Do I have a chance at getting him back?

[EGJ7]

My Ex-boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago, we were together for 2 years. We had one big breakup before this around a year ago. The last time we broke up, I ended up begging him for over a month to get back together with me and slept with him several times. He was very adamant that we couldnt get back together at that time, but when my mother suddenly was admitted to the hospital he showed up and said he would get back with me. For the next few months he took care of me and we were very happy again, he chose the same university as me so we could continue to be together. He even bought me a promise ring and said one day he would marry me.

 

The last few months of our relationship, were rocky we fought like we used to when we broke up the first time and we weren't as close as we used to be. The entire time I felt as though I was trying my best to work on our relationship and make things better while he was just distancing himself from me more and more. I later learnt that he had been telling people he wished he was single. When I finally broke it off, I wasnt initially upset. I was so relieved, because I was so exhausted from trying the whole time. We talked still after we broke up, because we have the same time schedule for classes.

 

We were okay, almost amicable at times, until I told him that I told my dad we broke up. He got very angry, and deleted all our pictures and blocked me on all social media, said I was harassing him ( which i probably was) and that he never wanted to see or talk to me again. I freaked out and went straight to his place, he said he hated me, and i begged him to forgive me and take me back. He said that if I ever wanted to see him again to leave, so I left. Eventually, he apologized for getting so angry and unblocked me but didnt readd me on anything. After that, I decided the only way to move on was to hook up with someone else, I ended up getting a tinder and sleeping with a few guys. I felt better during that time (he had blocked me during my mothers deaths anniversary). But I also didn't feel like myself, so I deleted my tinder. I also had no intention of him ever finding out since I still wanted him back, but during an amicable conversation I ended up telling him what had happened, after he found out, he has been more and more distant.

 

I would call and beg and say things like if you dont take me back Ill kill myself and he even said, do it i dont care at one point. The thing was that most of the time I was okay, I would have moments of extreme emotion then Id be fine again. Id just distract myself. About a week ago, I started having intense emotional pain, and it doesnt really go away. I havent called my ex in over a week and i only messaged him once. I have decided to start NC although im sure its too late. I know I want him back, but everytime i have asked him, he tells me that he will never get back together with me. He says he isnt mad about what ive done but just has no reason to want to be with me ever again. What can I do? I almost feel like there is no point to my life without him.

Edited March 2, 2017 by EGJ7

[somanymistakes]

 

I would call and beg and say things like if you dont take me back Ill kill myself and he even said, do it i dont care at one point.

 

Sorry but this is a sign that you guys should not get back together. At least not for several years until you have changed and become happier within yourself. You need to get yourself to counseling and work on rebuilding yourself.

 

You two are interacting in only negative ways. You are making each other more and more unhappy. He's completely right that there is no reason for you to be together. Why should you be together, when you're just dragging each other down?

 

You need to stay away from him and focus on yourself. Take care of yourself. Become a whole person again.

 

After you have healed, maybe you can consider whether you want to look him up again, or maybe by then you won't even be interested, or will have found someone else. It's irrelevant. What matters right now is taking care of YOU. And he is not the way to do that.

[Mrin]

This story is over. You will not get him back or at least not in any way that is remotely satisfying to you. You need to work on yourself and your self esteem. Seriously love, you are in no condition to get back with him. Spend time on yourself - you'll be much happier in the long run

[Altair0770]

Kind of what others have said, this is time to take care of yourself. The best way to get someone back is to move on. And honestly, this seems like a very toxic relationship. The best way of reconciliation is when both people have matured and both people would be okay with either being together or not.

 

I'd start NC. Delete everything that can be deleted that reminds you of him. Reach out to friends and let them know you're having a tough time - friends are the biggest help. If you have mutual friends, tell them that you two are separated and you do *NOT* want to *EVER* hear anything about him. Not even his name. Don't stalk on social media either. That can be the biggest set back. I did with my ex, saw how depressed she was, came back and made her extremely happy very quickly and she started getting interested in some guy. Stalking her social media made it very difficult to not feel empathy despite that I was doing "NC" for 2 months. I left her again and went complete NC. Told her to block me from everything and I did the same. I have no way to contact her and honestly it's been easier and easier each day to forget about her (she also treated me like crap but... yeah).

 

Do NC. Worse case scenario he doesn't ever come back. But even if that is the case, eventually you won't care. What you can do is focus on yourself. Don't take closed doors or, "I never want to see you again" seriously. You *always* have a chance at getting an ex back. Life is long. You may not get him back in a month, two months, or even a year. But the opportunity may always be open. Distance does make the heart grow fonder and believe it or not he's thinking about you like crazy (hence why he even got angry).

 

Focus on improving yourself for YOU. Don't do it for him. If you become the person you want to be, and if he truly cared for you, he will eventually message back. If he never does, you know you did the right thing about focusing on you because eventually you won't care about him and you'll be happy with yourself.

Edited March 4, 2017 by Altair0770