Jim nine three Posted February 28, 2017 Posted February 28, 2017 There comes a point where,due to experience or common sense,you come to the realization that you are putting most,if not all the effort in a relationship.And by that i mean : 1: Initiating conversations most of the time.I'm totally against keeping tabs on this stuff however when you get the feeling that if you don't initiate convo the other person won't even mind not talking to you all day,something is wrong. 2: Always being the one to ask her out on a date.I know men are supposed to make the first move however more than a couple of months in,I believe she should at least make some effort to see me.This is especially true when I always get the feeling that I am going to be turned down,which is true sometimes,and only leads to anger and frustration. 3: That gut feeling that tells you that your are not a priority whereas you treat her like one.I have been in love and I have been loved a couple of times in the past.One thing that remained true in all these cases is that you give each other your time.You both make each other feel special that way.When the other person puts you way down on their priority list,making lame excuses in the meantime,you just get that feeling you and her are not on the same page. 4: Probably the biggest red flag there is,at least for me.When someone's words don't meet their actions.If you have a forgiving nature as I do you can overlook this once every now and then,we are human after all.However when you notice that this is evolving into a pattern the fact that the other person is practically bull****ting you can't be overlooked. At the end of the day,love is supposed to be effortless,easy and fun,not a constant everyday struggle.I can go on listing reasons all day long but I believe you get the point.I think communication is key in these cases,however as stated above since her words don't meet her actions,even if she was completely honest with me i'm not sure I would believe her,without any action to back it up. So what is one supposed to do in such a case?Move on and let this one go?I know that's most probably the right answer and I plan to act on that direction,diverting my attention back to myself and putting myself back on top of my priorities list,however is there a way to eventually turn this situation around?Has anyone here had an experience where they managed to turn things around?
love4me1991 Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 It depends, how long have you been dating? I am a woman and have been hurt before, so I know for about the first three months I am a little hesitant and usually just get comfortable with the guy initiating contact and planning dates as reassurance that he is actually into me. I try not to make him priority at this point either as we are still feeling each other out. However if I weren't to hear from him all day or he hasn't planned a date and I actually like him I definitely step up to the plate. Maybe you should go silent on her for a little while and see if she cares. However, I think up to your point 4 and the bull****ting it may just be best to let this one go .
Ieris Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 In this situation you pull back and see if they step up, if not then they're really not that bothered with you. So don't give them anymore attention and move on swiftly. 3
Author Jim nine three Posted March 1, 2017 Author Posted March 1, 2017 It depends, how long have you been dating? We are at the 3 month mark at the moment so I guess it's not THAT early for her to open up. I hear you,pull back and see if she steps up.How long do you believe is enough time to decide it's not going to happen and drop it off completely?I do want to see if things will work out but I don't plan on waiting forever.
love4me1991 Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 We are at the 3 month mark at the moment so I guess it's not THAT early for her to open up. I hear you,pull back and see if she steps up.How long do you believe is enough time to decide it's not going to happen and drop it off completely?I do want to see if things will work out but I don't plan on waiting forever. How often do you see each other/ communicate. At 3 months I feel she should be able to open up and be comfortable with you . To me it sounds as though maybe she is keeping you around to pass time. If you've talked to her about all this I would give her a week max. The only thing I think you should consider is the bull****ting. and is this really how you want a woman to be treating you . Does she atleast show affection when you are together/communicate ?
RecentChange Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 She doesn't sound that into you. I have been a bad girlfriend like this before - when I wasn't that into him. 3 months? That should be a honeymoon phase - when the other person seems just dreamy and you can't wait to spend time with them. If you feel like you are a low priority, you probably are. 1
preraph Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 Unbalanced relationships are not fun and you don't WANT them to last or they just get uglier and uglier. It's not fun anymore. I say pull the plug. 2
Author Jim nine three Posted March 1, 2017 Author Posted March 1, 2017 How often do you see each other/ communicate.Does she atleast show affection when you are together/communicate ? We talk on a daily basis however we don't see each other daily due to work/distance,which was not an issue,at least during the first month.It is clear however that the communication quality has been steadily dropping over time,her becoming less and less affectionate in texts,less calls and so on.It has now been 2 weeks since we last saw each so I can't really tell if that matters but she was pretty affectionate up close. That should be a honeymoon phase - when the other person seems just dreamy and you can't wait to spend time with them. Exactly.I have never been,nor anyone I know for that matter,in a successful long-term relationship where 3 months in there were these kind of problems. If I want to be completely honest with you and myself,I can't remember a point where I was completely satisfied with what we've got over the last month.Should I talk to her about this? It has been a while since we had a talk about our relationship so we haven't really discussed this.Should I communicate with her?See how she views things and take it from there?Or pull back and see how she reacts to it?I can't really tell which one is the best course of action. 1
coolheadal Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 You'll never figure her out she doing whatever she wants. Now are you going to be the one that has to manage this sort of relationship with her. Frankly you shouldn't be. You can see and know the signs that she's not really into you. When they're into you and so happy to be with you 24/7 in most cases that's how it suppose to be. This one is acting like she doesn't give a dam about you. Then you need to pull in your gut and say "C'ya" just leave and do the big NC = no contact. Move on find the one that wants to be with you and enjoys being with you all that goes with the good side of relationship. There is no need to waste your time and life with anyone who's not on the same page as you!
Author Jim nine three Posted March 1, 2017 Author Posted March 1, 2017 I know,the more I think about it the more I believe pulling the plug is the right choice.It's not that I don't want things to work out but I am genuinely not happy with the way things are anymore,me putting in all the effort while she doesn't show any sign of interest.I know I deserve better than this and if she isn't willing to put in the effort in this relationship I have to look for someone who will want the same things I do. TBH I have made up my mind.However I don't know which is the right way to go. Should I talk to her about ending things?Tell her that I am not happy with the way things turned out to be and that I can't go on like this anymore?Or simply go NC and let things be? 1
preraph Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 How or whether to tell her depends on how you think she will react. If you think she will just play on your emotions to keep you or it will be a long drawn out fight, then just keep it short and say, "I'm sorry, but we aren't right for each other, and I am getting out. Please don't try to change my mind. I want a clean break" and do it on the phone or text where you can hang up on her if she goes nutso.
GoldSparkz Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 I know,the more I think about it the more I believe pulling the plug is the right choice.It's not that I don't want things to work out but I am genuinely not happy with the way things are anymore,me putting in all the effort while she doesn't show any sign of interest.I know I deserve better than this and if she isn't willing to put in the effort in this relationship I have to look for someone who will want the same things I do. TBH I have made up my mind.However I don't know which is the right way to go. Should I talk to her about ending things?Tell her that I am not happy with the way things turned out to be and that I can't go on like this anymore?Or simply go NC and let things be? If you are no happy then what is the point of continuing to date this person? As someone else mentioned, 3 months is supposed to be the honeymoon phase. Usually after the 3 months, the real person is revealed. But it seems as though your date has presented her true self from the very start by showing you that this is the most effort she will ever give in a relationship. You accept it by choosing to stick around. So if you are not satisfied, don't hang around. File this on the "life experience" shelf and move on.
gorf Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 (edited) I know,the more I think about it the more I believe pulling the plug is the right choice.It's not that I don't want things to work out but I am genuinely not happy with the way things are anymore,me putting in all the effort while she doesn't show any sign of interest.I know I deserve better than this and if she isn't willing to put in the effort in this relationship I have to look for someone who will want the same things I do. TBH I have made up my mind.However I don't know which is the right way to go. Should I talk to her about ending things?Tell her that I am not happy with the way things turned out to be and that I can't go on like this anymore?Or simply go NC and let things be? All this. Plus your previous quote sums up what is the problem: It has been a while since we had a talk about our relationship so we haven't really discussed this. So... why not? Sit down and ask the girl what she is looking for in a relationship. Is she even looking for a relationship? Are you sure? Ask her. Maybe you are a pass-time to preoccupy her mind that would otherwise be off somewhere else. You really need to find out what her needs are. I would not start off by saying you are unsatisfied, cause honestly you have not really had a straight talk with her about the relationship, where it is headed, what she is looking for, etc. Maybe she is thinking the same thing. You say you have never had a time during the honeymoon phase that you were 'completely' satisfied. Well every relationship is different and you wont necessarily be able to literally check off everything from the list of what honeymoon should feel like and look like. Thats a selfish way to go about it, and throughout a relationship from getting married and making decisions together, you will bring trouble on yourself. Like is always the case: communication is key. Nobody can do that other than you. Ask her some straight questions, write them down before hand if you need to. Best of luck Edited March 3, 2017 by gorf
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