Trip Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Hi Everyone Well, i am new to this site, so sorry if this question has already been asked. I have been with my b/f for close to two years now, we get on really really well and hardly ever fight. The only issue i have is that he has a lot of female friends, i mean thats cool but the thing is that he had slept with them in the past (as in before i even knew him). It almost seems like he makes friends by sleeping with them first. He told me that he would never cheat on me but everytime he hangs with one of his female friends i get kinda jelaous and worried whats really going on. Most of his friends are really nice and i can easily chat to them but there is one girl that really gets to me. I know that she used to be completely in love with my b/f and the fact that she doesn't like me annoys me. I find it really hard to be nice to her if we all hang together (which is hardly ever). I really only starting having a problem with her once i heard that she didn't like me. I want to just talk to her alone and make sure that she isn't interested in my guy, then maybe i will stop feeling jealous when they hang out. He keeps talling me that i have nothing to worry about and i am the one he wants to be with, and that his friend is just that a friend. Just wondering if anyone has been in a similiar situation. Should I talk to his friend or just trust my guy and live with it?? (Sometimes i hate being a girl with silly emotions!!!) Thanks for you help in advance
Jolene Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 You're not alone! You need to stop trying to figure it out! There's nothing to it, really. I've been nagging my bf for 9 months about one specific ex of his who he is friends with, and most of his friends are female. The only reason I haven't freaked out completely is because we spend a lot of time together, he is totally into me and I do trust him. Any time I have tried to speak to him about how creepy it is that his friends are mostly female, one of them being an ex and one of them having fake breasts too, he tells me I'm immature and jealous. You will not win this fight . That's a guarantee...you will only hate yourself after every conversation/fight/argument/breakup. Because he doesn't understand why you would want him to cool it with the girls in his life that fan his huge ego. Get it????? That's all it is, so don't worry. It's better than if he visitted strip joint and the like to get a little thrill and attention from a naked woman taking his money. Cause that's what some men do to fan their egos. In my case, the last time we had a conversation about his ex (3 wks ago) was when he sent her a postcard when we were on vacation. It turned into a boiling fight two days later and I thought we were going to break up. I will never bring her up again, and he will never talk about her again (but he refuses to stop talking to her or being her "friend"...I have never met her and already hate her for sticking around like a stinky sock). Understand this....you will never win this fight. The reason? I can only deduce that this type of man (remember, I have a man just like it) needs to keep women, including past lovers, as friends BECAUSE IT STROKES HIS EGO. When they are together, it is nothing more than a reflection of his virile past, or confirmation that he is still a good looking man or something like that. You are only one person and cannot possibly stroke an ego of that size. But I am sure he reserves his best qualities for you only, if you know what I mean. If you antagonize this situation, it will interfere with your relationship bigtime! So don't let it. If his "friend" doesn't like you, who cares....f her! He's with YOU not HER! YOU WIN! Unless, of course you don't think he is much of a prize then winning him is a moot point, and you should move on. As long as he shows his love for you, and plans a future with you, don't let these outsiders get to you. Allow him to spend time with them one-on-one if they don't interest you. Have friends of your own to hang with that don't make you feel all weirded out!
gloria Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Hi If you really sense these "bad vibes" when you're in the same room with this girl, why don't you just talk to her about it? She's a woman, maybe she'll understand and maybe she can reassure you if he can't. Send her an E-mail, or talk to her in person. She has a right to know you feel bad about it, I guess. Even if you "just don't like her", you can talk to her about your worries. But I agree on the other hand: why bother? He's with you, so you win. That's absolutely true. Since he's not having a relationship with her (anymore) though he has known her for a long time, I wouldn't worry too much about it. One question: is she single?
leeroy1985 Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Im in the same situation with my girlfriend.... most of her friends male and shes been with majority of them etc. and it annoys me because if i sometimes say that i dont like one of them or that one of them looks at me funny shes like "dont be like that thier my friends, im not like that to your friends" which i feel unfair seein as though i havent had sex with my friends and most of them are males also! I just try and ignore it (as hard as it maybe) because you'll never win this fight.... i think it applies to women that shes just feeding her ego having lads around her that fancy her. I just think that shes mine and not thiers and that if she was to cheat on me with them that shes not worth worrying about!
Author Trip Posted July 25, 2005 Author Posted July 25, 2005 Hey Thanks peeps, awesome advice, yeah think i am best to just forget it. He is my prize and he has chosen to be with me and no one else. I always thought he had a big ego and needed it stroked, so thats his journey. As hard as its going to be i will just let it go that he sees his female mates, i have mates i can hang with to take my mind off it anyway. Oh and the female friend that gets to me has a had a few non lasting relationships so i think i read a lot more into the situation than needed to be. Stupid female emotions getting the way of logical and rational thinking!!! Cheers
Jolene Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Don't discount that you are human as well, and you also like your ego stroked....hence the controversy! But someone has to receed to the issue at hand, and like you, I choose to be the better person!! Yes, it can be hard and it can get tiring....but you love him!!!! ~Good luck! He will always come back to you, don't worry. Just be there.
mental_traveller Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 If it bothers you that much, you can always make an ultimatum. You'd have to be prepared to break off over it though. Personally I wouldn't date someone who had lots of exes who they hung out with a lot. Eventually they will screw one of them, simple as that.
upsetnhurt Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 My ex gf (after a year of dating) continued to be friends with her ex of four years even after he stalked both of us and vandalized my car and home (glued my door locks shut twice). Typically I am all for trusting people and I have no right to ask anyone to give up their friendships yet in this case I felt that his behavior towards me (although I feel I was a secondary target to her) allows me to voice my opinion. The topic ultimately broke us up because she could not let go and found every reason in the world to excuse him for his behavior. I felt that if she had any hope to make a success she would recognize how much hurt and disrespect her continued communication with this guy had on me. Am I wrong for feeling this way? I now looking back sort of regret it as I did feel for her and may have pushed her away.
upsetnhurt Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 How much are you willing to put up with? Shouldn't your happiness be his priority?
noname Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 he can be faithful. don't know if he is but it is highly possible. don't read into situations unless you have something serious to go on. do not confront the female friend that doesn't like you. it will probably make her feel good to know she got under your skin and make things worse. your best defense is to make like it doesn't bother you...
centered Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 You tell him you're cool with his female friends, and he can see them all he wants, too. As long as you are also invited to go along. Simple. If there's nothing going on, then it's just you hanging out with him and his friends. If there *is* something going on, the excuses will start up.
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