LotusAvx Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 (edited) I have been dating this guy for a few weeks. We are really compatible and have good times together. We agreed on only seeing each other - not boyfriend/girlfriend - but just only dating/sleeping with each other. Lately he seems to be pulling away. I don't know if I am over analyzing, but I am afraid he lost interest. He is very busy so I tell myself that to keep hope, but something feels a bit off. -He texts me something along the lines of "Good morning beautiful" everyday -He tells me he misses me when he can't see me -He calls if he has to change/cancel plans. For the past couple days, he is reading my texts, but not replying until much later. Today we had plans to hangout. He texted me "good morning" which was reassuring, and I asked him if we were still on to hangout and he said he just had to go home and change. He hasn't texted me anything about cancelling or changing plans. I am starting to think he is simply lost interest but is too afraid to tell me. I don't get why he keeps up with the sweet texts if he has lost interest. I DO want to call/text him and call him out on standing me up, good idea or no? I like to stick up for myself, and having no consideration for someones feelings is not right and I think they should know. I just don't want to look bitchy/crazy Any advice on what could be going on? Not sure if he lost interest, is too nice to tell me he has, or really is just busy.. Should I not call/text him about not coming through tonight and just drop him and move on? Edited March 2, 2017 by LotusAvx
coolheadal Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 So you been dating this guy for a while but you don't consider yourself boy friend/girl friend so he's more like a Friend in the Friend-Zone Plus. Just date and text each other. I don't see where your going with this? Do you even like him?
todreaminblue Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 he keeps you on the hook with bait while he has others on his line he is more interested and invested in catching.while yuou just hang there waiting for him to notice you are still there.......move on.....find a guy who appreciates your time...answers your texts and shows you respect.....you have given him enough time........deb 2
coolheadal Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 No it could mean His text is what guys are suppose to do text you answer him he waits longer in the day before he replies back that normal. Suppose to keep you guessing on his feeling about you.
Author LotusAvx Posted March 2, 2017 Author Posted March 2, 2017 well.. we haven't said the words boyfriend/girlfriend - we are still very early in dating and still don't know each other very well. it has been obvious we both really like each other.
coolheadal Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 well.. we haven't said the words boyfriend/girlfriend - we are still very early in dating and still don't know each other very well. it has been obvious we both really like each other. Your in the like stages okay that a lot different.. So see what happens next. Friday is coming are you to going out?
todreaminblue Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 well.. we haven't said the words boyfriend/girlfriend - we are still very early in dating and still don't know each other very well. it has been obvious we both really like each other. for curiousity's sake...when its sex or you guys plan to sleep together is there faster communication..and does he show up for your non bf gf ....fwb romp......deb
Author LotusAvx Posted March 2, 2017 Author Posted March 2, 2017 I thought this guy was different because we wouldn't have sex every time we hung out, the relationship wasn't based on sex. I texted him "So I don't even deserve a text/call telling me why you can't get together?" I don't care if this is too forward - I'd like to call him out on being a jerk
coolheadal Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 I thought this guy was different because we wouldn't have sex every time we hung out, the relationship wasn't based on sex. I texted him "So I don't even deserve a text/call telling me why you can't get together?" I don't care if this is too forward - I'd like to call him out on being a jerk Heck you can do whatever you want to do.. When you had called him what has he say..?
Author LotusAvx Posted March 2, 2017 Author Posted March 2, 2017 (edited) he apparently fell asleep on the couch.. I told him to just tell me if he is interested or not - that I can handle it. Edited March 2, 2017 by LotusAvx
anzhoulau Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 You have been dating this guy for weeks but you are not yet bf/gf. He might be playing mind games to see if you are interested or he just simply lost interest. Personally I hate this stage in dating when your relationship is kinda "unsure". My advise would be enjoying the dates but at the same time don't over think or get too invested. If you really like this guy and want a relationship, just bring it up and see if he's on the same page as you.
Been Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 Tell him what you Want. If you dont get the answer you want walk away. 1
travelbug1996 Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 You agreed to a sex buddy relationship. That means you put yourself in a category that gets no respect or consideration. Why would you agree to that? He owes you nothing but you are starting to expect a lot. Block him and stop having sex without monogamy when you know in your heart that's what you want. He is in control of this situation. Stop asking him to meet up please!! 3
GoldSparkz Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 From what you've described, the relationship is more of a FWB situation than anything else. You set the tone from the very beginning when you agreed to let him date you and sleep with you without any consequence. So he is treating you the way in which you agreed to be treated, which isn't his fault. Now that you've fallen for him after sex, you're feeling insecure because he doesn't feel the same way about you. Either tell him that you want to upgrade the FWB to an exclusive relationship or move on from him to save yourself getting hurt. 1
Miss Spider Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 You guys are FWB. This is like the worst situation you can get yourself into if you have real feelings for someone. Once you're in friend (with benefits) zone you have a snowball's chance in hell of getting out. 1
Author LotusAvx Posted March 2, 2017 Author Posted March 2, 2017 -been dating for a few weeks -he's becoming seemingly disinterested and distant -says he is just busy -I told him to just tell me if he is no longer interested, that I can handle it -Swears he is still interested - but doesn't show it. Wouldn't he have just opted out at the chance he had when I told him it's okay if he is not interested? The tiny ounce of hope that I have hopes that he is just really busy (because he did tell me he rarely checks his phone/has time to text when working) But then a lot of opinions and dating articles are telling me he is keeping me on the back burner while he has someone else, keeping me around in case things with the current girl fall through. He has told me he has some on-going health issues right now, and was recently in the hospital - so my other ounce of hope tells me he is very insecure about this problem and afraid that I will leave because of it (he has shown this insecurity when we have talked about it) He asked me to be his girlfriend after the 2nd date and I said I wanted to wait and get to know him a bit more - but I'd like to be exclusive and only see him.
Zahara Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 There is no such thing as busy. It doesn't take but seconds to send a text message. If you can take 15 minutes to eat, 10 to use the bathroom, 20 just before you fall asleep, 30 seconds before the light turns green...there are many opportunities to reach out. People make time for the ones they care about. Why would he let you go? I am sure he is still getting the benefits of sex, company, etc. when he needs it? You mentioned contact has dwindled. That would mean he was on top of it when you first started dating. So -- busy, checking phone, illness isn't the problem. Maybe he's just gotten comfortable and is settling into a slower pace. It's only been a few weeks. Step back and observe. Don't get to tangled about it. If you find words aren't matching action, and it's not sitting well for you, you should exit. Don't wait for him to decide that for you. 6
Shanex Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 Well I like the first paragraph from Zahara above. Simple as that: Someone's interested? He'll take the time to text. The rest i could add would be only speculations as to why he isn't more into you and it could be anything. But it's never a good sign.
preraph Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 Look, you can't always know what is really going on. At least he gave you a health excuse. it might be legit. All you can do in this situation is keep dating other guys so that you are not waiting for him, but accept his invitation if it comes again, and don't sleep with him until you trust him a bit more. He very well may be seeing other women, but so what? Don't they all? You're not exclusive, so don't stop dating.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 His actions are ALREADY clearly not consistent with his words. He's interested, but you say he doesn't act like it. You told him you wanted to wait before becoming gf/bf. He asked after the second date. A couple of signs that he (1) didn't get what HE wanted and (2) he was rushing into a relationship with motives you may never know. Yeah, it doesn't take but a few seconds to text. Also, he said he's been busy....CLASSIC and COMMON excuse. Never too busy to communicate in some manner.
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 Wouldn't he have just opted out at the chance he had when I told him it's okay if he is not interested? It hurts but you need to be realistic, and practical. NO guy who likes the occasional nookie from someone he can otherwise bow out of responsibilities toward (such as consistent contact, something he's already given you an excuse for and seen that you'll allow it) is going to burn that bridge. He'll keep her on the hook at least loosely because why not? And if she runs, well, whatevs. Don't you deserve so much more than this? As for believing the too-busy (to at least send a text) thing, even brain surgeons take their phones into the men's room with them. I just don't buy it. Unless he's in a MASH unit ducking continuous friendly fire while simultaneously operating on two different patients without a break even to eat or take a potty for several weeks straight, then he has seven seconds to send a text. Period. 1
act00 Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 This is really hard, because he may really be busy, but as pointed out, with today's technology, it really doesn't take much to text a "Hi" or "Good morning." I find it hard to believe that someone who truly cares about you and is invested in knowing you more can't find the time to connect in some small way and even give little updates. "I'm so busy and I'm so tired when I get home, I just go straight to bed." One would think he could manage a half-hour just to talk on the phone a little or text. He was recently in the hospital and may have some health issues of which he is not sharing with you, as you are not someone who can be in that place right now. I certainly wouldn't want to be a burden on someone I just barely met. He really shouldn't be pursuing a relationship right now until he can heal. Maybe he has another girl and you are on the back burner. Would it be the worst thing in the world if he chooses you later? I mean, I'm a glutton for punishment, but depending on the situation, I'm willing to wait until the timing gets better. I think it's time for you to take the hint. Don't make him a priority anymore. Don't text, don't call. Seriously, if he contacts you last minute, and the only thing you REALLY want to do is lounge on the sofa with Cheetos and a movie, state you already have plans, but perhaps tomorrow. If he is busy and life slows down, he'll come around. Don't invest more energy into him. If it works out, it works out. In the meantime, live your life, and you may just meet someone else. Live your life. 1
preraph Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 It has become evident just on Loveshack alone that there are two schools of texters, those who want to do it very regularly, and those who don't want to waste time making up random chitchat and don't want the pressure to say romantic things via text or to keep up a conversation that never seems to end. He has told the poster that he is tired and busy and maybe even sick. If he is fading away, she will soon know, but until then, take him at his word that he thinks random texting is a drain. 2
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 It has become evident just on Loveshack alone that there are two schools of texters, those who want to do it very regularly, and those who don't want to waste time making up random chitchat and don't want the pressure to say romantic things via text or to keep up a conversation that never seems to end. He has told the poster that he is tired and busy and maybe even sick. If he is fading away, she will soon know, but until then, take him at his word that he thinks random texting is a drain. I get what you're saying but this is a case of a person who has changed how he does this...not whether he generally wants to text very regularly, as you say, v. feeling it's a waste of time. If he was never much of a texter to begin with, that would be one thing. As for being busy, literally it takes three seconds to text "Good morning" - two to type the words, one to hit return/send. 1
Ami1uwant Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 Its hard to say here------ Yes sometimes people can be too busy to text. Unsure what sort of job he has but if he does a job like on an assembly line he will not have time to stop and text. He also could work somewhere where text messages are impossible to get. Him being hospitalized cqn also be a factor. at this time in a relationship its too early to get all personal with intriducing family and friends and to include sharing personal medical conditions. I once dated someone early on who needed to have surgery for something minor but she poofed on me till she was better after a few weeks. A guy isnt going to tell you his procedure/hospitalization had to do with erectile dysfunction.
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