GemmaUK Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 Seriously? Once you've just told me you've had a big accident? I would certainly think that was an underwhelming response, if the roles were reversed. In any case, thanks for providing your input! I think the only thing this means is that people are different. Edit: May I ask how old you are? I think this might be a generational thing (or not, no idea). Yes seriously. 1. You've only been on 3 dates with her so looking after her is not your responsibility - she'll look to her family and or friends for that. 2. If someone had an accident or is sick it's considerate to check in but then leave them be to get on with sorting themselves out (especially after so few dates) instead of bombarding them with texts and needing a response making the person feel obliged to respond to you. I'm in my mid-forties - maybe being considerate and giving people space has become a generational thing?
Author Minestie Posted March 1, 2017 Author Posted March 1, 2017 I'm in my mid-forties - maybe being considerate and giving people space has become a generational thing? The feeling that younger generations are somehow "worse" is called juvenoia - however, in your post, I am seeing something rather different to that. I am seeing an accusatory tone along the lines of "this has nothing to do with any outside factors, this has to do with basic manners", which is a much more personal thing to say. Disapprove all you want of my willingness to help someone who's just been through something bad, but I don't think there is any need for that. You've made your point, I got it.
Ieris Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 @Minestie ~ What you wrote was fine, I have friends who text like that and then there are some who write all that in one message. It takes two to tango and if you have to try so hard, it's not worth bothering with. When someone is bothered with you, you'd know it and you wouldn't have to come up with excuses for them. 1
coolheadal Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 I really don't want to scare this girl off and I don't know what to do! I'd appreciate any input. Some context: - in the past, she used to disappear for up to 3 days between dates. By comparison, we're doing "well" right now - though I don't know if that's much of an improvement. - she never confirmed me as a friend on Facebook though I've added her almost 3 weeks ago, which makes me wonder if there's something big she's hiding (I will ask about this next time I see her, I don't know how to do it without ruining the mood, but I'll figure something out, I should be good at this). - she's an extremely spontaneous, very disorganized person who has no idea where she will be in two hours, let alone two days. - she was in a big accident last year and her flatmates had to take care of her for months (including helping her shower, etc). She has an extreeemely close relationship with her flatmates, so much so that she felt the need to refer to them by name when writing me, probably so that I know it's not just one person (cause if it were 1 person, she'd be spending 90% of her time with him). - she often tells me she has no time to see me, even cancelled our 2nd date and got there 1h late on our 1st because she "didn't have time", then she tells me she went to my town 7 times in the 5 days leading up to the cancelled date - and not for work, just parties and drinks and stuff. FB she's keeping you off there for a reason. You can't force her to keep on there unless you did something to get her upset that she didn't like about you. I had this happen to me prior. When she tells you she doesn't have time or no time to see you need to take the hint she not really into you. She's telling you and you need to listen to her. You need to stop waiting, text an etc with this one. Move on find someone who wants to text you, go out with you, care about wanting to even be around you. You do not need this right now in your life with a woman like her you are just going to get so out of it. Stop being played by her flirts, teasing and space issues. They don't need personal space then need space from you, they want to be away from you. Of course they wont say nor give up the attention you give her. Stop giving her all your attention, you need to say "C'ya and leave for go! 1
Author Minestie Posted March 1, 2017 Author Posted March 1, 2017 @Minestie ~ What you wrote was fine, I have friends who text like that and then there are some who write all that in one message. It takes two to tango and if you have to try so hard, it's not worth bothering with. When someone is bothered with you, you'd know it and you wouldn't have to come up with excuses for them. Exactly! What I generally do is write everything in one message if I'm actually taking the time to write a longer, more elaborate text, whereas I do the short messages when we're both just chatting at the same time (which is sorta what happened for a second there - before she vanished). You are absolutely right though! In the end, all these mistakes I've been worried sick about are minor, and they should not matter if the other party really cared about me.
Author Minestie Posted March 1, 2017 Author Posted March 1, 2017 When she tells you she doesn't have time or no time to see you need to take the hint she not really into you. She's telling you and you need to listen to her. You need to stop waiting, text an etc with this one. Move on find someone who wants to text you, go out with you, care about wanting to even be around you. You do not need this right now in your life with a woman like her you are just going to get so out of it. Stop being played by her flirts, teasing and space issues. They don't need personal space then need space from you, they want to be away from you. Of course they wont say nor give up the attention you give her. Stop giving her all your attention, you need to say "C'ya and leave for go! Yeah man, you're right! Online she acts like she doesn't really like me, but then, whenever she sees me, she acts like she is in total love - the hugest smile, amazing connection, crazy passion when we sleep together, affection through the roof at all times (I've literally never in my life had someone cuddle me and hug me as much as she did that time she spent the night at my place), etc! Sooo, I guess this is a typical hot & cold, bipolar type girl - and for some reason, I keep attracting those (or falling for their limited-time bursts of affection, while going crazy when they take the affection away). This also explains my eagerness to see her again (and maybe pushiness with the topic) - since she is cold online, but hot in real life, I keep trying to make the offline stuff happen more often, so that I can get more of the good stuff and less of the bad stuff - but there shouldn't be nearly this amount of bad stuff in the first place! Very helpful stuff, thanks a lot!
coolheadal Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 Yeah man, you're right! Online she acts like she doesn't really like me, but then, whenever she sees me, she acts like she is in total love - the hugest smile, amazing connection, crazy passion when we sleep together, affection through the roof at all times (I've literally never in my life had someone cuddle me and hug me as much as she did that time she spent the night at my place), etc! Sooo, I guess this is a typical hot & cold, bipolar type girl - and for some reason, I keep attracting those (or falling for their limited-time bursts of affection, while going crazy when they take the affection away). This also explains my eagerness to see her again (and maybe pushiness with the topic) - since she is cold online, but hot in real life, I keep trying to make the offline stuff happen more often, so that I can get more of the good stuff and less of the bad stuff - but there shouldn't be nearly this amount of bad stuff in the first place! Very helpful stuff, thanks a lot! Your welcome but I too have women that are like this as well. Attracting them like a magnet but there are so many of them out their and the good ones are already taken. We're left with the mental unstable ones. Where everything goes. Whatever you do don't please them because by doing that they'll take that as a sign of weakness and manipulate you. You don't want on top of their dysfunctional disorder. You can learn from this and understand those who are just too mental to deal with. I have to let those go, and some don't want to go either. What are they holding too because I am different than the guys they date. That's not what I want.. You do what you have too. Play it safe and get out if the kitchen gets dirty..
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