LtDan95 Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 So I have been dating this girl for about a week and a half and we've been talking some time before that. One thing I have noticed though is that she mentions her ex's name often. Not every time I see her but almost at least once she speaks of him. For example, last night she said she had to work on a project with this guy and I asked her isn't that your ex? She said yes but they have too many similar friends to not still be friends. I guess I can't blame her because she lives in a small town where everybody knows each other. But it's just the idea of her hanging out with someone she had a sexual relationship with that bothers me. What has me confused is that when we first started hanging out we talked about our ex's and she said this same guy still texted her trying to apologize and get back together and she just ignores him but they are still "friends"? I should also mention this guy cheated on her! Why would she still want to be friends with this guy? I can tell she is all about me but I'm getting bad signals about this. I haven't told her how I feel about this because I don't want to seem like a jealous prick. Am I overreacting or is it normal to feel this way? Should she be doing this?
salparadise Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 I'm getting bad signals about this. I haven't told her how I feel about this because I don't want to seem like a jealous prick. Am I overreacting or is it normal to feel this way? Should she be doing this? You're not overreacting. Listen to those signals. These forums are filled with similar situations and they never end well. She's not done with him. You're becoming the third corner in a triangle. Best to move on quickly. If you try to convince her not to see him you'll hear all sorts of justifications and nothing will change for the better. The fact is, women who pull this stuff have no boundaries; you'll never know for sure if she's schtupping him, thinking about it, or just enjoying the fact that he's pursuing it. You can't change her. You can only choose whether to volunteer for that third corner position or not. Respect yourself by choosing women who do not have such predilections. 2
Author LtDan95 Posted March 2, 2017 Author Posted March 2, 2017 You're not overreacting. Listen to those signals. These forums are filled with similar situations and they never end well. She's not done with him. You're becoming the third corner in a triangle. Best to move on quickly. Do you really think so? I can tell she is all about me when we are together. She has never cheated on anyone before, at least that's what she told me. I don't want to just move on because I really like her. Maybe I should tell her how I feel and hopefully she'll respect it?
salparadise Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 (edited) Do you really think so? I can tell she is all about me when we are together. She has never cheated on anyone before, at least that's what she told me. I don't want to just move on because I really like her. Maybe I should tell her how I feel and hopefully she'll respect it? You're very young aren't you? You probably need to learn this lesson first hand to integrate it. My experience is that people either have this boundary or they don't. This guy is meeting her needs on some level. It's a triangle. You think she's into you, I think she into getting as much male attention as possible. If you really want to test to see what will happen, don't ask her to give him up –– tell her that you think this isn't going to work because she's still involved and you aren't inclined to get into such a situation. Her reaction will tell you what you need to know. You need to withdraw, not approach. Withhold attention and see who she chooses. Be prepared though, it's probably not going to be what you hope. Even if she chooses you, she'll be pulling him back in again once things stabilize. Edited March 2, 2017 by salparadise 1
d0nnivain Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 Especially if he was the immediate last EX, this is a problem. If she dated him 10 years ago & he is really just a friend at this point, I may tell you to simmer down. What she is doing is unhealthy. She hasn't severed ties with him. You two have only been together a week. I wouldn't go for two. 1
ZayKayWill Posted March 5, 2017 Posted March 5, 2017 So I have been dating this girl for about a week and a half and we've been talking some time before that. One thing I have noticed though is that she mentions her ex's name often. Not every time I see her but almost at least once she speaks of him. For example, last night she said she had to work on a project with this guy and I asked her isn't that your ex? She said yes but they have too many similar friends to not still be friends. I guess I can't blame her because she lives in a small town where everybody knows each other. But it's just the idea of her hanging out with someone she had a sexual relationship with that bothers me. What has me confused is that when we first started hanging out we talked about our ex's and she said this same guy still texted her trying to apologize and get back together and she just ignores him but they are still "friends"? I should also mention this guy cheated on her! Why would she still want to be friends with this guy? I can tell she is all about me but I'm getting bad signals about this. I haven't told her how I feel about this because I don't want to seem like a jealous prick. Am I overreacting or is it normal to feel this way? Should she be doing this? It's very normal to feel that way especially since it's an ex. If you want my honest opinion, though, and most people are going to disagree with me on this. Not gonna lie I think I'm a bit infamous on here for having this view, but I think you may be overreacting a little bit. Maybe overreacting isn't the right word, but I mean she's not hiding anything from you. She's being honest about all her interactions. For all you know, you may not have anything to worry about. You did just start dating this girl, though, so in all honesty it's kind of hard to tell whether or not she's being genuine or not. I really don't see why people think being friends with exes is such a taboo. Maybe not the closest of friends, but it's still okay to be friends. If I were you I would just tell her how you feel and see what she says. Some exes seriously just remain good friends, though, and nothing more. SO many people think that people stay friends with exes in hope that something more will happen in the future (sex, possible relationship, w/e) and that's not always the case :/ Do whatever makes you comfortable. You are your own person and you have a right to establish whatever boundaries you feel are appropriate for your own needs. Good luck.
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