AnnMarg Posted February 28, 2017 Posted February 28, 2017 Have been dating my boyfriend for over three years. I went out with friends a couple weeks ago and got too drunk. My best guy friend from home who I had hooked up with before my current boyfriend was there with all his friends and his girlfriend. My boyfriend picked me up at the end of the night and there were texts in my phone from my guy friend that my boyfriend was not happy about. My boyfriend chose not to talk to me for a couple days but decided to trust nothing happened beyond texts. A week goes by and my boyfriend freaks out saying I'm lying and something happened at the bar. My guys friends girlfriend then told him me and my guy friend kissed and were talking all night. None of my friends nor myself or guy friend remember this happening but now my boyfriend won't speak to me and says he never wants to see me again and blocked my number. I still don't remember anything like this happening and can't imagine I would ever do this to the guy I love. What do I do?
Friskyone4u Posted February 28, 2017 Posted February 28, 2017 Have been dating my boyfriend for over three years. I went out with friends a couple weeks ago and got too drunk. My best guy friend from home who I had hooked up with before my current boyfriend was there with all his friends and his girlfriend. My boyfriend picked me up at the end of the night and there were texts in my phone from my guy friend that my boyfriend was not happy about. My boyfriend chose not to talk to me for a couple days but decided to trust nothing happened beyond texts. A week goes by and my boyfriend freaks out saying I'm lying and something happened at the bar. My guys friends girlfriend then told him me and my guy friend kissed and were talking all night. None of my friends nor myself or guy friend remember this happening but now my boyfriend won't speak to me and says he never wants to see me again and blocked my number. I still don't remember anything like this happening and can't imagine I would ever do this to the guy I love. What do I do? Well, what did these texts say that your boyfriend was not happy about???? And if you got druink and did something you shouldn't why did not you tell him.
Author AnnMarg Posted February 28, 2017 Author Posted February 28, 2017 The kid asked me to hookup but I hadn't responded and I didn't think anything happened and I'm still not sure anything did. All my friends keep telling me nothing did his gf is the only one claiming we kissed, but she is still dating him.
BluesPower Posted February 28, 2017 Posted February 28, 2017 This is the reason that you do not go out drinking w/o your BF. This is also the reason that you do not go out drinking with ex FB's or xBF's without your Boy Friend. Whether you kissed him or did not kiss him, cheated or did not cheat, your BF thinks you did and he is done. Unlike a lot of young guys he actually has a set of balls. You are out of luck with this unless he lets you back in. If he does, and you want to be with him, you need to change your ways. Sorry... 4
Author AnnMarg Posted March 1, 2017 Author Posted March 1, 2017 Well he was supposed to come up until the day of and then decided he did not want to. I was hoping for a little advice rather than that.... I don't think after 3 years you deserve to be completely shunned and wanted some direction on a way to prove myself and a way to fix what's happened.
LitTunnel Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 Well he was supposed to come up until the day of and then decided he did not want to. I was hoping for a little advice rather than that.... I don't think after 3 years you deserve to be completely shunned and wanted some direction on a way to prove myself and a way to fix what's happened. I hate to say this but from what I gathered about you, you seem to be disrespectful and irresponsible. If I knew my girl was hanging out with a guy she had once hooked up with, oh man. You seriously need to grow up. I hope he doesn't come back to you. Sorry, but I suspect you the type that can't handle alcohol and got carried away and the fact that you don't remember only tells me you can't handle your liquor. That right there is very bad news and most likely you did do something with that guy. You deserved to be blocked, hate to say. How old are you? 1
JGB Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 So you're texting some guy that's trying to get with you, do not rebuff him, get blackout drunk to where you don't remember what happened when you kick it with him (without your boyfriend, mind you), kiss him, and you don't understand why he's not interested in speaking? Absolutely *none* of that is acceptable behavior when you're a relationship. I don't understand the disconnect you're having. Your boy is done, and wisely so. You've violated the relationship on every level possible. The best thing you can do is just leave him be so he can find a faithful partner worth investing love and time in. If he has it in his heart he wants to forgive you, that will have to be on his terms, but your part in the matter is done. 1
Author AnnMarg Posted March 1, 2017 Author Posted March 1, 2017 I am actually the exact opposite of that, so thank you for making assumptions when you don't know me and being an *******. I am early 20s and am VERY responsible even more so than him. I work, take care of myself, and rarely go out and drink. I never even flirt with anyone because I care solely about him and my life with him. I made a MISTAKE by drinking too much and need a way to fix it not be torn apart by people I don't know.
BluesPower Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 Ann, I am not trying to be harsh... However, what I said still stands. You happen to be one of the young ladies that was dating a man that had a pair, and when you are with a strong man, which most women want, this is the kind of stuff that you do not let happen. Frankly, it is part of growing up as well. In your mind, nothing happened except maybe a kiss. But guess what, how much do you actually remember for that night? Maybe you actually made out and it was more than a "Kiss". Either way, I am not sure you can get him back. If you want to ambush him, you can try to explain what happened and beg for another chance. I mean, 3 years, you know where he lives. Bring the other girl if you can to back you up. You could also write an actual letter and deliver it to him or mail it to him. I am not sure the you can get him back but if you want to try begging, I mean it is worth a shot. See, a lot of girls don't want a man that is actually strong on the inside, one that has himself together and knows what and what he will not put up with. A lot of girls want a little beta boy in the long run so they can do what you did and more. In your case, that is not the kind of man you had. Give it a shot and see what happens. I do wish you good luck...
Author AnnMarg Posted March 1, 2017 Author Posted March 1, 2017 I do want someone like that which is why I have spent the past over 3 years with him. I still don't believe this could have happened because like I said that is NOT the type of person I am - he even said that himself. I am very mature for my age even more so than him. He has done a lot of wrong immature things in this relationship that I have forgave because I know who he really is and that it is worth it. If I was looking to be with someone and cheat on them or go out without them all the time I wouldn't be looking for advice to fix something like this. I have tried begging and having multiple friends talk to him but he doesn't want to listen to anyone.
JGB Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 I do want someone like that which is why I have spent the past over 3 years with him. I still don't believe this could have happened because like I said that is NOT the type of person I am - he even said that himself. I am very mature for my age even more so than him. He has done a lot of wrong immature things in this relationship that I have forgave because I know who he really is and that it is worth it. If I was looking to be with someone and cheat on them or go out without them all the time I wouldn't be looking for advice to fix something like this. I have tried begging and having multiple friends talk to him but he doesn't want to listen to anyone. I can understand where you're coming from and thinking it would be worth a second chance, but relationships don't work that way. There's not a "scorecard" where you can cash in enough favors and get a new shot at making it work. When a person is done, they're done and past transgressions won't change that. If he has made up his mind that he doesn't want to be with you, you have to accept it. There's no magic words or special actions you can take to make him want to be with you again, especially if you've already been begging and pleading for it to happen. It's possible he'll start to miss you in the coming weeks and he'll remember the good times and fantasy of you. At that point, the best thing you could do is be kind, gentle, and affectionate, but never clingy or make him feel like you want to possess him. He has obviously denied you that privilege. I like the letter idea above. You could write a heartfelt note that you are truly remorseful, you're dedicated to making sure nothing like that happens again, express the depth of your love, and make it clear you understand what you did was wrong and all you can do is do better in the future. It probably won't get you anywhere based on what you've said, but it'll bring you some closure and you can begin grieving and healing. 1
marnus25 Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 well honestly this is nit a nice situation to be I'm also on this site becuase I broke it off with my girlfriend afyer 3 years of her messing around cheating and going behind my back in my opinion of a person given a girl a 10000 chances I would tell you to really think hard about what you did and how you approached the whole situation. He may forgive you but maybe he doesn't you can't do anything right now and live forward with the potential of you two who might make it but keep in mind there is a chance it won't.... Remember we teach people how they are allowed to treat us and that is a hard truth I learned in my previous relationship. So yes you might've screwed up and you can't remember its nit an excuse though you need to understand that you still screwed up in a sense 1
Alpha_Male Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 Lol I'll be mad if i'm your boyfriend too My suggestion Inbox your bf Ask for forgiveness, and promise him you'll never do it again And next time please respect your bf feeling I'll never trust my gf with so called bff Because men majority are always the same Their mind 99% if they have a chance to f*** you, they will do it Bff it just a term 2
Author AnnMarg Posted March 1, 2017 Author Posted March 1, 2017 I do know I screwed up whether something happened or didn't I put myself in a bad situation which I am beyond regretful of considering I put my all into this relationship 24/7. He even told me he can tell how sincere my apologies have been and how he knows I would never put myself in this situation again, but I just wish he would give me a chance to prove it to him instead of blocking me out of his life forever. I just am afraid he really will never talk to me again and I will never forgive myself for being in this situation.
marnus25 Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 fear does not bring reality into play it just messes up the experience between the present and future...if you are sincerely sorry in your heart then I'm glad you are but he needs time now to heal and if you lose him in the end of the day I know it hurts trust me I've been hurt a **** load before but you learned a valuable lesson through this i honostly dont think hanging around with you ex is a good idea and especially without your bf...temptations are placements of two things drawing each other.... eventualy.... like you don't put a ex crackhead in a crackhouse some or other time something is gonna go wrong....
Author AnnMarg Posted March 1, 2017 Author Posted March 1, 2017 Yes that makes sense. He wasn't even an ex he was just a friend I had once hooked up with only once which I guess still makes him an ex of some sort, but I didn't think it would be a big deal as his gf was there. Guess I assumed wrong.
BluesPower Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 Yes, Ann honey, you did... See, this goes back to my original posts about this stuff. So many you ladies your age have the opinion that whatever they do, as long as they are not openly screwing the guy should be ok. It is all about them. That are a "Grown Woman" and they can do what they want. Which, frankly, is how you kind of sounded when you started this thread. Some young girls think that whatever they choose to do should be ok with the BF or Husband. But if you have an actual man, a stand up guy, you do not put yourself is these types of situations. So when I say that "This is the reason that you do not go out drinking, especially around an Ex or old fling." Now you are starting to understand why. If you are in a committed relationship you just don't do this. Maybe you can knock back a couple with the girls, but you don't get wasted. I hope he gives you another chance, you do sound remorseful.
Author AnnMarg Posted March 1, 2017 Author Posted March 1, 2017 Thank you. I am very remorseful. Maybe I started off my post sounding differently than I had hoped, but I have been a mess since this started. It is VERY out of character for me which makes it worse. We took a break for a short period of time a few months back and I didn't even do anything while we were apart because I knew he was all I wanted. I am very upset about this because like I said it is something I could never picture myself doing or even putting myself in a situation like this which is why I am having such a hard time just accepting losing someone I love and care about so much.
LitTunnel Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 Sorry to have pre-judged you but the way you outlined the whole scenario just smells of irresponsibility and cheaful habits. And I'm not referring your irresponsibility to your everyday life, but rather towards your relationship. I just feel that you've done something shady in the past to have scared him away like this. Has this happened before or has he ever had a reason to have trust issues with you? Something is off here. Sorry if I'm off but something about your story is just unsettling. I'm sure your man is not perfect, I get it, but this is your mess we're trying to clear up so don't think we assume your man has not wronged you before. But for now we're focused on you. Look, I'm all for second chances, heck, I wish i was afforded a 2nd chance with my ex. Thing is you really need to have learned from your experience to make this work successfully moving forward and I'm being serious. Next time might not be a next time so take this serious otherwise leave It be if you think you can't handle it. It first starts with clear and positive communication, 2nd, don't ever take your relationship for granted and always put your man first ahead of anyone else. Make him feel loved and appreciated. Good luck and I do hope you do mean what you say because if you do then I hope you two get back together and live happily ever after, if there is such a thing:)
coolheadal Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 That drink causes so much trouble as you can see. BF not talking to you as he has lost all his trust and respect for you. Tell that drink you will not be drinking ever again. Then you will be more aware of what your doing. No excuse when you hurt your current love in this case your boy friend. What do you want more to drink and get drunk or to live and love your boy friend. To get him back now you need to stop the drinking and stop going to the bars. You promise him this and don't bother to talk to other guys your not interested in period! If you can't do all of that then don't bother with your current boy friend again because your just going to get him upset and he will never bother with you ever again. Think about this. Of course you knew you have screwed-up big time but I am sure you can make the right changes in your life never to let this happen. Drinking may sound cool but in the end if you can't cope with it then don't drink it.
Author AnnMarg Posted March 2, 2017 Author Posted March 2, 2017 I just don't know what to do now because he blocked me from everything. He thinks that I'm lying... I told him I genuinely don't remember what happened if we did kiss or not but he doesn't believe me. He thinks I'm using that as an excuse to say I don't know, but I genuinely have no recollection of anything happening nor do any friends that I have asked. They all say they would have noticed if I did something like that, so it's making it harder. He says the lying is what's hurting him most but I am being completely honest when I tell him I cannot confirm whether it happened or not and I've tried to express in every way possible that I am incredibly sorry for even putting him in this situation to begin with and how disappointed I am in myself. I completely deleted the kid from social media and his number and promised my bf I wouldn't drink like that again and that I honestly have no interest in even going out without him anymore. He still says he never wants to talk again. Do you think this is just anger? What should I do to prove this to him if he doesn't want to talk because I can't handle just letting him go I'm willing to do practically anything to prove myself to him
Been Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 Not trying to be mean but you did cheat.You don't have to get physical to cheat-and the fact of the matter is you allowed your ex to text you disrespectful things and I'm almost quite sure that he just didn't randomly decide to do it. THIS is what your boyfriend I think was trying to get across to you. Not to mention that You put yourself in a bad spot by being around your ex in the first place.
LitTunnel Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 Well I would suggest you not contact him for a while. Let everything die down. If you keep bothering him he's going to fully block you and then things will be a lot worse. This ulis what happened to me. Learn from my mistake before it's too late.
Author AnnMarg Posted March 2, 2017 Author Posted March 2, 2017 Yes, I understand and agree the whole situation is wrong. I made a mistake I am beyond regretful of, but he was willing to move past this until someone said we kissed. That's what made him say he no longer wanted to be with me, which is the one thing I can't admit or deny because I genuinely don't know. My friends all still say it didn't happen and tell me not to let this girl convince me we kissed, but the kids gf claims it did happen which is weird to me because she is still with him like nothing happened. I was planning on giving him space for a bit and eventually trying to reach out. Just not sure what to say at this point to prove myself and convince him to give me a chance and scared he's just not going to answer
Been Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 The problem is you have now screwed up the trust factor and it rarely can be fixed.
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