lynnd Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 I have been dating a man who has a 4 year daughter for the past three months. Seriously, we have so much in common and I really see this relationship turning into a very long term one...the only issue that I have is his daughter. I knew before I even went out with him that he had a daughter. I never thought much about it because I have been around kids my entire life and I honestly enjoy being around them. I am very close with my neices and nephews and even my friend's children. This never was a concern for me. He has her every other week, alternating with his ex-wife. I don't even have a problem with the contact he must engage in with her. My problem lies in the fact that his daughter is an absolute terror. She is an only child and doesn't have the best disposition. She is very bad a sharing, she is very disrespectful to him and to me and there is little that he does to correct that. He tries as best as he can, but it is getting to the point where I don't want to be around when he has her. I know it is an adjust ment for all 3 of us, and I understand that she is a child, but I am starting to lose faith that she will accept me as part of her father's world. Does anyone have any advice on how I can best handle this? I have been embarassed out in public with her tantrums and I start to feel resentful towards her. I am 32 years old and don't have children of my own, so I feel as though my opinions on ways he could correct her behavior aren't valid in his eyes, however, I know that when you threaten and don't follow through, all that child is learning is that she can manipulate and get her own way always. At what point do I have a say in how to handle her behavior. I have tried demonstrating it to him when taking care of my nephews. Explaining to them that you don't treat other people the way children sometimes do...but he seems blind to his daughter's misbehavior.
JanieQP Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Well, I can say that a person's parenting style says a LOT about who s/he is as a person. "Blindness", failure to exercise authority with HIS child, passivity ... whatever you see in his parenting is going to come out elsewhere. Have you heard of the family systems approach to therapy? If you really want a chance at this relationship, it might be best to get all of you into a good counselor. "Talk therapy" is baloney in this case - you really need someone to shake this guy awake. If he can't manage this situation like an adult, trust me - you don't want to be with him in the long run. Sorry that's harsh ...
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