Charlie101 Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 So basically I've been talking to this girl for a month or so now, we got set up through friends, in that month we've been on a number of dates and really hit it off well, generally had such a good time and a laugh and I do really like her. So now is where it gets complicated, at the end of the last date she said she has a situation, she explained how there was a guy a few months ago she had a thing with until she found out he had a girlfriend and called it off, she says she was gutted at the time and all that but says after that she hadn't spent anytime with him since apart from the fact they work together (typical) so recently the guy ahead turned around and said he's dumped his girlfriend and wants ago with her and started really trying it with her again, she said she feels she should be honest with me and tell me all this, I asked her if she liked him and she said she didn't know, she asked me how I felt about it and I just said well it's an annoying situation to be in and I'm not going to play second fiddle and get into a love triangle with anyone, I said that I have really enjoyed the one we've spent together and wanted to see where it went but that she obviously needs to decide where her head is. She text me the next day and said how much she has enjoyed spending time with me and getting to know me and does really like me but thinks the best thing for now is to just have abit of space and get her head sorted as it's all over the place and she needs time to think and decide what she wants. Which obviously I said I understand that thanks for being honest I am dissapointed and you know where I am if you do and want to pick up where we left off. It's annoying that she works with this guy cause you just know he's gunna keep throwing his 2 pence in every opportunity he gets. Now I'm not really sure where to go from here, I've had friends say give her, her space but throw her a text every known and again just to show that your still around but keep it light hearted and maybe send a bunch of flowers over the next week or something, but I'm really not sure, anyone experienced a similar situation, any advice would be great.
love4me1991 Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 Space means exactly that . So just leave her alone. I am a woman and if I asked for space and the guy continued to contact me I would be turned off. NC at all, focus on yourself for the time being so that if she decided to drop you, you wont be too disappointed
KBob Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 Now I'm not really sure where to go from here, I've had friends say give her, her space but throw her a text every known and again just to show that your still around but keep it light hearted and maybe send a bunch of flowers over the next week or something, but I'm really not sure, anyone experienced a similar situation, any advice would be great. No, don't do any of that. She's leaving you to pursue something with this other guy. Do you want to give affection or attention to a woman that would do that to you? Respect yourself, bro. Walk away and don't look back. There's other women out there that will want to stick with you, you should focus your attention on finding one of them instead. 3
TheTraveler Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 You've been put on hold so she can see where things go with the new guy. 2
todreaminblue Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 hard situation to be in as its hard for you its also hard on her..sometimes women in this position need to understand with total honesty what each guy wants .. when it comes to a choice......between two men......so the decision she comes to is the right one for her.....let her know what you want with her..what you see as a future.......be clear......be open be honest......and then let her have the space she needs to make an informed and right decision.....dont play the nc game...if you would like to be with her..if...space doesnt mean no contact...she has a decision to make.... she texts or calls you answer her..fi you dont she might assume you dont care either way...and go for the guy who shows more care...and communicates his feelings....with honesty no games.....or ignorance....its a hard enough situation to be in with games also...impossible... its a risk ....for everyone to take..to be vulnerable..and that is what position you are in through no fault of your own..accept it...take the jump adn the risk of getting rejected.... or.....leave her and move on..... if she is a woman who is good hearted...she wont leave you hanging for long....i have handled this sort of situation before and i have always been aware that guys needed quick resolution to situations like this.....normally a guy will show true colors ...the one who gets nasty ro ignorant or cold .........isnt the guy i have chosen...the honest understanding one always is the guy i would choose......i dont take relationships,dating or guys feelings lightly.....and if this woman is a good woman she wont either.....causing hurt to anyone ..isnt soemthing i ever like doing...i feel it pretty deep.....most women dont like hurting guys..........deb
OatsAndHall Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 Just walk away from the situation. Wish her the best of luck and move on.
Mrin Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 Just walk away from the situation. Wish her the best of luck and move on. This. Walk away
d0nnivain Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 She's torn between her heart & a part farther south. You are the good guy, solid, dependable, cute enough. . . the guy she's supposed to want, or so says her logical brain. He makes her motor race. It's sick but he wins. She is an honest enough person for telling you about his existence & her conflicted feelings but you are the consolation prize. If you are not OK with being second best, you know what you have to do. Sorry.
Author Charlie101 Posted March 1, 2017 Author Posted March 1, 2017 Thanks for the replies, I was expecting these responses, just annoying when you start to like someone they tell you the same back and then a spanner gets thrown in the works, I think due to the conversation we had a about it And her saying she didn't want to stop seeing me and she liked me she just needs to get her head straight etc just gave me the impression that she did generally want to pick it back up with me, it honestly baffles me situations like this saying she wants and nice guy and all that but is having dramas with someone who is quite happy to cheat on there girlfriend makes no sense.
coolheadal Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 When they say space they really mean this"well hey it was fun when it lasted but I am not interested in you anymore" I wish you the best of luck finding that right person to be with you, but I am not that person. But this is what they are trying to say. Sometimes it might go the way they had thought. Your sweet but I know you can do better than me. I don't have the time to be in any relationship with anyone right now. Your too demanding for me. Your needy You have to wait 6 months before I can let you see my kids and be in my house. It's not working out for us right now I have my studies,. school, work, expenses. Maybe when the dust is settled we can be together. Oneday you and I will have it all? Maybe next month?
anzhoulau Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 In such situation I would just give her the space she wanted and move on. You don't need to go total NC but I would prepare myself with the possibility that she will not be back to me.
lily999 Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 A guy told me the same thing last month. So I just left him alone and never contacted him again. I thanked him for being honest. At least he didn't continue to play me by lying to me and stringing me alone. 1
lurker74 Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 If you're actually interested in her, tell her thanks, but no thanks, and walk away. If you walk away and let her know that you're "good" with it, there's a chance she will reach out whenever the other guy inevitably dumps her (and he will). Then you get to decide if she's worth struggling through a potential second rebound. But at least then, you will have established that you are an alpha (or at least more so than if you text her like a puppy). I don't like this advice because it is playing a game. Feigning disinterest when you are interested...but I didn't make up the game. Personally, I would just move on because I don't enjoy playing games, but if I were really interested in someone, I might try.
TheAntiHero Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 ..to show that your still around but keep it light hearted and maybe send a bunch of flowers over the next week or something.../QUOTE] Your friends are idiots. If she "doesn't know" where she's at, it usually means she's not interested in you. Move on and forget this girl; sounds like she was just using you as a place holder.
spiderowl Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 (edited) To be fair, she was keen on this other guy, then he was no longer an option and she thought he was gone from her life, now he's back. She tried to move on with you - and clearly likes you - but now she's thrown into emotional turmoil again. She has at least said so, rather than carried on dating you and seeing him behind your back and then suddenly dumping you out of the blue. I know it's not perfect and it is hurtful for you regardless. If she does get a chance back with you, it could be another rebound as a result of him becoming unavailable to her again. If she dumps him, however, then chances are better, though never underestimate the power of a true emotional tie - people stay with abusers because of it. On the positive side, if she leave him, it may be because she has seen how you treat her and has found him wanting. All in all, there is potential for hurt to you if she is emotionally attached to him, even if he is rubbish. I would state to her that you are moving on and wish her all the best. That way, she knows you are not waiting in the wings and if she wants you, she had better mean it next time. Edited March 1, 2017 by spiderowl
SevenCity Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 First off, you don't send a girl flowers who dumps you and pursues another dude. I mean seriously. If I punched you in the face would you bake me cookies? No way man. Have some self respect. I agree with everyone saying to stop contacting her. However, if you do like this girl a lot and are in it for more than just sex then I would delete her number. Why? Glad you asked. Regardless of the time you had with her you will always be a consolation prize. Do you really want that? You want her to settle for you? Or, would you rather have a girl who worships you and doesn't have eyes for other men? If this guy dumps or cheats on her she may come running back. You have to remember that she is there due to lack of a better option. What happens when a better option comes along? This in no way reflects on you unless you played the nice guy routine with her so don't feel bad. You win some, you lose some. 1
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