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Tired of Wife's Constant Girls Nights Out and Late Dinners

stephenv1994

By stephenv1994
in Marriage and Life Partnerships

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somanymistakes Established Member

somanymistakes

Posted
Posted

Some industries do expect a lot of business lunches, and some people have a lot of friends.

Expecting dinners as well, especially frequently, sounds pretty odd and like she's not prioritising her marriage much.

Adding going out with her friends a lot and NOT letting you do the same, and it sounds like things are way out of balance whether any cheating is going on or not.

 

Sounds like she's way too used to having her own way, no matter what. Now sure, many years ago it was "normal" for a wife to have to put up with her husband behaving like this and taking her for granted, but it wasn't fair then and it isn't fair now, no matter which side of the marriage is getting the short end of the stick.

Mr. Lucky Established Member

Mr. Lucky

Posted
Posted
Any how exactly does one "blow up the system"?

 

Simple. You communicate to her that your free time priority is doing things with her but, absent that, you'll pursue your own activities just as she has been. And just as she expects your trust and consideration, so do you anticipate those in equal measure. And then you follow through.

 

I don't personally feel comfortable having a regular babysitter come over to watch him. I'm very protective of him.

 

At some point you'll have to address this. There are "special needs" sitters available that are carefully vetted and trained...

 

Mr. Lucky

lucy_in_disguise Established Member

lucy_in_disguise

Posted
Posted

Many industries, including public accounting, require a high amount of networking to be successful. So, I wouldn't jump to conclusions about cheating based on work lunches/ dinners alone. Whether she "should" be prioritizing career vs time spent with family is a different question, and not one we can answer for you. What is your view of her career, and who is the primary breadwinner in your relationship?

 

The GNO's seem excessive especially in light of how little time she spends with the kids as it is. you going out probably triggered her insecurities because it is a change in pattern for you- but things absolutely should be more equal.

 

You should probably look into marital counseling before your resentment explodes.

Friskyone4u Established Member

Friskyone4u

Posted
Posted (edited)
Many industries, including public accounting, require a high amount of networking to be successful. So, I wouldn't jump to conclusions about cheating based on work lunches/ dinners alone. Whether she "should" be prioritizing career vs time spent with family is a different question, and not one we can answer for you. What is your view of her career, and who is the primary breadwinner in your relationship?

 

The GNO's seem excessive especially in light of how little time she spends with the kids as it is. you going out probably triggered her insecurities because it is a change in pattern for you- but things absolutely should be more equal.

You should probably look into marital counseling before your resentment explodes.[/QUote]

 

Very sensible post. i still would like to hear the explanation of what is acceptable for a GNO monthly. I still would like to hear why it is necessary for a married woman to go out monthly, weekly, or REGULARLY with a bunch of SINGLE non committed friends into a sexually charged, alcohol laden environment dressed as if she was on Spring break and have strange men buy her drinks, and attempt to pick her up until wee hours of the morning while her husband watches the kids. And stating he is free to do the same is not the answer and the book his needs, Her Needs may state that as does Not Just Friends.

 

A GNO at dinner or at one of the girls homes for wine is totally different. If you read the infidelity forum, you will see how many affairs start with a drunken night out with the boys or girls and 95% of those that go down the slope NEVER intended for it to happen./

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quote formatting ~6
  • Like 2
VeveCakes Established Member

VeveCakes

Posted
Posted

VAR in her car and purse. Be prepared for what you find.

  • Like 5
Friskyone4u Established Member

Friskyone4u

Posted
Posted
VAR in her car and purse. Be prepared for what you find.

 

Well, this is what you need but I did not want to jump the gun, but since this wise lady just told you, that is exactly what you need and you will find out what is going on in less than a few days.

  • Like 2
DKT3 Established Member

DKT3

Posted
Posted
Many industries, including public accounting, require a high amount of networking to be successful. So, I wouldn't jump to conclusions about cheating based on work lunches/ dinners alone. Whether she "should" be prioritizing career vs time spent with family is a different question, and not one we can answer for you. What is your view of her career, and who is the primary breadwinner in your relationship?

 

The GNO's seem excessive especially in light of how little time she spends with the kids as it is. you going out probably triggered her insecurities because it is a change in pattern for you- but things absolutely should be more equal.

 

You should probably look into marital counseling before your resentment explodes.

 

Lunches and dinners arent really the issue, for me it's the reaction to him going out. I mean if this woman goes out and has wholesome adult fun then why would she instantly jump to him chasing women? It suggests that it's her experience, which makes it less then wholesome.

 

But yeah it's odd for accountants to have that many work outings especially dinner time.

anna121 Established Member

anna121

Posted
Posted
Very sensible post. i still would like to hear the explanation of what is acceptable for a GNO monthly. I still would like to hear why it is necessary for a married woman to go out monthly, weekly, or REGULARLY with a bunch of SINGLE non committed friends into a sexually charged, alcohol laden environment dressed as if she was on Spring break and have strange men buy her drinks, and attempt to pick her up until wee hours of the morning while her husband watches the kids. And stating he is free to do the same is not the answer and the book his needs, Her Needs may state that as does Not Just Friends.

 

A GNO at dinner or at one of the girls homes for wine is totally different. If you read the infidelity forum, you will see how many affairs start with a drunken night out with the boys or girls and 95% of those that go down the slope NEVER intended for it to happen./

 

It's not a question of "necessity". I don't live my life according to a standard of "necessity". That sounds like a rather bleak existence.

 

If this is your expectation, that is absolutely fine. Just make that clear at the outset or you will be in for a miserable relationship.

 

I would not marry someone with this attitude. Too deep an incompatibility.

  • Like 1
Marc878 Established Member

Marc878

Posted
Posted
Many industries, including public accounting, require a high amount of networking to be successful. So, I wouldn't jump to conclusions about cheating based on work lunches/ dinners alone. Whether she "should" be prioritizing career vs time spent with family is a different question, and not one we can answer for you. What is your view of her career, and who is the primary breadwinner in your relationship?

 

The GNO's seem excessive especially in light of how little time she spends with the kids as it is. you going out probably triggered her insecurities because it is a change in pattern for you- but things absolutely should be more equal.

 

You should probably look into marital counseling before your resentment explodes.

 

I don't care which finance area you work in no one has that many lunches/dinners every week.

road Established Member

road

Posted
Posted
VAR in her car and purse. Be prepared for what you find.

 

Also GPS her car without telling her and activate her find my phone without her knowing if you can as well.

  • Like 1
basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted

She asks "should I be worried?"

 

I hope you answered with "Yes" "I am tired of minding the kids so often while you go out having fun. I feel that our marriage and family is missing out. I fear for our future together".

  • Like 2
DDTA Member

DDTA

Posted
Posted (edited)

One of the things I did after getting the "I Love You But I'm Not In Love With You" talk from my XW (and saying she wanted a divorce) was to coordinate a "Guys Only Night" with 4 married guys and one single guy. The one single guy was definitely a "player" but he came along because he is a good friend of one of the married fellas. It was one of those exercises in "strengthening friendships with other men" things to make husbands more attractive after they get the ILYBINILWY talk(before I found out her real reason to divorce was because she was having an affair).

 

Anyway, our plan was to go to the firing range and shoot guns, then eat a steak meal, then go to Top Golf for the evening for to play several rounds and drink beer. The only thing that went according to plan was the steak dinner. We ran out of time for the gun range waiting for everyone to show up, we got to Top Golf late and it was booked to until late into the evening. We ended up going to a nearby bar with a dance floor and live band to get some beer and figure out what else we could do. There were a LOT of women there that night because they were hosting a GNO as well as a 20 yr anniversary high school reunion party. We weren't but 10 minutes in this place when me and my buds were already getting hit on. "Single guy" was already off getting numbers. I knew then why he suggested we duck in this place while we get beers and figure out plan "B", which we couldn't get decided on because we kept having ladies come by our grouping in the corner of the joint and interrupting us.

 

Finally, one of these ladies just grabbed my hand dragged me out to the dance floor. I obliged because I thought "What the hell" might as well have fun and dance. Then I got dragged out to the dance floor 3 more times, each a different woman (two of them married), all wanted to know what my friends and I were doing now and later. The fact that I shared that all of us but one guy were married didn't deter a couple of them (the married ladies I mentioned).

 

Last and 5th woman was a stunning 6ft retired model that came over and danced with me. She wanted to know if I wanted to get out of there. I explained to her what we were really all doing there but there is a single guy in our group who would probably love to take her up on extra curricular activities. I waved single guy over and introduced them. They left the place together soon after. I'm laughing as I type this up because I now remember how huge my ego became after getting hit on by a model and that had I known I would have divorced my XW anyway I would have left the bar with her. The single guy did report back a few days later to say how awesome the model was and thanks for pushing her his way and "Are you doing another guys night out anytime soon?". :laugh::laugh::laugh:

 

 

Point is, stephenv1994, that GNO's of the kind that Friskyone4u describes as having lots of singles around that are sexually charged with alcohol and dressed to kill are looking to score. They sure as hell aren't there to debate politics and trade pintrest recipes. For the married ladies, they are dancing the slippery slope for ego kibbles. They want to know if they are still "attractive" and still "got it" and it is ADDICTIVE to some of them to the point they cross the boundaries. Some are looking for one night stands or someone willing to be regular side pieces. Me and the fellas didn't really have to try that night. All we had to do was unknowingly walk into a GNO bar!

 

BTW, none of married guys left with any ladies that night or traded numbers. We thought the experience alone was entertainment enough and still have a good laugh about it to this day. Lots of GNO's is a common symptom of a woman stepping out on the marriage that I can attest from my own experience with my XW excessive partying and my own experience finding my way into one. Maybe get a PI to follow her at one of these things and get pics and video of her being "always faithful" as she claims. You might find her definition of faithful may be very different than yours.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs ~6
  • Like 2
Poutrew Established Member

Poutrew

Posted
Posted

Are you even sure that she is telling you the truth when she is saying how many 'dinners' and 'lunches' she is going out to? It sounds to me like it is just a convenient excuse that you have bought into. Is your wife fit and trim? If so, I'd be wondering how she can keep from gaining a few extra love handles if she is eating and drinking as much as she says she is...my guess is if you GPS her car, it will be left parked in front of some residence for those hours she is telling you she is having lunch and dinner... unless her lover's bedroom is also a McDonalds...

  • Like 2
somanymistakes Established Member

somanymistakes

Posted
Posted

While there are many reasons to be suspicious, I think "She must be lying because she couldn't possibly maintain her weight while eating LUNCH!" is stretching it a little bit :)

Mr. Lucky Established Member

Mr. Lucky

Posted
Posted
You might find her definition of faithful may be very different than yours.

 

I have a friend who's definition of faithful is "never having been caught being unfaithful". He'll say things like "never cheated on my wife...that she knows about". Don't socialize with him anymore, afraid of running into his wife...

 

Mr. Lucky

  • Like 1
BluesPower Established Member

BluesPower

Posted
Posted

Good grief, I will say it if no one else will.

 

She is having an affair without a doubt. Some of the posters have alluded to it but I will say it.

 

She is screwing around either with one guy from work or just generally sleeping around. No doubt about it.

 

She way she reacted about you going out alone, the lack of time at home when you know she can be if she wanted to. She has you trained to be baby sitter and not to ask questions.

 

VAR and GPS her car, you will have conclusive proof with in 2 weeks, guaranteed. DO NOT CONFRONT HER WITH OUT CONCLUSIVE PROOF. She has been at that for a while and she will lie about everything.

 

And before OP and everyone else screams at me that I am crazy, do I have to remind everyone about my record?

 

Do the VAR and GPS as soon as possible and you will have your answers. What you choose to do from that point you your choice.

 

Good luck...

  • Like 1
Friskyone4u Established Member

Friskyone4u

Posted
Posted
Good grief, I will say it if no one else will.

 

She is having an affair without a doubt. Some of the posters have alluded to it but I will say it.

 

She is screwing around either with one guy from work or just generally sleeping around. No doubt about it.

 

She way she reacted about you going out alone, the lack of time at home when you know she can be if she wanted to. She has you trained to be baby sitter and not to ask questions.

 

VAR and GPS her car, you will have conclusive proof with in 2 weeks, guaranteed. DO NOT CONFRONT HER WITH OUT CONCLUSIVE PROOF. She has been at that for a while and she will lie about everything.

 

And before OP and everyone else screams at me that I am crazy, do I have to remind everyone about my record?

 

Do the VAR and GPS as soon as possible and you will have your answers. What you choose to do from that point you your choice.

 

Good luck...

 

 

Not screaming at you at all. You are very likely correct. There are enough red flags her to make a bull go mad.

sandylee1 Established Member

sandylee1

Posted
Posted

I'm all for having a GNO on a regular basis, but there are lots of red flags here.

 

Although I will say, that you staying home with your children, is not babysitting like some have said.

 

That said, the response she gave of her being faithful is quite strange. You didn't accuse her of cheating, but she just thinks you are going to get up to what she does.

 

If she's not currently cheating, I reckon she has in the past and she was safe in the knowledge that you stayed at home. Well you should keep on going out, I don't believe her work dinners are all genuine for one minute.

 

She's taking the pi**.

 

I also suggest you tell her or ask her to check your availability before she makes any arrangements in the evenings fro now on.

 

Ask her friends my a**. She must think you were born yesterday.

  • Like 1
BluesPower Established Member

BluesPower

Posted
Posted

Sandy you always say that...

 

In general you are right.

 

However, in these types of situations OP's wife is USING HIM AS A BABY SITTER while she goes out and screws around.

 

Surly you can see the distinction in this type of situation...

sandylee1 Established Member

sandylee1

Posted
Posted
Sandy you always say that...

 

In general you are right.

 

However, in these types of situations OP's wife is USING HIM AS A BABY SITTER while she goes out and screws around.

 

Surly you can see the distinction in this type of situation...

 

Blues, I disagree

 

There's no distinction. They are his children, so he's looking after them, not babysitting.

 

The definition of a babysitter is. ..

a person who looks after a child or children while the parents are out.

 

Fundamentally, you do not babysit your own children, regardless of what your spouse is up to and it's the sexist way it only gets said to men that peeves me.

 

If a man is having an affair with one or ten women, not a single soul would say "He's out while you're babysitting"... to the BW.

 

I do believe the OPs wife is up to no good, but saying she's using him as a sitter, suggests he doesn't have parental responsibility for the children.

  • Like 1
DDTA Member

DDTA

Posted
Posted
Fundamentally, you do not babysit your own children, regardless of what your spouse is up to and it's the sexist way it only gets said to men that peeves me.

 

Funny you say this. Way back when I told my XW I was going to go on my guys night out she just looked at me, long pause, and said "So...what? Are you saying you want my to babysit the boys that night while you are out?". I scheduled my night out on her usual Friday night out to throw her off guard. I guess it was her mind-set that called it "baby sitting". I think that's what BluesPower is trying to say as well with regard to calling it "baby sitting" because I don't think wayward wives are thinking they are still mothers when heading out if the house to act like they are single again.

 

Just my thoughts but I do get your point as well.

HangnTN Member

HangnTN

Posted
Posted
Blues, I disagree

 

There's no distinction. They are his children, so he's looking after them, not babysitting.

 

The definition of a babysitter is. ..

a person who looks after a child or children while the parents are out.

 

Fundamentally, you do not babysit your own children, regardless of what your spouse is up to and it's the sexist way it only gets said to men that peeves me.

 

If a man is having an affair with one or ten women, not a single soul would say "He's out while you're babysitting"... to the BW.

 

I do believe the OPs wife is up to no good, but saying she's using him as a sitter, suggests he doesn't have parental responsibility for the children.

 

Oh geez....this is like arguing about the number of angels that can dance on the head of a pin.

 

The wife is TREATING HIM LIKE A BABY SITTER. She is relying on good old play B hubby to sit with the larvae whilst she goes out and has a real good time.

 

I know it's harsh....but you're a cuckold whether you know it or not. Do you want to be?

Robert Established Member

Robert

Posted
Posted

Time to move on from the discussion of the word "babysitter" and get back to the topic of the thread.

 

Thanks,

~6

camillalev Established Member

camillalev

Posted
Posted (edited)

I agree with the first two replies. Depending on her industry and role the lunches and dinner may be par the course. I know people who have jobs that require them to do lunches, dinners and events. it becomes part of their lifestyle and they have the type of personaly that enjoys it. The frequency of a girls nights out is a problem, having her own time to wind down or have fun with friends is important but in this case she's not thinking about her family. She needs to prioritize you and your kids and let you have your nights off as well. Also, maybe all this going out and socializing is her avoiding something at home..

 

And you need to move on from this issue you have with having someone regularly look after you child. If you have a special needs child you will need help, especially with working parents.

 

I'm not going to jump to conclusions yet that shes cheating. She may have been worried about it with you in this instance because you went out to a bar alone. Straight men who do that are usually looking to meet women, not other men. If you went out with some buddies get a beer and blow off some steam she might not have had the same concern.

 

You guys need to sit down and have an honest conversation. Maybe marriage counseling.

 

Glad you are finally waking up. Thus new "reality" out there is that women are entitled to do anything they want to and if you object to any of it you are a jealous control freak.

 

Like men havent acted and still dont act like this? Hm.

Edited by camillalev
  • Like 1
italianjob Established Member

italianjob

Posted
Posted (edited)

I don't think it's reasonable, or even possible, that any firm, in whatever industry, in whatever part of the world, have work related dinners 2-3 times a week, unless they are big time managers, and I would have an hard time believing that too.

 

You say your wife is an accountant, not a manager and not even in sales.

 

Her schedule is obviously not possible, I'm with @BluesPower here, it's obvious she's cheating, I don't know how you could go with this flow all this time...

 

You sound quite naive, I think you better not play detective yourself, hire a professional... A PI will have every thing you need in a week or less...

Edited by italianjob
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