act00 Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 I get what you're saying but this is a case of a person who has changed how he does this...not whether he generally wants to text very regularly, as you say, v. feeling it's a waste of time. If he was never much of a texter to begin with, that would be one thing. As for being busy, literally it takes three seconds to text "Good morning" - two to type the words, one to hit return/send. I find that constant communication dwindles. At first it's fun, exciting, hot, and then things settle down. You may text a lot at first (talk on the phone), but it is normal for things to slow down after awhile, so a drop in behavior to me is normal. A complete ghosting scenario where they completely drop off the planet is not normal. I agree with you, it doesn't take that much time out of someone's day to text a "Hello," and I would think once or twice a week, a bit more time can be devoted to a phone call or maybe even longer texting/email; that is, if a person is genuinely interested. If a person is genuinely interested, maybe an hour for coffee or something, in person.
Mkn1010 Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 Is it possible that he has been pulling back ever so slightly but consistently since you said that you didn't want to be his girlfriend?
Author LotusAvx Posted March 3, 2017 Author Posted March 3, 2017 I didn't say no - it was after the second date and we still hardly knew each other because the first date short so I just said I'd like to hangout with him a bit more
Cookies101 Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 Whatever you do, do not make the same mistake i made, to stay around for somebody who comes and goes, and 'could' be a player. It'll lead to mucg frustration, heartache and anxiety, which equates to being a waste of time. My advice to you is to completely withdraw, and see if he comes chasing after you. If he doesn't, you have your answer. 1
hercules22 Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 (edited) i hate when people say they are to busy everyone checks there phones also just in general even if u work 60 hours a week u will still have time to do things it will just mean u wont have time to date multiple people at the same time which is what this bloke is probably doing. imagine a person trying to use up there free time but can only spare it for one person mostly as u said probably keeping you as a option Edited March 3, 2017 by hercules22 1
Lilyana76 Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 I have 2 jobs, starting my own catering business, and 3 kids. Yes, very busy. But, I do and can make time for those I WANT to make time for. Bottom line, hes not into you, he could make time for you if he wanted to, but he isn't, so he doesn't want to. 1
Redhead14 Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 (edited) -been dating for a few weeks -he's becoming seemingly disinterested and distant -says he is just busy -I told him to just tell me if he is no longer interested, that I can handle it -Swears he is still interested - but doesn't show it. Wouldn't he have just opted out at the chance he had when I told him it's okay if he is not interested? The tiny ounce of hope that I have hopes that he is just really busy (because he did tell me he rarely checks his phone/has time to text when working) But then a lot of opinions and dating articles are telling me he is keeping me on the back burner while he has someone else, keeping me around in case things with the current girl fall through. He has told me he has some on-going health issues right now, and was recently in the hospital - so my other ounce of hope tells me he is very insecure about this problem and afraid that I will leave because of it (he has shown this insecurity when we have talked about it) He asked me to be his girlfriend after the 2nd date and I said I wanted to wait and get to know him a bit more - but I'd like to be exclusive and only see him. -he's becoming seemingly disinterested and distant - He has health problems and may be distracted by that. Reach out lightly and be supportive. -says he is just busy - What's going on in his life? A lot of overtime? Dr. appointments? Most companies don't appreciate employees spending a lot of time on their phones. -I told him to just tell me if he is no longer interested, that I can handle it - Wouldn't he have just opted out - Not if he's content with the way things are for himself. If you aren't content with the way things are and don't trust or believe him, you opt out. -Swears he is still interested - but doesn't show it. -- Pull back a little, give him a little room. Don't initiate texts, seeing each other for a bit and observe whether he picks up the slack again. Again, he's got health problems and maybe distracted, so chill and cut him a break for a little bit. But then a lot of opinions and dating articles are telling me he is keeping me on the back burner -- That is usually the case if you are just dating someone who hasn't asked you to be his girlfriend. but I'd like to be exclusive and only see him. -- Well, most people consider exclusivity to be BF/GF, but some see it as seeing other people until they decide to become intimate with another person then they leave the first person. So given your description, you're still BG/GF. So what? As long as it's just seeing each other. Yes, it's kinda early to ask for that on a 2nd date, so just sit back and observe for a bit. If he's not showing you the kinds of things you like that meet your early dating needs, just move on. Edited March 3, 2017 by Redhead14
preraph Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 I get what you're saying but this is a case of a person who has changed how he does this...not whether he generally wants to text very regularly, as you say, v. feeling it's a waste of time. If he was never much of a texter to begin with, that would be one thing. As for being busy, literally it takes three seconds to text "Good morning" - two to type the words, one to hit return/send. Then when he used to text more, was that before you met and when he was trying to get a date so he had to text to do that?
Author LotusAvx Posted March 3, 2017 Author Posted March 3, 2017 he was never much of a texter to begin with - even when we first met, his answers were still short
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 OP, we're all kind of guessing here about what "a lot" and "a little" is...someone mentioned "constant" texting...but I just skimmed again and I just don't see you giving actual details. It might help us if you could do that... 1. How much was he texting in the beginning, v. now? 2. You say you've been seeing eachother "a few weeks"...how long exactly? Four weeks? Sixteen weeks? The length of time could make a difference. 3. Have you slept together? When and did it coincide with him becoming busy/not being able to text? 4. Who usually initiates contact, you or him, or is it about even?
kendahke Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 I didn't say no - it was after the second date and we still hardly knew each other because the first date short so I just said I'd like to hangout with him a bit more that can still be interpreted as disinterest. don't make the mistake of thinking that they interpreted it the exact same way you do.
alphamale Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 He asked me to be his girlfriend after the 2nd date... now that's a big red flag
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