Am I the only guy who feels this gives off a vibe she wants a one night stand?

[4kad]

I met this girl on the Bumble App today and we chatted most of the day. So when it was time for me to get off of work she sends a message asking to meet tonight?? lol She didn't know I had something planned for tonight and was all aggressive asking to meet. Now maybe that's how college students meet but I work 9 to 5 and have things I do after work.

 

I mean couldn't we atleast have one 10 min phone conversation before talking about meeting? It just kind of makes me think she is secretly looking for a one night stand and I am not looking for that.

 

 

If today was friday then I may have said, "ok cool" But a monday night?

 

And I have to put a voice behind the picture to make sure she is legit.

 

 

I just don't normally do same day meets after just meeting online

[preraph]

I'll tell you same thing I tell all the women who ask that. It's disrespectful to ask you out at the last minute. But if you want a hookup, you can go find out if that's what's on her mind. But she might just expect you to haul her around town and pay for everything even though she asked you to meet. So I'd say if you do it, control it and meet for coffee. And you can pay, or she can, but be nice if you did. But just for coffee.

[RecentChange]

Eh, back when I was dating I would propose a casual meet up (coffee, after work drinks) same day if he seemed cool.

 

Didn't mean I was looking for a one night stand - just rather I hate time wasting. A quick face to face will tell me much more than a phone conversation ever would.

[4kad]

I'll tell you same thing I tell all the women who ask that. It's disrespectful to ask you out at the last minute. But if you want a hookup, you can go find out if that's what's on her mind. But she might just expect you to haul her around town and pay for everything even though she asked you to meet. So I'd say if you do it, control it and meet for coffee. And you can pay, or she can, but be nice if you did. But just for coffee.

 

Well it definitely wasn't going to be dinner for a first meet lol

[4kad]

Eh, back when I was dating I would propose a casual meet up (coffee, after work drinks) same day if he seemed cool.

 

Didn't mean I was looking for a one night stand - just rather I hate time wasting. A quick face to face will tell me much more than a phone conversation ever would.

 

what do you mean by wasting time?

[angel.eyes]

Eh, back when I was dating I would propose a casual meet up (coffee, after work drinks) same day if he seemed cool.

 

Didn't mean I was looking for a one night stand - just rather I hate time wasting. A quick face to face will tell me much more than a phone conversation ever would.

 

Agreed. I did the same. Why waste time and delay figuring out whether the guy is a go or no-go.

 

I also was very busy between work, travel, and other first dates. So if I knew I had no time on my calendar for several weeks if we didn't meet that night, I suggested that night.

[RecentChange]

By time wasting I mean messages / phone calls / "getting to know" each other before a face to face meeting.

 

I have met guys that I got along with fabulously with, on the phone etc, only to meet in person and find that I am simply not attracted to them.

 

I am looking for someone to date, not a new friend - and for me, it's the face to face meeting that determines that.

 

I have "met" guys that I really liked - IE emailed with, had great phone convos with - only to meet in person and discover sexually, for me it's a NO. Then I get to be the real B and reject a guy I otherwise "liked" and didn't want to hurt.

 

I rather just meet before there is any time or emotional investment.

[4kad]

I went 3 hours without responding to her question, "how bout friday?

 

 

Then she said, "ok let's not plan a first meet just yet and get to know each other"

 

 

She didn't know I was in route on the way home and was unable to respond

[RecentChange]

You were able to post the question here, but not respond to her in those 3 hours?

 

She is back tracking because she sensed your cold feet.

[4kad]

By time wasting I mean messages / phone calls / "getting to know" each other before a face to face meeting.

 

I have met guys that I got along with fabulously with, on the phone etc, only to meet in person and find that I am simply not attracted to them.

 

I am looking for someone to date, not a new friend - and for me, it's the face to face meeting that determines that.

 

I have "met" guys that I really liked - IE emailed with, had great phone convos with - only to meet in person and discover sexually, for me it's a NO. Then I get to be the real B and reject a guy I otherwise "liked" and didn't want to hurt.

 

I rather just meet before there is any time or emotional investment.

 

 

But to me it's kind of selfish to expect someone you just started chatting with to drop everything and meet you face to face because you don't want to waste time.

 

Makes more sense to discuss spare time and what day would be best

[4kad]

You were able to post the question here, but not respond to her in those 3 hours?

 

She is back tracking because she sensed your cold feet.

 

 

When I left work at 5pm I didn't get home to almost 7:30pm because It was already planned for me to go clothes and food shopping. Had no idea I would have a match on the Bumble App

[RecentChange]

She made a suggestion - and if you bothered to counter with one - you could have had that discussion.

 

Her - "How about tonight?"

You - "boy, I would like to, but Mondays are tough for me. Is there another day that works for you? Fridays are best for me"

 

See? Communication! I have been asked out before same day. I never thought it was rude, but I also never paid attention to the rules.

 

Sometimes I would say yes, if it worked for me, and if it didn't, I would counter like the example I gave.

[OatsAndHall]

"I'm sorry, I'd like to meet up with you tonight but I've got some work to take care of. Could we reschedule for another night? Maybe Friday or Saturday?"

 

I had been chatting with a woman for two days and she asked me if I wanted to meet up for dinner at the last minute one night. I politely in the manner I described above. She talked about meeting up one more time but wouldn't commit to a time so I wrote her off.

[4kad]

Plus since I am expected to plan the date as the man is another reason I wasn't trying to have that conversation tonight

[RecentChange]

Plus since I am expected to plan the date as the man is another reason I wasn't trying to have that conversation tonight

 

More games and rule playing. Works for some, not for others.

 

Personally I have never played by the rules - if I suggested a date, I planned it. I would often get feed back from men that it was refreshing to meet a confident woman who goes after what she wants - maybe she is cut from the same cloth

[4kad]

More games and rule playing. Works for some, not for others.

 

Personally I have never played by the rules - if I suggested a date, I planned it. I would often get feed back from men that it was refreshing to meet a confident woman who goes after what she wants - maybe she is cut from the same cloth

 

Part of me was thinking she wanted to come over my place since we only live 2 miles away lol

[Miss Spider]

This sounds fishy. Be careful

[4kad]

This sounds fishy. Be careful

 

I;m about to ask for her number so I can hear her voice to confirm she is not crazy

[normal person]

This isn't as uncommon as you seem to think. You can't really get to know someone through messaging, you don't really "know" them until you meet in person. Odds are if she was ready to meet up in a few hours, she wasn't expecting anything extravagant. You throw on something decent looking and meet her for a few drinks. If you like each other, great. If you don't, you didn't waste your time messaging her, you didn't waste more time and money taking her out to dinner.

 

Things move fast these days. People are efficient. I've met women the first day of communication. It's not that uncommon, at least not here.

[act00]

Not necessarily. Maybe she's tired of this long-term, never-meeting situations where you text forever and never meet, and she just wants to "nip it in the bud." Let's meet, see if we connect, go from there. This isn't necessarily a sexual invitation, just rip off the Band-Aid, meet, get it over with. You like each other, great. If you don't, you haven't invested a ton of time on texting and talking.

 

Jesus Christ, women are in this constant state of not knowing what to do. If you express interest, you're too aggressive, a slut, just want sex, or controlling. You say nothing, you're not interested, being to demure, expect grand gestures, digging. Just no win anywhere.

 

Would it be the worst thing in the world if she just wants to **** you? What does your profile say on your dating plans and what does her profile say? Does she say she wants long-term? Take that at face value and that she just wants to meet you sooner over later. She's taking the lead. Meet her with no expectations.

[Mr Scorpio]

Plus since I am expected to plan the date as the man is another reason I wasn't trying to have that conversation tonight

 

As someone who overthinks everything (except toilet paper -- single ply is the way to go) you are overthinking this. Plan a date? You don't need a horse drawn carriage with a bottle of wine waiting next to a fountain surrounded by a string quarter playing 'Air on a G string' (seriously, don't pick that song it'd be weird on a date).

 

"Sounds great but I'm tied up tonight. How about we grab a drink/bite/handful of rocks to throw at a train on Wednesday?".

 

Just hit her back in the morning and set something up for Friday. Also, be sure to wear a locking vest incase it turns out to be a Nigerian prince trying to steal your kidney.

[ShyLove]

But to me it's kind of selfish to expect someone you just started chatting with to drop everything and meet you face to face because you don't want to waste time.

 

Makes more sense to discuss spare time and what day would be best

 

I agree with this too. This also happened to me today on Bumble but with a guy. I get that people want to weed out the flakes but Its like ummm sorry I have a life and am rarely able to do things last minute, especially in this horrific traffic. Who wants to date a loser with lots of free time anyway hahaha

 

But on a serious note it does sound kind of skeptical, especially if she's pretty (although pictures are often deceiving on there). I have a friend who used to do this same exact thing whenever her and her bf got into an argument. She wanted a quick distraction so she could take her mind off of things and keep herself from contacting him.

 

I think your plan of asking her for her number and calling her is a good one. Let us know what happens!!

[angel.eyes]

Part of me was thinking she wanted to come over my place since we only live 2 miles away lol

 

Wow! That's quite the leap! How did you get from her suggestion you meet today to her wanting to come over to your place? Did she ask specifically to come over to your place?

 

The time you waste overthinking minutiae and avoiding meeting her could have been spent on the date. Why would you need groceries anyway if you're going on a date? Get those tomorrow.

 

You snooze you lose. Hopefully you're aware you aren't the only guy she's talking to. Navel gazing really isn't helping you here.

[4kad]

I agree with this too. This also happened to me today on Bumble but with a guy. I get that people want to weed out the flakes but Its like ummm sorry I have a life and am rarely able to do things last minute, especially in this horrific traffic. Who wants to date a loser with lots of free time anyway hahaha

 

But on a serious note it does sound kind of skeptical, especially if she's pretty (although pictures are often deceiving on there). I have a friend who used to do this same exact thing whenever her and her bf got into an argument. She wanted a quick distraction so she could take her mind off of things and keep herself from contacting him.

 

I think your plan of asking her for her number and calling her is a good one. Let us know what happens!!

 

 

we exchanged numbers and I will try and plan something for friday

[4kad]

Wow! That's quite the leap! How did you get from her suggestion you meet today to her wanting to come over to your place? Did she ask specifically to come over to your place?

 

The time you waste overthinking minutiae and avoiding meeting her could have been spent on the date. Why would you need groceries anyway if you're going on a date? Get those tomorrow.

 

You snooze you lose. Hopefully you're aware you aren't the only guy she's talking to. Navel gazing really isn't helping you here.

 

I was at my desk on my breaking just browsing ads on bumble. Had no idea I would get a match and already planned to go clothes shopping and food shopping. I wasn't going to do it tomorrow because something else was planned for tomorrow. So when we matched I didn't know we would hit it off after chatting for 20 to 30 mins which lead to an hour. I was under the assumption eventually we would exchange numbers and then call and discuss a first meet. Was not expecting her to ask if i wanted to meet tonight on a monday. Like I said if this was a friday I probably would have pushed everything I did tonight to tomorrow or just went shopping after the date which would not have been a huge deal since getting home at 10pm or 11pm would not have mattered on a friday night since I would have been off the next day. So everything was just a bit too fast today without having touch base at all over the phone for 10-15 mins.