DMVeep Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 Like the title says, Why do I only attract crazy women? I'm a 33 yo doctor, in decent shape, I groom and dress myself well, I'm respectful and kind, but I can't seem to meet a woman that's not a damn psycho. I'm absolutely sick of the bull****. What could I be doing wrong? I feel like there must be something about me that asks for it. Any advice would be tremendous?! Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 Well. What are the specifics of your approach? Where do you meet women.....what draws you to a specific one.....is there any early occurring behavior and revelations that you would see as either a red or green flag? Link to post Share on other sites
Dub Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 It's probably a personality thing that starts with you, do you have a "fixer" personality? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 Like the title says, Why do I only attract crazy women? I'm a 33 yo doctor, in decent shape, I groom and dress myself well, I'm respectful and kind, but I can't seem to meet a woman that's not a damn psycho. I'm absolutely sick of the bull****. What could I be doing wrong? I feel like there must be something about me that asks for it. Any advice would be tremendous?! What type of crazy are you talking about? Give some examples... Make a list of what you look for in a woman, what you expect and hope for in a relationship. On this list write down how you may have played a part in their craziness? Maybe liking drama or creating it? I don't know, but if you're attracting a certain type then next time go for the complete opposite of what your usual type is and see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 Despite being a man of science, educate yourself about the "universe", the "secret" and the laws of attraction. There is something subconscious about you or what you are doing that draws these people to you. It has to do with the vibe you project into the dating world. On a more logical note, you are a care giver. You want to fix people. That is why you went into a healing profession. Thus when you meet these train wrecks you think you can fix them. If you want a fixer-upper, buy a rundown house. Do not date a work in progress. My therapist calls it empathy overload / burnout. She says I'm a sponge & absorb everybody else's pain because I can & I want to help. She is trying to teach me to be a blackboard (or while board if you are more modern). I will always give people a place to unload but it has to be impenetrable to me & easy to wash off, like erasing a board. The other person feels better because they unloaded but I don't actually have to absorb their garbage. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 It's probably a personality thing that starts with you, do you have a "fixer" personality? This has been my problem in the past and I get the feeling it's yours as well. I have been attracted to women with issues as I feel like I can be their Knight In Shining Armor, ride in and save the day. I'm a math teacher but I have worked as a mental health counselor for kids as well and it's basically in my nature to try to "help" and "fix" things. The woman presents Issue A, I present Solution A and it should all be good? Nope. I took me going through a divorce with an unstable woman to realize this about myself. Are you attracted to independent women? This is obviously not true of all independent women but I have found some of them mask some serious issues and insecurities with their independent approach to the world. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 Like the title says, Why do I only attract crazy women? I'm a 33 yo doctor, in decent shape, I groom and dress myself well, I'm respectful and kind, but I can't seem to meet a woman that's not a damn psycho. I'm absolutely sick of the bull****. What could I be doing wrong? I feel like there must be something about me that asks for it. Any advice would be tremendous?! I have the same issue also. I've change up my game though. But no matter what these women are around. But the best advise is to change up the way you meet them. Whatever your doing stop doing it. Profile online, how you meet them and more. These women are mentally unstable. Very easy to get sucked into their upside down world. Link to post Share on other sites
emsx0x Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 Like the title says, Why do I only attract crazy women? I'm a 33 yo doctor, in decent shape, I groom and dress myself well, I'm respectful and kind, but I can't seem to meet a woman that's not a damn psycho. I'm absolutely sick of the bull****. What could I be doing wrong? I feel like there must be something about me that asks for it. Any advice would be tremendous?! You fail to acknowledge what makes a woman "crazy". Some men act like douchebags and then when a woman speaks up, she's considered "crazy" Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 That's not always the case here. There are a lot of mental unstable women out there. I believe that is what the OP is saying here. I know from experience they are out there. Women encounter a different set of men while we men encounter women who are not always what they seem to be. After the first 90 days there can act-up on us men without warning. I had a woman here who lost it and attacked me. Over Puff Napkins. I was going to return a case of them she wasn't using them. So she open all them up on purpose. She said see I am using them all now ha, ha! Link to post Share on other sites
lionlover1973 Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 Water seeks its own level. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DMVeep Posted March 1, 2017 Author Share Posted March 1, 2017 Are you attracted to independent women? This is obviously not true of all independent women but I have found some of them mask some serious issues and insecurities with their independent approach to the world. Shiiit! I am very attracted to independent women I thought this was just me being a liberal at heart Link to post Share on other sites
TheBathWater Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 It's really hard for any of us to say. I hate to echo the "you should talk to a therapist about it" perspective, but that's probably the best way to understand the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DMVeep Posted March 1, 2017 Author Share Posted March 1, 2017 Despite being a man of science, educate yourself about the "universe", the "secret" and the laws of attraction. There is something subconscious about you or what you are doing that draws these people to you. It has to do with the vibe you project into the dating world. On a more logical note, you are a care giver. You want to fix people. That is why you went into a healing profession. Thus when you meet these train wrecks you think you can fix them. If you want a fixer-upper, buy a rundown house. Do not date a work in progress. My therapist calls it empathy overload / burnout. She says I'm a sponge & absorb everybody else's pain because I can & I want to help. She is trying to teach me to be a blackboard (or while board if you are more modern). I will always give people a place to unload but it has to be impenetrable to me & easy to wash off, like erasing a board. The other person feels better because they unloaded but I don't actually have to absorb their garbage. Man, I feel like you described me. I think I am a fixer at heart. Sadly, I think it might tie to my desires to fix my family members as child. Why do I accept the red flags instead of running from them then? I feel like i'm consciously aware of them but try to look the other way at times. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DMVeep Posted March 1, 2017 Author Share Posted March 1, 2017 You fail to acknowledge what makes a woman "crazy". Some men act like douchebags and then when a woman speaks up, she's considered "crazy" I'm not a douchebag. I don't label a woman as crazy easily. i give everyone a chance, maybe too much of a chance. I changed myself a lot as a young adult and maybe always hope that spirit of persistence and desire to be the best you can be lives within us all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DMVeep Posted March 1, 2017 Author Share Posted March 1, 2017 Despite being a man of science, educate yourself about the "universe", the "secret" and the laws of attraction. There is something subconscious about you or what you are doing that draws these people to you. It has to do with the vibe you project into the dating world. Im happy to educate myself, but where do I go for this knowledge? Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 You sound like a nice guy, but being too nice with these sort of women can lead to problems. Damaged women, passive aggressive women, hot and cold women, the by-polar type and etc. Never settle for anyone, never try to make them happy by giving up who you are in/out. Never show weakness and give into them, pleasing them. They just walk all over you if you do that. Alpha male he doesn't give into these women Beta nice male he gives into these women. Unstable women is the trouble. Worst with damage women from Alpha males who were abusive at them. Then you come along and you get mental unstable woman. With mood swings an etc. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DMVeep Posted March 1, 2017 Author Share Posted March 1, 2017 Well. What are the specifics of your approach? Where do you meet women.....what draws you to a specific one.....is there any early occurring behavior and revelations that you would see as either a red or green flag? I meet mostly women online. I'm kind of a shy person, and honestly, I hate meeting women online. I wish I had the self-confidence to approach women everywhere and anywhere. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 Why do I accept the red flags instead of running from them then? I feel like i'm consciously aware of them but try to look the other way at times. When you see the next set of red flags put on a proverbial white coat & don your stethoscope. You get a patient with x, y, z symptoms which you know from clinical presentation & test equals a fatal diagnosis. Go to the place where you learned to convey that awful news. You as the physician emotional detach; you have to. Now remember that place. When you see the red flags in the relationship, stop being DMVeep and start being DOCTOR DMVeep. Physician heal thyself. From that detached professional place, give yourself the fatal diagnosis & behave like a professional. In that very limited sense it's OK & probably healthier to have a bit of multiple personalities: you & the professional you. In the beginning of my career I had to learn to bring the cold, calculating professional on job interviews because the real me giggled when nervous. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 I meet mostly women online. I'm kind of a shy person, and honestly, I hate meeting women online. I wish I had the self-confidence to approach women everywhere and anywhere. There isn't anything wrong with meeting women online you just have to know how the game is being played online. Not easy but you need to figure out how to weed out the ones that you like the best and go with them. Talk to them on the phone use your skills to determined which one is on your same level. Confidence is easy to build up you need to focus on your needs and you are who you are as doctor. You save lives so your are bold in that department now use that skill to be bold with women online. Do not let them walk all over you. The ones to avoid are the ones you feel to attract more. I was like you once my profession attracts them. Women online is easier to gather up then the women outside the world. You can get to know them by their mindset first. Link to post Share on other sites
rushed Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 What type of crazy are you talking about? Give some examples... This. Exactly what behaviors are we talking about and how many women? What you label as crazy may very well be typical reactions. We all have our own "crazy" behaviors that might just be normal, maybe not healthy, but normal nonetheless. It's one thing to call a woman who poisoned your dog crazy. It's another thing to call one crazy who just looked through your phone while you were in the shower. Are you talking about stalkers? Drug addicts? Criminals? Hoarders? Insecure? Violent? Link to post Share on other sites
ShyLove Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 I'm not sure what level of crazy you attract but does your profile say you're a doctor? And are you typically picking out the sluttier looking women or women with actual substance? If its the former, that may be your problem. But both types may be so wrapped up in the fact that you are a doctor that they might go a little coo coo haha It happens. Especially online. Even if they have their own careers they could still be wrapped up in the fact that you are a doctor. Maybe you should reveal that after you chat with a woman and feel her vibe. Good luck!! Link to post Share on other sites
Mkn1010 Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 OK since you mentioned you're shy and don't have the confidence to approach women, I would guess that the "fixer" personality you have is a self worth issue. I, too, have this problem of attracting emotionally unstable people and the theory is that we choose these mates so that we can try to save them and if we succeed then we can prove to ourselves that we are worthy! There's a book called 'Codependent No More' which is quite eye opening on this subject! Also, I read that we are subconsciously attracted to people who have something within themselves that allows us to revisit our most dysfunctional or traumatic relationship experiences. Is it possible that you have a past relationship (or even a childhood dynamic with a parent) where you were the care taker? Link to post Share on other sites
Emaize3 Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 I am a female and constantly finding myself with men that are commitment phobes, tools, players or have some major character flaw that would be a deal breaker for any woman. I am easy going and do not pick men apart just because. Basically, I feel your pain and am wondering the same about me too. When you find a solution, let me know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 I meet mostly women online. I'm kind of a shy person, and honestly, I hate meeting women online. I wish I had the self-confidence to approach women everywhere and anywhere. That's indeed a good part of the issue. There are good reasons for people to date online, but also plenty of bad ones. It's a form of making contact while hiding one's issues, whatever these issues may be, as long as possible, or even create a persona rather than an accurate description in your online profile. Of course you will meet strange characters through OLD. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DMVeep Posted March 1, 2017 Author Share Posted March 1, 2017 OK since you mentioned you're shy and don't have the confidence to approach women, I would guess that the "fixer" personality you have is a self worth issue. I, too, have this problem of attracting emotionally unstable people and the theory is that we choose these mates so that we can try to save them and if we succeed then we can prove to ourselves that we are worthy! There's a book called 'Codependent No More' which is quite eye opening on this subject! Also, I read that we are subconsciously attracted to people who have something within themselves that allows us to revisit our most dysfunctional or traumatic relationship experiences. Is it possible that you have a past relationship (or even a childhood dynamic with a parent) where you were the care taker? I do t think I was necessarily a caretaker. However, there is no question mother is crazy as ****. She has never understood the concept of boundaries and I did spend a good portion of my childhood having to make up excuses for her erratic behavior. She is also a total drama queen so you could see how see drives people away from her, including all of her siblings. I'm not actually sure how my father has remained married to her so long. Link to post Share on other sites
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