Ppikker Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 JB and I met online last May and started dating in July. We are both in our sixties and divorced. We are exclusive and have a very healthy physical relationship, in addition to having very strong feelings for one another. Something that really disturbs me, though, is that he checks out other women when we are together in public. At first I wasn't 100% but then I started paying more attention to what he was doing. I think he is trying to do it without me noticing, like if I am walking ahead of him and a nice looking woman walks past us, he will turn around and check her out. I am no slouch. Most people think I am at least 15 years younger than I really am. I have also been approached by men much younger. I'm just saying, it's not like I am that hard to look at that he has to check out other women. I have not confronted him because I'm just not sure it would make a difference. I mean, if a man has a propensity to do such a thing, what good will it do to tell him how uncomfortable I am with his behavior? I have never before been with a man who does this. I would love to have the male perspective? Thanks.
smackie9 Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 Some guys just can't help themselves, BUT You NEED to have that conversation with him. Just say "I know you are a man and men like to look at pretty ladies BUT when you do it in public with me, I feel very disrespected. Please stop". I bet money on it he will be shocked and embarrassed. Guys think they are being discreet.....they should know better. 9
thefooloftheyear Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 (edited) Yeah...its tough for most guys...A good deal of women are kinda hard to not look at... I guess you should look at the bright side of this, though... At his age, probably most of his contemporaries are dong more "checking out" , of a nice old car, the local gin mill, a gun shop, etc...then they would be of some woman's tits or ass.....by that time, that ship sailed and it wouldn't be all that good news if you actually like sex/affection.. He still shouldn't be going it under your nose, though... TFY Edited February 27, 2017 by thefooloftheyear 2
Larryville Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 I'm just not sure it would make a difference. I mean, if a man has a propensity to do such a thing, what good will it do to tell him how uncomfortable I am with his behavior? I have never before been with a man who does this… This happens to every woman, at some point. Because, let’s face it, men like to look. To be clear, that’s all men, not just your man, not just single men, not just players and cheaters and womanizers, but all men. It’s completely normal for men to look at other women. Thing is the world is full of beautiful sights flowers and sunsets, great works of art none more beautiful than the female body. It doesn’t take anything away from you when your man admires a painting or sculpture. It doesn’t diminish his love for you when he looks at another woman. While it is normal for men to notice other women, to look and admire, and even fantasize a bit, there is a line of respect that a mature and committed man will not cross. Looking is one thing, staring is another and it can be hurtful, embarrassing and offensive so blatant staring, inappropriate comments, touching, flirting and (obviously) cheating are all red flags. This kind of behavior indicates that a man is either not mature enough to control himself, or he doesn’t respect you (or women in general) or care enough about you to reign in his impulses. Only you know deep down whether or not he respects you. You do need to talk because you will clearly know right away if he respects your feeling on the issue. 1
central Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 I think the vast majority of men do this, although some are more discreet than others. Of those who do not, either they've spent a lot of effort to break this natural tendency, or their libido is so low that you wouldn't want one for a partner. Rather than see it as a problem, embrace it. Make a game of it - point out attractive women to him that you think he'd enjoy seeing. Ask him to point out men you might enjoy visually. He will either be thrilled at this, or it could make him uncomfortable enough to stop doing it. Either way, it's a win-win rather than an argument. Neither of us is bothered by the other looking, so we point out eye candy to each other. 1
Larryville Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 Rather than see it as a problem, embrace it. Make a game of it - point out attractive women to him that you think he'd enjoy seeing. That is exactly what my ex and I did, would do a scoring system and the winner would get a gift or something. However when we did this our relationship was solid, healthy sex life and I thought my wife was hot and she absolutely knew that.
Miss Peach Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 I've noticed most men do it but most try to do it discreetly. If it's more than that and you don't like it then you can say something to him.
lionlover1973 Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 Looking at other women is a fleeting surge. Simply put, men are attracted to novelty. Granted, if he and the intended target are making 'bedroom rodeo' eyes at one another, that is a different story. A man of virtue is mature enough to control and not indulge in their impulses recklessly. You can try to approach it from a place of observation and curiosity rather than from a place that is accusatory. 1
SevenCity Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 This was likely the primary reason my ex left me. I didn't even realize I looked at women most of the time and I never even spoke to them or cheated on her. I would have the same reaction when a new corvette would drive by, a guy doing a wheelie on a mortorcycle, or a cute puppy. I wish she had said how hurt she was as it had no impact on my attraction to her - her jealousy and insecurity ended our RL. She would say (after she dumped me) how I looked at a girl with big tits and that must be what I want (she was a very small A cup). Understand that some guys do this out of instinct. I would see a hot girl, look at her, then never think about it again. If you have an issue speak to him about it.
anduina Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 Instead of talking to him, why not look at attractive men in the same way and as often. He's sure to bring it up and when he does, it's a great time to initiate the discussion since he's experienced the feeling firsthand.
JuneJulySeptember Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 (edited) I've noticed most men do it but most try to do it discreetly. If it's more than that and you don't like it then you can say something to him. This... Probably 97% of guys do it. I'll just take glances, but never will I hold it. I'm respectful. My GF dragged me into a strip club and I was very careful not to really look at the women beyond just glancing at them. That was hard... I am no slouch. Most people think I am at least 15 years younger than I really am. I have also been approached by men much younger. I'm just saying, it's not like I am that hard to look at that he has to check out other women. Part of it might be your own insecurity. I mean, you think that he shouldn't have to look at other women because you're hot, but if you were butt ugly, it'd be OK. I think that logic is weird. Don't take this the wrong way. I'm no spring chicken either. But I think being in your 60s, or even 50s or even 40s you'd be thinking about other stuff than how you stack up and how many chickees your boyfriend is checking out. Who's he checkin out? Other women in their 60s? 40s? Women in their 20s? That'd be a problem, lol. But hey, different strokes for different folks. Edited February 27, 2017 by JuneJulySeptember 1
fenix Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 Your boyfriend didn't become blind when he got exclusive with you right? One thing would be that he would approach other women.. but looking ... come on if a handsome guy walks close to you don't you notice him? Do you close your eyes?
Gaeta Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 he checks out other women when we are together in public. At first I wasn't 100% but then I started paying more attention to what he was doing. I think he is trying to do it without me noticing, like if I am walking ahead of him and a nice looking woman walks past us, he will turn around and check her out. If you had to pay attention to really know what he is doing than he is being discrete with this 'checking out' and he is not doing anything wrong. It's in men's nature to look around. As long as he is discrete. My dad had several strokes, he is often confused and forget words, he shoots himself with insulin each day, he has 2 mechanical knees, and he STILL checks pretty ladies walking by.
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