Tired of the constant fights and his contempt and stonewalling

[oldshirt]

And just because he's agreed to show up at counselor's office doesn't prove his undying love or commitment to change. It just means he didn't have other plans.

 

I'm sure he doesn't have an actual beef with you and I'd bet my last dollar he still wants to have sex with you and catch a new release movie with you now and then.

 

The real question is is that good enough?

[oldshirt]

I believe the following is a very fair and wise suggestion and it will be what I reccomend to my daughter should she ever be in a similar situation -

 

- give him a hug, encourage him to seek help, wish him well.

 

Then move on with your own life and date sober, developed, educated, professional men that share the same values, interests and life goals as you.

 

Then if in several years and 10s of thousands of $$s of intensive therapy later, he shows back up and he is sober, educated and established in a professional career and now shares your same values and life goals and he asks you out-

 

You can handle it like any other date request at that time however you see fit then.

 

I think that is very fair and reasonable.

 

He is simply not a match for you in this incarnation.

 

If he evolves and transforms himself into someone completely different years from now, and he wants to get together, you can consider that like any other offer.

[oldshirt]

The key here though and the part I must strongly stress, is DO NOT wait for that.

 

Always be moving forward with your life and do not wait or slow yourself down for him under any circumstances (especially drugs and alcohol)

 

If he wants to be with you, it is on him to develop and catch up and that is a process that takes years and many 1000s of $s and tremendous effort, discipline and sacrifice.