mandyy4 Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 I'm really annoyed and I don't have a right to be but I'm having a hard time dealing with it so I just wanna vent. I think I'm more frustrated with myself than anything. So my boyfriend just turned 21, and I'm still 19. We've been together a little over 2 years, and neither one of us have ever really been the type to go out at all. But since he's turned 21, he's sparked an interest in going out with his coworkers to bars about once a week. Which is fine, I mean that's expected when you turn 21, because it's new and exciting. But I'm just jealous that I don't ever get to go out with him because I'm underage, and I know that I can't stop him from going out because that's obviously not right. But another thing about it that really bothers me is that when he goes out, it's not just for one or two drinks, he feels the need to get completely wasted, which I really do not like. I don't know, I feel like I need to get over it but I just feel super left out because now there's this new aspect of his life that I don't get to be a part of for another year and a half.
kendahke Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 Time, fortunately, only moves forward and 18 months will go by in a flash. You're going to have to find ways to keep yourself occupied on those evenings when he wants to go out and get wasted. He's grown now and going to bars legally is like his "new toy", just as it will be when you turn 21. For him, that means he's probably going to be going out and getting drunk and you're going to have to either find a way to deal with it and be happy and content with him or you're going to have to weigh the wisdom in being with someone who engages in behavior that you dont' approve of. What you don't want to do is turn into his mother, trying to tell him he can't go do what he wants to do, unless you want to fast track the end of your relationship.
spiderowl Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 I take it you are not in the UK or you could have been out getting wasted with him if you wanted. What bothers you most, his going out without you or getting wasted? I can appreciate you want to be part of his social life and wonder what you are missing. In any relationship, each partner is going to have their own patches of social life where the other is not involved. It can make a person feel insecure. Can you find something else to do where you can go out and meet people while he is out getting wasted? It might take your mind off what he is doing and at the same time make him realise that he's not the only one who needs a social life.
GoldSparkz Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 I think this is natural when you begin dating at a young age. As time passes, people are still learning who they are and the only way to find this out is to try new things. It seems that your boyfriend is learning new experiences - good and bad, but you're now feeling left behind because he is no longer the quiet, shy homebody you first met. It's worth having a chat with him about your anxieties to see how he responds. But I wouldn't expect him to change his ways for you as this is unfair and he may resent you from holding him back. Obviously getting drunk every night is unacceptable, but as a 21 year old, he needs the space to figure things out. Also, at 19 you should be focussing on your education or career. Have you considered what you want to do in life instead of worrying what your boyfriend is up to?
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