Pottig Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 Hey. Been okay for the most part. Really tried to focus on my goals and on myself. The last two days have been bad tho. Now i know i was a good BF. I really made sure she knew she was loved and I had her back. Even with all the distance I tried to cheer her up in different ways. But now i have doupts that i could still have done more (a better yet differently) if i had the knoledge i have now. I know ittakes two to break up and she made her fair share of mistakses. I just needed to vent that. I know im a good guy, but I also know that i probably was too "good". I tend to be the "nice" guy and it has cost me relationships before. I really tried to tone it down in this relationship, but I think in the end when I saw her slipping away I kind of lost focus on everything else. I've had people tell me that that's something I shouldn't have to change about myself, but I really feel I need to. I just hate that I blew my chance with her, and if I had the clarity I have now, I'd be in a different spot I've been spending a lot of time thinking about what I'd do more/less of if my ex and I got back together too. It's natural, but it's important to know it wasn't your fault. Your mind plays tricks on you, making you feel like you just weren't good enough, but you shouldn't believe what your mind is telling you all the time. If you know in your gut that you did mostly everything right then that's all that matters. I don't think that's something you need to change. It's simply a side-effect of being in love and caring about her. It's not your fault that you had that attachment to her. It's hard to let go when you can see them slipping away.
Grathblagg Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 I just hate that I blew my chance with her, and if I had the clarity I have now, I'd be in a different spot You didn't blow your chance with her. It wasn't meant to be because she didn't want it. If you're thinking that you should change yourself in order to make yourself more appealing to her, without wanting to change FOR YOURSELF, then you'll always lose. If there's something to learn about yourself from this relationship, that you want to change for yourself, because it makes sense to you that that's not what you want to be, then you make the change. If there's something that you think that you did wrong, because this one particular person isn't in tune with that part of you, and you want to change that because of her alone, you'll lose yourself in the process. Move the heck on now. She's gone, and no matter how special she is to you, there's millions of other women who are just as special, if you give them the chance to be. NC is about working on healing yourself and moving on to bigger and better things, not manipulating the other person into thinking what an alpha male you are, and what she's losing. It's not about making someone crawl back to you, even if that happens sometimes. You have to be who you want to be, otherwise, it's an act, and even the best of actors have poor performances sometimes. Those poor performances damage their image. It's too much stress to be someone who you are not. Do not break NC. Do not seek her out on social media. You have to presume that you'll never hear from her again, or you won't move on. When you start thinking about her, catch yourself and think about something else. Do not torture yourself. Look at yourself and say, "What can I learn from this? Who do I want to be?", and then find someone who likes who you really are. She is gone. Learn and grow. There's someone else out there for you, but you'll never experience her until you move ahead from this. Finally, avoid long distance relationships. Humans need the warmth of intimate contact with one another. LD relationships do not provide this. Unless you have a strong foundation before the relationship becomes LD, then you have no foundation at all, and even if you've spent years with a person before it becomes LD, there is still a major amount of stress involved. Move on. I hate to see you suffering, but only you can end that, by being strong and focused on the wonderful future that you can create for yourself. 1
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