Dumped overnight by text for no reason, why would someone do that?

[9089]

Searched online for people who had similair experiences, but couldn't find any. So here's my story!

 

Dated this girl for 2 months straight. We met online and it clicked immediately. Things felt like we were ment to be and everything was perfect. After chatting for a while online we both agreed to set up a date. ''Unexpected'' things happened to say the least, and it felt like we knew eachother for years.

 

I finally had the idea that I met my soulmate, cause we got along in such a great way, it was like something I never experienced ever before, it felt almost like my dream came true when I asked her if she wanted to be my girlfriend.

 

The relationship we had was very intense, we had nearly everything in common, and a really strong connection. We used to text eachother nonstop [maybe that wasn't such a good idea after all] but it just happened that way. She told us she wanted to see me as much as possible and I agreed.

 

Although we knew eachother for a fairly short amount of time, we had a strong bond. One day she told me how special and dear I was to her, by all the things I did, and how much she appreciated the fact I cared for her. We saw eachother 2 - 3 times a week. In the last week I was at her place we had such a great time. When I went home I couldn't have imagined that less then 24 hours later she dumped me by text

 

How could she possibly dump me by phone and tell that she never wanted contact anymore whilst she recently told me I was so special for her? I had done nothing wrong, and it felt like I was struck by lightning. She acted like I treated her badly, like I cheated on her or something worse. She started ignoring me and I felt like I was the one in the wrong, but in fact she was the one who ended our relationship...

 

During the weeks that followed I was in alot of pain from the breakup, I didn't felt anything like this before, because she was the world to me. How could she possibly just walk away like nothing happened? I mean really? After a long time of texting and me trying to contact her back and forth she agreed to meetup and let us have a conversation. I told her how much she ment to me, and how we had everything in common and how our relationship was great. She a agreed, but was emotionally confused. She couldn't give me an answer wether to get back together or not. It felt like I was apologizing for the things she did, though she never apologized to me. She just said, ''ohh well, the relationship is ended now, there's nothing we can do about it''

 

She kept me in the line for 3 weeks when I finally reached out to her again, because I couldn't deal with the uncertainty. I asked her if she wanted to become friends again and try things again, and she agreed but acted distant. Then later she came over to talk things out. Yet she suddenly decided that the things she said earlier were not gonna happen. She wanted to split ways forever and I still don't know why. I thought I had some kind of closure from the fact that she told me that dumping me was an overnight descision, and that her mind went in error state, but it's not. I still think about her every day, and it makes me go mad inside. She acted like the breakup was beyond her control, I mean how could anyone ever say these things or let alone do these things without remorse. The very reason she dumped me by text was because she told me it was the easiest way because she didn't had to face me. It felt like everything we had never actually happened

 

How on earth could one individual just walk away like that, and step over the one they loved for no reason? She told me how much she apreciated me but there were no negative things that caused the breakup. She told me she wanted to remain friends, but that was a lie, because she only said it to make me feel better. How could I possibly feel better because of all the things that happened? It felt like I've been in a relationship with a ghost, something that never actually happened, and I still can't believe it...

 

Deep inside I have a sense of feeling that she still cares, but I guess there must be something very wrong inside her mind to treat someone like this. I keep seeing her name pretty much anywhere I look, and altough this could be a sign, I doubt it is. She was my everything, and it's now 3 months since the breakup. She blocked my phone number, and I'm afraid we never speak again. I know I have to move on, and I'm trying to let things go, but it just won't go easy. I never cared so much for a girl before. In the back of my mind I'm still trying to find a way to get things straight again, but I simply don't know how...

 

Why on earth would someone treat another person they love like this?

Edited March 2, 2017 by 9089

[Grathblagg]

She didn't love you apparently, or at least, confused infatuation with love. Don't be afraid that you'll never speak to her again. She's doing you a favor. My gut feeling is that there was someone that you didn't know about in a relationship with her, and now "he" is back. They may have broken up, and now they're a thing again.

 

Oftentimes, people run out and bond with another person after a breakup, or sometimes use a nice guy like you as bait to lure back in their previous flame.

 

It's just a guess. Honestly, you didn't know her long enough to know the real person that she is.

 

Here's something that's going to be hard to understand: It doesn't matter why. The fact is that what she said that you were to her, and what you really were are two different things. She deceived you, and perhaps, deceived herself. You need to go ahead with your life, and write her off, because anything else will paint you, in her mind, as a person who doesn't respect himself enough to demand respect from others. It's a no-win situation, I know, but you can lose her and your pride as well, if you keep chasing after her.

 

Hang in there, and realize that there's someone better for you out there, but you could miss out on someone truly special, if you make yourself unavailable by continuing on the course you're taking.

Edited March 2, 2017 by Grathblagg

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm going to agree with Grathblagg and say there was probably someone else in her life you didn't know about.

 

It could be an ex, it could be someone she was seeing at the same time, it could be a long-distance boyfriend she "forgot" to mention to you. That is the most likely scenario when someone exits a relationship with virtually no explanation.

 

The important thing to remember here is perspective: you knew her a short time. I completely understand that you were very excited about her and really liked her, but you still very much in the early stages of getting to know each other. It felt like you had known her for a long time, but in reality you didn't. By virtue of the fact that it had been only a few weeks, you still had a lot to learn about her. This sudden departure is another facet of her character.

 

Also, you've now been broken up longer than you were together. It doesn't appear she is coming back, so you would be best to focus on not tormenting yourself over why this happened...but rather on moving on and closing this chapter. You can't set things straight without her participation, and it seems she isn't willing to reconsider at this time. Concentrate on healing now and accepting that it didn't work out.

[9089]

I'm pretty sure there wasn't anyone else, but hey you'll never know:eek:

What surprised me the most was the fact that I received the silent treatment. She treated me like I did something terribly wrong, like I cheated or done bad things. If so I would understand that she dumped me the way she did, but nothing happened.

I tried to contact her several times, but she blocked me, she doesn't reply on text. I can't imagine why she would treat me like this. Probably because she has a pretty f*cked up mind..

The hardest part is closure, something that I don't have right now. Time is ticking away and I guess it will heal with it. She said she absolutely hated lies, but I get the feeling she was all about lies instead..

[salparadise]

I am so sorry for your pain my friend. I recently had a very similar thing happen to me, and we had been together a year an a half. It was six weeks ago I am still having a very hard time. The questions you ask are the same as the ones I asked, and am still asking. How could someone who loves you treat you in such a cold, uncaring, unfeeling way? It creates dissonance which compounds the heartbreak and has no rational explanation. Here is my thread.

 

The only way to explain it is that some people simply do not attach with depth and feeling the way other's do. They simulate what feeling people experience, but they are unable to have that same feeling. They go through the motions, indulge an illusion and encourage their love object to invest in them, while they remain aloof and unfeeling. The object is an extension of their own ego, not a separate individual that they can love. It only works for them as long as the ego extension works. When it no longer works (mirroring breaks down) they switch off and use any number of other emotions as defense mechanisms to cover the fact that they are devoid of any real ability to care deeply for another person. It's very sad for them, and for those they hurt.

 

Read my thread and you'll find a lot of correlations. I'll be checking back in here.

[9089]

@salparadise, You're absolutely right! I guess you hit the problem.. I too think she is very unstable, cause she had an unstable childhood, and that might cover the fact of how she handles with life. It's truly ****ed up however and by reading your story I felt the exact same pain as you described it. It's ****ed up there are woman out there who do this. I won't be surprised if she moved on to another guy immediately, like she did with me. She tried to find any kind of guy to entertain her I guess.

 

I think individuals like my ex or your's, have a very big social problem. And in todays society with social media going on and where relationships mean nothing, they have an even bigger problem. Don't know if it's GIGS or what, but they certainly aren't ''normal''. Your reply on my thread marked my suspicion. I never thought it would be possible, but I guess it did..

 

The only problem is, and the one I'm having right now and I guess you too, is doubts. How can you trust any girl ever again. How to know if you get the same experience again? I don't want to experience this again.. Trust is a big issue in nowadays relationships...

[Itspointless]

The only way to explain it is that some people simply do not attach with depth and feeling the way other's do.

I do not dare to say about this girl, but this really is true, especially attachment-styles and personality disorders can be a pain in the ass. I also have to admit that I have read too many stories here about women turning cold in a blink of an eye, to not sigh reading about it. I am inclined to say, yeah man they do that. Perhaps there were things you did in the dynamic (there are always two to blame), but probably this childish behaviour is just about her and not you.

 

For now I am quite happy to be alone, I really do not need this kind of barf again

[salparadise]

@salparadise, You're absolutely right! I guess you hit the problem..

 

The only problem is, and the one I'm having right now and I guess you too, is doubts. How can you trust any girl ever again. How to know if you get the same experience again? I don't want to experience this again.. Trust is a big issue in nowadays relationships...

 

 

The trust problem is difficult, no doubt. But if you allow the negative experiences to destroy your ability to trust or make you cynical about love, then you're only diminishing your own chances for a fulfilling life. I believe in love, I believe most people do the best they can given their biology and life experiences.

 

So while I might grow wiser for my pain, I absolutely refuse give up on love. I've seen real love. My parents loved and honored each other until death they did part... I have two older male friends that I volunteer with who found the love of their lives on the second go-round. To me, it's the essence of life itself. I was lucky to have been born into a loving home and to have received the love I needed as a child. My belief is deeply integrated. Those who were not so lucky spend the rest of their lives seeking but they never experience the joy, because their sense of worthiness was not affirmed and integrated during that brief window of opportunity. It may seem like they intend to hurt us when they withdraw and leave us heartbroken, but they're just afraid and trying to protect a fragile core that will never be able to experience the deep connection and devotion to another loving person.

 

Keep the faith. Believe. It's real and I know that for sure. If we're lucky we may get another chance to have the real deal.

[winterkeep]

You will trust again and you're probably going to go through a few more breakups before you find the one, it hurts now but it won't always I promise

 

You NEVER know whats going on in someone else's head, you may have thought everything was ok in the lead up to her breaking things off but realistically the person ending the relationship has probably had doubts or concerns in the lead up.

 

I get that it hurts that she has cut you out, she's doing you a favour as its only going to prolong your pain trying to be friends when you're not over her. She probably agreed to try again as she felt guilty for upsetting you but found that the same things she had concerns over continued to exist - this may not have anything to do with you.

 

I'm kind of in her situation now, I'll start my own post so I don't TJ yours..