kidm Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 No, just his normal mobile phone number. We text during the day and in the evening we talk or we send voice messages via WhatsApp. if you're sending voice messages, why can't you do video calls? What is he hiding? None of this makes any sense. So you two have figured out you like each other more, have you shared pics with him? what is his excuse for sharing pics of his daughter but not pics of himself?
act00 Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 I think six weeks is too long to divulge such information in the dating world. I'm not clear what this FB group is. If it's dating/relationships, this should be a bit more forthcoming. I understand keeping certain things under wraps in the beginning, but in seeking a potential spouse, your age, whether or not you have children, how old, how many, length of time since divorce/breakup, why, etc. are important pieces of information. You're 14 years younger than this man and you could be a potential step-mother? Yeah, kind of important. You and him had very intimate discussions about love and expectations, and I think being more open about his life, the fact he has a teenager, what he looks like, his age are things that should have popped up. I am wondering if he even lives in the area and you have potential to go out in person. Online, I do recognize the need to keep too much detail private until you get to know a person. I have had men strictly not talk about their kids, but I would like to know how old they are and how these kids affect life, just like a person would like to know about a crazy ex or a busy job schedule, aging parents, any number of things. My kids are grown, and I'm not sure I want to get involved with a man who has young children or unruly teenagers. It's kind of important to know, and I think if you were close enough to discuss quite intimate stuff, this should be part of the picture. Red flag? Meh, I don't know that it's necessarily a red flag. It could be. If you're going to be "pen pals," just enjoy, but if you're looking for this relationship to progress, he really needs to be more forthcoming. You don't seem up to task about (potentially) "stepmothering" a 16-year-old, so this information would have been useful up front before you really got invested, and maybe he knew this, which is why he has been so secretive.
Author heavenonearth Posted March 4, 2017 Author Posted March 4, 2017 if you're sending voice messages, why can't you do video calls? What is he hiding? None of this makes any sense. So you two have figured out you like each other more, have you shared pics with him? what is his excuse for sharing pics of his daughter but not pics of himself? He has shared pics of himself, several, and then just one of his daughter, after asking me if i would like to see one.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 4, 2017 Posted March 4, 2017 No, just his normal mobile phone number. We text during the day and in the evening we talk or we send voice messages via WhatsApp. I would go for it. When is your date? Go some place public, of course.
OatsAndHall Posted March 4, 2017 Posted March 4, 2017 People who are secretive online are so for a reason - married or similar. It never fails. Don't waste your time unless you get a photo and more details about this guy. Then google the crap out of him. I agree that this particular individual is raising some red flags. However, I respect my privacy very much and, as such, there are things that I don't share over the internet or even via text. I'm not trying to hide anything from a single person but everything you put out on the web stays there. It is far too easy for people to share a ton of personal information about other people with the click of a button and I don't care for that.
Author heavenonearth Posted March 4, 2017 Author Posted March 4, 2017 I think six weeks is too long to divulge such information in the dating world. I'm not clear what this FB group is. If it's dating/relationships, this should be a bit more forthcoming. I understand keeping certain things under wraps in the beginning, but in seeking a potential spouse, your age, whether or not you have children, how old, how many, length of time since divorce/breakup, why, etc. are important pieces of information. You're 14 years younger than this man and you could be a potential step-mother? Yeah, kind of important. You and him had very intimate discussions about love and expectations, and I think being more open about his life, the fact he has a teenager, what he looks like, his age are things that should have popped up. I am wondering if he even lives in the area and you have potential to go out in person. Online, I do recognize the need to keep too much detail private until you get to know a person. I have had men strictly not talk about their kids, but I would like to know how old they are and how these kids affect life, just like a person would like to know about a crazy ex or a busy job schedule, aging parents, any number of things. My kids are grown, and I'm not sure I want to get involved with a man who has young children or unruly teenagers. It's kind of important to know, and I think if you were close enough to discuss quite intimate stuff, this should be part of the picture. Red flag? Meh, I don't know that it's necessarily a red flag. It could be. If you're going to be "pen pals," just enjoy, but if you're looking for this relationship to progress, he really needs to be more forthcoming. You don't seem up to task about (potentially) "stepmothering" a 16-year-old, so this information would have been useful up front before you really got invested, and maybe he knew this, which is why he has been so secretive. Not a dating group at ALL! Lol. It's a group where people watch shows together and talk about it, and talk about German culture and music etc. It's literally just a bunch of cool German people, who mostly know each other in real life, exchanging conversation. They also do group meetings and cultural events etc. I was only invited 1,5 months ago by a friend, and really enjoy the group, it has a great dynamic. As we spent the first few weeks only talking about group-related topics, we didn't delve much into private stuff. It started out with a group chat with him and another guy from the group, who I have some mutual friends with in RL and who plays in a band and knows my music as well (i am semi-popular in the area he lives in). So we talked a bit about music and movies and culture and politics etc. Then I had some bad dates and told the two guys about it and then we started talking about our past love lives and started discussing that a bit. Only after two weeks, the guy and me started to text and voice message each other, and even that was, at first, mainly about trivial topics, but also a bit about people and relationships and problems and other people's problems, you know, the whole deal. Only a week ago we began to say that we actually are interested in each other somewhat. The reason he hasn't been forthcoming is because he helped me quite a lot in the first weeks getting over my most recent ex whom I split with end of January. WE just talked a lot about it. he says he has been cautious, since he doesn't know if I am even ready to like someone new, or if that guy is completely out of the picture. I don't think she is an unruly teenager, i think she is quite smart and mature, from what he tells me. He says they have a good relationship. I don't think I'd be a stepmom, she's an adult in a bit over one year. I mean, the moment it was up for debate that we could start something romantically, he basically told me he had a daughter. It's not like he waited and told me after weeks of coming on to me. This was just a few days after saying the words "I find you interesting and I could imagine to see if this goes into a romantic direction". However, I still think it's a bit odd, I just wonder if people on here may be right, and he is hiding more. I DID ask him if there will be more news like this coming up, but he said no, I know all the baggage now.
mortensorchid Posted March 4, 2017 Posted March 4, 2017 Sounds very shady. He will send you photos of his daughter but he will not send photos of himself to you? Or share them publicly? Something is strange, certainly a catfish of some kind. He's leading you on for something. Move on.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 4, 2017 Posted March 4, 2017 @OP. Yes, he seems a little shady, but he did send you a pic. Full body? You have been talking to him, not just texting. His social media seems to jive. Take this by the horns and control as much of the first meeting as possible. Tell him to meet you at a location of your choice, public, broad day-light and not near your home. I would ask him for other pics. He is hiding something, but it doesn't seem to be too nefarious. If you two agree to meet, go somewhere very public, not close to your home and arrive early so you can see him arrive, enter the place agreed upon. Enter after him. Leave before him. If you don't feel comfortable, so be it. 1
TheTraveler Posted March 4, 2017 Posted March 4, 2017 OP you need to take this to video calls immediately since you're interested in a long term relationship. No more texts, nothing. Head straight to video chat
Author heavenonearth Posted March 4, 2017 Author Posted March 4, 2017 (edited) Sounds very shady. He will send you photos of his daughter but he will not send photos of himself to you? Or share them publicly? Something is strange, certainly a catfish of some kind. He's leading you on for something. Move on. WHy is everyone saying this? DId you not read my post? He sent SEVERAL photos of himself after 3 weeks of contact, and now after 6 weeks of contact he asked if I want to see a photo of his daughter, I said yes, and he sent one. In what way do you think he'd be a catfish? Leading me on for what? Edited March 4, 2017 by heavenonearth
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