Short-Guy Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 In a couple of threads that I posted, i mentioned that I had been struggling with the girls in my social circle and online dating. As of now, I am left with two options: cold approach, (which is ineffective, even with charismatic and good looking men), and dating over seas. Has anyone here tried it or know a friend or family member who has done it? Was it just a scam or did it work out?
CptInsano Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 I know three people with mail-order brides: A) This guy got a wife from the Philippines. He probably didn't consider who he was getting, and the woman had multiple degrees, and he was intellectually inferior to her, so she ran his life. He must have liked that, because they moved to the Philippines. B) This guy got a woman from Thailand. The end result was similar, she ran his life, and he was trying to smuggle pizza into his house without his wife finding out. C) A co-worker got a wife from Romania. She is gorgeous, and at first I thought it was his daughter, and I also wondered why his daughter was flirting with me. She doesn't seem to be too bright, and is busy spending his money. How he stands this situation, I have no idea. 2
JamesM Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 I know of three: A) A guy got one from the Philippines. He too could not find a girl here who would date him. They married and were together for two years. At the end of the time needed so she could get a green card, she left him. They divorced. B) Another guy married a girl from the Philippines. They lived in the US for a number of years and have a daughter. Now they are selling their house and are moving back to the Philippines. As far as I know, they are happy. C) An ex-Marine married a girl from Singapore. She is gorgeous and when I met her, she too gave me some interesting smiles. He is incredibly happy and treats her like a queen. She seems to enjoy it and love him. They have been married for about five years. I also met a guy at the store when my wife and I were out. He was a shorter guy and his wife was beautiful and tall with a Russian accent. I honestly couldn't help but stare. They seemed so mismatched, but dang, even I was jealous of that guy. My wife had to stop her and tell her that she loved her coat. After watching a few documentaries and seeing these examples in real life, then I would have to say it is about a 50/0 that you will get someone who cherishes and loves you. But if you do, then you may be married to a beauty queen who will worship the ground you walk on...even if you cannot understand a word she says. 1
angel.eyes Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 You're a student who so far has tried to get women to go on free dates with you (e.g. hiking). How exactly are you planning to pay for everything involved in your mail order endeavor? 8
carhill Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 Similar thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/606318-should-i-pursue-mail-order-bride Did it for a couple years. Be prepared for a substantial investment of time and money 1
goldway90 Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 You're so desperate!! a mail bride won't solve your problems with women. 2
preraph Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 I have a relative who was socially awkward. When he joined the military later in life, a buddy set him up with a Filipino girl to marry. He met her first a time or two going over there. They have been married many years now. No children. When he was in an accident that took his leg, while he was still in the hospital, after the insurance had paid him $40,000, she told him she had to pay for her mother's hospital bills and burial and sent most of it over to her relatives, even though he would be needing it for his own hospital bills and they have social medicine for the elderly that would have paid her mother's bills. She is married to him to get money and send it to her relatives. No children. Won't let him have a pet even. 1
Miss Peach Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 IME the only way to really get to know a person is to see them frequently over a period of time. I would be wary of committing to anyone I would only get to see for a short period of time before marriage. I've met a few guys who have done that but many didn't have a long window of time and didn't really know what they were getting. It seems like a crap shoot to me. 2
preraph Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 I forgot the other expenses. One by one she made him pay to bring any relatives who wanted to come over over. They palmed one of them off on a neighbor to marry her off. And then also, understandably, frequent expensive trips to send the wife home to visit her homeland. There is no guarantee she will have sex with you ongoing. I know one of the big appeals is "more traditional." Yeah, more traditional if you can live on their native food for the rest of your life.
Lobouspo Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 I dated a Ukranian who had some friends here in the U.S. who were mail order brides. One of them, from Azerbaijan was married to a nerdy scientist guy, and drop dead, model gorgeous. Absolutely beautiful and much younger than her husband. I know they had some problems but lost touch with those people after we broke up.
preraph Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 Anytime you are crossing cultures, there are going to be some inherent problems.
CptInsano Posted March 4, 2017 Posted March 4, 2017 Anytime you are crossing cultures, there are going to be some inherent problems. I wouldn't necessarily say that, it really depends on the individual. Or in other words, it's a very different scenario if you are dating somebody from another culture who is already living in the country compared to transplanting somebody from abroad for the sole purpose of marriage. My own relationships covered women from 5 different nations, and I cannot say that one cultural background is necessarily more problematic than the other. (And no, not a single mail order bride was among them.) 2
Popsicle Posted March 4, 2017 Posted March 4, 2017 My coworker has one from the Philippines. It's working out well so far. 1
bluefeather Posted March 4, 2017 Posted March 4, 2017 My coworker has one from the Philippines. It's working out well so far. I don't mean to hijack the thread but, woh, could this be why that girl from the Philippines was being so cute with me on that dating site? she kept sending kisses and later said she wanted to move to the states.
Popsicle Posted March 4, 2017 Posted March 4, 2017 I don't mean to hijack the thread but, woh, could this be why that girl from the Philippines was being so cute with me on that dating site? she kept sending kisses and later said she wanted to move to the states. Maybe To do this successfully though, you have to not care that they "want to move to the states". 1
thefooloftheyear Posted March 4, 2017 Posted March 4, 2017 I don't mean to hijack the thread but, woh, could this be why that girl from the Philippines was being so cute with me on that dating site? she kept sending kisses and later said she wanted to move to the states. You're probably being set up/scammed... Some of these people are part of a network that sets guys up by creating online "relationships" ..Once they have you hooked, they'll ask you to send money so they can make arrangements to come to you and you can live a magical life together... Of course, these guys send money and get nothing... Can't say if that's the case here, actually more of those scams originate from places like Russia or the Czech Republic....If it wasn't for the fact that I practically had to beat some sense into a guy I know,he'd have lost 10K ..He was ready to send it before I got a hold of him to tell him he was being had.. As for the OP, I believe its a pretty bad idea...If you just sit back and think about the motivation for those women, its not normally out of love or desire for you, its just a way for them to get out of a shytty situation...Is that what you really want?? TFY 2
JuneJulySeptember Posted March 4, 2017 Posted March 4, 2017 In a couple of threads that I posted, i mentioned that I had been struggling with the girls in my social circle and online dating. As of now, I am left with two options: cold approach, (which is ineffective, even with charismatic and good looking men), and dating over seas. Has anyone here tried it or know a friend or family member who has done it? Was it just a scam or did it work out? If you are a less 'socially skilled' guy, then foreign women are a major option. Anglophone countries (and especially Brits I've noticed) have a very extroverted, cutthroat, speed of light social style, in which the jokes and anecdotes roll one right after the other. If Western-born women feel you have somewhat less 'charisma' or 'social skill', you could be nexted pretty quickly. Not all Western women are like that, but a good amount are. Foreign born women won't expect you to be Jimmy Kimmel, because they are slightly socially retarded too. So, it's a good option. No need to pay or take a plane. Just find the ones who live in your country. I also don't think any less of myself or the women I date for being 'socially retarded' because I think social competition is dumb. It's your heart that matters. Dripping with cheese, I know.
normal person Posted March 4, 2017 Posted March 4, 2017 I also don't think any less of myself or the women I date for being 'socially retarded' because I think social competition is dumb. It's your heart that matters. This seems dismissive. "Dumb" or not, it still very much matters, that's why OP is in this position: Darwinism. We are in endless competition. If it was OP's heart that women took notice of rather than his height, do you think he'd have to start a thread debating the merits of literally buying a wife? Calling something dumb doesn't mean it doesn't exist, doesn't affect you, or doesn't affect someone else. Opinions are irrelevant, the market is always right. You can insult the circumstances however you want, they still dictate everything. Ignoring that won't do you any favors.
JuneJulySeptember Posted March 4, 2017 Posted March 4, 2017 This seems dismissive. "Dumb" or not, it still very much matters, that's why OP is in this position: Darwinism. We are in endless competition. Is that YOUR life? Have fun and good luck...
carhill Posted March 4, 2017 Posted March 4, 2017 Some more content about mail order brides, IMO a largely outdated term, though was still somewhat accurate when I dated internationally 20 some years ago..... Thoughts about mail order brides Mail Order Brides Mail-Order Brides mail-order brides
bluefeather Posted March 4, 2017 Posted March 4, 2017 Well I never saw her as a potential love at all. I was just having fun learning about life somewhere else. To Short-Guy, I kind of see that not working out for you in the long run. I think she would desire love as much as anyone else, and if she doesn't find you attractive, eventually I'd see her looking somewhere else.
normal person Posted March 4, 2017 Posted March 4, 2017 (edited) Is that YOUR life? Have fun and good luck... Ok... If you are a less 'socially skilled' guy, then foreign women are a major option. Anglophone countries (and especially Brits I've noticed) have a very extroverted, cutthroat, speed of light social style, in which the jokes and anecdotes roll one right after the other. If Western-born women feel you have somewhat less 'charisma' or 'social skill', you could be nexted pretty quickly. Not all Western women are like that, but a good amount are. Sounds like it's been your life too as you're basically describing women discarding men who aren't skilled, cutthroat, quick, or adaptable enough. That's not just your life, or my life, or OP's. That's everyone's life. That's life on Earth. If someone's not "good enough," for whatever reason, they get nexted. That's the point. It's endless competition. I don't see how you can be so observant, realistic and pragmatic in this paragraph, and then a few sentences later try and romanticize what "matters." If the heart matters the most you and prioritizing that brings you the things you desire and makes you happy, that's all well and good. I'm happy for you. But these women OP describes aren't looking at the size of his heart, they're looking at his actual size. That's why it's dismissive for you to say "the heart matters, not anything else." If what he desires is women, and clearly women don't value his heart to same degree you value others', then it's of no use. What matters to you doesn't apply to him. Present a woman who appreciates him based on his heart, then you're right. But there aren't any yet -- that's the problem. Peoples' romantic desires are irrational and usually not nice, convenient, or accommodating. If they were, this thread probably wouldn't exist. Edited March 4, 2017 by normal person
JustGettingBy Posted March 4, 2017 Posted March 4, 2017 (edited) Honestly, I'd rather be single over having a mail ordered bride, even if it was guaranteed to not be a scam. You have no clue if you'll be attracted to her, no clue as to her personality, no clue her earning potential or intelligence, no clue how she was raised or her belief system, no clue of her physical and emotional health, no clue of her morals, no clue as to her behaviour, no clue as to her age. As least if you play the market, you have the chance to say 'no' to someone. Whether its because she's unattractive, toxic or she's good but incompatible with you or just doesn't float your boat for whatever reason. At least single hood gives you control over that. Edited March 4, 2017 by JustGettingBy grammar fix 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 (edited) Ok... Sounds like it's been your life too as you're basically describing women discarding men who aren't skilled, cutthroat, quick, or adaptable enough. That's not just your life, or my life, or OP's. That's everyone's life. That's life on Earth. If someone's not "good enough," for whatever reason, they get nexted. That's the point. It's endless competition. I don't see how you can be so observant, realistic and pragmatic in this paragraph, and then a few sentences later try and romanticize what "matters." If the heart matters the most you and prioritizing that brings you the things you desire and makes you happy, that's all well and good. I'm happy for you. But these women OP describes aren't looking at the size of his heart, they're looking at his actual size. That's why it's dismissive for you to say "the heart matters, not anything else." If what he desires is women, and clearly women don't value his heart to same degree you value others', then it's of no use. What matters to you doesn't apply to him. Present a woman who appreciates him based on his heart, then you're right. But there aren't any yet -- that's the problem. Peoples' romantic desires are irrational and usually not nice, convenient, or accommodating. If they were, this thread probably wouldn't exist. Honestly, who knows what OP's story is? These forums exist 85% so people like you and I can argue about whose outlook/way of living life is right. That said, just between you and I, I used to be really into the competitive aspect of life. Not as much as some of my friends, but... I picked the very best school I could get into (and it was Top 15), I angled to go into medicine, law, or engineering (and am in one of those), and always wanted to live in Brooklyn or Manhattan, etc, etc. And I thought you were a loser if you were age 45 and made $12/hr at Home Depot, or lived with your parents. I might not have said it, but I thought it. Life is much better for me now that I don't think that way. I just enjoy my life and try and find things that make me happy. If people think my job or girlfriend are less than theirs are, they can go f@ck themselves. And working at Home Depot sounds like a pretty good idea at times. But like I said, we all choose how much social pressure we put on ourselves. Edited March 6, 2017 by JuneJulySeptember
Els Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 Do you have ANY idea how much a US permanent visa application costs, OP? (Hint: quite a bit more than a few dinners) 3
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