alot more. Problem is, she ISN'T thinking, period. Your wife isn't the same person, she isn't thinking straight, she's addicted to the feelings this OM gives her. She may think she's inlove with him, but she more than likely isn't. She's loving the crush-lust feelings. That isn't inlove. She loves you, she just has buried those feelings because of him. Regardless of the result of the test, I've had enough and want out. I feel bad though and I am finding it hard to leave. We've been together for 10 yrs and have been married for 5 yrs. After a few sessions of MC, individual therapy, and talking to other people, I have yet to find away to forgive her. Granted she continues to lie and have an affair and I am lucky enough to find new things out every couple of weeks. She has not lived with me for 3 months and I have no desire to have her move back home, or for that matter be intimate with her. I find her attractive but I can't get her and OM out of my head and just looking at her makes me upset and angry. This must be so hard for you and I"m glad to hear you're seeing someone one your own. She has to decide who she wants. You and the marriage or him. She can't have her cake and eat it too. Until she puts 100% into you, her going to MC is pointless as her focus isn't there. It should be, but isn't. And she has to end it with him if she plans on working things out with you. I feel as if I owe it to her to try and work things out. I try to tell her I want a divorce and she gets upset and I feel guilty like it's all my fault. Why do I feel this way? I know I still love her but I don't feel the same way about her, I don't feel like a husband should feel about his wife. Don't feel guilty, try not to. She is the one messing around, NOT YOU. She's making you feel bad, keeping you waiting in the wings so she can experience the otherside of the fence. That's not fair to you! Ofcourse you don't feel like a husband to her, why should you? The trust is out the window and she's hurting you by being with this OM. Sadly, the ball is in her court unless you file for D. If she isn't willing to work with you to fix things and make it up to you, how long do you intend on living this rollercoaster? Put yourself first, not her. She really doesn't seem too concerned about your pain, so why should you be concerned with hers? Until she can show in ACTIONS, not words, that she is ready to be with you, don't put any extra energy into her. Again, she isn't thinking clearly and until she takes a huge step back and rids her feeling for the OM, things won't change for the better. I'm sorry for what you're going through.
Author Erratic Posted July 28, 2005 Author Posted July 28, 2005 Originally posted by whichwayisup Sadly, the ball is in her court unless you file for D. If she isn't willing to work with you to fix things and make it up to you, how long do you intend on living this rollercoaster? Put yourself first, not her. She really doesn't seem too concerned about your pain, so why should you be concerned with hers? Until she can show in ACTIONS, not words, that she is ready to be with you, don't put any extra energy into her. Again, she isn't thinking clearly and until she takes a huge step back and rids her feeling for the OM, things won't change for the better. Well heres the thing, I stopped putting energy into it and spend little time with her. She tells me that this is driving a wedge between us and I am forcing her to go to OM. She wants to go to MC and fix our marriage but continues to see him. To make matters worse he lives 1,000 miles away and she still manages to see him a couple times a month, not to mention talk on the phone daily. I have told her numerous times that she needs to stop contact and really prove to me that nothing is more important to her then our marriage, once I believe this to be true then things may get better.
dresden Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 Erratic, I am going through something very similar. I too feel pain and anguish at my partner's behavior. Why do we keep trying? I think you are lucky that she is not living with you. Could you firmly close the door on this and move on? Maybe stay in counseling for yourself. Good luck.
Sal Paradise Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 Originally posted by Erratic Exactly when is all hope clompletely lost for a marriage, is it when the affair won't end or when your wife is pregnant by another man? Or is that still not enough? It depends on the person, for me personally it ends with the affair. But for someone who wants to work it out I think it ends when they realize the other person isn't going to change and isn't accepting full responsibility for their actions. And is unwilling to work on it. She is full of ****, she is blaming you for why she won't give him up. You should of threw her out of the house when she refused. And then began to file papers. The problem was you allowed her to do this to you by being weak. Cheaters rarely stop for love or guilt, they stop when they are forced to make a choice. Its possible she would of still stayed with him but at least you wouldn't of wasted 6 months of you life. At this point I think you should throw in the towel. Now that there's a baby there is no hope of her cutting him out of her life. Cheaters cannot have contact with the person they cheated with, and now that there is a baby she will always have contact. Divorce her while you still have your testicles and a bit of self respect. You seem like a nice guy, you can do better than this worthless slut who claims to be a wife.
Sal Paradise Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 Ok I just read your follow up post.... I think she could be lying about the baby to manipulate you. Dude seriously grow some balls and throw her out the house. She's the one who cheated you have all the power and you're giving it to her.
lynnspies1 Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 I agree with Sal, I think she is manipulating you with the potential baby. Good grief, how about a flippen home preg. test. I do not know any women that went straight to the doctor prior to doing a home test and confirming it that way. As my Grandmother used to say (rest her soul) get on your jogging shoes and run, run away! Lynn
Author Erratic Posted July 29, 2005 Author Posted July 29, 2005 Originally posted by lynnspies1 I agree with Sal, I think she is manipulating you with the potential baby. Good grief, how about a flippen home preg. test. I do not know any women that went straight to the doctor prior to doing a home test and confirming it that way. As my Grandmother used to say (rest her soul) get on your jogging shoes and run, run away! Lynn She took a home pregnancy test, the result was positive. A month later she told me she was pregnant, I flipped out and told her I never wanted to speak to her again and that we are getting divorced. It's been a few days since she told me and I continue to tell her this, but she insists on contacting me. I'm assuming because of my reaction she changed her story to I might be pregnant and I will go to the doctors to be certian. I'm not a women so I can't be for sure, but if I were and I was pregnant with my boyfriends baby, I don't think it would take me a month to confirm with a doctor, especially if a home test was positive and MY HUSBAND didn't know yet. Any way, the test results should back in a few days and I think regardless of the result I'm leaving. There's only so much abuse one can take and if nothing else at least I found out how much is enough for me.
Bryanp Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 She is totally humliating and disrespecting you. She continues to have unprotected sex with her lover putting you at risk for STD's. You would have to be out of your mind to remain with her. Why would you wish to be married to a woman who has a lover on the side and engages in unprotected sex? Surely you can do better than this. I wish you luck.
StillHurtin Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 I agree, she is playing you for a fool. I am sorry you are going through all this, it's he!!. She wants you and the OM and she just can't have both, she needs to realize this. As for her saying she is pg and says the test results haven't come in yet, I find that hard to believe. I don't know about every doctor but I had both of my pregnancies confirmed by my doctors the same day I took the test. In fact it only took a few hours for the nurse to call me to tell me my results. It doesn't take that long for the results. You have to do what you feel, but I would stop going to MC, you are waisting your money for her. She doesn't care at this point. Tell her until she knows what she wants, you or the OM to stay the he!! away from you (unless you have children).
TMCM Posted July 30, 2005 Posted July 30, 2005 As much as some people say that they are, the truth is that not all unfaithful spouses are alike. On one end there are those who end their affair as soon as it is discovered by the betrayed spouse, while on the other end there are those who continue, like your W, with their affair. The former group is the corrigible group while the later is the incorregible. Your W most likely belongs to the latter one and that group is practically without hope marriagewise. I know, I was once married to a woman who belonged to the latter group and found out the hard way that unless she acknowledges that her behavior is wrong, the odds that a marriage will survive/rebuilt are the same as a snowball's chance in hell. If you don't have any children, then you'll probably be better off divorcing her and moving on with your life. TMCM
Ladyjane14 Posted July 30, 2005 Posted July 30, 2005 Originally posted by Erratic Well heres the thing, I stopped putting energy into it and spend little time with her. She tells me that this is driving a wedge between us and I am forcing her to go to OM. She wants to go to MC and fix our marriage but continues to see him. To make matters worse he lives 1,000 miles away and she still manages to see him a couple times a month, not to mention talk on the phone daily. I have told her numerous times that she needs to stop contact and really prove to me that nothing is more important to her then our marriage, once I believe this to be true then things may get better. There is no point in going to marriage counseling while your wife is involved with OM. If she wants to go to IC and talk about her OM addiction.....well, that's her decision. She doesn't need YOU to go with her for that. She's not honestly attempting to reconcile her marriage while she's still actively involved in her affair. It's just NOT possible to heal a marriage, while there is an interloper actively involved. You are being manipulated when she tells you that your behavior is "driving a wedge". The undeniable "wedge" here, is her infidelity. You're dealing with 'cake-woman'. But she can't "have her cake, and eat it too" when one of her cakes won't cooperate. Consider separation until NO CONTACT is reached. In this way, you take the cake off her plate. (At marriagebuilder's they call that Plan B.) Contact between her and OM is beyond your control. You can only control what YOU do. And you do have control in regards to who is in contact with YOU. So, if it's not NC with him, then let it be NC with you. The beauty of Plan B is that it gives the WS a peek at life through the window of potential divorce. She would get to see what her life would be without you. If you go that route, do write the Plan B letter. It should assure her of your love for her, and outline for her what is required in order for you to consider reconciling the marriage. The Plan B letter is her roadmap home. When you're dealing with an incorregible WS, you're losing both love and respect for them on a daily basis. While you remain on the interior of the chaos in her life, your own life is in chaos. In actuality, NC can help you preserve your love for them, by extricating YOU from hurtful contact. Another great side-benefit to Plan B is that it prepares YOU for a new life of your own. It allows you to step out of the emotionally charged situation, and gain clarity, and puts choices back in YOUR hands. Sometimes....those BS's, who commit themselves to Plan B, will discover that they, themselves, no longer really want the marriage. And sometimes....there is just nothing you can do about the "incorregible" variety of WS. Plan B gives you time and distance to adjust to that sad fact if it becomes reality.
Author Erratic Posted August 1, 2005 Author Posted August 1, 2005 Originally posted by Ladyjane14 You are being manipulated when she tells you that your behavior is "driving a wedge". The undeniable "wedge" here, is her infidelity. You're dealing with 'cake-woman'. But she can't "have her cake, and eat it too" when one of her cakes won't cooperate. Consider separation until NO CONTACT is reached. In this way, you take the cake off her plate. (At marriagebuilder's they call that Plan B.) Contact between her and OM is beyond your control. You can only control what YOU do. And you do have control in regards to who is in contact with YOU. So, if it's not NC with him, then let it be NC with you. The beauty of Plan B is that it gives the WS a peek at life through the window of potential divorce. She would get to see what her life would be without you. If you go that route, do write the Plan B letter. It should assure her of your love for her, and outline for her what is required in order for you to consider reconciling the marriage. The Plan B letter is her roadmap home. When you're dealing with an incorregible WS, you're losing both love and respect for them on a daily basis. While you remain on the interior of the chaos in her life, your own life is in chaos. In actuality, NC can help you preserve your love for them, by extricating YOU from hurtful contact. Another great side-benefit to Plan B is that it prepares YOU for a new life of your own. It allows you to step out of the emotionally charged situation, and gain clarity, and puts choices back in YOUR hands. Sometimes....those BS's, who commit themselves to Plan B, will discover that they, themselves, no longer really want the marriage. And sometimes....there is just nothing you can do about the "incorregible" variety of WS. Plan B gives you time and distance to adjust to that sad fact if it becomes reality. This is almost exactly what I have done. I know she is trying to have her cake and eat it too. I told her she had to go NC with OM, she did this for 3 weeks. I unfortunetly did not develop a case of amnesia and forgot everything that happened, so she decided to start contact again since I did not say I wanted things to definetily work out. Plan-B as you refer to it is a novel idea the problem is that by me not contacting her and not spending time with her she spent more time talking to OM. I'm sure that I did not execute plan B properly since I am emotional and angry, but regardless, I still felt that plan-b was the best option. I told her that I wanted to separate and that we would most likely get divorced unless she could get her act together and even then there were no garuantees. My therory is that if our marriage was so important then she would be willing to do anything to save our marriage no matter what the cost. Obviously I was wrong, not only did the affair continue but no she is with all likely hood with child and I have not been contacted by any wisemen. I had decided that for me to be willing to work things out, she was going to have to go NC with him and prove to me that even if I decide to walk away from the marriage that she wanted nothing more then to be with ONLY me. The plan-b letter seems stupid to me, you called it a road map home, I think of it more of a guide to how to stay married to me and have an affair. She needs to figure out on her own what to do to save our marriage. I need to encourage the positive behavior and give some guidance, I don't think an idiots guide to my emotions is the wiseist thing to give my possible soon to be ex-wife.
Ladyjane14 Posted August 1, 2005 Posted August 1, 2005 If you haven't read up on Plan B over at MB, give it a read. Part of Plan B is forcing the WS to live with the consequences of her decisions, and part of that would be that the OM would be the only one she could turn to for ENs. You would no longer be available to her in that capacity. An OC would be a deal-breaker for me. Personally, I couldn't deal with that so I have no advice for you in that regard. Don't try Plan B if you aren't 100% ready for committment to it. It'll make the situation worse if you're wishy-washy on contact, or in the matter of withholding ENs from her. She'll still be cake-eating, and not LIVING the consequences of her decisions. Almost every WS backslides a bit in the beginning, when in NC with the affair partner. It's unfortunate, but that's usually the case. I can't blame you a bit if you elect to go directly to Plan D. That's probably what I would do myself. There ARE options though for those who want to repair the marriage at all costs. The MB plan is just one of them.
passing by Posted August 1, 2005 Posted August 1, 2005 Your wife sounds like she might possibly be a narcissist. At the very least she is extremely emotionally immature and selfish. You say you feel like it's your duty to work on the relationship. Is it your duty to be treated like a p.o.s., to be used and stepped on? Is that what marriage is about? Is the object of marriage to find someone who is willing to accept you even though your behavior is selfish, calloused, unloving, abusive, cruel, just unacceptable on every level? Seperate. Don't even speak to her, go completely no contact for at least two weeks. Tell her you need to think and to leave you alone. You've got to get yourself strong again. Give yourself this gift, you deserve it.
Author Erratic Posted August 3, 2005 Author Posted August 3, 2005 I don't know if I'm an idiot or if I just don't explain things properly. Let's see if I can explain my situation a little better. My M has had problems for about 2 yrs. I was emotionally detatched and my wife grew tired of feeling alone. She brought this to my attention several times and each time it would temporarily be fixed, but eventually go back. Around the holidays I started to realize how bad things had gotten between us and started to talk to her about it. At this point she had decided to give up on us and we spent very little time together. At the beginning of this year my W went on vacation with some friends and met OM. Week after getting back I asked her about a phone number I did not recognize. A few days later I confronted her about it again and she told me about OM, but lied about the A. To speed things up some, I punched a wall broke both hands, she continued talking to OM, I went to therapy, worked hard for 4 months to save my M, she wanted nothing to do with me, I eventually came to the realization that my M was over and it was best for both of us to get divorced. Within a week of me no longer trying she started trying, but continued talking to OM. A month went by were I did everything I could to avoid her and she did everything she could to contact me. I told her we were separated and that I wanted a divorce, I eventually found a journal that she wrote in about OM and had proof that they were having sex. I confronted her and she denied all of it until I told her I had proof. Then she came clean and told me about everything that was in the journal. She promised NC, to start MC, and really work on us. 3 weeks later with my inability to develop a case of amnesia, she decided to start contact again without telling me, this was due to me still having serious problems with the A and not being sure if I could forgive and move on. Fastforward to present time, obviously from my earlier posts she continues to talk to OM while telling me she loves me and wants to be with me and that if I can commit she would go NC. We argue just about everytime we talk although it has gotten better...well until I found out she was pregnant and slept with him after I confronted her. At this point I want to walk away and IMHO all hope is lost. However I hesitate to divorce because I married her for a reason and M is supposed to be for better or worse, and I don't think things can get much worse. With the pregnancy comes a decision that I have to make, I have about a week to decide if I want my M to work or not. This decision will then essentially determine her decision on what to do about the pregnancy. I'm sure that last sentence is going to start a new problem for me since people have such strong feelings on this, please let me explain though. My WIFE is pregnant with her first child and it is NOT mine. This bothers me more then you can possibley imagine. To make things worse if I decide to try and work things out she will terminate the pregnancy, which I do not agree with but in this situation it is more complex then normal, IMO at least. If I decide to walk then she will keep it, most likely marry OM and poof instant family. I have told her that I can not make a decision like this and that she needs to decide what to do and consult OM, I want no part in her decision and refuse to be held responsible for it later in life if something goes wrong between us. Please understand that I am not proud of this and would rather walk away then let her do something like this. Even after everything that has happpened I still love my wife and want to see her happy. I honestly don't know what I should tell her, I am scared that no matter what decision I make as far as our marriage goes I will wonder if I would have been better off the other way. Like I said I want her to be happy but at what cost to me? Would she be better off without me, would I be better off without her? I know that no one can answer these questions. At this point I think I am the one in our relationship that doesn't know what I want, she continues her A, but according to her it is only becuase she is not going to lose both me and OM. I think it is always good to have a backup plan, but last I checked marriage was not a sport and there should never be any 2nd string spouses and back up plans are not always a wise idea. Any way thanks for listening and I hope that this board has helped other people as much as it has helped me. I look forward to hearing from people about this. I understand that you feel bad for me and I appriciate your apologizes and concerns, but please don't feel sorry for me or have pitty on me. I am already depressed and feel bad enough for my self that it only makes me feel worse when others take pitty on me. This is not intended to be mean, simply that unless your the OM involved with my wife absolutely none of this is your feult and you should not be sorry for anything. Thank you once again and I hope that none of you ever have to experience the heartake and sorrow that I am going through.
Bryanp Posted August 3, 2005 Posted August 3, 2005 Hello, If you stay with her then what do you really have. You have a wife that lies and cheats on you and has unprotected sex with her lover. She apparently was willing to get pregnant with this OM and continued to sleep with him after you find out. She has no love for you but does not wish to lose you and the OM and be out in the cold. Her continued contact indicates that she is a cakewoman and is not willing to prove to you her sincerity. Why you would wish to stay with a wife who is continuing and willing to have unprotected sex with her lover and possibly become pregnant is beyond me. Her attiutude indicates she would still remain in contact with her lover even if you took her back. Why would you wish to settle for this? Don't you believe you deserve better? How sad for you.
Ladyjane14 Posted August 3, 2005 Posted August 3, 2005 Originally posted by Erratic .....she continues her A, but according to her it is only becuase she is not going to lose both me and OM. I can't see how a person could make a lifetime committment to someone...and then hedge their bets this way. If she loved YOU, and was committed to YOU, back-up contingencies would never enter her mind. She'd be all about YOU. I can't tell you what to do, but if it was me....I'd cut bait. She's put you in the impossible situation of either tolerating OM in your lives as the father of her child FOREVER....or carrying the burden of guilt that her first child was aborted before it's birth because of you. That's just intolerable. It's forcing YOU to deal with the consequences of her infidelity. Not fair.
Owl Posted August 3, 2005 Posted August 3, 2005 My WIFE is pregnant with her first child and it is NOT mine. This bothers me more then you can possibley imagine. To make things worse if I decide to try and work things out she will terminate the pregnancy, which I do not agree with but in this situation it is more complex then normal, IMO at least. If I decide to walk then she will keep it, most likely marry OM and poof instant family. Basically you need to decide if YOU can live with her once she has the child. I'm not going to get into the whole debate about abortion... All I'm saying is that if you truly feel so strongly that you CAN'T live with her having this child, then you should probably end things now completely. It WON'T just go away. And if you push her to terminate her FIRST child because of this, it's probably going to be an issue for the rest of your marriage. Bluntly, if I were you, I too would probably end the marriage. She's NOT treating you with 'love, honor, and respect', and that combined with your feelings on things makes the likelihood of this succeeding very small, IMHO.
jmargel Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 Erratic, Let me point things out from her view. You had totally ignored her emotionally for two years. Although she may not love this other guy, she found what she was missing from you in him. There are basic necessities that every couple/marriage needs. That feeling of being 'wanted' and not just a 'burden'. Her hanging onto this OM is not her trying to hurt you, it's because she doesn't have faith in your words. She's using him as a safety net. Although this is the reason why this probably happened, there is NO excuse for her cheating on you. My suggestion would be to goto MC with her anyways, let the MC tell her that she needs to stop all contact with this OM for you two to successfully work things out. That having a third person in a marriage distracts you from the real issues at hand. Check out my link in my signature. This affair is just a topic, the real issues are what led upto it. As for abortion, IMO i'm against that. I would much rather see that baby put up for adoption. If you want this marriage to succeed one of you need to make the first move. Swallow your pride and do this by calling a MC today. Then let the MC take care of the rest.
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