misty15 Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 I broke up with a boyfriend over a year ago now. He was a liar, porn addict and all round manipulator. I had enough. I didnt hear from him for a few months but then the messages started on facebook and I blocked him. He then made up different accounts and msged me through them. I ignored them and deleted my facebook account. Things stopped for a while then he contacted me on my mobile I explained to him i didnt want to see him anymore and please leave me alone. He begged me to take him back. He continued with the occasional msg so I changed my phone number. Recently over christmas he started calling my home phone, my mother answered and she kept hanging up on him. She finally spoke to him and told him to leave me alone. He said he didnt want to talk to me just see if I was ok. I have been trying to move on with my life because the relationship was horribly toxic like i mentioned he would constantly lie about the smallest things and his porn habit. On new years eve sh*t really hit the fan. I saw him out at a bar and was surprised to see him out since i thought he never did go out. Anyway he came up to me multiple times the first time i told him to leave me alone and walked off he wouldnt stop constantly following me around. It has happened 3 times now. I became quite aggressive with him since i have a lot of anger from how i was treated in the relationship. I spoke to him quickly and he said he never did anything wrong. Even after i was aggressive he still was following me around watching me. He followed me to the taxi where i went home alone yelling out BYE with a smile on his face. He also sent me a gift after the first time he saw me out and a long letter saying I WAS WRONG about him. Im not scared for my safety because he has never been violent, I know you cant stop people being at public places. He has never turned up at my house at all in the last year. I just want to move on with my life and meet a decent guy but this is making me paranoid that he'll never be out of my life. What should I do? I'm put off going out to bars now which i dont mind doing since he has been every time i go and i dont go out that often maybe once a month. Its been a year since I left him but it only feels like yesterday because he keeps stirring the pot. Am I over reacting?
ExpatInItaly Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 You are not over-reacting. His behaviour is inappropriate and disturbing. A dear friend's ex behaved like this. It escalated until she finally went to the police and explained her concerns. She also wasn't afraid he'd become violent, but he was harassing her. They went and spoke to him, essentially warning him to knock it off before he got himself in more serious trouble. He stopped. I would advise you to do the same. Your word is obviously not enough to discourage him, but a chat with an officer might do it. 1
coolheadal Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 You did the right thing! He's trying to get on your nerves and your allowing him to do so. You need to either get the law involved and put a restraining order on him not to come anywhere need you. If calls, emails, text you save them for law so they will lock him up. If it comes to that point. When you see him leave go somewhere else. If he follows you call the law and tell them you have a stalker following you and your scared for your life. Not much else you can do otherwise to leave the town your in or stick it out but get the law involved. You can't trust his sort and his mental state is so unstable when he's around you. All that he has done create fake accounts to torment like that. For you to forgive him. Can't forget that sort of guy you can never respect him because he doesn't respect you. But you have done the best thing to get out and away from him at all cost you did the best thing. Now the next thing is to get help and the law can protect you. Nobody needs a stalker hanging around them and with verbal abusive attacks like he's doing. Goes to show you how he is really inside just bad man..
mikeylo Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 You are not over reacting. And yes, you can put a stop from him coming close to you , for your safety. He is a guy who hasn't accepted rejection. His ego is hurt. If he hasn't been violent before , it doesn't mean he never will. I guess, send him a couple of written requests to leave you alone. That way you have build up your case if you go through the restraining order route. In the meantime, keep company. Don't go alone.
marky00 Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 And one day when he finally gives up chasing (which will definitely happen sooner rather than later), you might even miss the attention. It's just human nature. Because he treated you badly, you feel vindicated in holding your ground and feel more power as he keeps trying. It's actually helping you get over him because that is what power does. But once he disappears, that power trip starts to thin out and you will start to miss the attention in a weird kind of way. Mainly because, you will be back to the slow-healing baby steps thing called NO CONTACT. Does NO CONTACT work? Yep, but boy is it slow so you will miss him not being around because he won't be there to feed your power. My overall point here is he maybe acting like a jerk right now, especially if he treated you bad in the relationship. However, once he stops this behaviour (and he will), none of this will matter because he will be gone anyway. NOTHING IS PERMANENT
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