CloudyHead Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 I always tell new men that I meet, whether in a text or to them in a conversation, to not get upset if I don't respond immediately to a text. Because of work and other commitments, I don't have my phone attached to me at all times. So, it may be a few hours before I can respond. My lack of response it not because of a lack of interest. I do like some texting between texts but general texts as some other posters have listed. I got an "I miss you text" after going out with a guy twice and that freaked me out.
preraph Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 I guess it's personal preference, and certainly you can see right here on Loveshack that everyone disagrees and has problems with it. Me, I don't want to hear from him for idle chitchat every day because then what are we going to have to say that isn't repetitious on our date? AND when am I going to have time to date if I am so busy communicating that I can't get my job done? Plus, the quicker you spew all your life out at a person, the quicker the relationship gets boring and you hit a wall having nothing more to say. Plus anyone who is busy working shouldn't be goofing off texting back and forth for no good reason. Whatever you decide is best for you in the long term, do that at the beginning. But it does help to kind of prepare the person or have a talk about it. "Hey, I'm not a big texter, so don't freak out if you only hear from me a couple times a week. I'm not the guy who calls to wish you a good night and good morning or while I'm working or right after I get home." Whatever your deal is. It seems to me that people mainly text a lot because they're insecure and want to see what the date is doing all the time. That's not healthy, so I would disengage from someone who was overboard or I had to check in with every night. My habit is email, not text because text isn't much of a conversation. But I tend to have a few back and forth emails with someone every now and then on a news subject or something like that. But I would never sit around with someone on a regular basis and if they weren't on a trip out of town and say "Miss you," or send emojis, even though I just heard from them last night. To me, that is just childish teenage stuff. Find out their preferences and tell them yours and see if you are compatible that way, because it truly is a pretty telling thing, how often a person has to be pacified that way.
preraph Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 I actually have a female friend, early 50s, single, never married, no kids...said she went out on a date with a man...more of a walk around the park date. It was on a Friday and at the end of that date, he asked her to Sunday brunch. She told me she deliberately refused to do it, even though she had nothing else going on during the weekend because SHE thought that was "too soon between dates" and is more of a "once per week" kind of person. I was like 'Um...why? Not sure I follow" I mean, why deliberately go against the flow and not with it? I think these actions is what has been keeping her single for so long. Sounds like she doesn't like to stay that busy dating, already has a busy life and doesn't want someone to start trying to be there all the time. A friend of mine knew this guy for decades and they occasionally had sex, truly a friends with benefits type of deal, because he often had a girlfriend, but would come to her between girlfriends. He had tried to be her boyfriend before and she kept telling him she didn't want a boyfriend (she works and when you get older, too, you don't have energy for everything - she was already pressed to get it all done.) But she finally gave in a couple years ago. I have barely seen her since then because he is taking as much of her time as she will allow, and she is not good at saying no. She has psoriatic arthritis, which is an autoimmune condition that wears you down and the drugs for it are heavy cancer-type drugs. She told him from the first one day a week was all she could do, but he would weasel around to find a way that she couldn't refuse. Like she never wanted to do anything on a Friday night after working all week and being exhausted, so she'd say no, but he'd come over and "surprise her" by bringing her a taco or something, so she felt like a heel telling him to go away. Manipulative, you know. It took her about a year of this to get up the gumption to set her foot down. She adores him, but she doesn't have time for all that. She has obligations and needs some rest in between working. So this lady is just starting it out the way at the pace she needs. Then if it's not good enough for him, he simply isn't a good match for her. Maybe she sees her kids on Sunday or something, or goes to church, or more likely, sleeps in.
SevenCity Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 A lot of women here get upset with guys who don't communicate between dates. I respond to them but I only initiate to ask them out again. Some women are ok with this some are not. I agree with the above post - talking / texting will kill the RL. Why does she need to meet with you when you've told her everything already? I've lost some women due to my lack of comm but I don't care. Those are not the type of women I want. 1
LookAtThisPOst Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 (edited) S So this lady is just starting it out the way at the pace she needs. Then if it's not good enough for him, he simply isn't a good match for her. Maybe she sees her kids on Sunday or something, or goes to church, or more likely, sleeps in. There's a difference here, your friend has health issues, my friend does not. She actually wouldn't be a good match for anyone....at least for a HEALTHY relationship. So you can't' compare the two. Never married, no children either. She actually had nothing much going on that weekend. She just purposely denied going out with him that Sunday. Sleeps in? How long can one sleep in for? LOL How long is church? All excuses. She should counter-offer a date. My motto is, "If you don't have time, ya make the time!" Sounds like she doesn't like to stay that busy dating, already has a busy life Again...excuses. My motto is, if you don't have time, you MAKE the time."...but, this is indicative of her likely not even being INTO him, too. I move on because I just ascertain they aren't into me. Edited February 27, 2017 by LookAtThisPOst
preraph Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 There's a difference here, your friend has health issues, my friend does not. She actually wouldn't be a good match for anyone....at least for a HEALTHY relationship. So you can't' compare the two. Never married, no children either. She actually had nothing much going on that weekend. She just purposely denied going out with him that Sunday. Sleeps in? How long can one sleep in for? LOL How long is church? All excuses. She should counter-offer a date. My motto is, "If you don't have time, ya make the time!" Again...excuses. My motto is, if you don't have time, you MAKE the time."...but, this is indicative of her likely not even being INTO him, too. I move on because I just ascertain they aren't into me. It's not excuses. She is under no obligation to go out with him more frequently than she wants to! And on Sundays, I used to stay in bed nearly all day. This isn't up to him.
preraph Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 CJAXrun, if someone can't understand that a cop can't be taking calls/texts often while on duty, they aren't mature enough for you. You can, in time, explain to them that your job takes a lot of concentration and energy and that even when you're off work, you often are desperate to just relax. I would say maturity of the woman is key here. A young girl isn't going to respect this. Someone who herself is, say, a nurse or has a job of some responsibility, is far more likely to be on the same page as you. Good luck, and thanks for what you do.
LookAtThisPOst Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 It's not excuses. She is under no obligation to go out with him more frequently than she wants to! And on Sundays, I used to stay in bed nearly all day. This isn't up to him. Well, that is you and your sleeping habits, not hers. Why are you even making a comparison?
preraph Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 Well, that is you and your sleeping habits, not hers. Why are you even making a comparison? Why can't you accept she doesn't have to go to brunch with him if she doesn't want to?
LookAtThisPOst Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 (edited) Why can't you accept she doesn't have to go to brunch with him if she doesn't want to? We're getting off topic, an ad hominem, as we're talking about spacing dates apart. That this correlates with some kind of game playing to make it appear they are busy when they are not. Edited February 27, 2017 by LookAtThisPOst
d0nnivain Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 That this correlates with some kind of game playing to make it appear they are busy when they are not. Game playing is bad but some distance / space is OK. In a new relationship I used to wait a bit before replying so as to avoid seeming overly eager. (I would not intentionally duck a call) There's a difference between taking a breath & playing hide & seek. 1
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