What do you guys think...?

[hiylipr]

Hi all,

 

I'll try my best to make this quick. We broke up nearly a month ago and I implemented no contact right away (except on twitter--I didn't block him from my tweets until about 5 days after the fest). We had been together for 14 months and although times were a little rough at the end, it was overall a great relationship full of love and support. It was the best relationship we had both ever had. We proclaimed each other as soulmates and the love of each other's lives.

 

In my opinion, the breakup was not exactly thought through. Here is where you guys are going to likely judge the situation in a negative light, which I see both sides. Anyways, we were on a 9 day break due to both of us just genuinely being overwhelmed with everything, especially for him as he was failing in college and on academic probation for that and his fraternity. He is not good with time management at all and could not handle getting his s*it together and a relationship. So we agreed to a 9 day break where we would get back together at the end of it. We both thought this would be a great thing for us and the relationship overall. Well, about 5 days in I completely freaked out on him because he liked a picture of a girl's butt on instagram. He said he didn't mean to and that it meant nothing, seemed genuinely scared and felt bad about it and insisted he was sorry and he loved me. I was seeing red however and told him I was thinking about breaking up with him for it because it was disrespectful blah blah blah. We agreed to meet up hours later after my class to talk about it.

 

When we met up we talked a long time. The main thing he said was 'well I've been thinking and I'm not entirely sure if I want a relationship anymore'. We talked longer and it went from 'I don't want a relationship anymore'. He cried, I cried. We kissed. It wasn't horrible in the sense that we were both angry. We were both sad and feelings were still there. He said things like, 'it's nothing that you did' 'I still want to be best friends--I don't want to lose you, I still want to hang out and talk eventually' and 'the only relationship I would ever want in the future would only be with you' 'As a friend, I'll say I want you to transfer to my university because I think it would be really good for you, don't feel afraid of coming here because I'm here'

 

During this I asked him if he still thinks we are soulmates. He said yes. He said he still loves and cares for me a lot. It was somewhat amicable, but I can't help but feel that the breakup *probably* wouldn't have happened if I had just kept my cool and brought up the issue when we met up again.

 

Someone told me his is in GIGS--he thinks that the frat life (aka partying, drinking, and smoking with no one to check in with) is better than the relationship life. I think this is true to a degree because I know how he is. He is the guy that loves the comfort and all of the little things that come with a relationship. Ultimately, I just have this gut feeling he will make an attempt to reconcile. Nearly everyone I have talked to thinks so as well, including some mutual friends (he stopped talking to them for the most part as he didn't see them much anymore).

 

What is your opinion on him coming back? Keep in mind that we are both young and in our first year of college.

 

PS: I know at some point likely before the school year ends we will be talking. He has my GoPro that he needs to give back (he said he will text me and ask for my address to ship it) but honestly I think he will try to meet up to give it to me. I also have some pictures of him and his new puppy he wanted me to send him but I haven't yet. So there will be some interaction somewhat soon.

Edited March 3, 2017 by hiylipr
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[somanymistakes]

It's not unusual for people to go through some relationship turmoil around university, and sometimes a temporary breakup with a chance to see other people and realise that actually you two ARE perfect together is useful in the long run. (It beats being the couple who stay together all through college and then split up because one suddenly starts to panic that they missed out on their 'party years' and are afraid to settle for the only thing they've ever known... and realise far too later what they gave up.)

 

But it's also very hard to give the odds because some people change a LOT when they hit university and first experience all these new lifestyle options. In a year, you may find that you are no longer compatible because you have developed in such different directions.

 

Certainly it sounds like there's a possibility of you getting back together but it's far too uncertain to know. He needs time to figure out who he is and what he wants. You may too.

[destyn]

Hi there I'm a guy and here is my opinion : u said u two were soulmate ,then from my perspective,it would be over 90% that he'll comeback someday "only if" u TOTALLY DISAPPEAR FROM HIS SIGHT.

 

I mean no contact of course, and also avoid seeing him face to face as much as you can, but keep it light so it seem like (and actually is) u are too busy to see him. There's no guy ,even the hearthless one, can really forget the one called "soulmate", ur image would be in his mind sooner or later, and after he had enough "space" he wanted, then he would try to reach out.

 

But up until he realized what he truly wants, don't give him what he thought too availably, and that's YOU. If u faced him, and there's something he wanted to talk, keep the conver to that subject only, and don't give him too many info about u. I know u love him, but u should play a little hard-to-get ,NOT MINDGAME, to remind him what he missed.

 

These're just my opinion so there's nothing 100% sure about him as I don't know about you two. Up until then, keep urself better and better through NC Good luck.

Keep me update

[marie25]

There is definitely a possibility (I can't say whether it a small or large one) that he might in the future want to reconcile. But I think the best thing for you (and also the hardest thing) would be to accept that the relationship is over and move on with no expectations of reconciliation. That isn't to say that you need to demonize him, ignore him every which way, etc. It just means that you respect yourself and want to move forward in case you two don't get back together.

 

I went through something similar only in the sense that I always felt like my Ex might want to reconcile - but let him go and in a way, moved on anyway. I got to a point that I stopped hoping that he would message me every day, and instead was indifferent about it. He eventually reached out to me and wants to reconcile. However, had I not "let him go," I would be a much less preferred position. In this position, I have made a lot of personal progress and can be rational about whether or not we would be good for each other.

 

Whether or not you two end up together, going NC (yes, you will have the temptation to be best friends immediately and continue talking, but NC is the absolute best thing - even for reconciliation) and REALLY working on yourself. This is the type of experience that you can grow from.

Best of luck.