LotusAvx Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 I saw him with his new girlfriend. We will almost be broken up for a year, but it was on and off for a few months after the break up. We were together for 4.5 years. He was with his new girlfriend, who he has been with for a few months. She is pregnant and they are going to have the baby (I know through a mutual friend). We walked right past each other and he gave me a dirty look - which is odd because we ended it for good on good terms (us agreeing that next time our paths cross, we hope each other is doing great). I didn't talk to him because I sensed he didn't want to exchange any words. Anyways.. why I am writing is because I am kind of hurt that he is having a baby with this woman he has only knew for a few months. We had a rocky relationship, and I never would have wanted to have a child with him, but I am just feeling kind of bad after seeing them. I thought I was over him, I never contact and don't think about him often, and I have NO desire to want to be with him, but I am still kind of jealous and sad to see him. I want to send him a message but I am afraid he won't reply and I will just look stupid. So please - tell me it's a bad idea to message him!! Because I am tempted to ask him how everything is going.
stillafool Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 Sorry you are hurt. Your feelings are normal because it hurts to see someone you once loved and had plans for to see them go forward and do them with someone else. You said he gave you a dirty look but what was your expression when you looked at him? Also what message is it that you want to send to him?
Telemachus Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 It's a bad idea to message him. I'm not saying that just because you asked us to. It is a bad idea. The only thing you indicate that you would include in a message is: "How is everything going?" It's unpleasant to receive such a message, because it's an overly broad request. He can not reply at all, reply with a single word such as "well", or reply in detail. Even if he sent you multiple pages of information in reply, what would you do with all that information? You passed him in public, made eye contact, and neither of you said even "Hello." Leave it at that. A previous you broke up with him and the two of you ceased contact. Defer to your earlier, wiser thinking on this. 2
Author LotusAvx Posted March 2, 2017 Author Posted March 2, 2017 I gave him a very subtle smile as I walked past so as to say "good luck and I hope you are well"
Author LotusAvx Posted March 2, 2017 Author Posted March 2, 2017 I just want to tell him I hope everything works out for him. But I am also wanting to ask him how he can have a child with someone he's only knew for a few months, and why he made sure I was on birth control for over 4 years and didn't ask her to be. I feel pretty salty over the whole thing. So that is why I won't send anything. It's almost like I am wondering "so this girl will be a better mother than I could have been" and "why didn't you want to have a baby with me?"... kind of like a why her and not me..
stillafool Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 If you send that message it will piss him off big time. It is their business why they are having their baby and you will just sound like the bitter ex gf. If you were going to tell him you hope everything works out you should have said it to them both when you saw them. Otherwise again, it just sounds like you are bitter and he probably already knows this. I think at this point you should just leave him alone. 1
keiji Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 "so this girl will be a better mother than I could have been" and "why didn't you want to have a baby with me?"... kind of like a why her and not me.. You mentioned previously that you would have never had a child with him because you had a rocky relationship.
Telemachus Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 I just want to tell him I hope everything works out for him. But I am also wanting to ask him how he can have a child with someone he's only knew for a few months, and why he made sure I was on birth control for over 4 years and didn't ask her to be. I feel pretty salty over the whole thing. So that is why I won't send anything. It's almost like I am wondering "so this girl will be a better mother than I could have been" and "why didn't you want to have a baby with me?"... kind of like a why her and not me.. And if he replies that she's a better human being than you are and she'll make a much better parent, how will that help either him or you? A message like that from you seems not only destructive but self-destructive as well. When invited to a pity party, I usually decline to attend. Don't send the invitation to him in the first place. 1
lolablue17 Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 (edited) But I am also wanting to ask him how he can have a child with someone he's only knew for a few months, and why he made sure I was on birth control for over 4 years and didn't ask her to be. I feel pretty salty over the whole thing. So that is why I won't send anything. It's almost like I am wondering "so this girl will be a better mother than I could have been" and "why didn't you want to have a baby with me?"... kind of like a why her and not me.. These things you can't tell him, you know that... :) You can only vent here or with a very good friend of yours. But let me comment about what you think and is too embarrased to say even here: No, it doesn't necessarily mean that she's the right one and you're not. Usually it's a combination of reasons and the main one is timing. Sometimes people learn things about themselves while having a LT relationship, but only know how to improve themselves and to apply that knowledge in their next relationship, in which they are treated as fresh and new. There they have the chance to build and to make a new impression on the other side, a better one, something they couldn't have done in their previous one. It doesn't mean she is better for him in principle. It means she met him in the right timing for the both of them. So, in some way she should thank you, because she gets some benefits out of the price you paid. That is how things go in our world. Edited March 2, 2017 by lolablue17 1
The_Dork_Lard Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 Ask yourself what you hope to achieve by messaging him, and then ask whether you're likely to get that. I shall tell you what you will definitely achieve: opening old wounds. Look after your heart and let this go. It is the lesser action of two evils and will gift you a sense of control. 1
Author LotusAvx Posted March 4, 2017 Author Posted March 4, 2017 I saw him in public a few days ago with his new girlfriend and I smiled and he gave me a dirty look. I did the dreaded drunk call last night and I feel terribly stupid for it. He asked who it was and I said my name and he said don't ever call me again and hung up. I don't know why he is so bitter towards me. Months ago, we both agreed to speak in the new year and he said next time we see each other I hope we're both doing awesome..it took months to end it for good, but we left it on a good note. Not sure why he is so rude to me. ALSO I feel so stupid for what I did...how do I get over a mistake like that??
Zahara Posted March 4, 2017 Posted March 4, 2017 You did it. It's over. Delete his number. We've all been impulsive at some point and regretted it later. But that's okay. This will pass. Don't beat yourself up about it. This is actually good closure for you. Now you can truly grieve and move on from him. 2
marky00 Posted March 4, 2017 Posted March 4, 2017 (edited) Who is the dumper? By that I mean, who was the least emotionally invested at time of breakup? I'm guessing you were the dumper and if so, his reaction was totally expected. Edited March 4, 2017 by marky00 1
preraph Posted March 5, 2017 Posted March 5, 2017 You have no idea what you might be getting in the middle of, so do NOT confront him about this quick baby business. You will be so sorry. He's stupid, she's stupid, what else do you need to know? Instead go listen to Patsy Cline "I Fall to Pieces" and wallow a little while at the same time being uplifted by the otherworldly beauty of voice straight from the soul.
Maldives Posted March 5, 2017 Posted March 5, 2017 I saw him with his new girlfriend. We will almost be broken up for a year, but it was on and off for a few months after the break up. We were together for 4.5 years. He was with his new girlfriend, who he has been with for a few months. She is pregnant and they are going to have the baby (I know through a mutual friend). We walked right past each other and he gave me a dirty look - which is odd because we ended it for good on good terms (us agreeing that next time our paths cross, we hope each other is doing great). I didn't talk to him because I sensed he didn't want to exchange any words. Anyways.. why I am writing is because I am kind of hurt that he is having a baby with this woman he has only knew for a few months. We had a rocky relationship, and I never would have wanted to have a child with him, but I am just feeling kind of bad after seeing them. I thought I was over him, I never contact and don't think about him often, and I have NO desire to want to be with him, but I am still kind of jealous and sad to see him. I want to send him a message but I am afraid he won't reply and I will just look stupid. So please - tell me it's a bad idea to message him!! Because I am tempted to ask him how everything is going. Yes it's a terrible idea. Same thing happenned to me wth my ex wife after 10 yrs o wasn't ready to have a kid then we broke up. A yr later she's seeing this guy well she got to know him during our separation Anyway I saw on fb she was having a child a yr after and it killed me. And then I saw them again wth her baby bump lol it hurt and that was 2 or 3 yrs after the separation. I've had just about every gut wrenching heartbreak one cld imagine lol the next ex cheated wth my friend well not friend anymore the betrayal was gut wrenching then now a 6 yr relationship is finished this one we work together too im always tested to the emph. I've wondered why I've endured such pain in this life why me im staying to learn it's the relationship I had wth my dad and the way I been treated wth friends dealing wth that rejection. Wow all that because of a parents lack of love and how we act it out. This latest one was all like ur my soulmate I've n3ve met anyone like u and soon as she was in a better place goodbye anyways it's a long story let's just say she pursued me interrace left her kids behind after eventually moving up here and losing themy in a custody battle she decides to put her needs before her kids and stay and we work together unbelievable the curveballs I get dealt I've lost trust in woman but amazingly im starting to think about dating again lol I never thought I would. And no do not I repeat do not txt this idiot. That's obviously something he wanted the kid it'll be interesting to see if they work out wth such little time spent wth each other no foundation. Remember he ripped ur heart out and gives u a dirty look do ureself a favour and put this moron behind u
Author LotusAvx Posted March 6, 2017 Author Posted March 6, 2017 some background info: -together over 4 years -separated last April but still saw each other and were together on and off until August -he moved on right away after ending it for good -he is now having a baby with a woman he has only known a few months -called him the other night (drunk call) and he told me to never call him again and hung up I am feeling jealous at how easy he seemed to have moved on and improved himself. Last year at this time, and through most of our relationship, he barely ever had a job, now he has a steady job, just got a vehicle (I know these things through mutual friends) and seems to be doing so well - and it hasn't even been a year since we ended it! I am jealous that he found someone right away (though I don't think he put much effort but picked the first girl he saw) and I am going through all these bad experiences with dating. I don't want to be jealous of him, but happy for him, but I can't stop the jealous feelings. I have grown and dealt with a lot of my problems, but I ask myself why does this girl get the best version of him? Why couldn't he be how he is now with me?
Sweetfish Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 some background info: -together over 4 years -separated last April but still saw each other and were together on and off until August -he moved on right away after ending it for good -he is now having a baby with a woman he has only known a few months -called him the other night (drunk call) and he told me to never call him again and hung up I am feeling jealous at how easy he seemed to have moved on and improved himself. Last year at this time, and through most of our relationship, he barely ever had a job, now he has a steady job, just got a vehicle (I know these things through mutual friends) and seems to be doing so well - and it hasn't even been a year since we ended it! I am jealous that he found someone right away (though I don't think he put much effort but picked the first girl he saw) and I am going through all these bad experiences with dating. I don't want to be jealous of him, but happy for him, but I can't stop the jealous feelings. I have grown and dealt with a lot of my problems, but I ask myself why does this girl get the best version of him? Why couldn't he be how he is now with me? Because he took the time to reflect... break ups actually can create better versions of your prior self.
stillafool Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 some background info: -together over 4 years -separated last April but still saw each other and were together on and off until August -he moved on right away after ending it for good -he is now having a baby with a woman he has only known a few months -called him the other night (drunk call) and he told me to never call him again and hung up I am feeling jealous at how easy he seemed to have moved on and improved himself. Last year at this time, and through most of our relationship, he barely ever had a job, now he has a steady job, just got a vehicle (I know these things through mutual friends) and seems to be doing so well - and it hasn't even been a year since we ended it! I am jealous that he found someone right away (though I don't think he put much effort but picked the first girl he saw) and I am going through all these bad experiences with dating. I don't want to be jealous of him, but happy for him, but I can't stop the jealous feelings. I have grown and dealt with a lot of my problems, but I ask myself why does this girl get the best version of him? Why couldn't he be how he is now with me? I'm sorry you are in pain but sometimes this is just what happens in life. What you are feeling is somewhat normal. It hurts but go NC so you can move on and heal. He is with who he wants to be with and improving his life. Try to forgive him so you can heal.
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